He was already gone.
“Drumroll please…” The principal opened the envelope. Lilianna’s runaway pulse made her just now realize how much she wanted that gorgeous crown, although she’d have been happy for any of her friends who won. “This year’s king is Brandon Crawford!”
Cheers and wolf whistles.
Even in their small high school, Brandon was considered popular. He was good at everything from basketball to grades. All the teachers and girls loved him. It wasn’t a big surprise to see him get king. Sure, Lilianna secretly agreed he was hot, but then so was Brody. They were, after all, identical. But like Violet said, Brody always seemed like he had a lot on his mind while Brandon just wanted to have fun.
“And Brandon, your queen is… Miss Lilianna Shelton!”
“Ohmygosh!” Violet wrapped her in a jumping, squealing hug. “You won!”
I won. Even though Lilianna had heard her name called, she still couldn’t quite believe it.
“Congrats,” Brandon said when she joined him onstage. “I knew it would be you. You’re the hottest and so am I.” He winked.
She rolled her eyes and laughed. He was always horsing around like that.
“Dance! Dance! Dance!” the crowd chanted.
After the principal and Miss Stokes, the biology teacher, helped with their coronation and making sure Lilianna’s sash was even, Brandon held out his hand to her, leading her to the dance floor.
The DJ started the familiar strains of Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On,” and Lilianna lost it. Tears hit from out of nowhere.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Aren’t you happy?”
“Yes, but I miss my mom and dad. My real family.”
He bowed his head much like Brody had earlier. “I’m your family. No matter what, I’ll always protect you.” He kissed her cheek and the crowd went wild. “Wanna be my girlfriend?”
“But you’re like my brother. Your mom will say no.”
“I already asked and she said it was okay as long as we keep to our own sides of the house.”
“I don’t know, Brandon…”
“Just say yes. We’ll have fun.”
Heart pounding, for some odd reason she sought Brody in the crowd, but he wasn’t there.
“Don’t leave me hanging,” Brandon said. “Colby and Tanner told me you’d say no. I need to prove them wrong.”
Really? “Whatever,” she said. “I’ll be your girlfriend under one condition.”
“Name it.”
“You have to help with my math homework all next year.”
“Deal.” He grinned, then bridged the small space between them for a quick peck to her lips. “This is gonna be epic. We’re going to have the best lives ever…”
And they had. Until he’d died.
“Thank you.” Brody released her from their hold. “Now, are you going to teach me the finer skills of salad spinning, or what?”
“Sure, but just one thing.”
“Shoot.”
“What do you remember about junior prom?”
“Honestly?” He rubbed his forehead. “It’s kind of hazy. Colby got his hands on a case of beer. Me, him and Tanner went down to the lake and got royally shi—”
“I can guess the rest.” She held up her hands, gesturing for him to stop. Why was she beyond disappointed by the realization that last year on New Year’s Eve, when Brody told her their long-ago kiss had been just a kiss to him, he’d actually meant it?
Strange, how two people could have such drastically different memories of the same event. It was probably for the best that he didn’t think of those few stolen moments as often as she had in the past few months.
Wasn’t her plate full enough without adding the taboo of falling for her brother-in-law to her already hectic schedule?
Chapter Nine
I REMEMBER EVERYTHING about that night, Brody may have admitted in another time and place. For now, the fact that he still smelled Lilianna’s favorite lilac shampoo in her hair made him feel ashamed. She’d been his brother’s wife. What was wrong with him that even after all these years, he still felt the pressure, the frustrating heat of their kiss? He’d wanted more so bad it had physically hurt. Which was why after he’d seen Brandon kiss her on the dance floor, he’d left with Colby and Tanner to drink himself into a stupor.
Not only had he woke hungover, but he’d been grounded for a month and then forced to spend those first precious weeks of summer busting his ass for his dad’s landscaping company.
Yeah—what Brody remembered was that Lilianna was trouble.
