Under the Mulberry Tree: Book Three

by Samantha Jillian Bayarr

  She didn’t wait for an invitation. She hurried down the porch steps and pulled Abby close, taking in the smell of her grown up boppli. How she’d missed that smell of baking spices that had clung to Abby from the day she’d made her first snitz pie. It was the scent only a mother could love, and she’d longed for it for too long.

  Abby succumbed to her mamm’s embrace that felt like a cool breeze on a hot day, quenching a need that brought relief to her very soul. All thoughts of the past dwindled away in that one embrace, leaving her wondering why she’d ever left home in the first place. She felt suddenly very safe and protected like a baby chick under its momma’s wing. It was a feeling she never wanted to lose again.

  “I missed you so much, Mamm. I’m so sorry for leaving the way I did. Please forgive me for breaking your heart.”

  Lizzie kissed her dochder’s hair. “I’m the one who needs forgiveness. I promise I will never tell another lie as long as I live.”

  Abby sighed, her warm breath creating a vapor into the cold air. “Let’s go inside where it’s warm. I could use a cup of your hot cocoa with a dollop of whipped cream and cinnamon on top.”

  Lizzie smiled. “That’s a gut idea. And we’ll make some for your daed—I mean, Jacob.”

  Abby turned to her mamm, a serious expression clouding her face. “He’s my daed.”

  Lizzie’s eyes moistened with tears again. “You know he loves you like you were his own dochder.”

  Abby nodded. “I am his dochder. I know that now.”

  Nothing more needed to be said about it. They both knew where the other stood on the matter, and for once, they both agreed.

  ****

  Abby ran a hand along the handmade quilt she and her mamm had made at one of the quilting bees when they’d first arrived in the community fifteen years ago. She recalled the feel of the gathering that had welcomed them, and worked hard to provide her mamm with a belated wedding dowry after she’d married Jacob—her daed. Funny how that word no longer felt foreign to her the way it had for so long after she’d run off.

  Abby examined more closely the squares of fabric she’d stitched, noting the difference in the quality versus that of her mamm. Remembering the stories told to her about her grossmammi attending quilting bees with her mamm at the same age brought a lump to her throat. There were many times over the past five years that Abby had wished she’d taken the quilt with her. None of that mattered now. She was finally home to stay.

  Hoisting her suitcase up onto her childhood bed, she determined to unpack only the necessities and leave the rest in there. She would store it under the bed until she could figure out what to do with the Englisch clothes it contained. From a set of hooks near the door, she lifted a purple dress. The material was freshly ironed, and it smelled of winter air. She was certain her mamm had hung it on the outside line in anticipation of her homecoming. She always loved the smell of clothes drying outside—even in winter, and her mamm had made it even more welcoming.

  Pulling the freshly laundered dress over her head, she was reminded of the first time she put on a plain dress. She had made such a fuss with her mamm that day, fighting with her and complaining. She wondered if it would have made a difference if she’d learned the truth back then. It was very possible that they would have never come to live in the community, and she would never have known Jacob as the loving daed that he is. Abby had been the most unfair to him when she’d left home, and her siblings—especially Caleb, had taken her sudden disappearance very hard.

  After stuffing the suitcase under the bed, Abby walked toward the door to exit the room. The tell-tale squeak of the loose floorboard caused her heart to quicken. Pausing, she toyed with her emotions over the contents of the small space beneath the floorboard that held her hidden treasures away from the rest of the world. Unable to resist a small peek, she knelt down and pulled back the braided rug. Sticking her finger into the small knothole, she yanked on the resistant board until it gave way. She sat on her haunches and stared into the rectangular opening for the longest time, savoring the contents as if they were relished jewels.

  Blowing the dust from the opening, she lifted the Hello Kitty shirt from its neatly folded state and held it up for examination. Her mamm’s cell phone lay at the bottom as evidence of a lie that Abby had told regarding its whereabouts. The items were, at the age of ten, her last links to the Englisch world she’d left behind. The only value they held now was to serve as proof of a life better left behind.

