Abby found it difficult to breathe around the lump in her throat. Swallowing down the tears, she asked Gott for the courage to walk away from Jonah. As hard as she tried, her feet wouldn’t move. Instead, she tipped her heard toward Jonah’s, allowing him to press his warm lips against hers ever so softly. Her breaths came in shallow puffs as she leaned into his kiss with the sort of passion she’d seen Englischers display when she lived in Ohio.
Abby could not deny her love for Jonah, but she couldn’t betray her mamm at the same time. She was torn between the truth and a lie that had ruined her life in more ways than she cared to acknowledge.
Jonah suddenly pulled away. “I can’t do this to you, Abby. I must do right by you this time.”
Abby caught her breath. “But Jonah, you don’t understand. There’s something you don’t know. It doesn’t have to be like this. I can make it right. Just give me some time.”
“Abby, no amount of time is going to change things. We could sneak around like we did before and hope we don’t get caught, but what would that prove? We can’t marry, which means I can’t be with you the way I want to—the way I’ve longed to be with you for a very long time.”
Tears fell down Abby’s cold cheeks, worrying her they would freeze. “Jonah, I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I can’t make it stop no matter how much I’ve begged Gott to take away the love I have for you. But I know a way we can be together. You have to trust me and give me some time.”
“Abby you don’t understand how guilty I feel for loving you—how guilty I’ve felt all these years. I don’t understand why I love you differently than my other cousins. Maybe it’s because I never even met you until I was thirteen years old. I know we didn’t grow up together, and we’ve never had a traditional cousin-to-cousin relationship, but that’s no excuse for way I’ve acted out my feelings for you. Or for the way I’ve jeopardized your standing in the community.”
Tears pooled in Jonah’s eyes. It broke Abby’s heart to see him like this. Couldn’t she just tell him the truth now and take care of it later with her parents? Or would the truth backfire on her and make things worse?
Jonah pressed a lingering kiss on her forehead. “I will always love you, but we can’t be together. Deep down we both know it. If even Gott can’t change the fact that we are cousins, then what hope is there?”
Jonah turned on his heel and walked away. Abby called after him, but he walked more swiftly and never turned around. Abby fell to her knees in the deep snow, sobbing uncontrollably.
Gott, please give me the strength to confront my mamm and daed. Bring the truth to light, and bless Jonah and me with a love that honors You.
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CHAPTER 11
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Abby had to stay focused on her onkel Seth and aenti Lillian, and that meant putting her own problems aside for the day. She would deal with her mamm later. But for now, she had to help Aenti Bess ready the rooms at the B&B for the arrival of Melanie and her dochder, Ellie tomorrow. Abby was already exhausted from a full day at the bakery, but she had promised her familye that she would help make this visit go as smoothly as possible.
She feared her onkel had gotten his hopes up about the possibility of adopting Ellie’s boppli. And it was through no fault of her own that Abby felt responsible for the whole thing. Because of this, she’d worked hard for the past two days arranging everything from having a taxi pick Melanie and Ellie up at the train station, to arranging three rooms at the B&B for the two women and the adoption attorney—just in case.
She’d even pushed aside her own prayers to talk to Gott about bringing these two mamm’s together for the sake of the boppli’s well-being. She couldn’t imagine the hurt that her aenti was feeling because of her loss. But if it was even a tiny bit as much as the hurt she felt for the loss of Jonah, she didn’t know how her aenti was able to bear it.
Bess surveyed the neatness of the last room Abby cleaned. “You’re a lot better at this than you were when you were a kin. If not for the girl I have working here, there’s no way I could keep this place open. I’m thankful you were able to help me this week while she’s taking her trip to see her familye. What do say we get some hot kaffi in you before you head home in the cold?”
Abby pushed stray hairs behind her ear. “That sounds gut. Some kaffi will keep me awake until my slow mare trots home.”
Abby collapsed into the first chair at the small table in the kitchen. They had already cleaned the dining room for the guests, and the kitchen table was more for familye anyway.
Aenti Bess pushed a mug of hot kaffi in front of Abby, who looked like she could fall asleep in it. “What’s with the long face? If this adoption is troubling you, let it go and let Gott have control of it. You’ve done all you can; the rest is up to Him.”
Abby sipped her kaffi slowly, hoping for a little more time to think before she blurted out what was really on her mind.
Aenti Bess winked at her. “This is about a mann, isn’t it? Perhaps a certain forbidden love that’s gotten your feathers so ruffled?”
Abby swallowed hard the hot liquid, hoping it would keep her from speaking her mind.
Bess cleared her throat. “You know it wasn’t that long ago that I had a similar conversation with your mamm at this very table. She was still so much in love with your daed. But she’d run off to Ohio, same as you did. While she was gone, your daed married her best friend. She didn’t think your daed would ever take her back—especially since she had you. But when you ran off and went in search of Jacob, nothing else mattered to her except finding you. And when your daed showed up with you and everyone thought Jacob was your daed, he didn’t deny it. He let the lie go to protect you and your mamm. He did the honorable thing by marrying your mamm that day.”
Abby let a fresh tear fall unchecked. “I don’t understand why he did that. And I certainly don’t understand why they led me to believe he was my daed all those years.”
