Harlequin Superromance January 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: Everywhere She GoesA Promise for the BabyThat Summer at the Shore

by Janice Kay Johnson

  “Sure. So do diabetes and lung cancer for a smoker and a lot of other diseases.”

  He started to laugh. “You’re right. No, don’t punch me.” He grabbed her fist. “Settle down.”

  Cait made a disgusted sound but subsided. “She’s your mother. I should keep my mouth shut.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t.” That came out hoarse. Shit, he thought. She was punching holes in every defense he had. Suddenly, he felt naked, and not because he was sprawled in bed not wearing any clothes.

  She stroked his chest, her hand slender and fine-boned. “You must have loved him.”

  “I guess I did,” Noah said slowly. “At least—” No, he refused to sound pathetic.

  But Cait only waited. He looked for pity on her face and saw compassion.

  Oh, hell. “I wanted to believe he was worth loving. That he loved me. My mother was decent to me, don’t get me wrong, but I was never sure she loved me. I think she was telling Dennis the truth. It did bother her that I took more after Dad than her.”

  “I can’t imagine.” Her eyes showed disbelief.

  “What if you’d had a kid with Ralston? Now you know what a crazy he is. What if the kid looked just like him? Wouldn’t you find yourself wondering?”

  “You’re justifying her behavior?”

  “Understanding.”

  She made another of those disdainful sounds. “Kids take after both their parents. Looks are the least important part of what they get from us. Not only would my child be mine, but I’d make sure he knew how many great qualities he got from his father.”

  “Yeah.” He touched her lips, feeling them quiver beneath the pads of his fingers. “That’s what I’d do, too. If...” He had to clear his throat. “If I ever have kids.”

  She gave a laugh that sounded more sad than funny. “I don’t know what makes me think I’m qualified to carry on like this. Mom...well, she did love me. Does,” she corrected herself. “But I never forgot that she left Colin behind and just, I don’t know, pretended he didn’t exist after that. That couldn’t help but make me wonder how much I could depend on her love. You know? And Dad...” Her shoulders moved. “I don’t have much in the way of good memories of him. Maybe if you don’t learn from your own parents, there’s no hope.”

  Why that should piss him off when he’d made the same argument in relation to himself, Noah couldn’t have said. All he knew was that it did.

  “That’s bull! You’re smart and sweet. You make me laugh. The way you just fired up tells me you’d be every bit as feisty in defense of your kid.”

  She sat back and contemplated him. “You mean, I shouldn’t let my parents’ failings stop me from having a full life.”

  Did she look smug? His eyes narrowed. “Did you just set me up?”

  “Maybe.” She smiled at him. “All I can say is—ditto.”

  “Message received.” Although nobody would call him sweet. He had a bad feeling that as a parent he’d be as impatient and dictatorial as he was with his staff. And as incapable as he was of making emotional connections, what if he distanced himself from his own kids?

  And why in hell was he thinking about this at all?

  Because of Cait, of course.

  Hiding his perturbation, he lifted his hands to her breasts, which nicely filled his palms. She looked down, watching as he played. He splayed his fingers enough to let her nipples peek out, then rubbed them between those fingers.

  “Pretty,” he said thickly.

  She swallowed. “We were talking.”

  “Now we’re done.” He was afraid to think what would come out of his mouth if they kept talking. He didn’t like needing her the way he had today. Needing her body, he was okay with that.

  There were better things than talking he could do with his mouth.

  He reared up and captured one of those pretty breasts in his mouth and sucked until she arched and moaned.

  * * *

  EVERY STEP FORWARD with Noah was followed by two back.

  No surprise, he spent the next couple of days dodging her.

  Friday night, she retreated to her bedroom when Colin and Nell did. The main living space felt too exposed when she was alone out there. The house had entire walls of windows, many of which didn’t even have blinds. At least in the guest bedroom she knew no one could look in.

