****
As the service neared its end, Abby left her seat beside Rachel and went into the kitchen to help the women set out the food for the shared meal. She’d noticed her bruder sitting with a handsome mann at the front of the room, and hoped he would introduce her. Knowing the mann was single from his lack of a beard, she hoped to make a good impression in case he wasn’t betrothed. Maybe there was hope for her to find a husband in the community after all.
Before long, Abby was so busy serving the menner, that she didn’t notice Caleb when he walked up in front of her. Her bruder’s friend had her back to them, but when he turned around, Abby nearly dropped the plate of food she had extended to Caleb.
It was Jonah—no mistake about it.
Abby allowed herself to peruse his physique, noting that he’d outgrown his skinny youth. He was now slim, but strong; the outline of his chest and arms showed muscle that he never had before. She liked it. When she finally gazed into his eyes, her pulse raced, as she lost herself in their blue depths, just as she had many times as a teenager. She wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him how much she’d missed him, but she couldn’t. Giddiness rushed through her as he smiled at her.
Jonah’s eyes darted nervously between Caleb and Abby, who seemed to be shocked to see him. But when his eyes locked with hers, he saw a familiarity that made him swoon all over again. If it was possible, she was more beautiful than he’d remembered. Her hazel eyes were welcoming, her milky skin accented by the flattering blush of her cheeks. More than ever, he wanted to pull her into his arms and declare his love for her, but it was forbidden. There was no denying he still loved her, but he had to keep it buried, for the community would not allow a marriage between first cousins any more than the Englischers would.
Abby shook herself from her reverie. “Jonah, it’s so gut to see you again.”
Jonah nodded nervously. “Jah. It’s been a long time—five years?”
Abby cast her eyes downward. “Jah. It’s been too long. But I’m back now—to stay. I was baptized yesterday.”
Jonah wasn’t sure if he was happy about that or not. “Jah, your bruder told me. Das gut. Welcome back, cousin.”
The words stung Abby. She wanted to scream out that she wasn’t his cousin—that she loved him—still. Timidity and propriety were taught among the community, but she almost didn’t care if she broke the rules. She wanted Jonah to know they weren’t cousins. But she couldn’t do that without dishonoring her mamm and daed.
“Denki, Cousin.” Abby nearly choked on the words, but they needed to be said. For the sake of having them sink in, if for nothing else.
**********************
CHAPTER 8
**********************
Jacob pulled the family buggy into his bruder-in law’s yard. After assisting Lizzie out of the buggy, he offered the same to his kinner, but they all bound out like white rabbits hopping in the deep snow. All except for Abby, who lingered in the back, seemingly lost in thought.
Jacob reached for her. “Abby, kume. I thought you were eager to see your onkel Seth and Aenti Lillian.”
Abby looked at her daed quizzically. How long had she been sitting there daydreaming of Jonah? Was it possible her daed could tell what she was thinking about?
Abby dipped her head, hoping he wouldn’t see her flaming cheeks, and took the hand he extended to her. Pushing the lap quilt aside, she stepped from the buggy into the deep snow, wishing she’d worn her boots instead of her brown loafers. She had decided on them when they left the haus a few hours ago, thinking they would look nicer with her dress. Now, she was paying for such thoughts of vanity with cold, wet feet.
Inside, Onkel Seth scrambled to push open the draperies on the windows to let the bright sun into the rooms that seemed lifeless and unkempt. Abby ignored the sullenness of her onkel’s face as she threw herself into his waiting arms.
“I’ve missed you so much, little Abbster, and so has your aenti.”
Seth put her down.
“How is she, Onkel Seth? The truth.”
Seth hesitated.
“I’m no longer a young maidel. I’m all grown up as you can see, and I need to see Aenti Lillian. Where is she?”
Her onkel looked worn out and defeated, but he pointed toward the back of the haus. “She’s in bed. She won’t leave the room, and cradles the boppli’s blanket like he is still alive.”
