By the time the trail circled around and he was back where he started, he was almost completely out of breath. He had given himself fully to the run. He hadn't paid any attention to the scenery around him or given himself the chance to think about anything. None of his problems crossed his mind as he ran through the length of the trail.
He stopped at a bench, leaning his arm against the back of it, gasping for air. Sweat ran down his face, neck and back. He wiped it out of his eyes, wishing he had thought to bring something to drink. His mouth was parched.
Chad was vaguely aware of footsteps behind him, but he didn't really care.
"Hey, Chad, I thought that was you. What are you doing running in slacks?"
He turned around to face Lydia. "Do you follow me everywhere I go?" he asked in between gasps for air.
"Maybe. What are you doing out here?"
"I needed some exercise."
"In those shoes?"
"What's wrong with my shoes?"
"They're not exactly running shoes. You're going to have some painful blisters."
"I don't really care." He sat down on the other side of the bench.
"Well, you should. If you're going take care of—"
"Don't lecture me."
Lydia sat next to Chad. "I'm not lecturing. I'm concerned. I know we're done, but I still love you."
"Don't say that."
"Chad, it's true."
He stared her in the eyes. "That doesn't mean you need to tell me."
"I can't just walk away when you're clearly in some kind of trouble."
"I'm not in trouble. I just needed some air." He looked away. The clouds were getting darker, just like his mood.
A hand rested on his shoulder. "Is it Macy?"
Chad pushed her hand away. "Damn it, Lydia. Would you keep your hands off?"
She looked hurt. "Where's Alyssa?"
He stood up. "Would you just leave me alone? I didn't ask you to come and check on me. Go away."
"If that's what you really want. Is it?"
"What I want is for everything to return to the way it was before my daughter went missing."
"That's when we were together."
"Before that. It was a mistake. I should have worked on my marriage instead of turning to you."
"I'm not trying to pull you away from your family, Chad. You looked distressed and because I care, I had to check on you. I don't want to leave you like this because it's obvious that something's going on. If you want to talk about something, tell me. No one else is around and I'm not going to tell anyone anything. You know that much. Your secrets are safe with me."
He stared into her dark eyes. She looked like she meant it, and he did know she could keep a secret. Lydia also had a way of making him feel better when the world seemed against him.
It was dangerous territory, but who else did he have to talk with? Most of his friends had stopped contacting him because no one knew what to say about Macy's disappearance. It wasn't like they were the kind of buddies he could pour his heart out to anyway. Over the last few years, he had pushed everyone away while he worked on the blog. He was a big man on the Internet, but what had it gotten him?
"My life is falling apart on every front."
"I'm listening."
"You swear to keep this to yourself?"
"Your secrets are always safe with me," Lydia repeated.
Chad paused, running his hands through his hair. He looked around to make sure no one else was close enough to hear. "Alex…he got a girl pregnant."
Lydia's eyes widened. "I'm so sorry."
"He's only thirteen and she's going through with everything. They might give it up for adoption, but they're not going to decide anything yet. I'm sure this is all because of Macy being gone, but it makes her disappearance that much harder to deal with."
"How's Alex handling it?"
Chad shook his head. "I don't think he understands the gravity of the situation. He keeps pushing me away, though, so I don't know. I can't figure out what he's thinking."
"Like you said, he's only thirteen. It's a difficult age. He's trying to figure out who he is."
"That's exactly why he doesn't need to be a dad! He's not even close to ready, no matter what he thinks." Tears filled his eyes and he brushed them away.
"Oh, Chad. Is there anything I can do? Do you guys need anything?"
"No. We just have to take it one day at a time. All I can do is hope that the kids make the right decision. I'm not raising it for them."
"What does Alyssa think?"
"She's not happy, but that's the least of our problems."
Lydia raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
Chad wiped at new tears. "She's staying with a friend. Lyss thinks Macy is dead, and she's mad I don't." He broke down and cried into his hands. "What if she doesn't come back home?" He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his lap as he let out gut-wrenching sobs. His body shook, and he thought he felt Lydia wrap an arm around him, but he wasn't sure and didn't care enough to fight her.
His life was falling apart and there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't hold it together anymore—that much was clear. Why else would he be crying in the middle of a park? He wiped his nose with his sleeve and seeing the disgusting mess, he hid it before Lydia could see it.
She pulled her purse into her lap and then handed him a small pack of tissues.
Chad took it and wiped his face and then tried to be discreet wiping his sleeve. He took another one and put it to his face, feeling another round of sobs coming. His chest tightened, and the lump in his throat felt like it was going to explode. He shook harder than before, foreign sounds escaping his throat as his crying intensified.
Lydia rubbed his back, telling him that it was okay to let it out.
He cried all the more. Chad thought about his wife and both of their kids—and the gigantic mess they all had. What had happened to the days when he had been able to fix most problems with a kiss? Kissing scrapes and bruises for the kids and some romance for Alyssa. None of that worked anymore. He was helpless to fix any of their problems or hurts. He couldn't even help himself. And now he was sobbing in public, being comforted by his former lover.