Bess took her hands in hers. “They did it to protect you in case the menner that were after your biological father for his debt would ever come looking for you. It was to protect you.”
“But I’ve been in Ohio for the past five years and no one came after me. Maybe there was no real danger. Or they didn’t recognize me when I went there because I’d grown up. I don’t know what to think. But what I do know is that lie has hurt me in a lot of ways. It’s prevented me from having a life with Jonah.”
Bess leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her ample bosom. “You have to decide if you will honor your mamm and daed as it says in the Bible, or if you will choose your own path. If you choose your own path, you will have to leave the community. And since you were just baptized a few days ago, are you prepared to leave again? Search your heart, and seek Gott for the answers.”
Abby leaned her head down and cupped her chin with her hands. She rested her elbows on the table to support her head that threatened to slip off her tired shoulders from lack of sleep. “I’ve prayed so much I’m certain Gott is tired of hearing the same thing from me.”
Bess slurped the bottom of her kaffi. “Then change your prayers. Whenever I don’t get an answer, I change my prayers to reflect another person’s needs, rather than my own. When our prayers are selfish and greedy, Gott has a way of making us wait for an answer until we pray for His wille and not our own.”
Abby sat up straight. “You think I should be praying for Mamm? She’s the cause of all this. She’s the one that lied—not me. It’s really hard to keep from being angry with her.”
“But you were baptized. Did you confess the kiss you shared with Jonah to the Bishop before your baptism?”
Abby stood up and poured another cup of kaffi.
“No. I didn’t feel the need to confess the kiss because it wasn’t a sin. Jonah and I are not cousins.”
Bess held her cup out to Abby for a refill. “The point is Abby, that the community views you as cousins. And unless your mamm an
d daed go to the Bishop and confess the lie, you will not be able to be with Jonah. So you might consider changing your prayers.”
Abby finally got the point. It didn’t help that she was emotionally and physically drained. But her aenti was painfully right about one thing—she could never ask her mamm to confess. She could only pray about it, and hope Gott would change her mamm’s heart.
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CHAPTER 12
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Jonah paced back and forth alongside the bakery, wondering if he should go inside and talk to Abby. It had been two days since they shared the kiss under the mulberry tree, and he needed to convince her to go with him to the Bishop to confess. He’d nearly driven himself mad with worry that someone might have seen them. If that was the case, it would only be a matter of time before they were excommunicated. It was still early, and the bakery probably wouldn’t be open for at least another hour, but he could smell something so gut, his mouth was watering. Grabbing the door handle before he lost his nerve, he swung it open, the bells jingling his presence.
Abby poked her head around the corner of the kitchen, chiding herself for forgetting to lock door behind her yet again. She wasn’t ready for customers yet. When she caught sight of Jonah, her heart did a somersault.
Jonah quickly pulled his hat off his head and held it in front of him as he walked toward Abby. “I think we should talk about what happened the other night. It seems history is repeating itself, and if we don’t get it under control, we’ll both be excommunicated. I’m a buggy maker, and I can’t make a living outside the community. Englischers don’t have a need for buggies, and I don’t know the first thing about fixing their fancy cars. My place is in the community, and I don’t want to risk losing that.”
Abby continued to cut heart shapes in the cookie dough and place them on the baking sheet. “I agree with you about not being able to make a living among the Englisch, but I won’t confess to something I’m not sorry for.”
Jonah grabbed one of the heart-shaped cookies with pink frosting and shoved a bite of it in his mouth to keep his hands occupied. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it,” he said around the cookie in his mouth.
Abby turned to him playfully. “You better.”
Her smile melted his heart. He set his hat and the cookie on the counter and pulled Abby into his arms. He kissed the top of her hair that smelled like sugar cookies, moving his lips to her forehead, and then down her cheek.
“Gott help me, Abby, I love you, and I don’t know how to stop.”
Abby didn’t try to resist Jonah’s advances. She wanted him to hold her and never let her go. Tilting her head until her lips met his, she tasted the sweet frosting from the cookie. The sweetness of his mouth somehow tasted better than the cookie, and she continued to kiss him with a hunger for it.
But once again, Jonah pushed her away from him.
“Abby, we can’t do this every time we see each other. I’ve written my onkel in Florida about the possibility of going to live there in his community. I was undecided, but it’s obvious we can’t stay in this community together and keep a level of propriety in our relationship. It’s probably better if I leave after I confess to the Bishop next Saturday. I guess it’s better if we say our goodbyes now.”
Abby fell back against the counter, feeling as though she’d had the wind knocked out of her. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at Jonah. The front of his coat was covered in flour from her apron, his eyes cast to the floor. She couldn’t tell him the truth now; it would seem like a desperate attempt to keep him here. But she couldn’t just stand by and let him leave before she had a chance to fix the situation either.
“Jonah, please don’t leave. I told you I can fix this. I can’t tell you how, but I’m going to very soon if you’ll just trust me.”
“I can’t stay here near you when all I want to do is hold you and kiss you. It’s not right, Abby, and I won’t sneak around like a sinner waiting to get caught. You need to move on with your life. I’ll always love you, but I have to go. Goodbye Abby.” His voice was weak and tearful.
