The Spider Queen

by Emma Slate

  The snowflakes had stopped falling, so there was nothing to catch on my tongue.

  “You said nothing could harm her,” Thane said, addressing Virbius.

  “I said no creatures could harm her. She must’ve seen something in the water.”

  “Hunter,” I said, my eyes drifting shut. “As a merrow. I wondered if he was real. He wasn’t.”

  Neither of them replied, and I let my eyes remain closed. My breathing was shallow, and when I tried to take a deep breath, it felt like my lungs were being shredded and pulverized.

  “Ow,” I muttered, my hand going to my chest.

  Thane’s hand whipped out to grasp my fingers. “Poppy, wait.”

  “Wait, what? Help me sit.”

  Thane looked to Virbius for confirmation, which in turn caused me to frown. Thane was Guardian of the Bridge. He didn’t bow to lesser beings.

  Virbius placed his hands on my shoulders—hands, not paws.

  I frowned. “Wait, last I saw you, you were in your beast form.”

  “I changed.” He shrugged and then looked away. “Sun is rising.”

  The three of us took a moment to watch the three moons sink into the horizon and the sun poke its head awake. “I don’t think I’ll get tired of seeing that view,” I whispered, my voice full of awe as the painted canvas of colors stole my breath. Rays warmed my cheeks, and I felt my skin crack and ice fall from my face.

  “What happened to me?” I asked, finally able to take a deep breath. I held out my hands, and the both of them helped me sit up.

  “You dove into the water,” Thane said slowly. “And you went under. An ice reed stabbed you.” He put his finger to my chest, right over my heart.

  “I pulled you out,” Virbius bragged.

  Thane shot an annoyed look at the forest troll. “We both pulled you out.”

  I frowned. “Okay. So…I’m fine. Right? Aside from being a little bit frozen.”

  “The ice reed impaled your heart,” Thane said. “The human part of it.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Thane dropped his head and then looked at me from beneath his brows. “Your heart was in the process of changing, Poppy. It was becoming immortal. The reed lanced the part of your heart that was still human, and it was enough that you began to freeze.”

  “So we had to cut it out of you,” Virbius added.

  “I have half a heart?” I asked in stupefaction. “Can I live that way?”

  Thane nodded, but his gaze was somber. “You can. Only—only it means you’ll change once again.”

  “How?” I shrieked.

  “I don’t know,” Thane admitted.

  I launched myself at him, tackling him to the ground. Maybe he let me, or maybe my newfound rage lent me a surge of unnatural strength.

  With a half a heart, would I lose all my empathy? Would I lose my essence? Would I lose everything that made me me?

  I beat and battered against Thane’s strong chest as he held me to him. I cried and lamented. Though I’d already known I was changing, I’d still felt like me. Now…I reached down into the place inside of me, wanting to discover who I was, afraid that I was becoming more of a what instead of a who.

  “We must keep moving,” Virbius said, his tone grave. “We still have a few days yet before we reach the desert.”

  I scrambled away from Thane and shot to my feet, surprised to find I wasn’t exhausted. Despite the nearly freezing to death, despite the fact that I only had half a heart…

  It’s gone. The part of you that slowed you down. It’s been removed.

  The inside of my chest felt empty and cold, yet unmitigated fury boiled underneath the surface of my skin. I was hot and cold, split in half.

  Is this a psychotic break? All I feel is rage.

  I wish I had the answer. I know you blame me. As you should. This is my fault.

  I tried to sift through the anger to find the tender feelings I knew I had for him, but it was hazy, murky, like I was swimming through the dark waters of my own emotions.

  The guilt I’d been feeling over the loss of Hunter was no longer present.

  Neither was my love for him.

  I searched the deepest part of myself, trying to summon the feelings I’d once felt. It hadn’t been long ago. Feelings didn’t just disappear into oblivion.

  But mine had.

  Thane’s face was devoid of expression, which I knew meant he was feeling everything deeply. My ire had not been directed at him, I realized. I softened, my lips wanting to trace his.

