The Shocking Trouble on the Planet of Shobble

by L. M. Moriarty

  ‘Princess Petronella is alive and well,’ pointed out Shimlara. ‘We never killed her. We just convinced her to change her mind about destroying Earth. Ring the Palace on Globagaskar if you don’t believe me. They’ll tell you! Or ring my mum.’

  Enrico looked at her thoughtfully. He pulled a hank of his hair over his shoulder and stroked it lovingly.

  ‘Mmmmm,’ he said.

  Tyler spoke up. ‘We’re just kids, sir. Do we look capable of killing anyone?’ He made his eyes look wide and innocent.

  ‘It’s true that you do appear very young and weak,’ said Enrico.

  ‘Hey!’ Sean looked insulted.

  Nicola shot him a ‘be quiet’ look. She decided it was time to press home the advantage with Enrico.

  ‘We’re not killers,’ she explained. ‘We’re more like . . . diplomats.’ (What a great word to pull out of her head!) ‘We solve problems diplomatically. So maybe we could help you by talking to this girl Topaz, and together we could all come up with a solution. A win–win solution. That means a win for you and a win for –’

  ‘NO!’

  Enrico thumped the table again. This time everyone was ready and managed to grab their goblets in time.

  ‘I want Topaz eliminated. That’s why I hired you! That’s why you’re here! I don’t care if you’re not trained killers. You’ll just have to learn on the job, won’t you? My payment terms are more than generous. You can hardly complain. Look at this!’

  He stood up from the table and stormed over to a large tapestry hanging on a wall. Enrico pulled on a cord and the tapestry slid to one side like a curtain to reveal an alcove. Sitting inside the alcove was a treasure chest. Enrico picked it up and carried it back over to the table.

  ‘This will be your payment,’ he said.

  He lifted the lid. It creaked open slowly. A shaft of gold light beamed straight out from the chest, as if the sun had appeared from behind a cloud.

  In spite of herself Nicola leaned forward. She was desperate to see what was inside the treasure chest.

  The chest was filled to the brim. Nicola could see hundreds, maybe thousands of shiny gold coins and the most beautiful pieces of jewellery: bracelets, necklaces and earrings. There were also dozens of neatly stacked bars of ShobbleChoc, as well as brightly wrapped ShobbleChoc balls, bags of ShobbleChoc Marshmallows, tins of Shobble-Choc Hot Chocolate and large white boxes tied with ribbon and sealed with elegant gold stickers saying: SHOBBLECHOC GIFT BOX. The smell of chocolate combined with the shimmering gold of the coins and the jewellery made Nicola’s head swim. There was a feeling rising rapidly in her chest – something powerful.

  Suddenly she knew what it was: GREED. She wanted that treasure chest. She wanted it so badly. She could give Grammy one of those gift boxes and a bracelet. It would be the perfect present. She could spend those gold coins on anything she wanted – there would probably be enough to put a swimming pool in their backyard! She could lie by the pool in an expensive new swimming costume wearing those sparkly earrings and eating nothing but ShobbleChoc.

  Nicola blinked rapidly and tried to clear her head. For heaven’s sake! It didn’t matter how much she wanted that treasure chest. She certainly wasn’t going to KILL somebody for it! Why was she even thinking about it?

  Enrico slammed the treasure chest shut and looked at them all triumphantly.

  ‘I expect you’ve changed your minds now, eh? You’re ready to take on the mission?’

  Nicola looked around at the other members of the Space Brigade. All their faces were slightly flushed as if they too had felt that tremendous sense of greed when they saw the contents of the treasure chest, but she didn’t need to ask them if they wanted to take on the mission.

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘No thank you. This mission is not for us.’

  ‘Oh, what’s wrong with these people?’ sighed Josie.

  ‘They’re obviously just stupid,’ said Joseph.

  ‘Shhh.’ Their mother waggled a finger at them.

  Nicola was waiting for Enrico to yell at them but he didn’t say a word. He pressed his lips together so they made a thin line and carried the treasure chest back over to the wall and put it away in the alcove.

  He turned back to them. ‘Well then,’ he said, and clicked his fingers twice.

  Nicola! whispered Shimlara desperately in her head. He’s going to –

  At that moment there was a sound of heavy thudding boots and suddenly the room was filled with large, muscular men dressed in black. Their long brown hair was slicked down in oily strands against their potato-like heads. They folded their arms across their barrel chests and stood with their legs apart looking straight ahead.