  The room did have a comfortable upholstered chair and reading lamp. Feet drawn up beneath her, she sat with a book on her lap that she hadn’t bothered opening. Instead she thought about Noah.

  Oh, why had she said so much? Cait mourned her stupidity. Noah might deny taking her home only because he wanted sex, but she knew that’s essentially what he’d done.

  So, okay, he’d said enough to surprise her, but only because she’d pushed. And why not be honest? she thought. The fact that she had pushed was a bad sign. Even he must realize she was really asking for more from him. More intimacy. More trust. A real relationship. The kind of sharing a couple allowed themselves to do. And he had never said a single thing to make her think he was interested in being half of a couple.

  If he did, he would never have suggested they keep their affair furtive the way he had.

  Face it. He wanted sex. Full stop.

  Maybe she was more of an optimist than she’d believed, because an argumentative voice in her pointed out that he hadn’t been all that sneaky, nothing like she’d expected. People were noticing how often he stopped by her office and that he usually closed the door so they were alone together. And that he took her out to lunch and dinner. Everyone at city hall must have seen them leaving together at one time or another.

  Instead of reassuring her, that thought filled her with dread. If the gossip reached the city council, she didn’t know what would happen. She could lose her job. Or he could lose his. As her boss, he might be seen as having stepped over a line, made her feel as if she couldn’t refuse him.

  He’d never forgive her if he ended up embroiled in a scandal because of her.

  God, that’s probably why he was doing the disappearing thing again. Or maybe only because he hated having opened up to her as much as he had.

  Or—here was another possibility—because he’d said, You have me. He might be making sure she didn’t read too much into that.

  Whatever it was, she wouldn’t beg. Maybe this would be a good time for them to end their relationship, such as it was.

  Sex. That’s what it is.

  She’d known all along he was the absolute wrong personality for her. Predicting what would happen if they did get serious was all too easy. He’d issue orders and be scathing if she tried to stand up for herself. Noah wouldn’t be able to help squelching her, and she wouldn’t be able to help submitting, and then she would hate him and herself both while he’d end up feeling nothing but contempt for her.

  She heard again the admiration in his voice when he described Nell as gutsy.

  And then there’s me.

  Maybe the time would come when she could have faith in herself again, but right now was too soon. Yes, it had felt good to stand up to Blake. To have him cowering at her feet. She wanted to think she’d never again find excuses for a man who’d hit her. But that was only a small part of the ways she’d allowed Blake to diminish her. Somehow she’d conceded almost all the decisions to him, from how she wore her hair to whether she could go out with friends. Remembering made her shudder.

  She hadn’t been able to figure out how she could have let anything like that happen to her, not after having seen her mother’s example, but since coming back to Angel Butte she had begun to understand that it had worked the other way around.

  Oh, she’d learned from her mother’s example, all right—to do exactly what Mommy did. When Daddy bellowed, you kept your head down and never, never argued because that only enraged him f
urther. When he got mad, you shrank into corners. When he threw his fists, you endured and pretended to everyone outside the family that nothing had happened.

  Maybe lessons learned when you were so young couldn’t be unlearned, she thought bleakly. Maybe with Blake she’d been replicating the only kind of family she’d ever known. What other explanation was there?

  Of course, Noah wasn’t like Blake. He was bossy and impatient and a lot of other things, but it was hard for her to imagine him ever striking a woman.

  I thought the same about Blake.

  Yes, but Noah barely even raised his voice. He had too much confidence to need to yell at anyone.

  Forehead puckering, Cait laid her book aside.

  She hadn’t been with Blake all that long when she’d realized he wasn’t very confident. He’d hated having any of his decisions questioned. Or even his opinion, really. She hadn’t noticed that at first because they agreed on a lot of the bigger issues. He couldn’t stand to be embarrassed. He’d been in a quiet fury for days after being pulled over by a cop for making a rolling right turn at a red light. The officer made him get out of the car and take a breathalyzer test. Blake was humiliated because passing motorists saw him. Afterward, he’d gone on and on. The cop had to be blind. Of course he’d stopped. Probably the cop wanted to fill some quota.

