Double Blind--A Novel

by Iris Johansen

  “I didn’t. It was just a mistake that—”

  “A mistake that hurt me and made me feel things that I didn’t want to feel.” She was coming across the room toward him. “Terrible regret. Pain. All kinds of other crazy mixed-up emotions.” She stopped before him. “And I’m still feeling them. I look at you and I can’t shut them down.” Her eyes were blazing up at him. “You do it, Lynch.”

  “What are you asking?” His eyes were narrowed on her face. “I know you’re upset. I know you believe I’m somehow to blame. Maybe I am. Just tell me how to make it right.”

  She reached up and unbuttoned her shirt. “No one needs to tell you anything, Lynch.” She stripped off her bra. “I’m sure you’re an expert. It’s simple.” She pressed her naked breasts against him as she started to unbutton his shirt. “Just do what we’ve both been wanting to do.”

  “I’m not sure—” A ripple undulated through his body as she lifted his undershirt and pressed her nipples against his bare flesh. “This isn’t a good idea.”

  “Then why have you been telling me it was good all this time?” She ran her tongue in the hollow of his shoulder. So warm. She could feel his heartbeat. So alive … “You’ve convinced me.”

  “Wait.” His hands grasped her bare shoulders. “Not the right time. Not fair to you.” He was breathing hard. “Man, that was hard to say. But it’s true. I’m trying to tell you that—”

  “I know what you’re trying to tell me. Now stop arguing when I’m trying to fuck you.” She had taken a step back and was tearing off the rest of her clothes. “The next thing you’ll say is that I might be drunk because I had two whole glasses of wine. That won’t float either, Lynch.”

  “I can see it won’t.” He was smiling recklessly as he jerked his undershirt over his head and threw it aside. In the next moment he was naked and reaching for her. “This is probably a mistake, but it’s too late now. I’ll have to repair it later…”

  He lifted her and sank deep!

  She cried out, her nails biting into his shoulders. Her legs curled around his hips.

  She buried her face in his shoulders as she took him and took him and took him.

  Then they were on the floor and he was over her.

  Crazy …

  Deep.

  Hot.

  Fast.

  So fast.

  Her head was moving from side to side as the intensity grew and grew …

  How long …

  It went on and on.

  Deeper.

  Faster.

  Full. So full.

  Heat

  Heat.

  Heat.

  Heat!

  CHAPTER

  12

  “OKAY?”

  She looked up at Lynch, her breath still coming in gasps from the last time they had come together.

  “Fine.”

  “Yes, you were.” His head dipped and his tongue traced her nipple. “Extraordinary.”

  Extraordinary. Yes, that was what the last few hours had been. Erotic, mind-blowing, and totally extraordinary.

  “Again?” he murmured.

  She wanted to say yes. She couldn’t get enough of him. But that might be because she’d thought she’d lost him entirely. Not exactly a healthy reaction, but nothing she’d done today had been anything resembling her usual pragmatic behavior. Even now she felt totally open, completely vulnerable, yet ready for anything he asked.

  He was blowing teasingly on her nipple. “Kendra?”

  She didn’t answer. The vulnerability was suddenly there before her, frightening her. She forced herself to roll over on the carpet and then get to her knees.

  “I take it that’s a no.” He was resting his head on his hand as he watched her get to her feet. “Second thoughts? I was afraid they’d be popping up. We’ll discuss it later. I need to call that son of a bitch, Griffin, anyway. Do you want to put that frozen lasagna in the oven?” He smiled mischievously. “I’ve worked up an appetite.”

  She had also and that appetite was for more than the lasagna. She headed for the kitchen. “I’ll put it in the oven, but you’ll have to watch it. It takes forty-five minutes and I’m going to shower.”

  “It’s a deal.” He got to his feet. “I’ll grab a quick shower now so I’ll be ready for kitchen duty.” He headed for the guest bath. “You notice I’m giving you your space. That doesn’t mean we’re not going to discuss it after lasagna.”

  Lord, he was fantastic naked, she thought as she watched him disappear into the bathroom. Masculine and sexy and totally Greek-god gorgeous. Which didn’t help either her bewilderment or her wariness. Well, it wasn’t as if there was any great urgency. He was giving her space. Giving her? she thought impatiently. She would take whatever time and space she needed in any situation. And what was she doing looking after him like some wistful groupie? She strode into the kitchen and opened the freezer door.

