Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  Roesler’s work with the Rockwell estate caught the attention of the Elvis Presley estate, which had been slowly sliding toward bankruptcy since the King’s death in August 1977. The Presley estate hired Roesler, and he was instrumental in putting it on a sound financial footing.

  Working with the Rockwell and Presley estates made Roesler realize how great the potential demand for his services was. He started a company, now known as CMG Worldwide, to manage and protect the legal rights of dead celebrities. Today CMG represents more than 200 of the world’s most famous dead people, including Mark Twain, Buddy Holly, Amelia Earhart, James Dean, Princess Diana, George S. Patton, Jr., Ty Cobb, Malcolm X, and three of the original Little Rascals.

  (FINANCIAL) LIFE AFTER DEATH

  Lawyers like Roesler have revolutionized the field of “intellectual property.” In the old days, the assumption was that when a famous person died, their right to control their image—their “right of publicity,” as it’s called—died with them and that anyone could use their image and likeness in any way they pleased. But Roesler and others have successfully argued that the “right of publicity” is an asset just like any other, and when a celebrity dies, ownership and control of that asset should pass on to the heirs. Several states have since passed laws that explicitly guarantee just that.

  Where does the word hooch come from? The Hoochinoo Indians. They made liquor so strong it could knock someone out.

  DEAD TO RIGHTS

  In the process of defining and protecting the rights of the famous dead, the lawyers have helped the value of these estates to soar. And their success hasn’t gone unnoticed: Forbes magazine, long famous for its list of the 400 richest Americans, now also publishes an annual list of “Richest Deceased Celebrities.” More than 25 years after his death, Elvis is still the King: his estate earned an estimated $37 million between June 2001 and June 2002, easily beating Peanuts creator Charles Schulz, who came in second at $28 million. Here’s a look at how the fortunes of five other famous dead people are faring:

  1. JAMES DEAN

  Dean had made only three movies when he crashed his Porsche on California’s Highway 46 in 1955 and died. He was just 24. But since then his face has become a classic Hollywood icon, and the licensing of his image in advertising, movie posters, coffee mugs, T-shirts, and other products earned his estate more than $30 million between 1984 and 1998 alone. The estate continues to pull in about $3 million a year—far more than Dean himself made during his brief career.

  Perhaps the most morbid licensing arrangement came in 2002, when Porsche dealers in New Zealand marketed—with the Dean family’s permission—a limited-edition Boxster sportscar, a bizarre attempt to use the fact that Dean was killed in one of the company’s products…in order to sell more of the company’s products.

  2. BABE RUTH

  For many years Ruth’s daughter Julia Ruth Stevens had no means of controlling who got to use her famous father’s image or how they used it. “Most people didn’t bother to ask me for permission to use daddy’s name, and there wasn’t a lot I could do about it,” she says. The only people who paid money were those who felt guilty using it for free; because of this Stevens might get a token $100 “royalty” check every couple of years. Not anymore—since signing with CMG Worldwide she has collected more than $100,000 a year. “It’s funny that in daddy’s best year, he made only $80,000, and now I’m receiving more than that,” she says.

  3. TUPAC SHAKUR

  The prolific gangsta rapper was only 25 when he was killed in a drive-by shooting in Las Vegas in 1996. He left behind more than 200 unreleased tracks, and after his death his mother, Afeni Shakur, sued his record label to win control of the recordings. By 2002 she had released five new albums, and more are in the works. (Shakur released only four albums while he was alive.) Tupac’s estate has earned an estimated $40 million since 1998—more than he made when he was alive—and currently pulls in about $7 million a year.

  4. JIMI HENDRIX

  When 27-year-old Hendrix died of a drug overdose, he left no will, so his entire estate—including hundreds of hours of unreleased recordings—was inherited by his father, James “Al” Hendrix. Al handed over management of the estate to attorney Leo Branton, who methodically combed through the recordings looking for material that could be released in new albums. Today there are more than 400 Hendrix releases, including dozens of bootlegs. When Branton tried to sell the rights to Hendrix’s music to MCA for a reported $50–75 million in 1993, Al Hendrix sued to stop him, arguing that the music was worth closer $90 million. Hendrix won, and the rights are still in the family. The estate earned $8 million in 2001–2002, landing Jimi in ninth place on the Forbes list.