  And me? she thought sadly. I murmured sympathy and agreement even though I knew perfectly well that he didn’t stop and he deserved that ticket.

  Because she’d wanted peace more than she had wanted honesty or self-respect.

  She moved restlessly in the chair. This new start had been really important to her. Instead, first Blake and then this unknown man whose face she hardly remembered had forced her into a state of fear and dependency that was undermining any belief she’d started with that she could be strong.

  Instead, she got to spend a lot of time being grateful that she had Colin and Noah and, because of them, so many other people to protect her.

  * * *

  THE NEXT MORNING, Colin wandered into the kitchen, where Cait was pouring herself a cup of coffee. Despite it being Saturday, he was dressed for work, lacking only the suit coat. He’d already clipped his holster and badge to his narrow black belt.

  “That’s a big gun,” she observed, nodding at his waist. “Do you have to hoist your pants to keep it up?”

  He laughed. “Funny, Nell asked me the same thing one time. No, I keep my belt tight enough to hold up the weight. The only time it’s a problem is when I, uh, have to sit on the toilet. Which isn’t often when I’m working, thank God.”

  She made a face at him. “Thank you for that visual.”

  “Having your weapon tangled up with your pants around your ankles isn’t a good thing. I heard about a cop who died when someone reached under the stall and snatched his handgun.”

  “Wow. Okay, so it’s not only undignified, it’s dangerous.”

  He grinned. “Mostly undignified.” His expression sobered. “Cait, I haven’t said anything, but this choice ought to be yours. Ralston keeps asking to see you.”

  She went still. “Why would he want to see me?”

  Her brother grimaced. “He wants to tell you how sorry he is.”

  Cait stared at him. “No.”

  “Yeah, I’m afraid so.”

  “He didn’t think writing ‘I’m sorry’ thirty-five times on the side of my house covered it?” Her voice was rising by the end.

  “He claims he means it this time.”

  She snorted. “No. No more.”

  “Good.” He bent his head and kissed her cheek. “I’m off.”

  “It’s Saturday.”

  “I need to do some catch-up. Nell’s home, so you won’t be alone. Do me a favor and don’t so much as step outside.”

  “Or stand by a window.”

  “I’m sorry, Cait.” His mouth twisted. “Poor choice of words.”

  She wanted to be able to laugh, but her sense of humor had gone into deep freeze lately. All she could do was shake her head. “I’m the one who should say I’m sorry. I had no business running to Angel Butte because you were here without talking to you about it. You got stuck taking care of me, and that’s not fair to you or Nell.”

  Colin’s expression was rarely unguarded, but for once he let her see emotions that choked her up. “I spent years telling you I was here if you needed me. I meant every word, Cait.”

  “And then I was such a shit,” she managed, although tears threatened and her nose ran.

  “I love you.”

  She threw herself into his arms and wept for a moment into his crisp white shirt, so grateful for the strength of his arms around her, even as that gratitude made her cringe inside. Finally, snuffling, she retreated. “I got you wet.”

  Colin chuckled. “I’ll dry.” He kissed her cheek and departed.

  Cait grabbed a paper towel, mopped her eyes and blew her nose vigorously, emerging from behind the paper towel to find her sister-in-law pouring herself a cup of coffee and smiling.

  “Just so you know,” Nell said, “having you need him is one of the best things that’s happened to Colin. And I know you must be chafing, but don’t waste a minute feeling guilty because you sucked him in.”

  Cait swallowed and nodded. “I came to Angel Butte because Colin always protected me.”

  “That’s who he is.” Nell wrinkled her small freckled nose. “I don’t suppose he gave us permission to go shopping?”