  **********************

  CHAPTER 5

  **********************

  In the kitchen, Abby found her only schweschder, Rachel, helping her mamm with the evening meal. At nearly fifteen, it was apparent that Rachel was a lot more comfortable in the kitchen than Abby had been at that age. Awkwardness claimed Abby as she looked for an opportunity to blend with her mamm’s and Rachel’s routine. Taking a deep breath, Abby stepped in and pulled the dishes from the shelf to set the table. She knew if she didn’t take charge of the situation, her younger sibling would never respect her, and would more than likely treat her as an outsider.

  “Denki, Mamm, for washing my dresses and hanging them outside to dry. They smell wunderbaar.”

  Lizzie smiled at her dochder. “I wanted you to feel at home.”

  Abby looked at her mamm thoughtfully. “I do. How are Onkel Seth and Aenti Lillian? I’m eager to see them Sunday at church service.”

  Lizzie’s eyes showed stress at the mention of her bruder and his fraa. “They weren’t in attendance at the service two weeks ago, and when we tried to visit, Lillian wouldn’t get out of bed to greet us. She didn’t even want to attend the boppli’s funeral, but my bruder enforced it. Did your onkel tell you they had to do emergency surgery at the hospital to remove her uterus? She nearly bled to death, and my bruder would have been burying her too. The boppli was stillborn; there was nothing they could do to save him.”

  Tears choked Abby. Her onkel hadn’t said any of that in his brief letter to her—but how could he? No wonder he needed someone to take over the bakery.

  “Can we try to visit Sunday after the service?”

  Lizzie forced a smile. “We can always try. I’m sure she’d be happy to see you.”

  Abby breathed a silent prayer for her aenti. She felt guilty for not being there for her aenti in her time of need. Lillian was one more person with whom Abby had a lot of making up to do.

  ****

  Jonah pushed open the large, double doors of the oversized barn in which he built buggies. The cold night air welcomed him after a long day of work, and his empty stomach alerted him he’d missed another meal. He looked toward the end of his property where the Miller’s bakery sat closed, just as it had for over a month. When Seth had told him he’d sent for Abby’s return so she could run the bakery in his fraa’s absence, Jonah had mixed feelings about the situation. Though his stomach would be happy to have fresh baked goods from the bakery, he was a little more than apprehensive about seeing Abby again.

  Jonah made his way through the deep snow to the small haus he’d built on the property he’d acquired a year ago from Efram Stoltzfus. Since Lillian and Seth had set up haus at Hiram Miller’s farm after they married, Jonah had been able to purchase all but the small lot where Lillian’s bakery had stood. Jonah was happy to purchase the land, as he wanted to expand on his buggy making business. After his daed’s death, Jonah gave the haus to his newlywed schweschder since they’d wanted a bigger place to raise a family. The vacant land Jonah purchased had originally been for Lillian’s dowry, but Seth’s unwillingness to leave his daed had turned into an opportunity for Jonah.

  Come Monday, Jonah knew he would have to be on his guard around Abby, fearing his sinful feelings for his cousin would return. After Abby had left the community, he’d had to confess to the Bishop and take the sole responsibility for their error in judgment regarding the forbidden kiss.

  Though Jonah knew his sweet tooth would probably draw him to the bakery again, h
e would need to keep his distance from Abby, especially with how vulnerable he’d felt when he learned of her return to the community.

  He’d felt responsible for her hasty departure, despite her mamm telling him it was something Abby just needed to get “out of her system”. He couldn’t help but wonder if her reaction to breaking her trust that last day he’d seen her had everything to do with her decision to leave. Despite all the praying and confessing to Gott over his love for Abby, he felt the worst over hurting her with his foolish betrayal.

