I Don't Belong to You

by Samantha Restrew

  «Good evening, how can I help you? »

  «I’m Mister Grasshopper. My companion and I booked a room for tonight. »

  He looks at the register very slowly and I begin to tremble inside, while outside I’m showing self control to avoid risking our coverage.

  «Yes, here is the key. Leave me your documents please. Are you going to have dinner in the restaurant or you want us to bring it in your room? »

  Restaurant or room service won’t change anything. The important thing is to eat something.

  «Listen, we are very tired. I think we are going straight to bed. » replies Matthew.

  Oh no! I’m not going to fast even tonight.

  «But Carl, the baby is kicking. She must be very hungry. Do you mind having something to eat in the bedroom? »

  «Ok, Rose. Do as you like.»

  And as we go in our bedroom, I’m feeling happy and satisfied. I think is right not to let him step on my toes. Sometimes I have to remind him that I have a stronger character than what I have shown him so far. Because usually I’m strong and determined, but the problem is that I’m also in love.

  CHAPTER 19

  KHYLA

  After climbing two dark and narrow stairs, we walk a long corridor with a green carpet completely covering the parquet floor. We finally reach our bedroom where we find a tray on the pavement outside the door, with some sandwiches, a bottle of beer and a Fanta on it.

  «Wow! What a service! » I say with an ironic smile.

  «Don’t complain. Have you seen what carefulness they used? No beer for you. You’re pregnant. »

  Matthew bents to pick up the tray while I open the door. Getting into hell would have been less impressive. The carpet on the floor, once light blue, was now nearly black with a lot of spots of different kinds. The bedroom is very small. Just enough for a bed with cotton well-aged sheets and a small table with a lamp on it, on the left, plus a one-door wardrobe on the right. I see the bathroom’s door and open it, taking a big breath of satisfaction. I was expecting to find a small bath tub where I would have to curl up to refresh me, instead there is a beautiful and comfortable shower. They probably started renovating the motel from baths and then they runned out of money.

  My belly is moaning, so I remember that I have another priority before washing, and I walk toward the bed where Matthew already began to eat a sandwich. He took off the lentils and turned to be the ice-eyed man. I would do anything to have him looking always and only at me. I take an hot dog and eat it voraciously. He recovers from the dullness he was fallen in due to fatigue and tension, and starts mocking at me.

  «It seems you haven’t eaten for a week...»

  «Of course, Carl. I’m pregnant. I have to eat for two; otherwise Clarissa will be kicking the whole night. »

  We both laugh and I couldn’t be happier. He approaches and slightly touches the foam rubber filling, pretending to be an attentive father caressing the coming baby.

  «Would you like to become a mother, Khyla? »

  «Why not? The problem is that I have to find somebody to do it with. True love is not for one night and go. This is why I take pills since I was sixteen. I certainly don’t want to grow up a baby all by myself. »

  He moves his hand aside and I take it to bring it to my lips.

  «What are you thinking about, Matthew? Is there something worrying you? »

  «I’m thinking that because of thoughtlessness I’ve lost everything. Freedom, love and my son. »

  «Do you know anything about him? »

  I’m just a masochist! This need to know is leading me to investigate about issues too much thorny for my heart. Him, the man that I love with all my strength, not only doesn’t return my feelings and pour them in another woman, but he also has a son with Tracy. A perpetual bond that nothing could scratch away.

  Matthew answers solicitous.

  «No, I didn’t know that she was pregnant, before the trial. During the first year in jail I always begged the lawyer to have news about Tracy and the baby, but he never answered. Maybe I didn’t deserve any consolation. Everybody thinks that I’m a bastard pedophile, a man without God and without dignity. »

  «Who do you think you are, instead? » I ask knowing that in my heart I already have the answer. Whatever sin he has committed in the past, I have forgiven him long time ago.

