The Shocking Trouble on the Planet of Shobble

by L. M. Moriarty

  ‘Um, excuse me?’ called out Nicola.

  The girl blew her nose hard and continued talking angrily to herself. ‘I may as well just move off this stupid planet and find somewhere else to live. I’ll go spend a year backpacking around Earth! Achoo! I may as well. Nobody – achoo! – appreciates – achoo! – me anyway!’

  Nicola’s ball rolled forward again and this time it seemed like it would roll over for sure. Could her bubble-jacket protect her twice? It seemed unlikely. She panicked.

  ‘EXCUSE ME! I THINK I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP OUT OF THIS THING!’

  The girl looked up suddenly.

  ‘Oh!’ she said. ‘I didn’t see you there. Sorry. Did you come over on one of those hot-air balloons? They’ve really got to stop flying during hurricanes.’

  She blew her nose one more time and stood up. ‘Here. Let me help you.’ As she walked towards Nicola she gave her a friendly sort of grimace. ‘I guess you’re not having a great day either.’

  ‘Not really,’ admitted Nicola.

  The girl had that characteristic round rosy Shobbling face, snub freckled nose and round blue eyes, but there was something else familiar about her. It couldn’t be her, could it? After all this time? Standing right here in front of her, shivering and sniffing?

  ‘I’m Topaz,’ said the girl. ‘Topaz Silverbell.’

  30

  Topaz looked at Nicola expectantly, waiting for her to introduce herself.

  ‘Well, hi there!’ said Nicola brightly. ‘Am I glad to see you! At first I thought I was talking to myself!’

  Oh, dear, Nicola thought. I’m babbling. But if Topaz thought that Nicola had been sent to kill her, wasn’t there a chance she might just push Nicola off the cliff as soon as she said her name?

  Topaz raised an eyebrow. ‘And you are . . .?’

  ‘I’m, er, I’m . . .’ The obvious thing to do would be to make up a name but for some reason the only name Nicola could think of was Nicola.

  ‘I’m Ni – Ni – um – Nilly!’

  ‘Nilly?’ frowned Topaz.

  ‘Nilly,’ repeated Nicola miserably. A million names now flooded her head. Anne. Sara. Louise. Diane. And all she could come up with was Nilly.

  Topaz sniffed loudly. She took her handkerchief from her tunic pocket and blew her nose again.

  She said, ‘You’re that Earthling, aren’t you? Your name isn’t Nilly. It’s Nicola. Nicola Berry.’

  ‘Yes,’ agreed Nicola. ‘But –’

  ‘You’re the head of the Space Brigade. Enrico hired you to kill me.’

  ‘Yes, but –’

  ‘Well go ahead.’

  ‘Go ahead?’

  ‘Go ahead and kill me.’ Topaz sneezed again and wrapped her arms around herself. ‘I was just thinking that someone might as well bump me off. So go ahead. Do your job. I won’t even try to defend myself.’

  ‘Oh, but Topaz!’ Nicola remembered the photo she’d seen in Enrico’s file. Topaz had seemed so full of passion and life. Now she seemed sick and miserable, her eyes flat, her voice bitter.

  ‘Come on! What are you waiting for?’

  ‘Topaz, I don’t want –’

  ‘Hurry up! Get it over with! I’m not afraid!’ Topaz lifted her chin and closed her eyes.

  Nicola almost laughed. She said, ‘Well, it’s actually a bit hard to kill you when I’m trapped in this ball.’

  ‘Oh.’ Topaz opened her eyes. ‘But don’t you have special Earthling powers? I was expecting you to shoot laser beams out of your eyes or something.’ She almost seemed disappointed.

  Nicola said, ‘I don’t have any special powers and, actually, if you don’t help me out of this thing soon, I might die first.’

  All the time they’d been talking her ball had continued rolling back and forth. Now it was teetering on the edge of the cliff once again. Nicola gritted her teeth.

  ‘Oh, right.’ Topaz sneezed again, and sighed. ‘Okay, I’ll help you out of there and then you can kill me – although I have to say, it hardly seems fair that I have to do my killer a favour. But then again, there isn’t much justice on this planet, is there? Oh, no, not unless your name is Enrico. Of course, then it’s a different story – then you get plenty of justice, and plenty of gold coins in your treasure account too, while the rest of us have zero treasure account balances – achoo! – but that’s no problem, we don’t mind living in poverty, and why try and change things, because that’s just the way it is, and anyway, if Enrico catches you complaining he’ll just arrange for your tongue to be burned so you can never speak again. Oh, but we all pretend that sort of thing doesn’t happen, don’t we? Let’s all keep drilling and mining while the hairities get richer and we get poorer!’