  There’s nothing left of him now.

  Memories of him.

  I shook my head. My heart doesn’t even remember how I used to love him. As you pointed out, the only part of my heart that’s left is the immortal part. And even though it’s only half, the entirety of it belongs to you. It loves you.

  Thane took a step closer to me. I never wanted your love this way.

  My smile was sardonic. I know. But now you have me. All of me.

  What was left of me, anyway.

  Chapter 25

  We didn’t stop to sleep or eat. I found I didn’t need to. Not with my newfound immortality. And rage was its own type of energy. So we plowed on, didn’t speak much, each of us lost in our own thoughts. For some reason, we were still flying under the radar despite me having used magic. I wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, however. Xan had sent swarms of angry wasps to kill me. A few times. He’d failed, clearly. But what would he would do next?

  I was immortal.

  I was extremely difficult to kill.

  If we saved the world, I’d have a long life with Thane.

  One long life with the same man.

  Do immortals believe in divorce?

  He shot me an amused look. No. Though the Greek Gods seek other options. Immortality is long and they get bored.

  So I can expect you to seek new options when you grow bored with me?

  I’m not a normal immortal.

  I snorted. Was there such a thing?

  Guardians mate for life. They want for nothing and no one. I will be true to you. Forever. He paused. Does that scare you?

  Should it? I peered at him as I navigated a decaying log. Virbius was a silent guide, walking about ten feet in front of us, giving us his golden back. His white hair gently swished in the breeze.

  It would seem to scare most mortals—then again, you have changed.

  Good or bad, it remains to be seen.

  We have years to get to know one another.

  Maybe. If…

  Thane didn’t take that thread of conversation. We share a mental link, but I hope there will be a time when I’m inside your mind and it doesn’t feel like an intrusion. Where we can come and go as we please, where we know what the other will say before they say it. I’d love to know your body as well as mine, but find new ways to please you.

  I shivered at the caress in his voice. Does the wanting you ever stop?

  No. It will change. It will deepen. One day, when I’m inside you, it will become more than just desire. We will become entwined, Poppy. Our hearts, our souls, our essences.

  His gaze dropped down my body. One day, you’ll carry my children. You’ll become a mother, and the bond between us will strengthen even more. Our connection will grow roots, and we won’t be able to live without the other.

  I wasn’t ready to consider motherhood. There were too many other things I had yet to come to grips with—and that had nothing to do with the loss of my human heart.

  My family life had been a terrible model. As a human, I’d been focused on academics, on studies, on science. I’d thought they were a more solid foundation.

  But Thane had proven that even science wasn’t foolproof. Seeing was believing. I’d seen—and lived—through unexplainable events.

  Where does my cousin think I am? My parents?

  Dead. He cocked his head to one side. Does that bother you?

  I instinctively pressed a hand to my heart and rubbed the
fabric of my body suit. There were no gaping wounds, no serrated flesh. It was as if it had never happened. On the outside, anyway. But I was forever changed on the inside.

  I don’t think so, I admitted. As you pointed out, the human part of me is truly gone—and I feel no kinship to my life before you.

  I loved who you were before. I love who you are now. I’ll love you when you change again.

  I’ll change again?

  We’re immortal, but that doesn’t mean we’re stagnant.

  Why didn’t you tell me you’d been imprisoned for thousands of years? Why did you tell me hundreds?

  Would it have changed how you felt about me?

  Maybe. I don’t know.

  As a human, you already felt a great burden and deep guilt for being drawn to Hunter and me. I was trying to minimize it, I guess.

  I can’t fault you for trying to protect me. But maybe…maybe I would’ve come to you sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have fought so hard against it—against you.

  We’ll never know, will we?

  I wasn’t sure I liked who I was changing into. Unrecognizable. Deep, unmerciful rage, no longer capable of empathy.

  An immortal psychopath, maybe?