This was rock bottom. Things couldn't get any worse than this. No, that wasn't true. The DNA results could come in and prove that he would never get to see his daughter again. That would be rock bottom.
He continued to sob until there was nothing left. Not another tear would come. Chad pulled more tissues from the little pack and wiped his face and blew his nose several times. He looked over at Lydia and noticed it was raining.
Lightning flashed in the distance. "Should we get inside?"
"We don't have to. It's pretty far away."
"But it's raining."
Lydia shrugged. "It's up to you."
"I don't care about getting soaked. You probably do."
She shook her head. "I'm more worried about you. Are you going to be okay?"
Chad looked into her eyes. Her hair was soaked, dripping onto her coat. She looked beautiful, especially with the look on her face mixed with concern and love. It was nice to have someone who cared about him. Someone who wanted to be there for him without needing anything.
Lydia stared back into his eyes, not saying anything or moving. Her expression showed how much she cared about him.
Chad knew she didn't judge him for believing his daughter was alive. He moved his face closer to hers. He wanted to kiss her and forget about everything else in the world. She could make him forget his troubles, even if it was only for a short time. The world could be right again.
Eagerness filled her eyes as Chad moved at a snail's pace closer to her. He just wanted to make all of his problems disappear and she could do that for him. And she would too.
Chad stopped and pulled back, shaking his head. "I can't. I can't do this."
"You don't have to. I'm here for you, however you need me."
Regret washed over him. He
wasn't even sure what for. Because of the mistakes he had made? For pushing his family away? For loving Lydia? For wanting her at that moment while his daughter was in trouble?
More tears filled his eyes and he broke into another crying fit. How much of this did he have in him? Chad had held himself together for so long and now everything was unraveling. As his tears fell, the rain drops landed on his shirt, soaking into his back. He didn't care. He could get pneumonia and die for all he cared. Everyone else would be better off with him gone anyway.
He looked up at Lydia. She had tears shining in her eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"I hate seeing you like this. It's killing me that you hurt so much."
Chad put his face back into his hands, allowing the sobs to take over. Why was it that Lydia cared so much about him and Alyssa seemed to despise him again? And for what? Because he wouldn't say Macy could have a funeral? He wasn't going to give his child a funeral unless she was dead, and he had no reason to believe that she was.
He shook, feeling as though he would collapse soon. At least he was with someone who actually cared about him, even if he couldn't allow himself to give into his own feelings for her. Despite the fact that Alyssa was staying with Sharon instead of him, he was going to remain faithful to her. It wasn't like she was staying with another man.
Hiding
Macy rolled over, bumping into something. She rubbed her eyes, trying to remember where she was. A blank wall faced her and she was squished. She looked over to see Heather sleeping next to her. Everything from the previous day came rushing back.
What were they going to do? After she had told Heather everything, they were both exhausted and decided to share the small bed.
The lock on the outside of the door made a jiggling noise. Heather sat up and stared at Macy. She jumped out of bed and ran to the far corner of the room.
Candice came in and looked at Macy. "I talked the other nurses into letting you sleep in today. How do you feel?"
Macy stretched. "I haven't slept that well in a long time." Candice had no idea just how true that was.
"I'm glad to hear it. My shift is over and I'll be off a few days. Please be good. We really just want you to get out of here. I want nothing more than to see you back on the street, hanging out with your friends. You've been here entirely too long. You should have just been here for a day or two of observation. Can you play nice for a couple days?"
Macy nodded.
"I'm serious, Heather. You need to get back to school and see your friends again. You were such a good girl before your mom took off. I wish she would come back and take responsibility. She has no idea what she's doing to you."
Macy looked over at Heather from the corner of her eyes. She looked furious. Macy looked back to Candice. "I'll do my best."
She didn't look convinced. "Just go along with the program, and you'll be out before you know it. Even if you don't like it, accept reality. That will be your first step toward healing and getting out of here."
"Okay," said Macy.
Candice raised an eyebrow. "Really? You're not going to fight me and try to convince me that your mom isn't in Paris?"
Macy shook her head. "First step toward healing. I have to accept the facts."
"Wow. I'm impressed, Heather. Maybe you actually will be out in time to enjoy your summer. Keep it up." She disappeared and closed the door. Macy could hear it lock.
Heather moved to the bed, still looking angry. "How could you agree with her like that? I thought you were on my side and believe my mom's dead."
"I am and I do, but it's not going to do either of us any good if we keep trying to convince them. They're not going to do anything about it, anyway. We need to get out of here, and then we'll go to the police. I think they have to listen. Let's just focus on one thing at a time. First, getting out of here. Next, getting your dad in jail for a long, long time. Hopefully a life sentence."
Heather took a deep breath and nodded. "It's a good thing she talked with you, because I can't put up a front like that. No way am I going to let anyone get away with saying that Mom is a home-wrecker. Not when she was a loving mom. Why won't anyone listen to me?"