  5. DALE EARNHARDT, SR.

  Earnhardt was already America’s most popular race-car driver when he was alive, but when he died in February 2001 after crashing his car at the Daytona 500, he became an almost-mythical figure to racing fans. They snapped up more than $20 million worth of Dale Earnhardt merchandise in the year following his death.

  Sales of Dale Earnhardt books, T-shirts, model race cars, Monopoly games, cell-phone faceplates, commemorative Coke cans, and other merchandise dropped off a bit in 2002, but the family draws inspiration from the fact that 25 years on, the Elvis Presley estate is still selling more than $37 million worth of stuff each year. “If Dale Earnhardt gets the same reaction,” says estate spokesman J. R. Rhodes, “everyone involved will be ecstatic.”

  Alien Nation: In 2002 alone, UFO sightings in Canada increased by 42%.

  VIDEO TREASURES

  Here’s our latest installment of great movies you may have never seen. Take this with you the next time you go to the video store with no idea what to rent.

  SAY ANYTHING (1989) Comedy

  Review: “Satisfying teenage comedy-drama about a self-assured loner (John Cusack) who goes after the class brain (Ione Sky), and finds her surprisingly human. Amusing, endearing, and refreshingly original; written by first-time director Cameron Crowe.” (Leonard Maltin’s 2001 Movie & Video Guide)

  RAISE THE RED LANTERN (1991) Foreign/Drama

  Review: “Director Zhang Yimou spins an intimate, intense tale of an oppressed woman’s descent into madness. Set entirely within the claustrophobic compound where a Chinese nobleman lives with his four wives, the film is always engrossing, enlivened by the director’s stunning use of color.” (Stephen Farber, “Movieline”)

  SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION (1993) Drama

  Review: “A young man (Will Smith) arrives on the doorstep of a sophisticated New York couple (Stockard Channing and Donald Sutherland) claiming to be a friend of their children…and the son of Sidney Poitier. Witty, complex, always engaging study of identity and more.” (Halliwell’s Film and Video Guide 2001)

  THINGS CHANGE (1988) Comedy

  Review: “Director David Mamet and co-writer Shel Silverstein have fashioned a marvelously subtle and witty comedy about an inept, low-level gangster (Joe Mantegna). He goes against orders to take an old shoe-shine ‘boy’ (Don Ameche) on one last fling before the latter goes to prison for a crime he didn’t commit.” (Video Movie Guide 2001)

  SILENT RUNNING (1971) Science Fiction

  Review: “The future: Plants do not exist on Earth anymore. Greenhouses in orbit contain the last samples of Earth’s dying forests. But one day the government decides that the program has to be stopped. Directed by Douglas Trumbull, master of special effects who worked on 2001: A Space Odyssey. A cult movie for SF fans.” (Scifi.com)

  Poll result: 50% of Americans believe humans lived at the same time as dinosaurs.

  THE KILLER (1989) Foreign/Action

  Review: “John Woo’s best film features Chow Yun-Fat as an honorable assassin trying to get out of the business. Impeccable pacing and incredible action choreography create an operatic intensity that leaves you feeling giddy. Available both dubbed and in Cantonese with English subtitles.” (Video Movie Guide 2001)

  THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE (1974) Suspen
se

  Review: “Ruthless Robert Shaw and three cohorts hijack NYC subway train, hold passengers for one million in cash—to be delivered in one hour! Outstanding thriller, laced with cynical comedy, bursts with heart-stopping excitement, terrific performances, and first-rate editing.” (Leonard Maltin’s 2001 Movie & Video Guide)

  MONSOON WEDDING (2001) Drama

  Review: “Rarely do films come along that are as intelligent and moving as Monsoon Wedding. Director Mira Nair’s kaleidoscopic portrait of an Indian family preparing for their daughter’s marriage succeeds in creating a vivid panoply of characters and telling a variety of stories.” (Reel.com)

