Salt Water Wounds (Oyster Cove #1)

by Jennifer Foor

  Before I know it the sun has set. There’s a rumbling of thunder in the distance, and six empty cans of beer sitting next to where I’ve apparently fallen asleep. I pull out my phone and check the time to see it’s nearly eight thirty. I’ve gotten no calls, which tells me Perry is still angry and doesn’t want to talk about it.

  Since I know it wouldn’t be right to drive, I head below cabin to get comfortable for the night. I’ll sleep off the beer and start the following day with a fresh head and a better perspective.

  It’s late when I hear my phone ringing, and struggle in the dark cabin to locate it. I don’t look to see who it is on account of knowing it much be important for someone to call in the middle of the night. I expect it’s one of the kids, and hope it’s not the police because they’ve screwed up.

  “Hello?” I’m groggy, probably from not speaking for hours.

  The voice is soft, but worrisome. “Buck, it’s me, Perry. I’m sorry to wake you, but I don’t have anyone else to call.” I can tell she’s crying.

  I sit up straight and wipe my face while trying to be more alert. It’s great to hear her voice. She’s reaching out to me. That has to be a good sign. She needs me. A good woman needs me. I’m as alert as ever, ready to be whatever she asks.

  “What’s going on, sweetness? You all right?”

  “Nick was released earlier tonight. Mike stopped by and got the charges dropped. I guess that’s the benefits of growing up together isn’t it? He said you called him and told him to do whatever he could to help me.”

  “Yeah. I reckon it is. Small town country living ain’t that bad if you’re okay without modern amenities like malls and traffic. I’m glad he got it sorted.”

  “I’m grateful. You can’t imagine how nice it is to know he won’t have a record. I wanted to thank you first, because what I have to say next might change the way you think of me. Buck, there’s things about me you don’t know, and to be honest, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to share that part of my life again. I come with a lot of drama. I’ve been blaming you for holding back because of Layla, but the truth is, I think I have so much on my plate that it wouldn’t be fair to continue to involve you. It’s never been a secret that I’m interested in you, and when we’re together it’s been proven to get intense, but you have your kids, and I have a mess of a life to deal with. I think it’s too much right now. It’s not fair. I need to focus on my son.”

  “Is this how you justify telling me you can’t see me?”

  “I’m trying to do it nicely.”

  “Is it because I went to your father?” Whatever she’s hiding must be damaging, enough to warrant her to end a budding new relationship after years of trying to get with me.

  “It’s a lot of things, but nothing you’ve done. My decision is based on me. I like you Buck, more than I probably should. Being in your arms made me feel wanted. In my entire marriage to Peter I can’t recall having that kind of comfort.”

  “Why stop? I can handle whatever it is.”

  “How is that possible when I can’t handle it myself? Buck, I don’t have a place to live, money to afford to move. I’m losing my son to his criminal father. I’m drowning here, and you can’t be my life preserver. I won’t let you take on my problems.” She pauses. “God, I was desperate enough to ask you to marry me so I could get rid of my obligations to my family. Do you have any idea how selfish that is? I thought I could seduce you into wanting to keep me around. I cleaned your house and tried to manipulate you into marriage to better my situation.”

  “It was working,” I admit. Maybe I should be angry. I’d like our friendship or whatever this is to be honest from the beginning. “I know you enjoy being with me. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know you’re into me.”

  “Too much, Buck. I could fall for you and never look back, but I’d regret the way it happened, and you would resent me for it in the long run.”

  I don’t know why her words get to me. It’s like she’s saying that there is no chance.

  “You need to do what you feel is right, Perry, even if I don’t agree with you. Who am I to know anything about being in a relationship? The last time I dated was in high school, and that was over twenty years ago.”

  “Buck, I want to be your friend. I do. I want you to know that I don’t regret being with you, neither time.” Her voice begins to crack and I can tell she’s starting to cry. “This is hard for me, because I’d love to stay and see where this could go, but I can’t let Nick get away. I have to be there for him, even if that means leaving everything here in Chincoteague behind.”

  “Including me.” I take a second to clench my jaw and breathe in deeply. “I get it. Do what you’ve got to do.”

  “So we’re okay? While I’m here we’ll be cordial? We can see each other and not harbor ill feelings?”

  “Of course. I have no reason to be angry with you. You’re making a choice for your family. It’s admirable. I’m going to miss having little moments, but I have to appreciate what you’re doing.”

  “Thank you, Buck. If life was different I would have wanted to see where we could go.”

  “Yeah, I’ll see you around, sweetness.” I hang up before her sobs can further get to me. I’m confused, but yet somehow understand that she’s got entirely too much on her plate for me to add to the mix. At least I got to be with her, and experience the touch of another woman before I get too old to do it. It’s good to know parts of me still know how to work, because for a long time I was a little worried.

  I can’t say I’m not annoyed. I went out on a limb for Perry, opened up my heart and was prepared to let her in, only to have her refuse me in the end. Rejection is hard on a man’s pride, but for me it’s more like a fatal blow. I’m not implying that I’m going to die, but certainly feel the need to quit while I’m sort of ahead, instead of left worse off than when this started.