Seth choked back tears.
Lizzie stood at her dochder’s side. “Maybe you should leave her alone. She needs time to heal.”
“Please, Onkel Seth. I feel terrible enough for not being here when it happened.” Abby lowered her voice almost to a whisper. “But I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least try to reach out to her.”
Seth nodded his consent, and Abby didn’t give him a chance to change his mind. She practically ran to the room where her aenti had holed up in since her boppli’s unexpected death.
Abby knocked lightly on the door, but she didn’t get an answer. Opening the door cautiously, she searched the darkened room for signs of her aenti. A noise from the corner of the room brought Abby’s eyes into focus on her aenti, who rocked in a chair mindlessly, a blank expression spread across her face. Abby walked softly toward her, careful not to startle the woman. She placed her hand carefully across her aenti’s arm, speaking her name quietly.
Lillian looked up at her with swollen, red-rimmed eyes. Abby knelt down beside her aenti just in time to embrace her as she collapsed in her arms. Abby rocked the crying woman as she hummed softly the same German lullaby her mamm had hummed to her well into her teens. It was the only thing Abby’s mamm had remembered from her own mamm before she’d passed, and it was the only thing Abby knew to do to comfort her aenti.
Abby eyed the empty cradle in the opposite corner of the room, and wondered why her onkel had not removed such a grave reminder of their loss and packed it out of sight. She would have to broach the subject lightly to avoid upsetting him more than he already was. It broke Abby’s heart that her aenti and onkel had lost their only child. Knowing they could never have any of their own had to be even more devastating. It was something Abby could only imagine, but from Lillian’s sobbing, she was beginning to feel the strain of it right along with her.
After a while, Lillian’s sobs turned to sniffles, and then began to subside altogether. “Every time I feel like I can’t cry anymore, it seems I have more to get out. I’m sorry for losing control like that.”
Abby felt badly for her. “Don’t apologize, Aenti. Crying is Gott’s gift to us. It allows us to release our sorrows to Him.”
Lillian looked at her niece seriously. “Gott didn’t save my boppli. Why?”
“None of us knows what Gotte’s Wille is for our lives. But if we seek Him in our time of need, He will reveal His plan to us. Have you prayed about this yet, Aenti?”
Lillian pushed herself back into the rocking chair and held the small quilt to her face. “What’s the point? My boppli is gone, and I can’t have any more because of the surgery.”
Abby moved in closer to her aenti. “Have you considered adopting a boppli? The woman who owns the bakery I worked for in Ohio has a teenage dochder who is pregnant. She is looking for a familye to adopt her boppli.”
At Abby’s suggestion, Lillian’s expression changed. “That won’t bring back my boppli. I’m tired. Can you please go now? I need to lie down.”
Abby stood, feeling worse than when she’d first seen her aenti. “I’m sorry if I upset you. But please think about what I said.”
Lillian shooed her with her hand as she shuffled toward the bed and collapsed onto it. “Please close the door when you leave. And don’t let anyone else in here. I’m too tired to visit.”
Abby swallowed the lump in her throat and left the room, feeling as though she’d done more than damage to her poor aenti instead of helping as she’d intended to do.
**********************
CHAPTER 9
> **********************
“What did you say to her to upset her so much, Abby?”
Abby sighed helplessly. “I might have suggested she consider adopting a boppli. I told her about my old boss’s dochder who is pregnant and looking for a familye to adopt her boppli. After I said it, she asked me to leave. I’m really sorry, Onkel Seth. I didn’t mean to make things worse.”
Abby was practically in tears, but her onkel didn’t look displeased with her admission.
“Is there any way you could arrange for us to meet this young maidel?”
Abby was confused. “But Aenti just told me she wanted me to leave her alone. I don’t think she will accept a boppli that isn’t her own.”
Seth fought back tears. “She’s so hurt right now; she doesn’t know what she wants. But there isn’t any harm in meeting with the pregnant teenager. Will you see if you can arrange it?”