  Don’t worry so much about it right now, he suggested. We have to live through all of this first.

  A chuckle escaped my mouth. Thane grinned and shrugged. What he said was completely true. Here I was, concerned about what my life was going to look like when there was a slim chance of it actually coming to fruition.

  But then I looked at Thane, his strong features caressed by the glowing afternoon light, and I realized, I wasn’t just fighting to prevent the end of the world. I was fighting to ensure there wasn’t an end to my world.

  You’re it for me.

  He reached his hand out. I took it and laced my fingers with his. I brought our clasped hands to my heart—and the boiling, volcanic rage that had been brewing beneath the surface ready to be unleashed—disappeared like breath on a cold morning.

  Even with half a heart, I can still love you the way you deserve.

  Thane closed his eyes and bowed his head like in prayer. I knew what he hoped for. It was the same thing I wanted.

  A life—however it looked…

  With him.

  Chapter 26

  On the second evening, before the sun had set entirely, Virbius pulled aside the thick brush and gestured. “There it is.”

  I huddled next to his side and peered out across the great expanse of…nothing. Just endless sand dunes. Even the rays of light hitting the sand weren’t beautiful.

  “Talk about a barren wasteland,” I muttered.

  Thane moved to stand behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Pretty much, yeah.”

  “There’s a rugged splendor to it. Don’t you think?” Virbius added.

  “You won’t even cross the desert with us,” I said with a wry laugh.

  Virbius grinned. “I can appreciate it from afar.”

  I reached out for his hand. “Thank you for getting us here.”

  “It was an honor, lady.” He bowed.

  I felt Thane’s eye roll through our connection and bit my lip to stop myself from bursting into laughter.

  “If you have no more need of me,” Virbius said. “I’ll take my leave. Be well, be safe, and more importantly, may you succeed.”

  With one final bow, Virbius darted away through the forest, out of sight. I didn’t even hear his footsteps.

  “And then it was just the two of them—and the fate of the entire world rested on their very slim shoulders,” I murmured.

  “My shoulders are broad.”

  I looked up at him and grinned.

  “What?”

  “I’m still always so surprised when you make a joke. You were so dark when we met.”

  “I was a spider, plagued with near insanity. You’d be dark too.”

  I squeezed his hand that rested on my shoulder. “Should we continue on?”

  “In a few hours.” He gently turned me so we faced one another and then leaned down to kiss me. “We haven’t been alone in days.”

  “We haven’t bathed in days, either,” I pointed out. “And I don’t see a lake around here…”

  Thane nuzzled the skin behind my ear. “You smell…like a woodland creature.”

  “Define that,” I gasped, as his tongue snaked out to taste me.

  “Earthy. Though I guess that’s not the right word. Purgatory-y.”

  I chuckled. “I get what you’re trying to say, Thane. Do immortals have to shave?” I hadn’t gotten a good look at my legs in some time, and didn’t know if I’d scare Thane away.

  “Of course we have to shave.” He pointed to himself. “Did you not see this?”

  “Scruff,” I realized. “Days of scruff.”

  He nodded.

  “You’ll have an immortal beard?”

  “I’ll have a beard,” he corrected. “And I happen to be immortal.”

  That settled that: my eyebrows were in definite need of a wax. As were my other parts.

  “Poppy?”

  “Yeah, Thane?”

  “I don’t care if you are hairier than a—”

  “Do not finish that sentence.”

  He grinned but then sobered. “This may be our last chance.”

  My brow furrowed and then it smoothed out. “Oh. Oh, I see.”

  “The Desert of the Forgotten is too dangerous to stop moving. Whatever happens, we have to keep going. Which is why I want…”

  A last night.

  I swallowed.

  “Thane,” I whispered and reached for him.

  He swooped me up into his arms, his mouth claiming mine. We tore at our clothes. We bit skin and tasted blood, marking ourselves on one another. My heart felt like it had wings, beating against my ribcage, ready to take flight.