  All the time she was talking Topaz was rummaging through her pockets, pulling out and discarding an array of different objects: crumpled-up leaflets, tissues, a half-eaten ShobbleChoc bar, a hair band, a paperclip, a transistor radio and – finally – a pin.

  ‘This ought to do the trick,’ she said, and jabbed the pin into the rubber ball encasing Nicola.

  There was a loud bang like a balloon bursting and a hiss of air.

  Nicola found herself standing on firm ground, covered in shredded plastic.

  ‘I’ve never understood why they don’t just supply a pin with every bubble-jacket,’ said Topaz. ‘I bet it was designed by some stupid hairity. Okay, now are you ready to kill me? Hurry up, because I’m actually starting to change my mind. I might fight back. You don’t look that scary.’

  Nicola stepped away from the side of the cliff and back under the ledge. The rain was becoming softer and the wind had stopped howling. It seemed like the hurricane had just about blown itself out.

  Desperate for Topaz to see that they were friends, not enemies, Nicola began to speak in a rush. ‘We’re not here to hurt you, Topaz. We’re sympathetic to your cause! Enrico is holding our friend hostage. His plan was to get us to “eliminate” you and then keep all of us prisoners in a glass cage, so everybody will think he’s the good guy. Enrico’s butler, Joy, told us to find you and maybe we could help you overthrow Enrico.’

  Topaz didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then she sighed and looked away. ‘Well, I can’t help you. I can’t do anything. I’m giving up the cause. I don’t care anymore. Enrico can do what he wants. I’m sorry about your friend, but there’s nothing I can do.’

  Nicola’s heart was sinking fast. Had they come all this way for nothing?

  ‘But why are you giving up? What’s wrong? Is it just because you’ve got a cold? Everything always feel worse when you’re sick.’

  ‘No, it’s more than that. It’s –’

  ‘HEY! ARE YOU GIRLS JUST GOING TO SIT AROUND AND CHAT ALL DAY? MAYBE YOU COULD GET YOUR NEW FRIEND TO COME AND HELP US OUT TOO, NIC! GRETA NEEDS TO GO TO THE TOILET!’

  It was Sean hollering from across the mountain. Nicola was mortified. Topaz was going to lose all respect for the Space Brigade! She could hear Greta yelling back at Sean, ‘Hey! That was private information!’

  ‘Is that the rest of the Space Brigade?’ Topaz looked amused in spite of herself.

  ‘Yes,’ said Nicola. ‘That was my brother. I guess I should go and let them out.’ Suddenly she remembered Shimlara. ‘Oh – and another friend of ours was with us in the hot-air balloon! I need to find out where she landed. I hope her bubble-jacket inflated okay.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll get my friends to form a search party,’ said Topaz. From her pocket she took what looked to Nicola like a transistor radio and flicked a switch. ‘Topaz to Joshua. Topaz to Joshua. Come in, Joshua.’

  Immediately, a young boy’s voice crackled forth from the radio. ‘Yeah, Joshua to Topaz, where have you been? Everyone has been worried about you. I just got a message from Mum saying if you weren’t resting, she was coming up the mountain to put you to bed herself. I didn’t mention that you were curing your cold by going for a walk in a hurricane!’

  Topaz said, ‘Joshua, I’m fifteen years old.�
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  ‘Why are you talking in your trying-to-sound-cool voice? Is someone there with you?’

  Now it was Topaz’s turn to look embarrassed.

  ‘Brothers.’ Nicola rolled her eyes sympathetically.

  Topaz said, ‘I’m here with Nicola Berry.’

  Joshua’s voice changed. ‘The evil Earthling? Where are you? We’re on our way!’

  ‘It’s okay, Joshua.’ Topaz smiled at Nicola. ‘She’s not that bad. In fact, she’s actually pretty nice for an evil Earthling.’

  31

  ‘There she is! Over there!’

  It was Topaz’s brother, Joshua, who finally spotted Shimlara. Joshua was a short, square-shaped boy who brimmed with so much energy Nicola couldn’t imagine him standing still. He and Sean had quickly figured out that they were kindred spirits. As they’d tramped through the snow calling out Shimlara’s name, Sean had been showing Joshua karate moves, while Joshua demonstrated a Shobble sport called Head Crunch. It seemed to involve running as fast as you could towards a particular spot in the snow and then diving at it headfirst while yelling HEAD CRUNCH! Sean thought Head Crunch was hilarious and Joshua thought karate was hilarious, and they had both become sweaty and elated.