Which was why he was now opting to stay away.
“I know it’s proper to hand-tear lettuce,” she said, “but I never have patience for that. I do it like this…” Nudging him aside, she stepped in front of the cutting board, slicing the leaves into strips, then turning them sideways to cut again. Finished, she tossed the greens into a plastic bowl that resembled a colander. “Take it to the sink, squeeze a dot of dishwashing liquid in the palm of your hand, then let the water run over it so only the suds touch the leaves. Rinse and fluff, making sure all the soap is out.”
“Yeah, I’ve never been the fluffing type.”
“Scoop it around. Whatever. It’s semantics.” She slammed the lettuce bowl into another bowl, then snapped a lid on top.
“Why are you all of the sudden snippy?”
Ignoring him, she took the whole contraption back to the sink and started turning a handle. Water flew pretty much everywhere but in the sink.
He backed up.“You’re lethal with that thing. Did the state issue you a license to carry?”
“Ha ha.” She lifted the lid. “See? Perfect lettuce.”
“What if I’d rather have a perfect cheeseburger?”
Hands on her hips, she glared.
He couldn’t help but grin. Lord, she was beautiful. Even prettier now than she’d been in high school. But what did he do with that? She hadn’t been his then and would never be now, so for all practical purposes, she might as well be a doll placed high on an unreachable shelf.
“If you’d really rather have a burger, I could make you one…”
“I love your spaghetti. I’m messing with you.”
“Please don’t…” Tears pooled in her eyes. “When I saw you in the tub… You scared me.” She sniffed, swiping her tears with her sleeves. “I was seriously afraid you were having a mental breakdown.”
“I was…” Because he didn’t know what else to do, he pulled her into his arms, where he secretly felt as if she’d always belonged. “But thanks to you, I’m better. And in the morning, when I talk to my shrink, I’ll be perfect. So for tonight, let’s forget I’m anything other than the calm, cool guy I always used to be. Let’s share your great meal and worry about everything else as it crops up.”
As if on cue, the doorbell rang.
Lilianna groaned.
“Who do you think it is?” Brody asked.
“If I had to guess—your mother.”
He followed her to the front door. When she opened it, sure enough, there stood his mom and dad. They both looked as if they’d aged ten years. Had he done that to them? Shame had him adjusting the collar of Brandon’s old med school T-shirt to release sudden heat.
“You’re healthy enough to cook supper,” his mom said, peering around him while removing her hat, gloves and scarf, “But not to at least give me a courtesy call to let me know you made it safely to town?” She crushed him in a hug, followed by heaving sobs.
All he could do was hold her and apologize, so he did. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
He dad curved his hand over his shoulder. “Good to have you home, Son.”
“Where’s Donny?” Lilianna asked.
“In the car,” his dad said. “I left it running. We didn’t want to bring him into a potentially upsetting scene. I’ll go get him.”
“Thanks. Need help?” Lilianna asked.
“You’re a peach for asking, but I can handle it
.”
Brody thought he had this situation under control, but the joke was him. This surprise reunion with his parents was far tougher than once again facing his sister-in-law. With her, he felt safe to be real. Himself. With his mom and dad, he needed to be strong—far stronger than he currently felt.
“Son,” his dad said, “Put your coat and boots on. It’s high time you met your nephew.”
“I can help,” Lilianna said.
“Nope.” His dad was already out the door by the time Brody stepped into his boots without lacing them. He added his coat.
“Be right back,” Brody waved to his still sniffling mom and Lilianna. His stomach fisted. It didn’t take a masters in body language to figure out his dad wanted to talk—away from the ladies.
Outside, the night’s biting cold felt good.
“I didn’t want to say this in front of your mother,” his dad opened the SUV’s rear hatch, “but what you did—running off like that. You damn near landed her in the hospital with a nervous breakdown. She was worried sick.”
“I’ve already apologized. I never went anywhere new without at least a call or email telling her my general location.”