Her onkel’s enthusiasm gave Abby hope. “Of course. I’ll call her just before I open the bakery in the morning. Are you sure this won’t upset Aenti Lillian?”
“I can’t be certain of anything anymore. But it doesn’t hurt to explore another chance to have a familye with your aenti Lillian.”
Abby hoped she hadn’t started something that would cause her aenti more pain. The last thing she wanted to do was pour salt on the poor woman’s wounds.
****
Abby scraped the last bit of pink frosting from the bottom of the mixing bowl and smeared it across the heart-shaped sugar cookie. She put it with the others so the frosting could set before she boxed them for potential orders throughout the day. Melanie, her old boss, at the Brick Oven Bakery in Ohio had shown her how to make the cinnamon-candy cookies for Valentine’s Day the previous year. The cookies were a big item with the Englischers, and Abby hoped it might help bring in some new business to Lillian’s small bakery.
The jingling of the bells on the front door alerted her to an early customer, but she hadn’t yet turned the sign over to reveal she was open for business yet. Abby wondered who might be venturing out at such an hour. Poking her head around the corner of the kitchen, Abby spotted Becca, Jonah’s sister, and her childhood friend.
A very pregnant Becca greeted her with a welcoming smile. “Gudemariye, cousin. My bruder told me I could find you here. I’ve missed you.”
Abby pasted on a smile for her friend, even though to hear Becca call her “cousin” was irritating enough to prickle her nerves. But it wasn’t like she could tell even her best friend the secret that put an end to their friendship when she left. “I missed you too, but I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me after hearing the rumors about your bruder and me.”
Becca waved a casual hand at Abby. “That was a long time ago. But I always knew you were a different sort from the first time I met you. It didn’t surprise me when I learned what happened between the two of you. I could see the way the two of you looked at each other. But I hope now that you’re older and wiser that all that foolishness is behind you. After all, you left my bruder to confess to the Bishop alone. He took full responsibility for what happened. The Bishop told him he should have known better since he was older, but I’m just not sure my bruder saw it that way.”
Abby couldn’t deny the truth about the kiss to Becca. Her friend knew her better than that. But she had no idea what Jonah had gone through when she left. It had never dawned on her that he would have to face a confession alone. She felt terrible about it, but there was nothing to be done about it now except apologize to him.
“I never meant to cause more trouble when I left, but at the time, I thought running from my problems was my only solution. I’m sorry I hurt you in the process.”
Becca picked up one of the cookies and bit into it.
“This is wunderbaar, cousin. I must have a box of these.”
Abby cringed at the word “cousin” again. Would she ever be able to get past this? Or was she doomed to be forced to live with her mamm’s lies for the rest of her life?
“When is the boppli to arrive? Is it your first?”
Becca rolled a hand over her swelling abdomen lovingly. “Jah, it’s my first boppli. And he or she is due any day.”
Abby felt a twinge of concern. “Should you be out on such a day if you’re that close to the end of your confinement?”
Becca hugged Abby. “You will see some day when you have your own boppli, and you will want the distraction of visiting to keep you busy while you wait. The last few days have been the hardest for me to sit still knowing I am to be a mamm soon.”
Abby didn’t think she would ever be so lucky as to have her own boppli since the mann she loved could never be her husband. She found envy creeping into her mind, and she pushed it back and smiled for the sake of her friend.
After boxing up a fresh batch of cookies for Becca, she bid her gut daag, and happily sent her on her way. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to visit with her friend; she guessed that she needed to ease herself into her past relationships, or her nerves would not be able to withstand the added pressures she was already under with her familye. One gut thing that would come from helping her aenti would be that she would have less time to think about Jonah.