  «I don’t know. I’ve always been calm, the first of the class. I grew up in Compton between gangs of thugs, but I never mixed up with criminals. My father was my role model and Bart was my only friend. »

  «What did your father do? »

  «He was a policeman. He was killed by two criminals he was trying to stop from doing a robbery. I was only fourteen. »

  «I’m sorry...» I whisper. It’s not easy to say the right words in the case of such a tragedy.

  He continues to tell his story. «My mother was destroyed. She was falling in a great depression form and I didn’t know how to help her. Then she luckily found a work as a secretary in George’s office. He’s Tracy’s father. He had just divorced and needed help in his Los Angeles office. At first they hated each other, and then hate turned to be respect and respect to love. After two years George asked her to marry him and she accepted. We moved to Bel Air and there I met Tracy. She was only a little girl, then. She was ten. A pretty little girl with curled blond hair, heart shaped mouth and an incredible grace. She seemed dancing every step. I loved her since the first time I saw her. As a brother in the beginning, but when she became a young woman I started thinking about her with desire and passion. Yet I’m not a criminal. I ensure you that I would have never touched her if the feeling wasn’t mutual. To tell you the truth it was she who kissed me first, one night our parents went to theatre. It was she who, despite my feeble protests, reclaimed my daring caresses. We loved each other, Khyla, even though everything was against us. »

  “Like Romeo and Juliet...” I think remembering he had a copy of the book in jail. If I think again about my stupidity when he gave me the book... I thought it represented a love declaration; instead his heart is completely in Tracy’s hands.

  Now that Matthew wants to talk about himself, I could ask him other questions that are buzzing in my mind since I met him. But I don’t want to break his defence. And above that, I’m really tired... I should stop investigating his past, the more I know, the more I get corroded with jealousy.

  He’s got the head in his hands. I kiss him on the cheek and go to the bathroom. I take off wig, lentils and foam rubber fillings. I look at my image in the mirror so I can look at me as I really am. So why do I feel more empty than before? The truth is that I’m not allowed to forget that he isn’t mine and never will be. After all these years and all that he had to overcome, he still lives in his past and has no intention to build a future with me. Maybe water can help to rinse away the pain.

  As soon as the water reaches the right temperature, I get in the shower. I’m feeling oppressed by delusion and sadness. I let the drops to mix with the tears in a silent cry without sobbing. Then I perceive a shadow. Is it the police? Very frightened I’m about to turn, when I’m embraced by strong arms and an erection is pressing my back.

  Matthew... I could recognize his smell between a thousand... the soft lips leaves little trails of saliva along the neck. I lean against the shower’s wall and he covers my body with his hands. I should stop all this, push him away once and for all, but to each caress I feel I’m giving in and slide slowly into a gulf of pleasure that I know for sure will only bring me some more pain.

  He teases the nipples; he bent down and leans his head on my back while his fingers enter alternatively in the anus or in the vulva. I keep my breath, trying to draw the attention from the things he’s doing to me. I shouldn’t allow him to enchant me. I’ve just heard the love proclamations he has for Tracy. I’m not his woman. I’m only his accomplice. Yet I can’t help doing it... My resistance is zero, annihilated by this little attention he is paying to me. I silent my conscience tel
ling me: “Well? What’s wrong in having this, at least?”

  I turn the water off, holding him by the chin, I pull him up then I start kissing his mouth with the determined look of those who want to take control of the game. With a finger a push him backward. He immediately enters in the part, adapting to my will. Fells on the bed leaving on the coverlet the damp trace of his body. I kiss his organ looking at him and noticing him spasming with pleasure because of my lusciuous attacks. I play with mouth and hand to make him reach the pinnacle of desire.