  Chapter 16

  I wish there was an easier way to break things off with Buck. Actually, I don’t.

  I hate this.

  My heart feels empty, and I know I’m making a mistake I’ll regret for the rest of my life. Buck is one of a kind, and I finally had my opportunity to be something more than his barkeep.

  As a parent, I’m used to making hard decisions. I know I do things so that my child is provided for, safe, and always loved. He’s in a position where the next few decisions could change his life. I can’t sit around and pretend he’ll be able to see through his father’s phony façade. Right now Nick only sees what he wants, which is mostly a father who hasn’t been in the picture for a long time. He wants a second chance to build a relationship with him, when I know his father only does things for the sole purpose of hurting me. Now I’m starting to wonder if this whole visit is about sabotaging my life.

  My day started bad, then improved, got even better at the beach, and just like the time before it, turned to shit.

  It's like an omen. Something doesn't want me to be with Buck. Maybe it's Layla from beyond the grave, protecting her man because she doesn't think I'm good enough for him. Maybe I'm just looking for reasons to deny my own failures.

  When I arrived at the police station I was a mess. My body was shaking profusely, my heart racing, while I was desperate to do whatever necessary to save my son.

  I never expected to see Mike swoop in to save us, or to learn Buck had called him. It's little reasons like that which make me ache deep inside. He's good for me. Buck Wallace is everything I want.

  My conversation with Buck has me feeling empty and worthless. To keep busy, I start packing up some of my belongings that I don’t use every day. As I begin going through old photographs I’m a blubbering mess. Pictures me of as a child flood my mind with painful memories. I see my mother, always acting so kind, and my father, the person who should have protected me no matter what the cost. I suppose he did his best, but covering up the truth doesn’t make it go away. Every decision I’ve ever made in my life, every failed attempt at being happy, all of
the tears and broken dreams are a direct result of that betrayal.

  I’ve spent years trying to get over it, decades focused on being better than they were to me. I thought an abusive relationship was all I deserved, and endure what most women fear. Day by day I was broken down, belittled, literally kicked on and disrespected.

  That man, who is trying to seduce my son with his lies, is nothing more than a walking form of the devil himself. I regret every second I spent trying to change him, and ever thinking my life wouldn’t be better if I gave it all up.

  I’m not sure of Peter’s end game, but his path of destruction is running right through this little town. He doesn’t care who he hurts along the way, including his only son. I also know he’s adamant to get my attention, like waiting until I was bringing Nick out of the police station to corner me. Not wanting to upset my son, I asked for a second to give Peter a piece of my mind, only to have him threaten me with something I wasn’t willing to allow. His words still make me cringe. “If you continue to spite me, you’ll never see your son again. Break up with your hometown beau and we’ll call it even. You’ll get to see Nick when he wants to visit, and I’ll keep the peace between us. It would be a shame if something happened to the father of six kids, who already lost their mother.”

  I’m not sure how Peter knows anything about Buck and his family, but there’s no way I can involve him in my life, not when Peter poses a threat. He wants me to be alone, and if abiding by his wishes keeps the people I care about safe, I’ll do anything to make that happen, even sacrificing something great.

  It hurt me so much to make that call to Buck. I used Nick as the excuse, but it was to protect him and his family.

  It’s nearly midnight when I finally stop packing and climb into bed. The queen mattress feels oversized when I’m in it alone, which is always. I toss and turn, unable to get comfortable. My stomach is in knots. I feel like the worst kind of person for convincing Buck to be with me, to give up on his wife and invite me into his bed, only to break it off. I’m everything this town has named me and it makes me sick.

  The sound of the front door sends me into a panic. I pick up a metal-framed lamp and hold it waiting to see who has broken in and what they could possibly want.

  It’s not until I hear his voice that relief washes over me. I drop the lamp and head into the living room to find my son standing there. He’s got his book bag over his shoulder and lowers it as I get closer. “I thought you were a burglar.”

  He checks out the space and notices boxes. “You moving?”

  “I have to. They’re tearing this place down to build rentals or condos or something. I have a few weeks to find a new place to live.”

  He’s very nonchalant. “You could come with me and Dad. Once school is out we’re moving into his new place. It’s a two bedroom, but I could sleep on the couch. He showed me pictures. It’s got a sweet basement that we’re going to put a pool table in, and he said if he gets this job he’s waiting for, he’ll be able to buy me all new furniture.”

  I’m still sniffling from my latest breakdown, but through them I somehow manage to laugh. “I couldn’t possibly…”

  “Why? Dad is different.” He looks around like he’s annoyed. “He told me you were seeing Mr. Wallace. How long has that been going on? Is he why you won’t give our family another chance?”

  “Nick, I know that’s what you think, but …”

  He puts his hand up for me to stop speaking. “Save it. No matter what I say I can already tell you’re not going to budge. You want to see your fisherman boyfriend, go at it, but I’m not going to sit around and let you force me into his family. It’s never going to happen.”

  “I’m not seeing Buck. We were friends, but because of what happened today I told him I needed to focus on our family. Nick, just because I don’t want to be with your father doesn’t mean I want to go a day without you.”