  Jonah was determined to keep his feelings in check, and to make sure he didn’t hurt Abby again—even if that meant staying away from the bakery. It would be tough to do since the bakery sat at the edge of his property, and he would have to drive by whenever he went anywhere. He couldn’t avoid her indefinitely—not that he wanted to.

  ****

  Abby cuddled up in the warm quilt that smelled like winter sunshine. She was exhausted, but sleep eluded her. She would be baptized tomorrow, putting to rest the Englisch part of her. Having spent the past five years among the Englisch, she knew there was nothing there for her. Despite having Eddie’s family; her true familye bonds were here in the Amish community. The odds of finding a suitable mate in either community were against her, but she was determined to devote herself to familye.

  A light knock interrupted her reverie.

  “Are you awake?” Rachel’s whisper was barely audible, but the quietness of the haus allowed her voice to permeate the barrier between them.

  Abby sat up, noting the bright moonlight streaming in through her window. “Jah. Kume.”

  Rachel opened the door slowly, and stood quietly in the doorway. Abby patted the edge of her bed, beckoning her schweschder to sit with her. With downcast eyes, Rachel walked timidly toward the bed and lowered herself cautiously to the edge.

  Abby slipped the corner of quilt around the shivering child. “It’s very cold tonight, jah?”

  Rachel leaned back and cradled the spare pillow under her arm, leaning on one elbow to face Abby.

  “I’m glad you’re home because now I will have someone to tell all my secrets to.”

  Shocked at the strange turnaround in her schweschder’s attitude, Abby leaned on her elbow facing Rachel, eager to listen to all she had to say.

  **********************

  CHAPTER 6

  **********************

  Despite the cold snow blowing into the buggy, Abby’s hands and neck were on fire and damp with sweat. Was it too late to rethink the decision to get baptized? She’d prayed about it late into the night after Rachel had finally gone back to her own bed. Her schweschder’s words kept ringing in her ears, leaving her wondering what the community would think of her return. Her bruder, Caleb still hadn’t spoken a word to her, but thanks to Rachel’s secrets, Abby knew why.

  It was no secret to Abby that Caleb was bothered by her hasty departure, and her return that echoed the same. But nothing had prepared her to hear from Rachel that Caleb had tried to convince her familye to shun her after she’d left the community.

  The few letters she’d received from her mamm while she was away had hinted that Caleb had not approved of her actions. Since no one else was home the day she left, Lizzie had kept the truth from the kinner, confiding only in her husband, who knew the circumstances. Abby would have preferred the truth to be out in the open, but it wasn’t her story to tell—it was her parent’s story.

  Another thought pricked Abby’s heart. How was she to fully confess to the Bishop and accept her baptism if she wasn’t able to explain her extended absence from the community without betraying her mamm? She couldn’t. The only way to handle it was to take full responsibility for leaving, and keep her mamm’s lie out of it. It wasn’t her lie to tell, and it would have no bearing on her confession. In her heart, this was what she wanted to do more than anything—to be baptized and remain in the community. Being free from her mamm’s secrets and lies would make it a lot easier.

  ****

  At dinner, Abby was surprised when Caleb asked her to get him another slice of pie. She wasn’t sure if it was for the sake of the familye that he’d spoken, or because she had received the baptism, but she was about to find out.

  Caleb pushed his chair back from the table and locked his eyes on Abby. “May I have a word with you out in the barn?”

  Abby looked to her mamm with pleading eyes.

  Lizzie shooed her dochder with her hand. “Go on now and talk to your bruder while I take care of the dishes.”

  For the first time in five years, it hit her that Caleb wasn’t her bruder after all, and it felt foreign to hear her mamm say it. She paused, but when her mamm reminded her to put on her coat, she snapped out of her conflicting thoughts.

  Caleb turned on the gas lights that hung from the rafters of barn, and closed the door against the snow.

  “I brought you out here because I didn’t think Rachel and Liam needed to hear what I wanted to say to you.”

