by A. E. Radley
“But I want Holly here. You have to work and Hugo doesn’t want to play with me.”
“I’ll work less,” Victoria promised. She was already mentally moving her schedule around. Work was important but nearly losing her daughter had quickly reversed her priorities. “You must never run away again. Ever. I was so scared, anything could have happened to you.”
“I’m sorry; I didn’t think and then I didn’t know what to do because I thought you’d be mad.”
“Oh, darling, I’m only mad at myself.”
Alexia sniffled and sat up. She fixed Victoria with a determined look.
“Are you sure we can’t make Holly stay?”
Victoria sat up, too. She took Alexia’s hands in hers.
“I’m sorry, no. We have to let Holly live her life. If she wants to leave, then she must be allowed to leave.”
“But she doesn’t want to leave, she’s just sad.”
Victoria dried Alexia’s tearstained cheeks with her thumbs.
“What makes you say that, darling?”
“She just is. She told me she can’t stay here forever because she’s not one of us. I told her that she was, but she didn’t believe me. She said she had to go. I don’t understand.”
Victoria didn’t truly understand either. The comment made no sense. She’d assumed that Holly’s journals, and maybe some recollected memories, had nudged her to realise that she was living under the same roof as the devil. Under those circumstances, she couldn’t blame the girl for wanting to leave.
“Where is Holly?” Alexia sniffled.
“Out looking for you, with Hugo. We were all very worried.”
Alexia blushed. “I’m sorry.”
“Just promise me you won’t do it again,” Victoria said. “If you’re upset then come to me or go to your room, but never leave the house like that again.”
“I promise.” Alexia kneeled on the bed and leaned in for another big hug.
Victoria ignored the awkward position and held her daughter as tight as she could. She still hadn’t recovered from the shock of almost losing this little girl.
She heard the front door slamming closed and voices calling out, but neither mother nor daughter wanted to let go of each other and call back.
It was only a few moments before Victoria could hear Holly and Hugo rushing up the stairs.
Holly was first into the room and threw her arms around both Alexia and Victoria.
“Are you okay?” Holly asked frantically.
“I’m okay, I’m sorry,” Alexia replied.
“No need to be sorry, just be safe,” Holly instructed.
She pulled away from the hug and looked at Victoria seriously. “Are you okay?”
Victoria hadn’t expected to be asked and slowly nodded her head.
“Don’t do that again, brat,” Hugo said. The relief was clear on his face despite his disinterested tone.
“I won’t,” Alexia replied, smiling at her brother’s small display of worry.
Victoria watched him leave the bedroom and then realised that Holly’s eyes were still on her, still concerned.
“I’m fine,” she promised softly.
“Holly, do you really have to go?” Alexia said.
“Alexia,” Victoria warned.
“It’s okay,” Holly said. “I do, I’m sorry, but I do.”
“Can you visit me?” Alexia begged in her best whining tone.
“Um.” Holly looked blankly at Victoria.
“Of course you can,” Victoria replied. She’d invited Holly into her home and was surprised the girl thought she would be banished so easily. “We’d welcome it. In fact, we’d be very angry if you didn’t come and visit. All of us.”
Holly looked at her curiously before a smile spread across her face. She turned to face Alexia. “Looks like I’ll be visiting you very soon, I wouldn’t want your mom to be angry.” She winked.
It was sometime later when Victoria had finally managed to put Alexia to bed. She was in her study nursing a glass of red wine. She’d already emailed the office to advise them that an emergency would see her arriving in the office late and leaving early. It was unprecedented, but it would be the first of many changes.
“Can I come in?”
She saw Holly standing by the door and nodded. The girl walked into the study and sat on the sofa.
“How’s Alexia?” Holly asked.
“It took a while for her to get to sleep, but she seems to be okay. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping tonight.”
“Me neither. That was scary stuff,” Holly admitted. “I’m sorry. I know it was my fault.”
“On the contrary, it was mine,” Victoria said. “While she was upset that you were leaving, it just went to highlight that she was devastated at the thought of things going back to the way they were before you arrived. She said she felt lonely before.”
Victoria walked over to the desk where the half empty bottle of red sat. She poured herself another glass and gestured with it towards Holly. Holly shook her head.
“I can’t blame her,” Victoria continued. “I’m rarely home, and when I am, I’m consumed with work. Hugo tries to entertain her, but he’s a teenage boy with his own life to live. I just hadn’t realised how hard it has been for Alexia. I should be thanking you for highlighting the issue.”
“I’m still sorry. I triggered her reaction, she ran out of the house and anything could have happened.” Holly worried her lip.
Victoria sipped some wine. She stared at the bookcase and considered it was time to reorganise her collection. Anything to take her mind off the subject of what might have happened to Alexia if the police hadn’t managed to find her.
“So,” Victoria said, “you’re leaving us?”
Holly sat up a little straighter. “Yes. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me, but I need to start fending for myself. I have some money in my savings account and I am able to work, so it makes sense for me to start to rebuild my life.”