  SLAP SHOT (1977) Comedy

  Review: “A profane satire of the world of professional hockey. Over-the-hill player-coach Paul Newman gathers an oddball mixture of has-beens and young players and initiates them, using violence on the ice to make his team win. Charming in its own bone-crunching way.” (VideoHound’s Golden Movie Retriever 2001)

  TWENTY BUCKS (1993) Drama

  Review: “Whimsical film follows a $20 bill from its ‘birth’ in a cash machine to its ‘death’ as it is returned to the bank, tattered and torn, for shredding. The bill is passed from owner to owner, sometimes simply and briefly, sometimes altering fate.” (Video-Hound’s Golden Movie Retriever 2001)

  Tomatoes have more flavor at room temperature than they do when chilled.

  AN A-PEEL-ING HISTORY

  According to one legend, the fruit that Eve found irresistible in the Garden of Eden was not an apple, but a banana. Is it true? Who knows? But for thousands of years, the banana has been a source of pleasure…and sometimes trouble.

  HOW THEY SPREAD

  • Bananas are believed to have originated in the rainforests of Southeast Asia, where a wide variety of species still grow.

  • Arab traders brought the banana to the Middle East and Africa in the seventh century. But these weren’t the large fruit we know today—they were just a few inches in length. In fact, some historians believe “banana” comes from banan, the Arabic word meaning “finger.”

  • By the late 1400s, bananas were a staple food along the western coast of Africa where Portuguese sailors collected plants and brought them to the Canary Islands, between Africa and Spain.

  • In 1516 Tomás de Berlanga, a Spanish priest, brought banana stalks to the New World, to the island of Hispañiola (now Haiti and the Dominican Republic). And he took plants with him to the mainland when he was made bishop of Panama in 1534.

  • Another priest, Vasco de Quiroga, brought banana plants from Hispañiola to Mexico in the mid-16th century. From there, bananas spread and flourished throughout the Caribbean basin, leading many to believe—erroneously—that they were native to the region.

  COMING TO AMERICA

  Despite the banana’s popularity in the tropics, it remained virtually unknown in the United States until the late 1800s. It was formally introduced to the American public at the 1876 Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia, which included a 40-acre display of tropical plants. A local grocer sold individual bananas, wrapped neatly in tinfoil, for 10¢—an hour’s wage at the time. The fruit would remain an expensive luxury for years.

  But bananas never would have become a popular snack food if it hadn’t been for a few enterprising entrepreneurs. Cape Cod sea captain Lorenzo Baker was the first merchant to successfully capitalize on the banana when he discovered the curious fruit in Jamaica and brought a load of them to New Jersey in 1870. He sold 160 bunches for a substantial profit and soon began shipping them back to the East Coast on a regular basis. In 1885 he and Boston businessman Andrew Preston formed the Boston Fruit Company.

  On-the-job injury: Pool shark Minnesota Fats was once hospitalized for “cue-tip-chalk lung.”

  GETTING ON TRACK

  At about the same time, an ambitious 19-year-old from Brooklyn discovered bananas too. In 1871 Minor Keith and two of his brothers went to Costa Rica to work for their uncle, who had won a government contract to build a railroad line from the capital, San José, to the port city of Limón. It was a treacherous project over miles of dense mountainous jungle and ultimately claimed the lives of some 5,000 workers, including Keith’s brothers and uncle.

  In spite of the hardship, however, Keith persisted. And as the railroad construction proceeded, he planted banana plants on any and all nearby land. Why? The quick-growing fruit was a cheap way to feed the workers.

  The railroad was completed in 1890, but Keith was in financial trouble. The Costa Rican government refused to pay him, and there weren’t enough passengers to support the line. What could he do? Forced to find another source of revenue, Keith decided to experiment with the bananas he’d planted: his railroad could cheaply transport them to Limón, where they could be shipped to markets in the United States. The experiment was so successful that the banana business quickly overshadowed his meager passenger service.