****
Jonah practically had to sit on his hands the entire day to keep from walking down to the bakery. The heavenly smells drifting on the gentle breeze was not enough to satisfy him. Not to mention his craving for looking into Abby’s warm hazel eyes. Feelings of guilt soon replaced the warm thoughts of Abby, and he found himself reaching out to Gott like never before.
If it’s a sin to love Abby, Gott, then why won’t you take away these strong feelings I have for her? I surrender my wille to You, dear Gott.
Despite his prayers, the urgency to see Abby still remained deep-seated in his heart. Deciding to take a walk in the early evening air to clear his mind, he pulled his coat from the peg near the door of the barn and shoved his hat on his head before walking out into the snow.
Light snow swirled around like mosquitoes in July, the sun dipping toward the horizon. Jonah searched his mind for any scenario where he and Abby could have a normal life together as his feet crunched in the snow, but a solution eluded him. He walked with no real direction in mind, but before he realized, he faced the set of mulberry trees near the school yard. Pacing between them was Abby, who seemed to be talking to herself. Unsure of whether he should approach her, he stood back and watched her verbal struggle, wishing he could hear what she was saying.
**********************
CHAPTER 10
**********************
Abby paced back and forth between the mulberry trees—the very spot where she and Jonah had shared their one and only special kiss. She called out to Gott, begging him for a way out of this mess. For a way that she and Jonah could share more than stolen glances and forbidden kisses. With her mamm’s lie hanging over their heads, they would never be permitted to marry, and she would never live in sin with him just for a chance to be with him. But how could she tell Jonah the truth without soiling her mamm’s honor and reputation with the community. Not to mention what the exposed lie would do to her daed.
Gott, please send me a sign that you will make this right for us. I surrender my wille to You.
Abby looked up at the increasing flurries that swirled about her. Snowflakes caught on her cheeks and melted, leaving a light mist behind. As she turned toward the school house, she noticed Jonah leaning up against the building watching her. She stopped in her tracks, and waited as he slowly made his way over to her.
Jonah looked into her eyes, thinking how beautiful she looked with the snow fluttering around her and moving wisps of her auburn hair loose from her kapp. “What are you doing out here so late? You look cold.”
Abby tipped her chin toward him, admiring his slight smile. “I should ask you the same thing.”
Jonah shuffled his feet in the snow, wishing his toes would warm up. “I needed to take a walk. Clear my head of a few things.”
“Becca came into the bakery this morning. She didn’t stay long. But I had a lot of work to get done to prepare for my first day back. I was grateful to have a steady stream of customers today.”
Jonah nodded politely. He didn’t want to talk about the bakery. He wanted to know why she left. He wanted answers to questions he’d been asking himself repeatedly for the past five years. He’d missed her.
Abby pulled her knitted scarf around her head and neck to shield it from the increasing snow. “Your schweschder told me you had to confess to the Bishop after I left the community. I’m sorry I left you to endure that alone. I never meant to hurt you Jonah, but you shouldn’t have publically exposed our sin the way you did.”
Jonah kicked at the snow. “I never meant to hurt you either Abby, but I couldn’t deny my love for you any longer. I acted like a foolish kin. I’m not even sure we should be alone now.”
Jonah closed the distance between them, and Abby stood her ground. “I’ve missed you Abby. So much it hurts.”
Abby closed her eyes as he brushed his warm cheek against hers. She wanted him to kiss her again. To kiss her like he didn’t care about the consequences of the community—or the world, for that matter. What she couldn’t understand was why he was so willing to risk everything to be near her when he didn’t know they weren’t cousins.
Abby took a step back. “We can’t do this again, Jonah. We have to keep our relationship proper. If we don’t, we risk excommunication.”
Jonah moved in closer to her again. “It’s been five long years, and I’ve prayed until there were no more words, begging Gott to make me stop loving you. Seeing you again has only made those feelings stronger. Wrong or not, I can’t help how I feel.”
“Your love is not wrong, Jonah.” The words came out in a whisper.
Under the Mulberry Tree: Book Three Page 3