“I see. And when will this be happening? Where will you go?”
“Tomorrow,” Holly said.
Victoria felt her pulse start to race. So soon?
“I’ve found a house in Weehawken with a room for rent. There’s six of us, so I won’t get lonely. I’ve met them and they all seem really nice. All girls. Well, one guy, but he’s engaged to the girl who placed the ad online. He is hardly—“
“And a job?” Victoria asked to cut off the rambling.
“A part-time receptionist job, next door to the clinic where I’m having my physiotherapy. So that works out really well.”
“Hm.” Victoria turned to look at the framed copies of Arrival that lined the wall behind her desk. They were the issues that had broken sales records, the ones where she had pushed boundaries and been rewarded handsomely. Suddenly they didn’t mean so much to her.
“Are you sure you won’t consider… staying?” Victoria asked, refusing to make eye contact as she did.
“I… think it’s best if I go,” Holly said.
She remembers, Victoria thought. Or she’s read enough of those damned journals to know everything that I ever said to her.
“I see,” she said. “The children will miss you, and I meant what I said; please come and visit us.”
“I will,” Holly promised.
“And soon,” Victoria added for good measure. She kept her back to Holly, unwilling to turn around and meet her eyes.
“I will, once I’ve settled in. I don’t have much stuff, so it won’t be long.” Holly chuckled softly.
Victoria remained silent. She stared at the framed issues.
“I should go to bed. I hope you manage to get some sleep,” Holly said, clearly unable to stay in the stifling atmosphere any longer.
“Good night,” Victoria offered, without turning.
She heard Holly leave the room and let out a deep sigh.
Holly was leaving. Sure, she’d visit once or twice to ensure that Alexia w
as well. But that would soon fade to nothing. After all this, Holly would vanish from her life once again. This time for good.
Victoria swigged some more wine.
It was inevitable, really. How could they ever have a friendship after all that had happened between them?
Maybe this was one of those times where the lesson would be learnt, but too late to make a difference.
She looked at the books that lined her shelves. Tonight would bring no sleep, so she might as well curl up with some good company.
38
Holly sat at the desk of her new job and let out a long sigh. She didn’t think she had ever been so bored. The clock on the opposite wall had a sweeping second hand that glided around the large face. The longer Holly stared at it, the slower she felt it went.
She wondered how much job security there was as a receptionist for a company that never received any phone calls. It had been a week, and she’d put through eleven phone calls in total. But her boss seemed happy, giving her a thumbs up every time he walked through the reception area.
There was no computer, and so there was a lot of time to think.
The job wasn’t awful, but it certainly wasn’t fulfilling. It brought money in, and she could do it in her sleep. In fact, she was quite sure she had answered one call in her sleep. The office was warm and comfortable, which was more than could be said about the room in her new house share.
Everyone was very friendly, but the house was dilapidated to say the least. The first night she realised that there were some holes in the outer wall that had been covered with wallpaper. While that made it easier on the eyes, it certainly didn’t help when the wind blew at night. It certainly didn’t help her stop missing the tartan walls and cosy bedding of Victoria’s guestroom.
She kept reminding herself that things would change soon. She’d soon have fewer appointments at the clinic, and the ones she had would be moved to evenings and weekends. That would leave her room for a proper full-time job. With that came money and the opportunity to move to a better home. Maybe a small apartment of her own.
The door to the outside world opened, and Gideon stepped into the reception area. He looked around and let out a sigh. “So, this is where hope went to die.”
She laughed and rushed around the reception desk to hug him.
“I’m so glad to see you,” she announced, throwing her arms around him.
He gathered her into the hug. “I’m glad to see you, too. Now, can we leave this place? I haven’t had my shots updated.”
She stood back and laughed again. “No, I have to wait for Janice to get here so I can hand over.”
“Hand over what?” Gideon looked around the empty reception. He stage-whispered to Holly, “Nothing’s happening.”
She playfully slapped his arm. “Stop it, it’s my job.”
He rolled his eyes and flopped down on the sofa. “Fine, I’ll starve while we wait for this Janice to come.”
Holly returned to her seat. “Don’t blame me, you’re early.”
He looked at his watch and raised an eyebrow. “I’m on Victoria Hastings time.”
“Well, Victoria Hastings time doesn’t operate here. We’re on Eastern.” She put her journal in her bag. “How is she?”
“Beastly,” Gideon said with a little glee. “When I see her.”
Holly hadn’t spoken to Victoria or the children since she had left the previous week. She’d arranged to go to the house for dinner and was anxiously counting down the hours until Friday night.
“When you see her?” she questioned.
“She’s spending more time at home. Working from home, and she’s actually taken some vacation. You won’t remember this, but vacation was a swear word back in the day. Things are changing at Casa Arrival.”
Holly smiled to herself. So Victoria was keeping her promise to Alexia and spending more time at home.
“Have you spoken to her?” he asked, though she suspected he knew the answer.
“No,” she said as she toyed idly with a file on her desk. “I’ve been super busy.”
“Yes, I can see you’re rushed off your feet.”
