I’m afraid of falling because, I know if it happens, there’s a chance I’ll want something he can never give me.
I’ve already tried to manipulate him into marrying me for the bar, though my father did set contingencies in hopes that I’d never be able to leave again. Of course, he’s a man, so the things that happened in the past don’t haunt him like they do me. I have a hard time trusting men, at least until the past few days of being around Buck. Now I can’t trust myself. I want to feel his lips on mine, his touch, and his hold. I want him to sweep me off my feet and make all the pain and fears subside. I don’t care if he can only offer me half of what he gave his wife, because it will be more than I could ever deserve.
Brant sticks around until his beer is finished, but probably mostly because there is an awkward silence as Buck and I wait it out.
Brant stand as he’s about to leave and points to the both of us. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.” Then laughs as he exits the building.
Then it’s quiet. I contemplate looking at Buck. I can feel his eyes on me, just waiting to make the connection we had before. When I finally do it, I know I’m in a world of trouble. He doesn’t blink. His focus is on my lips. Out of habit I lick them, only making his eyes widen with anticipation. My body begins to show signs of my attraction, my cheeks heating, my hands sweating, all while I’m trying to think of what to say. “I guess I should thank you again for saving my ass.”
“I’m starting to think you need me as a bodyguard.”
“Or maybe I just need your body,” I uncomfortably tease.
He gives me that look. The look I can’t get enough of. The one that makes me wonder if I can jump across the bar and make it gracefully into his lap without knocking us both on the floor behind him. That look makes it hard to breathe, and don’t even get me started about the dizziness as I wait for him to counter with a pleasantly welcome response.
Buck runs his hand over his hard chest, pulling down the collar of his shirt to display a patch of hair. “This old body? I’m afraid it’s been in retirement for quite a while.”
I lean forward, breaking the distance between us, but still not being able to touch him. “It’s never too late to come out of retirement if the offer is good enough.”
Then Buck leans forward too and we’re face to face, almost close enough to kiss. “Is it? Do you have an offer to put on the table?”
This is my opportunity to finally, after years of trying, have this man. I may seem desperate, out of my mind, sporadic, unsure, unbalanced, you name it, but one thing I know for sure is that I’m sick of waiting for him to get over his stipulations. If I want him I’m going to have to give him a good enough reason to want me back.
I’ve been around a time or two and learned what men like and prefer. Buck is nothing compared to other men. I have no idea where to start, so I decide to use what the good lord gave me and wing it.
I back away from the bar, stepping until my butt hits the mirrored edge behind me. He’s watching me, wondering what’s going on. “You really want to know?”
“I can always refuse,” he teases me.
I begin unbuttoning my shirt, starting at the top. “You could, but that wouldn’t be much fun.” I over enunciate the word ‘FUN’ and drag my lips as I say it. “How long has it been since you’ve seen a naked woman.”
“I watch a ton of porn before bed every night.”
My face reacts with a serious grimace. “Really?”
He’s cackling while confessing. “Nah, I was just kidding.”
“How long, Buck?”
“You know how long, sweetness, so stop making me suffer and show me the goods, before I come over there and give you another reason to want to.”
Sweetness. I like the way that rolls off his tongue. “Tempting,” I say as I shake the shirt so it falls from my arms, toppling on the floor beneath me. Standing in only a black lace bra, I drag one hand between the cleavage, accentuating the area to give him a second to take me in before I keep going. “Still interested?”
“You think that little bit is going to scare off a man like me? I’m a dad. Keep going.”
I can feel my heart beating heavily and fast as I maneuver around for the clasp to my bra. I hold my hand on it, nervous but extremely turned on at the same time. I watch his reaction as I let the bra fall down the front of me. His eyes are steady, his palms resting flat on the bar top. “Say something,” I finally request. “Don’t make me stand here like an idiot.”
“Damn.”
“Just damn?”
“You’ve got me intrigued.” He waves his hand around. “Maybe you should keep going, just to be sure I’m still familiar with every part of a woman. It has been a long time. Maybe things have changed.”
I motion to the door. “Go pull down the shade, Buck. It’s about to get X-rated up in this joint. I wouldn’t want anyone interrupting your private show.”
He stands up and heads for the door, but it’s not his fine ass I’m noticing as he does it, it’s the hard object trying to poke it’s way out of his pants. A giggle escapes me, alarming him immediately. “What’s funny?”
I point. “That. You look like you might need some help.”
It’s almost impossible to stand and have a conversation with a man who is seeing my breasts for the very first time. My nipples are hard and tingling. There’s a constant beckoning between my legs reminding me of the parts of my body he’s yet to see.
Contrary to what some would say, I’m not overwhelmingly confident. I’m also not humongous by any means unless I was a size two, but I do have a nice set of D’s that accentuate my hourglass shaped body. They seem average size with my height and figure, but I’m sort of undecided how I feel about them. I guess they’re desirable. I’ve never asked, but have been told they’re a nice handful.
My body is just average. I don’t work out, but I do stay active, which keeps me looking fit. It’s my personality that attracts most men, and the way I carry myself. When I’m at the bar I feel in control, but the moment I step outside I’m something else altogether.