  I didn’t know I could love with half a heart. I wished I had more to give to Thane.

  “Don’t think,” he growled, his mouth on the column of my neck. “Just feel. Feel me. Here and now.”

  Because who knew what tomorrow would bring? Who knew the things I’d see, the tears I’d shed, the war that would be fought.

  Were Heaven’s gates withstanding Lucifer’s assault? Were the angels fighting with swords, with every breath they took?

  Thane gripped my hair and forced my eyes to his. “Me.”

  “You.”

  “Us.”

  His mouth captured mine.

  I was consumed. And whatever ice was left in my veins, whatever cold shards remained within my being burst like tiny pop rockets.

  Would I get the chance to have his children? Would I be able to watch them grow? Would we have an eternity of whispered breaths and longing sighs between us?

  I felt his tears on my skin as he slid into me. I felt my own, but refused to close my eyes. I wanted to remember this moment. Carry it with me forever. However long that might be.

  He branded me with his touch and set my soul aflame. He made me wish for a life I hadn’t yet had a chance to live.

  When we lay still, our hearts beating as one, I whispered, “I’m sorry.” My mouth touched his bare shoulder. He tasted of honey and sunshine, of endless possibilities. If Heaven was a kingdom among the clouds, then Thane was my kingdom of wishes. Wishes I’d one day hope to dream, believing they’d come true.

  “Why are you sorry?” he asked with aching gentleness. He shifted, still inside me.

  “For all the times I turned away from you. We could’ve had so much more of this.”

  “We’ll have more,” he vowed. “You can’t believe we’ve already lost. You have to have hope.”

  I smiled, but it was sad. “I guess that’s one part of me that will never change.”

  “What part is that?”

  “Scientists have a hard time believing in something so illogical as hope.”

  Thane grew hard and rocked against me. He made love to me under the light of the three moons. Eventually,
we separated into two beings once again.

  After we dressed, we clasped our hands, and then stepped into the Desert of the Forgotten.

  Chapter 27

  “It’s peaceful,” I said.

  Thane looked at me. “That’s not the word I would use.”

  “What word would you use?”

  “Arid. Dry. Every inhalation makes me feel like I’m choking on sand. There’s no movement here. The air doesn’t flow. It’s just…oppressive.”

  “You’re going to be a real treat tomorrow,” I said with a teasing laugh.

  We were walking across the dunes by the glow of the three moons. The air wasn’t cool even at night, and I didn’t want to think about the heat during the height of the day.

  “How are you not miserable right now?” Thane grumbled.

  “Well, I did go to college in Charleston, so I’m used to stifling heat and humidity. This is a dry heat, so—” I shrugged.

  “So you think you know what tomorrow brings with the rising of the sun?”

  “Why don’t you tell me,” I said in a sarcastic droll.

  Note to self: Thane was pissy when he was hot.

  “The dunes haven’t shifted yet. They will tomorrow. We’ll walk in circles. We’ll back track and find our own footprints. The sun will beat us down; it will suck the moisture from our lips. There will be no reprieve. There will be no shade, no water.”

  “But we won’t die here, right?” I pressed. “I mean that’s a stupid question. We’re immortal and all. We’re not going to die by heatstroke or blistered skin?”

  He shook his head. “We won’t die. We’ll just suffer and suffer while we wait for the Ebony moon to rise to the highest point in the sky. We’ll wish we were dead. Because that’s what happens in the Desert of the Forgotten. You wander, you forget a time without heat, without the taste of sand on your tongue and in your teeth.” His tone was bitter with memories. “I’d gladly be imprisoned another hundred years than have to wander through this desert.”

  I was uncomfortable, but our suits were keeping us moderately cool. So why was Thane in such a dark place?

  “What happened the last time you were here?” I asked softly.

  “When I had my bouts of insanity,” he said, “in my prison, it was always the same. Me, here, wandering forever and ever. Once you’ve been to this place, Poppy, it stays inside of you.” He clenched his jaw.