Book Read Free

Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader

Page 52

by Bathroom Readers' Institute


  One of the ironies of the invention is that the wealth it helped create ultimately led to the Civil War and doomed the South to defeat. King Cotton gave Southerners a false sense of security. The North needed cotton, the thinking went, so how could it go to war against the South?

  THE BRITISH ARE COMING…AGAIN

  And what about England, which imported 90% of its cotton from the South? Cotton fueled its economy too, and Southern leaders like Jefferson Davis (who would become president of the Confederacy in 1861), were convinced that if war did come, England would side with the South. England would have little choice but to use the Royal Navy to keep Southern ports open, so that its access to cotton would be guaranteed. The North knew this as well, the Southerners reasoned, and that made it even less likely that the Northern states would ever go to war over slavery. Fighting the South was one thing; fighting England and the South was another.

  “You dare not make war upon our cotton,” South Carolina Senator James Henry Hammond proclaimed in 1858. “No power on Earth dares make war on it. Cotton is King.”

  But when the war finally did come in April 1861, England didn’t hesitate—it immediately declared its “strict and impartial neutrality” and then sat on the sidelines. Why? England didn’t have to worry about cotton—the long, slow buildup to the Civil War had given English mills plenty of time to stockpile extra cotton. When that ran out, they would make do with what they could buy from countries like Egypt and India. And unemployment resulting from cotton shortages was tolerated, because many English textile workers opposed slavery and were willing to go without jobs to help end it.

  Q: How bad was the smog in London in 1952?

  SLIP-SLIDING AWAY

  Another nail in the coffin: The South’s failure to expand its economy beyond a single cash crop left it vulnerable. The invention of the cotton gin had encouraged cotton cultivation not just in the southern United States, but all over the world, and as cotton plantations sprang up in other countries, the price of cotton began a long, steady slide throughout the 1850s.

  For decades, Southern planters had reinvested their profits into expanding cotton production instead of diversifying into factories, textile mills, or anything else. As the price of cotton fell, plantations lost money. By the late 1850s, there was little cash available to diversify the Southern economy, even if the South had wanted to. It was too late.

  MASS PRODUCTION

  In the North, things were different. Manufacturers of everything from doors and windows to nuts, bolts, shoes, plows, and grandfather clocks had adopted the principles of Eli Whitney’s “American system,” and were now using machine tools to mass-produce their wares. Soaring profits encouraged further investment and growth; from 1840 to 1860, the 100-mile-long region between Delaware and New York was the most rapidly industrializing region on Earth.

  With the growth of industry came increased economic and military strength. By the start of the Civil War, factories in the North were producing goods at a rate of 10 times that of the South. For every ton of iron produced in the South, the North produced 15; for every firearm the South produced, the North manufactured 32. Northern states had more than twice the population of Southern states, and three times the wealth.

  And though the South grew 24 times as much cotton as the North, the North had 14 times as many textile mills. So when war came in April 1861, it was the Union soldiers, not the Confederates, who were best outfitted for battle. Though the Civil War dragged on from 1861 to 1865, its outcome was a virtual certainty from the very beginning.

  A: So bad that as many as 4,000 people died from it.

  ELI WHITNEY’S LEGACY

  For a person who had never discovered a continent, never commanded an army, and never served as president, Eli Whitney had about as big an impact on American history as anyone. And unlike his fellow inventors Henry Ford and Alexander Graham Bell, two of his inventions altered the course of history, not just one.

  Cotton gave the South its wealth and strengthened the institution of slavery, sparking the tensions that would lead to the Civil War. At the same time, cotton convinced Southerners that if war did come, its importance guaranteed that the South would never lose. And that made the South all the more willing to fight.

  With the invention of mass production, Whitney gave the North the military might and economic strength that it used to destroy the South that the cotton gin had built.

  “If Whitney’s cotton gin enabled the slave-system to survive and thrive,” writes historian Paul Johnson, “his ‘American System’ also gave the North the industrial muscle to crush the defenders of slavery in due course.…He is a fascinating example of the complex impact one man can have on history.”

  SPECIAL DELIVERY

  “Rome post-office workers were confronted by a group of men delivering a very big package, too big for the security hole that packages are normally slipped through. Ignoring security rules, employees asked the group to go to a service window behind the counter. As soon as they brought the package inside, a robber burst out of the carton, waved a gun, and shouted, ‘It’s a holdup.’ The criminals escaped with 115,000 lira.”

  —Townsville Bulletin (Australia)

  Two most dangerous countries for journalists between 1992 and 2001: Algeria and Colombia.

  THE REST OF THE REST OF THE UNITED STATES

  On page 211, we gave an overview of the commonwealths and territories owned by the United States. Here are some of the smaller, uninhabited islands and their stories. (Well, they may have a few inhabitants, but no natives.)