  ‘AM – I – GLAD – TO – SEE – YOU!’ shouted Shimlara when she saw them. ‘I – DON’T – THINK – I – COULD – TAKE – MUCH – MORE – OF – THIS!’

  Nicola thought landing on the edge of a cliff had probably won her first prize for Worst Possible Place to Land in Your Bubble-Jacket, but Shimlara had won second prize. She’d fallen right into the middle of a frozen lake. The good news was that her bubble-jacket had inflated properly and saved her from crashing through the ice. The bad news was that Shimlara was now trapped in a ball that was turning on the spot like a spinning coin. Shimlara’s face was green.

  ‘IT – WAS – FUN – AT – FIRST!’ she cried. ‘BUT – NOW – NOT – SO – MUCH!’

  Nicola was about to run to her when Topaz stopped her. ‘Your shoes aren’t convertible, are they?’

  ‘Convertible?’

  ‘It’s a Shobble innovation for skating on our frozen seas.’ Topaz reached down and adjusted something on her shoes. Blades sprang out from the bottom. Her shoes had suddenly ‘converted’ into skates.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll get her.’ Topaz glided smoothly across the ice towards the spinning Shimlara.

  The rain had stopped, the sun was shining and Shobble’s rainbows were once again shimmering above them. The air on top of the Cloud-Capped Mountain was so pure, Nicola wanted to drink it up in big refreshing gulps.

  ‘OKAY! HEAD-CRUNCH CHAMPIONSHIPS START NOW!’ cried Joshua.

  ‘YEAH!’ yelled Sean.

  ‘YEAH!’ yelled Tyler, although not quite as enthusiastically. Nicola hoped he didn’t smash his glasses trying to impress the other boys.

  ‘I bet I can beat all of you with my gymnastic skills,’ said Greta.

  ‘I’ve never heard of gymnastic skills but give it your best shot, Earthling!’ Joshua looked delighted at all this new competition.

  Nicola was left standing on the side of the lake next to a tall, frizzy-haired girl who had joined them on the hunt for Shimlara. Topaz had introduced her as Serena Golddust. Serena seemed to be a quiet, serious girl with a soothing sort of stillness to her that was a marked contrast to the characters of both Joshua and Topaz.

  As they watched Topaz skating across to Shimlara, Nicola said, ‘I hope you don’t mind me asking, but is Topaz okay? She seems sort of depressed.’

  Serena kept her eyes fixed on Topaz and didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then she sighed. ‘Yes, she is depressed. It’s partly because she’s got a bad cold but other things have been getting her down. People keep telling her it’s not worth fighting Enrico and that we’re only making things worse for the people. They’d rather spend their lives reading about what the hairities eat for breakfast. Also, one of the marshmallow miners had an accident and it was our fault. We all felt terrible about that.’

  ‘What happened?’ asked Nicola.

  ‘Well, we broke into one of the marshmallow mines and exploded a Fizz-Bang Bomb. They’re perfectly safe. It’s just a lot of noise and red smoke.’

  ‘I think we saw that,’ said Nicola, remembering the explosion at the marshmallow mine when they’d first arrived on Shobble.

  ‘We just wanted to hold up production a bit. We left behind a big sign saying, MARSHMALLOW MINERS SHOULD BE PAID FOR THEIR WORK. It all went really well except that two miners who were blinded by the smoke collided and broke their noses. Topaz’s mother said it was irresponsible of us and someone is always going to get hurt if we keep doing that sort of thing, but how else do we get noticed? And we already knew that Enrico had arranged for some Earthlings to try and kill us – well that’s when Topaz started saying we might as well give it all up.’

  ‘But Enrico shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it!’ said Nicola.

  ‘I know,’ said Serena. ‘But what can we do? My father drilled for chocolate for over forty years. He worked on the most dangerous chocolate rigs where they drill for the rarest, sweetest chocolate at the bottom of the sea. His teeth have rotted from breathing in pure chocolate fumes every day of his life. And he has never been paid a single gold coin. Do you know how much they charge for ShobbleChoc in far-off galaxies? The profits are huge. And my dad just says, Oh, well, the hairities know best. I say, Dad, having long brown hair does not mean you’ve got a brain, it just means you’ve got long brown hair, and he says, Yes, Serena darling, whatever you say, and that’s the end of that.’