“What I need is for you to come here. Traipse your ass over here and let me have a closer look.”
“Or what?” I bite down on my lip and watch him return before continuing. “What will you do if I say no?”
He snarls. “That’s easy. I’ll come around that bar and see for myself.”
“Yeah right. You don’t have the balls,” I taunt.
Before I’m able to comprehend what’s happening, he hurdles across the bar, lunging toward me like a bat out of hell. I give him space only to end up in his arms, flabbergasted and unprepared for his next move. “What were you saying?”
I bring my hands up and place them on his chest. While still in his hold, I gaze into his eyes and finally feel like this is going to happen. “I can’t remember now.”
It’s eerily quiet again. He clears his throat, takes the back of one hand and coursing it over my right cheek, then across my lips. They part as he watches, and I see him licking his, anticipating what we’ve both been eager to experience.
“Are you cold?” He asks. “You’re shaking.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
He nuzzles his nose over mine, so close to being able to kiss me, yet not having the nerve to follow through. I close my eyes and wait, but nothing happens. “I don’t deserve to feel this way again,” he says against my face.
“I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you, Buck. My life is a mess, and it’s not fair to keep involving you in it.” I’m feeling sorry for myself, but I’ll regret it if I let him continue without saying it.
“You’ve left me no choice.” Under the assumption we’re about to part ways, his lips smack into mine. He holds them there for a few seconds before loosening up and exploring. He’s gentle, and I can feel him trembling as it happens. We both want this, but I’m aware he’s going against his better judgment to allow it to happen. His heart is fighting a losing batt
le and I don’t know whether to push him away or allow it to continue.
It only takes a few seconds to become engulfed in the embrace. Our lips are locked together, our tongues prancing around in harmony. He’s holding me closely, his hands sliding up and down from my back to the rump of my ass where he finally leaves them to sit. I fist my fingers into the fabric of his shirt. It’s a miracle I’m able to stand as this continues. My body ignites with a burning passion that can only be extinguished by furthering this expedition.
We’re getting carried away, his shirt coming off as we proceed. I run my hands upward, drawing them through the patch of hair that sits between his strong pectorals.
We finally part for air, my head resting against his hot body, while he places tender kisses on the top of my head. “Are you okay?” I ask without looking.
“Yeah, I’d say I’m pretty damn good, and you?”
“I’m hanging in there. This isn’t exactly where I thought we’d … well whatever this is.”
He takes my chin and lifts it up so I’m staring into those stunning hazel eyes. “I reckon we both know where this is headed.”
“Are you sure you’re ready to dive right in? Yesterday you…”
His fingers stop me from speaking. “Shh. Forget about yesterday or the day before it. Forget about your problems and I’ll forget about mine. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but it’s been a long damn time since I’ve felt the touch of a woman, and with you standing here shirtless in my arms, I’m about to lose my shit. This isn’t the time to overthink, because if we do that I’m liable to change my mind. I need this, Perry, and there’s not another woman I want it to be with. Do you hear me? Are you listening to me right now? I need you.”
I lace my hand with his and bring it up to my lips. “I’ll be happy to be whoever you need me to be, but I think it would be wise to go to my place, unless you have someplace else in mind.”
I’m not saying it because I’m worried about his kids. It’s more because I know the moment he lays me down in his bed he’s going to have a change of heart. I’m not ready to handle that yet. For now we need to take our time, in a place that won’t harbor negative energy for either of us.
He kisses me again. It’s chaste and short. His pupils are dilated when our eyes meet. “Stop worrying about me, sweetness. You have my undivided attention, I can promise you that much.”
I redress. We shut off the lights and lock up the bar. Buck leads me to his truck, where we continue making out before leaving the lot. On the way he pulls me to the middle seat and teases my thigh with his fingers as he drives. I cup his groin just to make sure he’s still ready to go. “It’s taking everything I have in me to keep from straddling you right now.”
“Climb on top and show me what you’ve got. I’m not ashamed of dry humping if it leads to that, but I’ve got to warn ya, my volcano has hit it’s hundred year limit.” I crack up when I hear it, but know it’s the truth more than a joke. We’re driving somewhere to be alone, while at any moment he could erupt in an explosion that will certainly leave him crippled and desperate for rest. I remove my hand from his crotch and rest my head against his shoulder. “Maybe it’s better if I make you wait. We wouldn’t want to mess up your truck.”
“I hear lava stains.”
“You talk shit when you’re nervous, don’t you?”
“That obvious?”
I snicker and bring my lips to his right before hitting the parking lot to the boat marina. Then I get it. I know exactly where he’s taking me and what’s going to happen once we get on that boat.
Chapter 11
A few years back I purchased something as a hobby, but never got around to actually fixing it up. Docked near my commercial crafts, the little seventeen foot sailboat sits tied to a pylon, where she’s waiting for some much needed attention. When I purchased the boat the hull had just been repaired. The owner before me had remodeled the inside, covering the old cushions with a newer fabric, and repairing some minor cosmetic flaws. It’s not the best looking boat in the water, but it’s got a bed, and I know not a single person will interrupt us. Unlike my home, this place might be the only one on the island without memories of Layla.