  UNINHABITED U.S. TERRITORIES

  Wake Island

  Location: North Pacific Ocean, between Hawaii and the Northern Mariana Islands

  Size: Two and a half square miles

  Population: 300

  Background: Wake Island is an atoll made up of three islets around a shallow lagoon. It was discovered in 1796 by British sea captain William Wake. The United States annexed it in 1899 for a telegraph cable station. An airstrip and naval base were built in late 1940, but in December 1941 the island was captured by the Japanese and held until the end of World War II. Today the facilities are under the administration of the Federal Aviation Agency.

  Kingman Reef

  Location: North Pacific Ocean, between Hawaii and American Samoa

  Size: Less than one-half square mile

  Population: Uninhabited

  Background: The U.S. annexed this reef in 1922. There’s no plant life on the reef (which is frequently under water) but it does support abundant and diverse marine life. In 2001 the waters surrounding the reef were designated a National Wildlife Refuge.

  Midway Islands

  Location: North Pacific Ocean, north of Hawaii

  Size: Less than two and a half square miles

  Population: 150 U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service personnel

  When asked to name the odor that best defines America, 39% of Americans said “barbecue.”

  Background: Part of the Hawaiian island chain, Midway was first discovered by a Hawaiian sea captain in 1859. At the urging of the North Pacific Mail and Steamship Company, which was looking for a coal depot for its Asian mail run, the U.S. Navy claimed the atoll for the United States in 1867. Midway is best known as the site of a U.S. naval victory over the Japanese fleet in 1942, one of the turning points of World War II. The naval station closed in 1993. Today the island is a wildlife refuge open to eco-tourists.

  GUANO ISLANDS

  What is guano? Bird droppings. Fish-eating birds have been dropping their poop in the same spots for thousands of years. The result: huge deposits of guano, rich in nitrogen and phosphorous and highly valued as an agricultural fertilizer.

  The Guano Act was enacted by the U.S. government in 1856. It authorized Americans to take “peaceable possession” of any uninhabited, unclaimed islands for the purpose of mining the guano. Nearly 100 islands were claimed for the United States under the act, mostly in the South Pacific. The U.S. still owns a half
dozen—the others were abandoned or given up to other countries that claimed them. They’re not really anybody’s idea of paradise, so don’t expect to see any postcards from these tiny islands. But some of these poop-covered rocks have interesting histories.

  Navassa Island

  Location: Caribbean Sea, between Haiti and Jamaica

  Size: Less than two and a half square miles

  Population: No permanent residents

  Background: The Baltimore-based Navassa Phosphate Company began mining guano in 1865, using convicts at first, then former slaves. In deplorable living conditions, the ex-slaves were forced to mine one and a half tons of guano per day for a daily wage of 50 cents. In 1889 they revolted, killing 15 white overseers. Forty workers were taken to Baltimore for trial. Acknowledging the basis for the uprising, the court sentenced only one worker to death—the rest were given life imprisonment. The Navassa Phosphate Company continued to mine guano until 1898.

  In 1998 a California entrepreneur named Bill Warren filed a claim under the Guano Act, obtained a deed from heirs of the Navassa Phosphate Company, and claimed ownership of the island. Predictably, the U.S. government denied his claim.

  How small is a newborn Chinese water deer? Small enough to hold in your hand.

  There is also a dispute between the U.S. and Haiti, which maintains that the island lies within its territorial boundary.

  Howland Island

  Location: North Pacific Ocean, between Hawaii and Australia

  Size: A little more than one-half square mile

  Population: Uninhabited

  Background: Claimed by the American Guano Company in 1858. Its other claim to fame: in 1937 an airstrip was built on the island as a stopover for aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart on her round-the-world flight. Earhart and her navigator took off from Lae, New Guinea, but never reached Howland. (The unexplained disappearance still intrigues conspiracy buffs.) Today Howland Island is a National Wildlife Refuge.

  Baker Island

  Location: North Pacific Ocean, between Hawaii and Australia

  Size: One-half square mile

  Population: Uninhabited

  Background: Named by an American whaler, Michael Baker, who found the island in 1832. Presently, it is a National Wildlife Refuge run by the U.S. Department of the Interior.

  Johnston Atoll

  Location: North Pacific Ocean, 800 miles southwest of Hawaii

  Size: One square mile of dry land; 50 square miles of shallow water

  Population: 1,000 military and support personnel

  Background: The four tiny islands were discovered in 1796 by an American sea captain.

  During World War II, the military used Johnston Island, the largest of the four outcroppings, as a refueling point for aircraft and submarines. A few days after the attack on Pearl Harbor, Japanese submarines fired on military facilities there but caused no casualties.

  The U.S. Air Force took over in 1948 and used the site for high-altitude nuclear tests in the 1950s and 1960s. In 1964 a series of open-air biological weapons tests were conducted near the atoll using several barges loaded with rhesus monkeys. Chemical weapons have been stored on Johnston Island since 1971, but the U.S. Army began destroying them in 1981. Munitions destruction is reportedly complete, and the Army plans to turn over the atoll to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service in 2003.

  Snoring is legal in Massachusetts only when all bedroom windows are closed and locked.