  Abby looked at him sternly. “Rachel told me you wanted the familye to shun me after I left five years ago.”

  Caleb busied himself by picking up a broom and sweeping the already clean floor between the stalls. “If you hadn’t taken the baptism today, I would have insisted on it. When you first came to live with us, I was too young to understand the impact it would have in my life to have an Englischer as a schweschder”

  Does he know we’re not related?

  “At the time, all I cared about was having a new mamm, and I admit, she’s been very gut to me and to my daed. But if you are going to reside here, you need to get rid of the Englisch clothes and the Englisch ways. Put it all behind you because I don’t want you to influence our bruder and schweschder negatively.”

  Abby put her hands on her hips. “The last time I checked , Daed was the head of this familye, not you. And this is my familye too, not just yours.”

  “For the last five years you have not shown that they’re your familye. What of that?”

  Abby started to walk away and then turned abruptly. “I don’t have to put up with you talking to me. You aren’t even…”

  Abby bit her tongue. She couldn’t finish her sentence without exposing her parent’s lies to Caleb, who seemed oblivious to the truth. He wasn’t her bruder, but she wouldn’t hurt him with the truth, no matter how unfair he was being toward her.

  “We’re grown up now, Abby, and we’re going to have to learn to treat each other as adults. We only had a few years together as children, and now we must put our grownup troubles behind us for the sake of the familye.”

  Abby swallowed the tears that tried to make their way from her throat to her eyes. She wasn’t the only one that had been hurt by the lie that her mamm and daed had chosen to keep hidden.

  “I’m here to stay, dear bruder. I’m sorry if my actions hurt you or the rest of the familye. I won’t give you any cause for concern. My loyalties are to this familye from here on out.”

  Caleb’s look softened. He reached for Abby, and she allowed him to tuck her under the comfort of his arm as they walked out of the barn. “I missed you, Abby.”

  **********************

  CHAPTER 7

  **********************

  Abby looked out her bedroom window at the fresh blanket of snow that covered the ground, and caused a white shadow to form along the tree branches. From this view, with the sun barely peeking over the horizon, her world seemed serene and without problems. She silently thanked Gott for the chance to make a fresh start in the community, and for the strength to overcome her fears of attending her first church service.

  Abby chose a dark pink dress for the service. Though she knew she needed to put aside any residual feelings she may have for Jonah, she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d thought of her over the past five years. It was foolish for her to hope that they could ever have a future together, given that the entire community, including Jonah, believed them to be first cousins. She was determined to keep busy
with the bakery—anything to take her mind off Jonah. That wouldn’t be an easy task. After all, a girl never forgets her first love—she carries it with her all her life.

  If it be Your wille, Gotte, please bless me with a husband. Please help me to forget Jonah.

  ****

  Jonah fidgeted with his hat as he walked into the Graber home just before the service began. Deciding he didn’t want the temptation to see Abby during the service, he took a seat on the end of the front bench.

  Within minutes, Caleb pushed his way onto the bench next to him. “Why are you sitting way up here this morning?”

  Jonah cleared his throat. “Just felt like a change is all.”

  Caleb nudged him. “You know Abby’s back.”

  “Jah, I heard. You never mention she was coming back. Didn’t you know either?”

  Caleb picked up the Ausbund from the bench beside him and opened it to the first hymn. “Jah, I knew about it, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think she would really come back, much less get baptized yesterday.”

  Jonah raised an eyebrow. “She was baptized yesterday?”

  “Jah, I was surprised too. But if she intended to live in our haus, she needed to make her commitment to Gott and the community.”

  The singing of the hymn began, and Jonah found it hard to concentrate enough to sing along. Since Abby had taken the baptism, that would mean she would remain in the community. How was he going to avoid her? Did he even feel the same for her?

  It doesn’t matter. My love for her is forbidden. Please Gott, help me to forget Abby, and send me a fraa.