  “Where will you move? I know we don’t have a lot of money, so how will you afford a place this time of year? All the prices on rentals are up for tourist season. Dad wants another chance. Why not give it to him? If it doesn’t work out at least you can say you tried. Please. I never ask for much, but this is everything to me.”

  I cover my face with my hands and shake my head. “I’m so sorry, Nick. I can understand why you feel like this is important, but you’re not thinking clearly. Don’t you see that your father is using you to get to me? Look at what happened earlier today. You got arrested for a crime he committed. You were willing to get locked up for a man that’s done nothing but hurt me.”

  “Mom.”

  This time I’m waving my hands around. “No. You don’t get to stand there and tell me how it’s going to be. I’m your mom. No matter how old you are, that’s never going to change. You should trust me more than anyone in this world. I don’t know what you’re father has managed to say to you to convince you otherwise, but I’m telling you the truth. I know in my heart that you can tell right from wrong. Nick, I raised you to be smart. Open your eyes. He’s a bad person, and if by some God given miracle he’s changed, he’s not shown it. He’s threatened me and people I care about. He’s vandalized my property. He’s assaulted my friend. Does that sound like he’s changed?”

  Nick shrugs.

  “Maybe I haven’t been there twenty-four seven for you in the last several years. Running the bar is what pays the bills. I felt like you were old enough to reheat your dinners and do your homework. You’re always responsible and smart. Open your eyes. Please.”

  He motions for the door. “I stopped by for a game I wanted to show Dad. I can tell you’re not going to budge. I get it. You had a bad marriage and you don’t want to go through it again, but your life isn’t mine. I want a chance with him, and since I’m almost an adult and graduation is weeks away, I think it’s the perfect time. I’d appreciate it if you let me do this and stop arguing with me every chance you get.”

  “You know what, Nick, you’re right. Go be with you father. You’ll see soon enough that I’ve been telling you truth. I can’t stop you. I wish I could, but it’s your life. Just don’t come to me crying when you realize he’s a narcissistic asshole who only cares about his own personal gain.”

  “I’m out of here.”

  I sink down on the sofa edge and watch him rush out of the house, slamming the door as he goes. My heart is shattering and there isn’t anything that will stop it from happening.

  This isn’t like the pain of a breakup. He’s my flesh and blood. I carried him inside of me for nine months and protected him since the day he was born. This makes me want to get in my car and drive off a cliff, because I’ve failed.

  I wish there was a way I could make him see what’s right in front of him. If only I could turn back time and change the way I handled my marriage from the first altercation.

  It’s after midnight when I’m sitting on my bed in tears, holding my cell phone with Buck’s number highlighted on the screen. It’s been years since I’ve had someone to talk to that I can trust, and even though he’s only a phone call away, I know I can’t reach out to him. It’s devastating.

  I’m on my own. It’s for the best. It’s my choice.

  Chapter 17

  I wake as the sun begins to rise, a flock of seagulls circling over my head, one standing on the side of the boat looking at me as if I have spare food to offer. I sit up and swat the bird away, before wiping my face with my hands and recalling the events of the previous night, prior to finishing off an old bottle of whisky I found hidden under the galley sink.

  My head is throbbing as I use the facilities and search for pain relief all at once. When I'm unsuccessful with the latter, I'm focused on locking the boat and heading back to Oyster Cove. Believe it or not, I've had time to think about Perry, her telling me we couldn't see each other, and what it means going forward.

  Here's what I know.

  I'm still going to think about her, probably more than before given the fact that we've now been intimate
.

  She’ll still need a place to move regardless of our relationship.

  I've made a successful attempt at moving forward with my life and need to take the next step necessary to ensure I continue to make progress, even if it might not go over well with all the kids.

  Since my mind seems to be working better than my head actually feels, I send out a group text to all my children. It’s family meeting day, which means we take out the commercial boat and fish while discussing the important matter, in this case, about their mother and finally doing what none of us have been able to do as of yet.

  I don't expect them to show up at once. In fact, I'm not certain any of them will respond. We've all been going in different directions as of late, and I can't complain that most is because of work. That being said, I also need to focus on supplementing my income soon before Bristol graduates and starts college. I’m not against having to take out another loan, but if something goes wrong with the business, I’m going to be screwed being the sole provider of the family.

  I’ve thought about asking the adult children for rent, but here’s why I’m against it.

  Asking them for rent would make them question whether they want to stick around. The thought of being alone, and only visited when they need something is like a kick to the heart. Layla would want the family to stay together, but she’d also want the kids to individually find their own paths, so I’m torn between what I selfishly feel is right for me, and the fairness of letting them branch out and be independent.

  The thought makes me shake my head. It’s like everything has changed in a matter of a week. It’s time I got over this obsession and looked toward my future. It’s time I stopped hiding behind what could have been with Layla, and moved toward a future, whether I’m alone or with a companion. My wife talked about the future, but mostly revolving around one thing. Grandchildren. She wanted a boatload of little ones running around. She talked about the kids coming over for Sunday dinners, and being able to watch them while we all went to work during the day.