“It wasn’t good enough!” his dad raged, smacking his palm against the car’s frame. Never had he seen his father more upset—not even the time he and Brandon left their manual transmission Jeep out of gear and it had rolled into Kodiak Lake. “Anything could have happened to you. Do you have any idea what she would have done if she’d lost both of her sons? I thank God every day for Lilianna and the baby. Without them…”
From the vehicle’s back seat erupted a muffled cry.
His nephew. A living, breathing piece of his brother. Suddenly, Brody couldn’t wait to hold him, breathe him in. But sensing his best move would be to let his father vent, Brody tucked his hands in his pockets, waiting for a sign his dad was done.
“Without your sister-in-law and nephew, I can’t imagine how your mother would have made it through losing Brandon. Neither of us blame you for what happened. But we do blame you for leaving. For not staying here to care for your brother’s wife and son.”
“Lilianna belonged to Brandon—not me.”
“Bull. We’re family and we all belong to each other. We understand you went through hell overseas, but we went through our own special hell right here. I realize you’re a grown man, fully within your rights to make your own decisions, but at least for the holidays, I’m begging you not to leave your mom again.” He turned away, blotting his eyes with his gloves, then blowing his nose on one of the tissues he always stashed in his pants pockets. “Grab that gear…” He nodded toward a diaper bag and a few other satchels filled with miscellaneous baby stuff. “I’ll get your nephew.”
Brody felt scolded—like he was back in fourth grade and had left the tarp off the firewood. Did his mom or dad or Lilianna believe he’d wanted to leave them? What couldn’t they understand about the fact that he hadn’t been mentally fit to be around anyone who mattered, anyone who deserved polite conversation and thoughtfulness and a level of caring he wasn’t emotionally capable of giving?
Knowing they wouldn’t get any closer to a mutual understanding tonight, Brody performed the task his father had requested, then closed the SUV’s rear hatch.
Meanwhile, his dad had already taken the baby and his carrier inside.
Brody trudged after him.
In the house, he found his mother putting on her hat and gloves.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“I-I have to go before I say something I regret. We’ll expect you at the chapel’s holiday pageant—your nephew plays the starring role—and again at the house Christmas Eve and morning. Oh—and don’t even think about skipping out on Lilianna’s New Year’s Eve tribute to your brother. She and Rose Davis have been working on it for months. In the meantime, I’ll leave it to Lilianna to introduce you to the newest member of our family. Hon,” she said to his dad, “please take me home.”
Without a word or backwards glance, they left, shutting the door behind them.
The cold chill remained.
“Brrr…” Lilianna said to her chubby-cheeked bundled-up son. “Grandma and Grandpa were kind of icy with Uncle Brody. Do you think he’ll get them to thaw?”
While she unwrapped her son from his many layers of clothing, Brody sat on a kitchen barstool, holding his breath as if watching her unwrap a much-anticipated gift. Only after she cradled the baby did he exhale.
“H-he has Brandon’s cheeks and nose.”
“Don’t forget they’re yours, too,” she said with a faint smile. “Want to hold him?”
He shook his head, but then nodded, holding out his arms.
“Support his head,” she said during the trade-off.
“He’s tiny…” Brody’s throat was so tight with emotion that his words barely had sound. “Perfect in every way…” While the two of them stared at each other, Brody fit his pinky finger into the infant’s palm. When his nephew grabbed hold, Brody couldn’t help but smile. “He’s strong. He’d make a great SEAL.”
“No offense, but I’d rather he become a doctor like his dad.”
“Probably a good call. I’m hardly the poster child for stability.”
“You will be.” Her reassuring smile almost made him believe he might once again be whole. She made him want to be whole—not just for her, but his parents and this perfect miracle he held in his arms. “Want me to take him?”