Macy slid her feet to the ground. "Because your dad is the one convincing them otherwise. What he wants, he gets. But that's about to end."
The door opened again and Heather darted back to the corner. A new nurse looked at Macy. "Is it true? I hear that you might have a change of heart?"
"Maybe," said Macy.
"Let's see how well you handle time with some others. Can you be nice if we let you spend some time with other kids?"
Macy looked over at Heather, not sure what to do. Heather nodded and indicated for her to go with her.
"Of course I can," Macy said. She gave a convincing look.
"We can't risk another incident like last time. If you show even a sign of doing that again, I'll have no other choice except to bring you right back here. Or worse."
Macy looked back at Heather. She shrugged her shoulders and had a slight smile on her face.
"I won't act up."
"Glad to hear it. Come on."
Macy went with the nurse, not sure what to expect. Heather had dark circles under her eyes, so maybe she would get some more sleep. Macy had a feeling that she had gotten less sleep than Macy over the months. Hopefully, she would just sleep and not do anything to jeopardize them getting out.
The nurse led her to a small cafeteria. "There's a guard posted by the door. He knows to keep an eye on you. Got it?"
"Sure."
"Have a seat and someone will bring you a tray. Remember, the better behaved you are, the more likely you will be to get out of here."
"I know. I'm ready for change." Macy made her way to one of the tables. She sat away from the others. It was nice to be around kids again, but she didn't want to get close to anyone. What if someone figured out that she wasn't Heather?
Some of the kids whispered, but no one actually paid her any attention. At least she was used to being treated much worse at school. Being ignored was nice compared to being mooed at, like at her school cafeteria. That was why she had started eating lunch in the bathroom and then gave up lunch altogether. Even after she lost all that weight, the kids at school only saw Muffin Top Macy.
Her blood pressure went up and took some deep breaths. This wasn't the time to think about it. Heather's anger is what had kept her there for so long. In order for the both of them to get out, she needed to keep her cool.
Without a word, someone came in and set a tray of food in front of her. Although she was glad to not have to cook, the food didn't look at all appealing. Stiff-looking spaghetti sat on the middle of the plate with ground meat sauce sliding down. Applesauce was slopped next to it, reminding her of the pigs' feed at the farm. Burnt green beans were off to the side.
Regardless of how it looked, she needed to eat. She picked up the fork and started with the applesauce, because it looked the least offensive. It tasted okay, though it was a little dry. She could feel eyes on her as she ate.
Macy pictured her family. Getting back to them was the goal. She needed to act sweet and happy regardless of how anyone treated her. These people didn't matter, but getting back home did. What if she could be back that day? Her heart sped up.
She thought about Alex running around the bonus room, singing to his favorite songs. He loved creating his own "music videos," and she was usually the one who held his phone to record it. What she wouldn't give to do that again. She had complained countless times about it before, but now she'd gladly record him for hours.
Despite the level of nastiness of the food, she felt better. She'd had a decent night's sleep and now a meal. Macy was ready to get home. She looked around, not sure what to do. The room had emptied somewhat, leaving only a few more kids.
One of them got up and put his tray on a counter and left the room. Macy did the same and followed the sounds of conversation. She found herself in a large room full of kid
s. Some were watching TV, others were playing games or writing, and another girl sat by a window reading.
Macy walked in, nerves on edge. No one seemed to notice her. She sat down on a couch and watched everyone. Her eyes were drawn to the movie. It was a PG one she had seen when she was a kid, but it had been so long since she had watched TV, she wanted to watch anyway. She didn't have the best angle, but she didn't want to join the others. If Heather had freaked out on them, who knew how they would react to her?
When the movie ended, the nurse who had given Macy her food turned the TV off. The other kids watching groaned and complained before dispersing around the room.
The nurse came over to Macy. "How are you doing? I haven't heard a single complaint about you. That's really good news."
"Like I told the other nurse, I'm ready to go home. I'll do whatever it takes to get there."
"Given your history, it's going to take some time, but if you keep this up, you'll find yourself on the outside soon. Despite what you believe, we're all on your side. We want to see you go back home and to school where you belong."
Macy nodded. She felt bad for Heather. No one would listen to her about her mom—thanks to Chester—and it hadn't gone well. She was desperate for someone to believe her. Macy could understand that. She'd been desperate to get out of the community, and look what had happened. Tears stung her eyes. She was going to have to live with that guilt the rest of her life.
"Tears?" asked the nurse. "You must be telling the truth. I'm glad to see you letting your guard down, Heather. Do you think you're ready to talk with the doctor again? This time without throwing things around his office."
"Yeah." Her voice cracked. She suddenly felt overwhelmed. The tears spilled onto her face.
The nurse sat next to her. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"It's all my fault."
"What is?"
"Everything." She pulled her feet onto the couch and then rested her face on her knees. She cried, not caring how loud she was or who was looking. She continued to cry until she had nothing left. When she looked up, the nurse still watched her. She handed Macy a tissue and then asked, "Do you feel better?"
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