  As Nicola watched, Topaz popped Shimlara’s bubble-jacket. Shimlara staggered and Topaz caught her. They talked for a few seconds and Nicola saw Shimlara’s face light up with joy.

  ‘Nic, it’s Topaz!’ called out Shimlara, as if Nicola hadn’t figured this out already. ‘We’ve found Topaz!’

  ‘I know!’ called back Nicola.

  But it seemed finding Topaz wasn’t the answer to their problems at all.

  32

  ‘Welcome to headquarters,’ sniffed Topaz. ‘Not that it’s going to be headquarters for much longer.’

  The Space Brigade, Topaz, Joshua and Serena were standing in front of a large boulder on the side of the mountain. Topaz kicked at something in the snow beneath her feet and the boulder slid back to reveal an enormous cave divided into two sections by a rocky wall. The left-hand side was a small stable where three ShobGobbles were snoozing contentedly. ‘We did some flying this morning,’ explained Joshua. ‘They’re exhausted.’

  The right-hand side had a long table in the centre, scattered with pens, newspaper clippings and pieces of strange-looking equipment. Old placards were lined up against the walls of the cave with slogans like: THE TROUBLE WITH SHOBBLE IS ENRICO! and A HAIRITY WHO CARES IS A RARITY! and SHARE SHOBBLE’S PROFITS WITH THE PEOPLE!

  There were three cots lined up against the walls where Topaz, Joshua and Serena obviously slept. There was also a small stove and a basket full of food supplies. It was clearly a place where people worked hard.

  Topaz made her way straight to one of the beds. Her face was flushed and her teeth were chattering. ‘Sorry, but I’m going to bed,’ she said. ‘I think I’ve got a temperature.’ She got in, pulled the blankets over her shoulders and turned to face the wall.

  Joshua and Serena raised their eyebrows at each other.

  ‘She’ll bounce back to her old self as soon as her cold goes away,’ said Joshua. ‘She’s not serious about giving up the cause.’

  ‘I am so serious,’ said Topaz, without turning her head from the wall.

  ‘Of course you are,’ said Joshua, while silently shaking his head.

  ‘I am,’ said Topaz. Her voice began to drift off. ‘I’ve – had – just – about – enough.’ Seconds later, she was snoring.

  ‘A nice long sleep will do her a world of good,’ said Nicola. Oh, why did her mother’s voice keep coming out of her mouth like that!

&nb
sp; Luckily, before Sean could tease her mercilessly, Joshua mentioned food and distracted him.

  ‘I’ve made some hizza,’ he said. ‘Who wants some?’

  ‘What’s hizza?’ asked Sean suspiciously.

  It turned out that ‘hizza’ on Shobble was exactly the same as pizza on Earth – and it was fantastic, with a thin crispy crust, a thick, tasty topping and lots of melted cheese.

  ‘This is pizza, dude,’ said Sean, taking his fifth piece. ‘And it’s very good.’

  ‘It’s hizza,’ said Joshua. ‘And I know it’s good. I’m going to be a chef one day – once we’ve overthrown Enrico.’

  ‘Well I don’t mean to be negative,’ said Greta. (Here we go, thought Nicola.) ‘But how are you ever going to overthrow Enrico when your leader has given up and gone to bed? We’ve come all this way to find you so we could work together to fight Enrico, and so far it’s been a big waste of time.’

  ‘Greta,’ said Tyler, ‘if it wasn’t for Topaz we’d still be stuck in our bubble-jackets.’

  ‘Well, if it wasn’t for Topaz we wouldn’t have been here in the first place. And meanwhile Katie is stuck in Enrico’s clutches and we’re all just sitting here on the other side of the planet eating hizza!’

  Nicola had to admit she had a point.

  ‘Hey, we didn’t ask you to come here,’ said Joshua, starting to look angry. ‘We did our best to stop you when we arranged for your ShobGobbles to be put to sleep.’

  ‘Speaking of which, I hope that didn’t hurt our lovely ShobGobbles,’ said Shimlara. ‘That was a pretty mean thing to do to poor defenceless animals!’

  ‘It’s perfectly safe, and anyway, we thought you were coming to kill my sister!’ Joshua slammed his fist on the table. ‘We thought you were scary creatures from another planet!’