  “I believe his exact words were ‘Don’t so much as step outside.’” She sighed. “It so happens I’m free to clean house.”

  “Let’s at least bake. I love baking, even if nothing I make tastes like Hailey’s food.”

  The thought was at least slightly cheering. “Chocolate chip cookies?”

  Nell gave her a cherubic grin that made her look about twelve years old. “What else?”

  * * *

  COLIN HAD WORKED before with Ronald Floyd, a deputy D.A. for Butte County, the lucky guy who got to prosecute Blake Ralston. Floyd stopped by to talk about another case and only smiled wryly when Colin said, “And you didn’t have anything better to do on a sunny Saturday afternoon than come in to work?”

  “Says the man behind the desk.”

  “Seems like we’ve had a crime spree lately. If they’re growing pains, I don’t like them.”

  “I had the same thought,” Floyd admitted. Middle-aged and graying, though so far he’d kept his hair, he’d been a prosecutor a lot longer than Colin had been a cop. He was a good one, too, hardworking, dedicated and patient. “The Hegland killing, though. Jesus, Colin! The guy was an airport manager. What, did somebody want to hijack an airplane?”

  The department was keeping Hegland’s possible link to drug traffickers quiet. There was undoubtedly gossip about the officers who had been fired, but no announcements had been made about the reasons. Until the Feds were ready to move forward, Colin couldn’t say anything. The one positive of all the foot-dragging was that nobody in the department could be sure the investigation was ongoing. If the reason for Bystrom’s resignation had been widely known back in December when it happened, the rats would have all jumped ship immediately.

  “Did you know him?” he asked.

  “Hegland?” Floyd looked surprised. “Only in passing. Can’t remember the last time I so much as set eyes on him. You?”

  “I might have met him, I’m not sure.” And, oh, yeah, he screwed my mother, but who am I to hold that against a dead man?

  “This thing with your sister must have you on edge.”

  “Ralston?”

  “Not what I was thinking about, but at least she won’t have to worry about him for a while. I’m going for the maximum sentencing. I mean, the library?”

  Colin shared the sentiment. Threa
tening to bomb the courthouse or the public safety building? Inconvenient, but sure. Scaring all those moms and little kids was something else. “By the way,” he said, “will you be talking to his attorney?”

  “Undoubtedly. Why?”

  “Tell him Cait says no. She’s not interested in any more apologies from him and sure as hell isn’t going to indulge him by letting him issue one in person.”

  “Can’t say I blame her. Do you have any idea who took those potshots at her?”

  People kept asking Colin that. It really grated that he had to shake his head. “So far, the investigation has stalled.” Only a few people knew that her assailant and Hegland’s killer were likely one and the same.

  “I haven’t met your sister yet, but someone pointed her out to me. In fact, I saw her out with the mayor the other night,” Floyd said casually.

  Colin still didn’t know what Cait was thinking, but Noah had begun to grow on him. The last thing either of them needed was to be the butt of gossip. They weren’t using their heads, but Colin knew why. He’d seen the way Noah looked at her.

  Now he shrugged. “Maybe work-related, but I guess they’ve gotten to be friends.” He hesitated. “Something you might not have heard yet, Ronald. You know those bones we dug out of a backyard? We’ve identified the guy. He turned out to be Noah Chandler’s father.”

  “What?” The D.A. stared at him in shock.

  “You heard me.”

  “But...Chandler isn’t even from around here.”

  “Apparently he came to Angel Butte because it was his father’s last known address.”

  Floyd swore a few times. He was still shaking his head when he left.

  Growing pains. Colin brooded, leaning back in his leather desk chair. Who was he kidding? Angel Butte never had been the safe small town they had all believed it was, and Butte County wasn’t the rural backwater they’d deluded themselves it was, either. Too many of the recent crimes had their roots in the past.

  It was time he quit waffling and threw his hat in the ring. He could make as much or more difference as county sheriff as he could have as Angel Butte police chief.