  Jarvis Island

  Location: South Pacific, between Hawaii and the Cook Islands

  Size: Less than two square miles

  Population: Uninhabited

  Background: Discovered by the British in 1821; claimed by the American Guano Company in 1858; abandoned in 1879; annexed by Britain in 1889; abandoned soon after. Reclaimed by the United States in 1935. The island is currently a National Wildlife Refuge; a small group of buildings are occasionally occupied by scientists and weather researchers.

  Palmyra Atoll

  Location: North Pacific Ocean, 1,000 miles south of Hawaii

  Size: Four and a half square miles

  Population: Uninhabited

  Background: This group of 54 islets is known for its lush natural beauty and biological diversity.

  The first to land on the atoll were sailors from the American ship Palmyra, which was blown ashore during a storm in 1852. Though the American Guano Company claimed it, guano was never mined there. In 1862 King Kamehameha IV of Hawaii took possession of the atoll, which is actually a part of the Hawaiian archipelago. The United States included it when it annexed Hawaii in 1898, but when Hawaii became a state in 1959, Palmyra was excluded.

  The 1974 murder of a yachting couple on Palmyra became the subject of a 1991 novel by Vincent Bugliosi (and a subsequent TV movie) entitled And the Sea Will Tell. Today the atoll is privately owned by the Nature Conservancy, which is managing it as a nature preserve.

  Only 16% of the able-bodied males in the 13 American colonies actually fought in the Revolution.

  MR. GAME BOY

  You’ve probably never heard of Gumpei Yokoi, but if you’ve ever played a Game Boy, a Color Game Boy, Donkey Kong, or just about any other Nintendo product made between 1970 and 1996, you have him to thank for it. Here’s his story.

  IN THE CARDS

  In the mid-1960s, an electronics student named Gumpei Yokoi graduated from Doshisha University in Kyoto, Japan, and got a job as a maintenance engineer with the Nintendo company, a manufacturer of playing cards.

  Keeping the playing card printing machines in good working order must have been boring work, because Yokoi started passing the time building toys—with company materials, using company machines and equipment, on company time.

  That didn’t exactly fit into his job description, so when Nintendo’s president, Hiroshi Yamauchi, found out what he was up to and called him into his office, Yokoi figured that he’d soon be looking for a new job.

  Not quite—Nintendo was making so much money selling children’s playing cards that it had decided to create an entire games division. Yamauchi transferred Yokoi to the new division, and told him to come up with a game that Nintendo could manufacture in time to sell for Christmas.

  Yokoi went home and got one of the toys he’d already made: an extendable grabbing “hand” that he made out of crisscrossing pieces of wooden latticework. When you squeezed its handles together like a pair of scissors, the latticework extended and the hand closed its grip.

  YOU’VE GOT TO HAND IT TO HIM

  Yamauchi was impressed, and production on the Ultra Hand, as they named it, began right away. The company ended up selling more than 1.2 million of the hands at a price of about $6 apiece—the games division’s first toy was also its first big hit.

  Yokoi’s team followed with a series of other toys, including the Ultra Machine (an indoor pitching machine), the Ultra Scope (a periscope), and a “Love Tester” that supposedly measured how much love existed between a boy and a girl. All the Love Tester really did was give people an excuse to hold hands, but that was enough—it was a huge success too. So was the Beam Gun, a gun that shot beams of light at optical targets.

  Nintendo spent a fortune converting old bowling alleys and shooting galleries into Beam Gun shooting galleries…and nearly went bankrupt. But it recovered after Yamauchi noticed how much money Atari, Magnavox, and other companies were making in the video game business. He licensed their technology and came out with Color TV Game 6, the company’s first video game.

  GAME & WATCH

  As video games were becoming more successful, Yamauchi started pressing Yokoi for a competing product. So the design team came up with the Game & Watch, a series of dozens and eventually hundreds of pocket-sized video games that also displayed the time at the top of the screen.

  The games used simple calculator technology—LCD screens and tiny buttons that served as game controllers—and they weren’t much bigger than credit cards. Kids could play them anywhere: in cars, at school du
ring recess, or in their rooms before bedtime. Nintendo ended up selling more than 40 million of the devices all over the world between 1980 and 1989.

  GAME BOY

  As we told you on page 415, Nintendo introduced the Famicom (short for Family Computer)—its first cartridge-based videogame system—in 1983 and then released it in the United States as the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) in 1985. The system established the company as the dominant world player in the video game business. By 1988, however, the NES was getting a little old and Nintendo’s rival Sega was preparing to launch a new system called the Mega Drive. Nintendo’s new Super NES system was still in the works, so the company needed a product that would generate revenue and keep fans of the company’s products occupied until Super NES was ready.

  Lucky for Nintendo, Yokoi had one. Called the Game Boy, it sought to combine the best that the Game & Watch series and the NES had to offer. The Game Boy was portable, about the size of a transistor radio, and it was a cartridge-based system like the NES. With the Game & Watch series, anytime you wanted to play a new game, you had to buy a whole new Game & Watch. With a Game Boy, all you had to do was buy a new cartridge. Better yet, Game Boys could be linked together so that two players could compete against each other.

 

‹ Prev