  MERGER

  Despite a decade of success, in 1899 Keith once again found himself in trouble. His financial partner went bankrupt, leaving him without enough money to run the railroad. So, as a way to preserve his business, he went to Boston and arranged with Lorenzo Baker and Andrew Preston to merge their two companies. (The company they formed, the United Fruit Company, still exists as part of United Brands.)

  By the end of the century, advances in refrigerated steamship and rail transportation made it possible to ship bananas to all parts of North America. As improved production led to lower prices, the United Fruit Company was poised for a banana boom. Now affordable, the banana quickly became a popular snack, and production shifted into high gear. But there was a dark side to the business that the American public knew little about.

  Slow down! One hundred cups of coffee consumed in 4 hours can cause a heart attack.

  BANANA REPUBLICS

  Behind the scenes, the banana business played a huge part in the economy and politics of Central America. The United Fruit Company, as well as other banana companies such as Standard Fruit (today part of Dole), made sweetheart deals with Central American dictators, buying or leasing vast tracts of land at bargain prices and paying little, if any, taxes.

  While bananas created wealth in Central America, it mostly enriched government officials—without benefitting the common people. In 1910 American author O. Henry coined the term banana republic, and by the 1930s, it was commonly used to describe the corrupt Central American countries controlled largely by banana companies.

  GUNBOAT DIPLOMACY

  U.S. foreign policy stood firmly behind the banana companies too. Under President William Howard Taft (1909–1913), the goal of diplomacy was to support (or create) stable governments favorable to U.S. interests. And later, when “dollar diplomacy” failed, the U.S. government resorted to “gunboat diplomacy.” American troops were sent in to ensure the pro-U.S. outcome of elections in Honduras, Nicaragua, and other Latin American countries.

  In the 1950s, for example, Jacobo Arbenz, a progressive Guatemalan president, proposed reclaiming lands owned by the United Fruit Company and other large landowners and distributing them to landless peasants. It never happened—in 1954, citing the threat of communism, the United States backed a military coup that ousted Arbenz and ended the immediate threat of land reform.

  But times were changing for the banana companies. Worker strikes led to labor reforms. The monopoly of United Fruit Company was broken by an antitrust suit in 1958 that forced it to sell parts of the company to competitors and Guatemalan entrepreneurs.

  Makes sense: Baby seahorses are called “colts.”

  Today, imperialist politics have taken a backseat to more modern business practices. But bananas are still big business, and remain America’s most popular fruit.

  BANANARAMA

  • Americans eat an average of 75 bananas a year per person.

  • The banana split was invented in 1904 by Dr. David Strickler, a drugstore pharmacist in Latrobe, Pennsylvania.

  • Technically the ban
ana is a berry.

  • Ever wonder why bananas have no seeds? Because of natural mutations, the kind we eat don’t have any. The dark dots in the center are all that’s left. (They reproduce by underground stems, or rhizomes.)

  • There are several hundred varieties of bananas worldwide, but the one that most of us slice on our cereal is the Cavendish. The Cavendish is favored by commercial producers for its size, flavor, and, most importantly, resistance to diseases.

  • A banana has about 110 calories and is high in fiber, potassium, and vitamin C.

  • The banana has never been a Fruit-of-the-Month selection.

  • The song “Yes, We Have No Bananas” was an enormous hit in 1923—selling at the rate of 25,000 copies of sheet music per day. The popularity of the song spurred a new craze: dancing the Charleston on banana peel–covered floors.

  • A few forgotten banana products: banana wine, banana flour (cheaper than wheat flour), banana ketchup, banana pickles, banana vinegar, and Melzo, a powdered-banana drink mix.

  • To let the public know that bananas should be allowed to ripen at room temperature, not in the refrigerator, in 1944 United Fruit commissioned a song and a character: Chiquita Banana. The song was so popular it was once played on the radio 376 times in one day. And Chiquita herself was named “the girl we’d most like to share our foxhole with” by American servicemen.

  “Great men never feel great. Small men never feel small.”