She glared at him and he held up his hands in self-defence. “I jest, I jest.”
The door opened, and Janice walked in with her heavy winter coat, giant bag with knitting needles sticking out the top, and various other tote bags. Janice liked to bring supplies for the long, quiet hours.
“Sorry I’m late, dear,” she said. She turned to Gideon. “Hello, have you been seen to?”
“Not recently,” Gideon replied.
“Ignore him,” Holly called out. “For some reason, I’m having lunch with him, I must be crazy.”
“Have another drink,” Gideon pressed. He turned around and waved a waiter over.
“Nothing alcoholic,” Holly said. She was already feeling quite tipsy after splitting a bottle of wine with him.
“Fine, fine, mocktails then,” he said. “That way you at least look like you’re having fun. Two Nojitos, please.”
The waiter nodded and cleared away the empty plates before leaving again.
“You used to love Nojitos,” Gideon told her. “Of course, mojitos were better. Then you’d tell me what was on your mind without the endless amount of wheedling I’m having to do.”
“There’s nothing on my mind,” Holly insisted.
He looked at her sceptically. When she wouldn’t relent, he put his elbow on the table and started counting points on his fingers. “You live in a room with more holes than actual wall. Your job is boring you to death. You can’t stop asking about Victoria. You don’t—”
“I’ve asked once about her,” Holly interrupted. “Well, and then about the thing you said about the new marketing director. And about the luncheon. And… well, that award… wow, I have asked about her a lot, haven’t I? I’m sorry, Gideon. I don’t mean to go on and on about her.”
Gideon smiled. “It’s not like it’s the first time.”
Holly felt the blush rise on her cheeks. She knew she used to talk to Gideon a lot about her former boss. First to complain, then to admire. It was a habit she needed to break. While Victoria had invited her over for dinner, it was obviously to appease Alexia. The invites would soon fizzle out.
“I miss them,” Holly admitted, the wine loosening her tongue.
“They miss you.”
She laughed. “I’m sure Victoria is glad to be rid of me.”
Gideon rolled his eyes. “God, you two are useless.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she demanded.
“Exactly what I said. The both of you. Utterly useless. I told you that Victoria always assumes the worst, remember?”
“Yes, I remember.”
“What I didn’t realise is that you’re exactly the same.”
She bristled at the insinuation. “I’m not. I mean… I-I don’t do that.” She knit her eyebrows and wondered if it was true or not. “I’m an optimist,” she decided.
“Maybe, but not when it comes to Victoria. You are both automatically assuming the worst without talking to each other.”
“What do you know?” she asked him. “Has she said something?”
Gideon shook his head. “I can’t say. I can’t betray a confidence.”
The waiter placed two tall, clear glasses on the table, sprigs of mint and slices of lemon floating in them.
She wanted to pour the drink over his head. He knew something, but he refused to share it. But his reluctance was also comforting, she knew she could trust him.
“So, what do I do?” she asked.
He shrugged his shoulders. “What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. I get the feeling that you’re trying to lead me towards something, but I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what it is you want me to do.” She picked up the drink and took a hearty swig. She smacked her lips, instantly remembering why it was one of her favourites.
Gideon stirred the straw in his drink and looked at
her thoughtfully.
“Cards on the table,” he said. “How do you feel about her?”
She slid down in her chair a little. “Gideon,” she whinged.
“You can trust me, I won’t tell a soul.”
It wasn’t telling him that worried her. It was admitting it to herself. She’d gotten as far as being able to confess that she thought Victoria was attractive and brilliant. There was more, she knew. But giving voice to it was a bad idea.
“In Paris, you told me you loved her,” Gideon suddenly announced.
She gasped. “You… you never told me that! You told me that you suspected my feelings but I never said anything directly!”
“I did. I lied.” He sipped at his drink.
“W-why?”
“Because you were living with Victoria at the time you asked me. Because you’d suffered some terrible accident and memory loss. I didn’t know if I should tell you or not. I was sort of being honest. Prior to Paris you’d hinted at an… admiration for her. But in Paris you told me that you were in love with her.”
“Did… did I tell her?”
“I’ve no idea. It was the last real conversation we had before you left, went missing. At the time, I told you to ignore it, bury it.”
She picked up her glass and, despite the lack of alcohol, took a few hefty gulps to brace herself. Not long before she left for Paris she’d journaled about dreams in which she was intimate with Victoria. Not to mention started drawing pictures of her. Clearly, her feelings were growing in intensity around that time.
“At that time,” she mumbled. She looked up at him. “You said, at that time you told me to ignore it…”
He nodded slowly.
“But… now?” she asked hesitantly.
He licked his lips and leaned in closer, as if worried that Victoria’s spies may be watching them at that very moment.
“Victoria isn’t known for putting her feelings on display. To most people, she doesn’t have any. But after you left, she changed. Assistants had left before, but this was different. And when she found you… she stayed behind in Paris to get you home. She put you up in her house. She… she acted about as un-Victoria as I have ever seen her.”