  ‘These are my Security Thugs,’ said Enrico. ‘They’re the finest Thugs in the galaxy.’

  The Thugs nodded and puffed out their massive chests even further.

  ‘Now, if you won’t cooperate,’ said Enrico to the Space Brigade, ‘I’m obviously going to need to take one of you as a hostage.’

  He pointed his finger at the end of the table. ‘That one will do nicely.’

  13

  Enrico was pointing his finger straight at Katie.

  The Security Thugs went directly to her, lifted her by the elbows and dragged her to her feet. Katie’s face had turned as white as an envelope.

  ‘What are you doing?’ demanded Nicola, both terrified and furious.

  ‘Get your hands off her!’ shouted Sean. He went to stand up but one of the Thugs put big meaty hands on his shoulders and easily pressed him back down in his seat.

  ‘Hey! This is against the law! I know the law!’ said Greta, obviously forgetting that the laws on Shobble were probably very different from those on Earth.

  ‘Take me,’ offered Tyler. ‘Take me instead!’

  ‘It seems I need to give you a little encouragement to complete this mission,’ said Enrico. ‘Obviously, your hairity is the most valuable member of your Brigade, so she will make the perfect hostage. Once you’ve completed the mission you may have her back. By the way, we’ll also keep your little spaceship somewhere safe for you.’

  One of the Thugs lifted his hand. He was holding Tyler’s silver briefcase.

  ‘Careful with that!’ said Tyler in a panic.

  ‘Take her away,’ said Enrico to the men.

  ‘No!’ cried Nicola. Her mind was working rapidly. The most important thing was that they all stayed together. ‘We need Katie! You’re right – she is the most valuable member of our Brigade. We can’t possibly complete the mission without her. She is our best, um . . . our best killer.’

  This was the biggest lie Nicola had ever told. In fact, Katie tended to zigzag her way down footpaths because she was so worried about accidentally stepping on ants.

  ‘Yes,’ said Katie. ‘I am a highly trained killer.’ She tried her best to pull a ferocious-looking face, but she looked about as scary as a cranky kitten.

  Enrico appeared to be wavering.

  ‘I think it’s a trick, Daddy,’ said Josie. She looked at Nicola with narrowed eyes. ‘Don’t fall for it.’

  Enrico’s face turned purple. ‘I never fall for tricks! Take her away NOW!’

  The men lifted Katie by the elbows and carried her from the room.

  Shimlara yelled after them, ‘Don’t you dare hurt her!’

  They vanished.

  Nicola looked over at the empty spot between Josie and Joseph and made a promise to herself. Once they were all safely back on Earth, the Space Brigade would retire forever. This was not fun! She wanted to bury her head in her hands and sob.

  Enrico sat back down at the end of the table and sighed as if he’d just finished doing something exhausting.

  ‘Well done, darling,’ said Carmelita, stroking his hand. ‘This is so stressful for you and you’re handling it beautifully. Isn’t your daddy clever, children?’

  ‘Very clever!’ piped up Josie and Joseph.

  ‘Thank you, sweeties,’ said Enrico pathetically. ‘I think I’m going
to be sick,’ murmured Sean.

  ‘Now,’ said Enrico. ‘I assume you’re ready to listen, Nicola?’

  Nicola knew she had no choice but to pretend they were accepting the mission. Then they could work out a way to rescue Katie and somehow get off this planet.

  Shimlara’s voice spoke up again in Nicola’s head. We’re going to have to pretend to agree to take on the mission and then we’ll work out a way to rescue Katie and somehow . . .

  ‘Yes, yes, I know,’ answered Nicola irritably, forgetting that she shouldn’t be speaking out loud.

  ‘Well, good,’ said Enrico, looking a bit surprised at her tone. ‘I’m glad you’re finally seeing sense. I have prepared dossiers for each of you with all the information you need.’

  He handed each member of the Space Brigade a thin grey folder stamped with the words TOP SECRET.

  Nicola opened hers curiously.

  The first thing she saw was a snapshot of a teenage girl. It was labelled TOPAZ. She had the typical Shobbling round face, creamy white skin, dark freckles like a dusting of chocolate, and very messy, curly red-gold hair. It was even curlier and crazier than Nicola’s. She didn’t seem to know she was being photographed and was in the middle of talking angrily to someone, or perhaps she was addressing a crowd. One fist was raised passionately above her head. Her mouth was open as if she was shouting something. Although she was scowling, you could see she had two dimples in her cheeks that would deepen when she smiled.