  Then, as soon as I realize I have him in the fist, I cross his body with my leg and begin to slide slowly. As I feel our humors mixing together I arch my back caught by a wave of passion. I’d like to let myself go and reach the burning point together, but this wouldn’t be right. I want to enjoy this intercourse slowly. It’s the first time since I know Matthew that I can last longer without fear to be caught. The door is locked and no one is suspecting about us. The police is expecting us to expatriate in Mexico. They can’t imagine that we are a few kilometers away from San Francisco. So I slide little by little while he stays still with eyes closed and short breath. The more I push down, the more our moans become louder. Even though I don’t want to burn too fast, we’re almost coming. At this point he stops and turns both me and the situation, so that now is my long hair to be spread over the cover. He firmly enters into my body and penetrates me several times, untill I reach the peak. I would like to stop and cuddle him, but he goes over my orgasm and takes me again and again, untill he calms down and falls asleep on my breast.

  Before closing my eyes, I think that I did well following him in his mad plan. Because only when I’m with him I feel unique and special. I know I’m crazy, but I’d give my life to feel the weight of his head on me.

  CHAPTER 20

  FRED

  I fell asleep between her legs. We spent the evening making extreme sex, using a lot of playing things worthy of a sexy shop. It couldn’t be different. If I wouldn’t play that card, Fanny would never forget me. As I figured out, when I returned home she already knew everything and was really angry. I shouldn’t have released that interview on the national channel. I chased her all over the house, trying to explain that there was no ulterior motive in choosing to follow this case, but only the will to do my duty. Just when I blocked her against the wall of the corridor and began to suck her right ear lobe, she let herself go and allowed me to take her. At first she was still resentful, but after the fourth time I took her, she forgot everything.

  We fell asleep without covering us and a shiver runs along my back, so I carefully shift the phantasmagoric legs of my woman and cover myself with a hem of the sheet. My tired body screams needing to rest, but my mind refuses to sleep again. I spent an hour with my eyes opened and lost in the dark. I tried to bury the anxiety under Fanny’s warm body, but I cannot erase the image of Khyla, hidden who knows where, hostage of a maniac.

  I get up and switch the computer on, linking to the site of the police. I insert the password and look at each report. I have the impression that between these files there’s an important element for the investigation.

  Free outgoing families, seasonal workers, visiting tourists... no profile is compatible with that of the fugitives. Tomorrow, as soon as I’ll resume the turn, I will send my team to search every warehouse, every storage. If they’re still in town we will find them.

  I’m about to switch the computer off and go back to sleep, when a report catches my attention and hits me like a lightning strike. A colleague wrote about a couple moving toward San Francisco. The given description is incompatible with that of Khyla and her kidnapper. The woman is pregnant. And, after all, is nonsense to flee north. Only a fool would do so. Yet is just the awareness that Khyla could be with a fool that induce me to continue the investigation. Carl Grasshopper. I look on the terminal. No reports... Whoever he is, has the immaculate criminal record as a baby’s booty. So I look on the California telephone directory. There are only two with this name. I control the addresses on another site and discover that they are two octogenarians, both living in care homes. There are no Facebook pages, no registered properties or rents. At his name is registered only the Volvo bought a week ago. The brain gears begin to move frenzily. Here something that doesn’t fit.

  I call Rick, the policeman that signed the report. I’ve got his phone number because we were true friends when we were studying in the Academia. The phone rings for a while. I’m about to close the calling when a sleepy voice answers: «Fred, is it really you? What the fuck do you want in the middle of the night?»

  «Were you sleeping?»

  «No. I was attending the Oscars Night...»

  «Sorry if I bothered you. I was looking to your report about those two young travelling to San Francisco.»

  «Who? Those on the Volvo?»

  «Yes, just them. I found on line the data of the boy, but not those of the girl.»

  «That’s strange, I’m sure I correctly reported everything. I’m going to control and then I’ll send you everything by e-mail, right? Why are you so much interested? Do you think they could be them? They didn’t arouse suspicions. She was pregnant and looked very in love with the boy. She didn’t have the attitude of a kidnapped.»

  «You could be right, nonetheless we should spare no effort, in this case.»