Being alone with Perry feels right. I’m comfortable, yet still rusty enough to require her patience. This isn’t exactly how I pictured things going with her. When we kiss it’s intense. I have a feeling she’s going to give me a run for my money in the sack, and that’s why I’ve brought her to my little project boat. We can take our time, stay as long as we need to.
I prepare to step out of the truck and offer her my hand when she holds me back. “Buck, wait. We shouldn’t do this tonight.”
“You’re not supposed to be the one to reject me.”
“I’m not. It’s just, well I’m worried this is too fast. I don’t want to mess things up. You’re the only person on this island I can trust. I don’t want you waking up tomorrow and wishing this never happened. It’s no secret that I’ve wanted you for years. When I’ve finally come to terms with never being able to get through to you this happens, but a lot of other things are clouding our judgment. I don’t want to sleep with you just because I need to feel better about my life. I don’t want you sleeping with me just because you’re seeing if you can go through with it. I’d rather wait and be sure than ruin something real.”
I raise my hands to her lips and kiss them one more time, my eyes closing as I do it. “We’re adults, Perry. This isn’t some summer fling. Our parents aren’t going to have a say in this relationship. We don’t have to date for months before we’re intimate with each other. You were right the other day when you said we’re both attracted to one another. I’m not denying it. I’ve pictured this moment more times than I’d like to admit. I’m not going to change my mind. I can’t promise I won’t get upset at some point, but I think it needs to happen in order for me to go through all the emotions this involves. It’s a big step for me. I’m not going to sit here and pretend it’s not.”
“I’m afraid of this changing things.”
I sigh. It’s frustrating. “Do you want me to take you home?”
“No,” she replies quickly. “I don’t.”
“Do you want to spend the night on the boat with me, perhaps shirtless?”
Perry giggles. “Perhaps.”
“Then come with me, so I can take off your clothes and see that fantastic body of yours again.”
We walk hand in hand down the dock until we’re climbing aboard the boat. It takes me a few minutes to find the right key in the dark, but once I do I open the door and let her enter first. “Sorry for the musty smell. I haven’t exactly been keeping up with the cleaning.” I flip the switch and the place lights up. It’s nothing spectacular. A small galley is in the front, followed by seating on one side with a pop up table, and a washroom across from that. The bed is located at the bow of the hull. It’s basically a crawl upon mattress with a couple port holes on either side.
Perry takes everything in and turns to face me. “This is yours?”
“Yeah. It was a compulsive buy.”
“I like it. I haven’t been sailing since high school.”
“That’s about to change.”
She seems surprised. “You mean, we’re not staying inland docked?”
“What fun would that be? Let’s take this pretty girl out on the bay.”
“Don’t you have to be home to make dinner?”
“Weren’t you the person who told me my kids were grown? Bristol is seventeen years old. If she can’t make something to eat than I’m a complete failure. She’s probably out with that asshole again against my wishes.”
Perry shushes me with her fingers. “Let’s not talk about the kids.”
“So we’re sailing?”
“I guess we are. Is it safe at night?”
I shrug. “It’s the same in light or dark, Perry, but in our case I’m just going to engine out and throw the anchor. We don’t need to get fancy if we’re not
going far.” I kiss her quickly before going back on deck. I untie the vessel and push off so I’m able to maneuver around the other docked boats. Then I go back into the cabin and turn on all the power before cranking the old engine to start. Thirty minutes later we’re heading across the bay.
Perry comes on deck, swaying while attempting to balance herself as the windy conditions on the water make it hard to keep her footing. I wrap my arm around her and let her take the wheel, pointing for the spot we’re headed.
We’re not far enough from the shoreline where we’re unable to see it, but out a good ways where nothing can distract us. I cut off the engine and drop the anchor, waiting for it to catch before giving my attention back to the beautiful woman by my side.
My hands cups her cheeks as I narrow in on those lips I can’t seem to get enough of. “Where were we?”
We kiss slowly, her hands coming up under my shirt to feel the sides of my waist. I help her remove it, then do the same with hers. Her bra comes next, and as we stand on the deck with only the light of the moon and stars looking down on us. I back away and take her in, before crouching in order to focus on her pants. I know if I keep emphasis on Perry, I won’t want to stop because I’m thinking of Layla.
Perry steps out of her pants as I come back up to stand with her. “You’re so sexy.”
She’s unfastening my belt, eager for me to lose my pants. Using her foot, she shoves them down to my ankles. I kick them off and dive in for another ravenous kiss. We’re standing in our underwear, waves crashing against the boat, the crisp sea air blowing, causing goose bumps to cover her exposed skin. “Are you cold?”
“If I am, I haven’t noticed.”
I take her by the hand. “Should we take this downstairs?”
Perry pulls me back from trying to lead. “Maybe you could bring some blankets and pillows up here for us. This is nice.”
Salt Water Wounds (Oyster Cove #1) Page 10