  She seemed strong, vibrant, beautiful and . . . very nice.

  ‘She’s disgustingly ugly,’ said Josie, who was leaning over Tyler’s shoulder to look in his folder.

  Nicola put aside the photo and picked up a typewritten sheet of paper. It said:

  THE TARGET:

  NAME: TOPAZ SILVERBELL

  AGE: 15

  KNOWN ASSOCIATES: JOSHUA SILVERBELL (YOUNGER BROTHER); SERENA GOLDDUST (BEST FRIEND).

  CRIMES: STIRRING UP NEEDLESS TROUBLE BY WRITING STRONGLY WORDED LETTERS TO NEWSPAPERS, ENCOURAGING WORKERS TO DEMAND WAGES, SABOTAGE OF PERFECTLY GOOD MINING EQUIPMENT. ALL OF THE ABOVE = TREASON.

  YOUR MISSION: ELIMINATE TOPAZ SILVERBELL. NOTE: MAKE IT APPEAR TO BE AN ACCIDENT (E.G. PUSH HER OFF A CLIFF – MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SHE SLIPPED? A FIRE OF SOME SORT? BUT YOU ARE THE EXPERTS.) THERE MUST BE NO SUSPICION OF INVOLVEMENT BY THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF. BONUS PAYMENT WILL BE AWARDED IF ASSOCIATES ARE ALSO ELIMINATED.

  A MAP INDICATING TOPAZ’S BELIEVED CURRENT WHEREABOUTS IS ATTACHED.

  The map had two small crosses. Next to one were the words YOU ARE HERE and a tiny picture of Enrico’s mansion. Next to the other cross was written TOPAZ IS HERE. The Topaz cross appeared to be right on top of a mountain called the Cloud-Capped Mountain. It looked like they would have to cross a river, a forest and an ocean to get there.

  Sean looked up from his folder and said, ‘Can I ask a question?’

  ‘Please do,’ said Enrico graciously.

  ‘Well, why do you need us to do this? You’ve got all those tough-looking guys who took Katie away. Why don’t you just get them to do it?’

  ‘Well, I would have thought that was obvious,’ said Enrico. ‘We are the nicest people in the galaxy. We just don’t do that sort of thing! Whereas I hear that you Earthlings are always doing dreadful things to each other. Of course, I don’t approve, but it must be convenient at times, when someone is causing you a problem. I often wish I wasn’t cursed with such a nice nature.’

  ‘But you’ve taken Katie hostage – that’s not exactly nice!’ protested Sean.

  ‘You left me no choice,’ said Enrico. ‘Desperate times call for desperate measures. People are actually listening to this dreadful Topaz. There could be a revolution. I could be overthrown! Can you imagine anything more dreadful or wrong?’

  ‘No, darling, I couldn’t.’ Carmelita pressed a trembling hand to her throat, overcome by the thought.

  Enrico continued, ‘If the people ever suspected that I had anything to do with Topaz’s elimination it could be the end of me. That’s why I was so delighted when I read about the services offered by the Space Brigade.’ He seemed to have forgotten – or was pretending to forget – that he had been wrong about the services they offered.

  ‘Now, I assume you’ll want to be off first thing in the morning,’ said Enrico cheerfully. ‘The sooner you’re done, the sooner I can return your valuable friend. I have arranged for five of our finest, fastest ShobGobbles to be taken from the stables. They will be ready for you at the mansion steps at six in the morning. I have also organised plenty of provisions for your journey. No, no, don’t thank me! I’m only too happy to help.’

  Nicola, who had certainly not been about to thank him, said nothing.

  ‘Well!’ Enrico rubbed his hands together and glanced at his watch. ‘I think that’s everything you need. You must excuse us. My family’s favourite television program is about to start.’

  ‘It’s called An Inside Look at Shobble’s Most Amazing and Beautiful Family,’ said Joseph.

  ‘It’s a reality TV show about us,’ preened Josie. ‘We let the TV cameras into our house for a week to film how we lived. You should have seen how hungry the TV crew looked when they filmed us eating our dinner and they hadn’t eaten all day. Oh, how we laughed!’

  ‘Sounds hilarious,’ said Nicola sourly.