  I put down the phone trusting. After a few minutes the yellow envolope is enlightening on the screen. I avidly read and check the girl’s personal details looking on the scanning of her ID and look distractedly at her photo. Then I let my gaze linger on the heart shaped lips and...

  Damn! My suspicion was legitimate! I go back to google again and find what I was looking for: a booking for Carl Grasshopper in a motel a few miles away from San Francisco.

  I run to dress with one hand and to call Jim with the other. He’s certainly going to tell me to fuck off, but I don’t care.

  He answers at the first ring: «What’s the matter, bullshit?»

  «I found a track. I’m leaving for San Francisco.»

  «Do you want me to go with you?» he asks with the excited voice of who understood the importance of the news.

  «No, it’s better for you to stay in Los Angeles to coordinate the agents in my place. If they ask about me, you’ll say I’m sick. Whoever are those two young, I want to catch them by surprise. Now I go. I have to travel for six hours.»

  When I’m completely dressed and ready to leave, I gently shake Fanny that scared opens her eyes.

  «What’s the matter?»

  «I have to go, baby. I have a mission to do.»

  ‹‹It’s about that slut Khyla, right?» she sulky asks. Mmm! I like her so much when she’s like that. I can feel my little friend in the underpants standing up, but I can’t take care of him. I have to go.

  «Yes, darling. I think I know where she is. I’m going to retrieve her and come back to you, don’t worry.»

  And before she can reply anything, I run to the car.

  CHAPTER 21

  KHYLA

  A ray of sun enters through the window and hits my face. I shift to avoid it and lay my face in Matthew’s spicy smelling shoulder. I didn’t believe it possible after all the tension of yesterday, but I slept a quite and peaceful sleep. It didn’t happened since I found Fred and Fanny fucking in my bed. I think I could get used to all this. A man that takes me with passion, a continuing exchange of confidence and sweetness between two similar people. Yes. This is the essence of the relationship with Matthew. I often feel overwhelmed by appearance and feel victim of his strong will, but I know the reality is very different. Behind that rude man’s mask that never allows the chances of choice, there’s a tender boy wounded by life.

  «What time is it?» he asks while still keening in torpor.

  I look at the phone’s watch. «It’s nearly seven o’clock.»

  He pulls himself up with fatigue, stretches and then orders: «Go in the bathroom and get ready. Within half an hour we have to be out of
here.»

  «What’s the rush? Do you think they need the room?»

  He laughs giving me a caress on the cheek. I bent my head toward him, as a cat insisting for its cuddling dose.

  «You’re so funny, Khyla. You should remember that we aren’t on holyday, we are sought after by the police. We allowed ourselves a restful night only because we managed to quench them, but we can’t be complacent.»

  Of course he’s right. To wake up near him, makes me forget everything. and now that memories are emerging from every corner of my mind, it seems to me that they want to overwhelm me, but they won’t win.

  I kiss Matthew on his forehead and then run in the bathroom to regain my new identity. After wearing the wig, the contact colored lenses and the foam rubber fillings, nothing remains of the old me. In the mirror there is only a smiling Rose, happy to be with a gorgeous companion and for the little girl in her womb. I would really like my life to be like this...

  I come out of the toilet and see that Matthew too completed his metamorphosis. We collect all our things and go down in the hall. After greeting the owner and fulfilled the last formalities, we get on the Volvo and go to San Francisco.

  As soon as we leave, he becomes silent. I don’t like this muteness barrier, but I don’t know how to break it. I can see from his behavior that he’s lost in his thoughts and I hate when I understand that he doesn’t want me to take part in them.

  «Do you know I’ve always dreamed to see the Golden Gate?» I say just to see if he’s going to tell me something about his plan.

  «I’m sorry to disappoint you, but we are not heading there.»

  Well, he spoke but, differently from what I was expecting, I couldn’t get out of him any information. How boring!

  I keep persistently to look at him, as if doing so, I could catch to vibrations of his thoughts. So he speaks.