Before Abby could say another word, he placed a dollar on the counter, picked up his hat and walked briskly toward the door.
Abby struggled to move her feet and find her voice, but she was filled with too much trepidation to function. She tried calling after him, but it was too late.
The door closed and he was gone.
Anger filled Abby, and she grabbed several of the heart-shaped cookies in both hands and smashed them against the opposite wall. She wished she’d never come back to the community.
****
Lizzie followed the sound of soft crying that led to Abby’s bedroom door. Lifting her hand to knock, she paused, wondering if talking to her dochder would do either of them any gut. Abby had gone straight to her room after coming home early from the bakery, and she didn’t even come down for the evening meal. Lizzie knew what was troubling her dochder, and it was her fault.
Dear Gott, give me the strength to do the right thing where Abby is concerned. Bless me with the courage to do the right thing. Show me how to make things right for her and Jonah.
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CHAPTER 13
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At two o’clock, Abby turned the Closed sign over on the door of the bakery and locked the door. She had planned to meet Melanie for a late lunch at the B&B while her aenti and onkel met with Ellie about the adoption. It was hard to feel excited about seeing her old boss and friend, but she had to push her feelings about Jonah aside for the time-being and put her trust in Gott to make things right. That wasn’t an easy task either, given the fact that Jonah planned to leave the community in only a few days.
As Abby stacked the last of the pans in the deep sink to soak while she tidied up the rest of the kitchen for the day, she heard the jingle of bells on the front door. She froze in place for a minute, trying to remember if she’d locked the door. She was sure she had. The only other person who had a key was Lillian.
Abby grabbed a broom from the corner and walked slowly around the corner to the dining room of the bakery.
Lillian held up her hands in mock defense. “It’s just me; put the broom down!”
Abby looked at the broom, which she still held above her head like a baseball bat, and smiled as she lowered it. “Sorry. I guess I’m a little jumpy. Why aren’t you at the B&B? Where’s Onkel Seth?”
Lillian looked at her with tearful eyes. “I told him I’d meet him there. But the truth is, I’m not sure I can go.”
Abby took Lillian’s hands in hers. “No one is forcing you to go, Aenti. And just because you meet her doesn’t mean you’re obligated to adopt the boppli.”
Lillian rested her head on Abby’s shoulder. “I think your onkel will be disappointed in me if I don’t go along with this.”
Abby smoothed her aenti’s hair. “That doesn’t sound like Onkel. I think he just wants you to be happy is all.”
Lillian pulled away from Abby and wiped her eyes.
“Enough about me. Tell me what’s gotten you so down.”
Abby had hoped her mood had not been so obvious, but she wasn’t about to unload her problems on her aenti when the woman was still mourning the loss of her boppli.
“It’s nothing I can’t work out easily.”
Lillian raised an eyebrow. “Does this have anything to do with Jonah packing up his things and closing down his business? I heard he’s leaving for Florida next week.”
Abby tried to contain her emotions. “I don’t want to talk about it, Aenti.”
“Does Jonah know you two are not cousins?”
Abby felt the shock of her aenti’s statement like a strong, winter wind. “Jonah doesn’t know, but how did you know we aren’t cousins?”
“I’ve suspected for a while, Abby, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is how you’re going to handle the situation.”
Abby threw her hands up in defeat
. “There’s nothing I can do. If I tell Jonah the truth, I’ll be betraying my mamm. But if I stand by and do nothing, he’s going to leave. I don’t want him to leave. I love him so much it hurts.”
“Does he love you?”
Abby fought back tears. “Yes. He told me he still loves me, and he’s leaving because he thinks that our love is a sin.”
“Abby, you can’t let him think he’s a sinner. You have to tell him the truth or he will never trust you. You’re not being fair to him—or to yourself.”
“But if I expose the truth, it won’t be fair to my mamm. No matter what I do, someone is going to be hurt.”
Lillian shook her head with disgust. “Only Gott can show you what is the right path to take, but I think you need to have a talk with your mamm. Maybe she will fix it.”
Abby could see that Aenti Lillian focusing on her problems instead of her own was a good distraction for her aenti.
“Will you help me talk to my mamm?”
Lillian smiled weakly. “Of course I will. I’ll do anything to help you. And if I help you, it might take my mind off my own troubles.”
Abby smiled. “Funny, but I was thinking the same thing about you.”
Lillian hugged her niece again. “Why don’t we help each other? Maybe together we can figure everything out.”
“That sounds like a gut idea.”
Lillian moved over to the sink full of dirty cake pans and pie tins. “Why don’t we start with these dishes, and then you can give me a ride over to the B&B so I can meet with Ellie.”
Abby didn’t waste any time at all. She picked up an extra apron and tossed it to her aenti, and the two of them made light work of dishes.
Everything wasn’t settled yet, but Abby felt better about Jonah. Finally, she had someone on her side. Someone to help her figure out what would be the right thing to do. Maybe, just maybe she could keep Jonah from leaving. But was it too soon to hope that they could have a future together?
Under the Mulberry Tree: Book Three Page 4