“No. We’re bonding.” With the barest hint of a touch, Brody traced the baby’s eyebrows and nose, his cheeks and ears and downy crown of his head. This child was a game changer. From the instant Lilianna placed him in his arms, Brody had felt a renewed sense of purpose for his life.
His nephew gave Brody a reason to live.
All at once it made no sense, but total sense.
How incredible would it be to not just be this perfect creature’s uncle, but father?
Brody banished the notion. Since it would never happen, there was no sense in even entertaining the thought.
Chapter Ten
LILIANNA WOKE SOMETIME in the night, disoriented and drooling. It took a few deep breaths to realize Donny was crying over the monitor.
She yawned before easing out from the beneath the down comforter in the king-sized bed she used to share with Brandon. The room was chilly, so she stepped into her slippers, then slipped her thick robe on over her flannel PJs. After a pit stop in the bathroom, she jogged down the hall to her son.
“Coming, sweetie…”
Only when she got there, Donny was no longer crying because his uncle had already lifted him from his crib, settled him on his changing table and was attempting by the soft beams of the swimming fish nightlight to change the baby’s diaper.
Brody looked so big.
Donny so small.
It was probably exhaustion making the observation, but the combo was the most enchanting sight Lilianna had witnessed in a long time.
“A+ for effort,” she said behind Brody, “but have you ever done that before?”
“Nah, but it can’t be that hard. Plus, I figured you could use the sleep. You left bottles filled with breastmilk in the fridge, right?”
“Yes, but…” Who was this thoughtful, capable man and what had he done with her brother-in-law?
“All of that sounded great in theory, but how do I get the old diaper off?” He’d successfully removed the lower half of Donny’s Onesie, but fumbled with the full diaper’s sticky tabs.
“Helps if you turn on a light.” She moved a few feet to the left, toward the cozy rocker and side table where she flicked on a lamp. “Now you can see the tabs instead of fumbling for them.”
“Ah, got it. Thanks for the tip. What next?” Donny cooed and kicked. “I didn’t realize we were dealing with a moving target.”
“Just wait till he pees on you.”
“No way? For real?”
When she nodded, they shared a laugh.
&
nbsp; What a novelty it was—and unexpected joy—to share this late-night ritual. It was the sort of thing she’d dreamt of sharing with her husband, but as one of her oldest, dearest friends, Brody would do.
“If you can clasp him by his ankles, then lift and wipe.” She demonstrated, giving her son a good cleaning, then placed the used wipes onto the soiled diaper, wadding it into a ball, then pressed her foot on the lidded diaper pail to throw it away. “Grab a new diaper from here…” She took one from the table’s highest shelf. “…Slide it under his bootie like this, then pull it up and seal the tabs. You might wipe his legs a little—just in case a little pee went rogue. Last, put his feet back into his jammies, button him up, then voila, he’s ready for feeding.”
“Holy crap…”
“What’s wrong?” She turned out the lamp, already moving toward the hall.
“Nothing, just that I can’t believe you do this every night, then wake up for work every morning. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.”
She shrugged. “That was never the plan, but it wasn’t as if I had a choice. Millions of moms don’t. It’s not always easy, but with lunchtime power naps, I manage.”
“Where are you going now?”
“To indulge in one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Care to join me?” She fought the urge to hold out her hand to him, interlocking her fingers with his like they had in the tub. This was nice, having him here with her now, but it wouldn’t last. She knew him too well. And besides, like she’d told Trace, she wasn’t anywhere near ready to date—if ever. When she was, Brody wouldn’t make it onto her eligible bachelor list.
Why?
Her aching, lonely heart silently asked the question.
Since she didn’t have an answer, she kept walking to the far end of the hall till they reached the stairs. “This is super taboo. All of my baby books say nighttime feedings should be a time of quiet contemplation and lullabies. But to me, it means Ben & Jerry’s and Bold and the Beautiful.”
Following her into the kitchen, he asked, “I’m down with the ice cream, but I don’t know about watching a soap.”
Happy New Year, Baby Page 5