  ‘I prefer to breakfast in bed, so I won’t be able to see you off in the morning.’ Enrico stood up and smiled his charming smile. ‘I’ll take this opportunity to wish you the best of luck. I’ll call for Joy to take you back to your rooms. Oh and please don’t worry about your hairity friend – we’ll take very good care of her.’

  His family followed as he flounced towards the door, but then he stopped, his hand on the doorknob. ‘Unless, of course, you fail in your mission. In that case, we might become a little forgetful when it comes to delivering her food and water.’

  He laughed and the rest of his family threw back their heads and laughed loudly with him.

  It was the most frightening sound Nicola had ever heard.

  14

  ‘What are we going to do?’ said Tyler when Enrico and his family had gone and the Space Brigade were sitting alone around the long table.

  ‘Okay, I think I’ve got one idea,’ said Greta. ‘What we do –’

  ‘We’ve got to rescue Katie before anything else,’ said Sean, who was busy emptying all the food he’d carefully hidden away in his pockets back into the serving bowls. ‘So first we’ve got to find out where –’

  ‘And they’ve got my – I mean our – spaceship!’ said Tyler. ‘Did you see they were carrying it really carelessly? If they scratch it I’ll –’ He curled his hands into fists and shook his head.

  Shimlara leaned forward urgently. ‘I’ve got something important to tell you all,’ she said. ‘I was reading Enrico’s –’

  The door opened and Joy appeared. She put a finger to her lips and pointed at the corner of the room. Then she cupped a hand over her ear. She mouthed out the words: They’re listening to you.

  Everyone stopped talking. Shimlara clapped a hand over her mouth.

  ‘I hope you enjoyed your dinner,’ said Joy formally. ‘Shall I escort you back to your rooms?’

  ‘Yes. Thank you,’ said Nicola, speaking awkwardly as if she was in a play.

  They all stood up and silently followed Joy through the corridors of Enrico’s mansion.

  Nicola was impatient now with the heavy swishing of her red velvet dress around her legs. She wanted to be back in her jeans so she could feel capable and ready for action. They needed to think of a smart way around these people. ‘Work smarter, not harder,’ her dad said when he was coming up with a new (always ridiculous) way to do housework.

  Joy led them back to Nicola’s room and ushered them in without saying anything.

  ‘Shall I run you a bath, madam?’ said Joy.

  Nicola was about to decline, but then she realised that Joy was nodding her head frantically.
r />   ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘thank you. That’s just what I need.’

  Joy walked into Nicola’s bathroom, beckoning them all to follow. She turned on both taps full blast so the noise of running water filled the room.

  Then she crouched down on the floor. Intrigued, everyone sat down cross-legged in front of her.

  ‘This is the only way to make sure Enrico’s Thugs can’t hear us on their listening devices,’ said Joy. Her voice was low, so everyone had to lean forward to hear her. ‘Every one of your rooms is bugged, so if you want to talk in private this is the only way to do it.’

  ‘They’ve taken Katie hostage,’ Nicola told her.

  Joy nodded. ‘I know.’

  ‘Can you tell us where she is?’ asked Sean. ‘We’ll rescue her.’ He punched his fist into his hand.

  ‘It’s impossible,’ said Joy. ‘She’s in the hostage room.’

  ‘Hostage room?’ said Tyler. ‘This house has its own hostage room?’

  ‘Enrico had it built specially. It has twenty security cameras, thirty alarms, and tripwires on every doorway. A team of his Security Thugs guards it. There’s no way anybody could get past them.’

  ‘Yeah, this Enrico is such a nice person,’ said Tyler sarcastically.

  ‘Will they treat her badly?’ said Nicola. Her heart plummeted at the thought of Katie alone and terrified.

  ‘Only if you fail to complete your mission,’ said Joy. ‘At the moment she’s perfectly comfortable. There are books and a television and all her meals will be provided. She’s a hairity so she’ll get five-star service. But I can assure you, it is physically impossible to rescue her.’

  Nicola sat back on her heels and watched the steam rising from the rapidly filling bath.

  ‘I just don’t know what we can do. It seems – hopeless,’ she said.

  Greta lifted her chin. ‘You shouldn’t give up like that, Nicola. It’s not very good leadership. Oh, and just a little suggestion – maybe next time you could do a bit more research before you accept a mission from a psychopath.’

  Nicola’s cheeks burned and it wasn’t because the bathroom was heating up. Greta was right. It wasn’t good leadership to give up. Maybe she should step down and let Greta take over as leader of the mission.