  * * *

  “THERE’S NO MORE delicious scent on earth than fresh-baked garlic bread,” Lynch said as he put the bread on a plate. “Though you come pretty close. I like that lemon shampoo you use.” He didn’t wait for an answer as he put her salad in front of her. “It probably has some exotic, complicated name, but don’t tell me about it. I’m just a simple man who embraces the basics.”

  “Bullshit.” She dropped down in her chair. “I noticed that there’s nothing basic about you. You’re all for experiment and going that extra step.” She picked up her fork and started to eat. “For instance, you mentioned lasagna and wine and you turned out a gourmet salad and garlic bread to go with it. This salad is terrific, by the way.”

  “I was bored.” He sat down opposite her. “You took a long time in that shower. Not that I didn’t expect it.” He started to eat his salad. “And I had to work off being so pissed off at Griffin that I wouldn’t go on the hunt. It was very close.”

  “He had an excuse for those lies?”

  “He thought he did. He could have gone another way.” His lips tightened. “He didn’t have to hurt you. It turned out that he’d tapped an informant he had with Brock and probed for information about how much they knew about me … and you. He wanted to make sure that my death was entirely plausible to them. Of course you were prominently mentioned. Brock had already started monitoring your calls when I called you that first night from Portland.”

  “What?” She felt suddenly violated. She tried to remember that conversation. “They were listening?”

  “Yes. And Griffin seized on the opportunity he saw and ran with it. Since you didn’t know anything about the explosion, your reaction would give just the authentic touch he needed to prove that they’d managed to dispose of me.”

  She swore beneath her breath. “That cold son of a bitch.”

  “No one would expect anything else of him,” he said harshly. “When it comes down to who he is, you accept he’s all FBI. He had a job to do and he did it in the most efficient way possible. I should have been on the lookout for it. I thought he’d do what I told him to do. I didn’t know about his damn informant.”

  She was looking blindly down at her salad remembering that moment of incredible pain and shock. “Was he pleased?” she asked jerkily. “What was my critique?”

  He reached over and covered her hand with his own. “He said you were perfect. He couldn’t have asked for anything better. That’s when I almost lost it.” His hand tightened. “I’ll find a way to punish him, Kendra. I can’t do it right now, but I’ll study and find a way.”

  “Why?” She put her fork down. “His technique was a little crude, but it accomplished what you needed. I was perfect.” She pushed back her chair. “But I seem to have lost my appetite. I’m a little sick to my stomach. I think I’ll lie down for a while.”

  He caught up with her before she reached the bedroom. He pulled her into his arms and was rocking her. “You were perfect,” he said fiercely. “You were perfect, and giving, and everything you should be. I didn’t deserve that I should have b
een able to hurt you like that, but I’m grateful that you thought that I was.”

  “Let me go, Lynch.”

  “No, because if I do, you’re going to hide away and I’ll have to work twice as hard to bring you back. I can see it coming.” He kissed her forehead and then slipped his arm around her waist and was leading her toward her bed. “You’re going to lie down and I’m going to hold you until you forget how vulnerable you felt when Griffin decided to savage you. Because that wasn’t really about what we are together.” He was pulling her down and holding her close. “And then I’ll go and warm up our dinner and we’ll talk about how we’re going to torture Griffin. Is that a plan?”

  “It’s appealing.” But he was wrong, that vulnerability she had felt when she had thought she had lost him had everything to do with what they were together. “But he was right, you know. It’s an opportunity. I’m an opportunity.”

  “Shh, I’m trying to keep you from thinking about that. I knew it was going to occur to you.” He drew her closer. “Stick to our plan. I’d much rather torture Griffin…”

  * * *

  “YOU DIDN’T MENTION sex when you set out your master plan.” She put her arms in the terry robe he was holding for her. “Was that supposed to be a surprise?”

  “No, it was an opportunity. That was the only opportunity I was interested in pursuing.” He tied the belt of her robe before turning away and starting to dress. “How could I resist when I knew how difficult you were going to be when you recovered?” He smiled as he took her hand and pulled her toward the door. “But it gets better and better, doesn’t it? Now come and have a cup of coffee while I heat up dinner. Then you can tell me about all the things you were storing up to hit me with while you took that shower earlier.” He settled her in her chair and went to the cabinet and put coffee in the automatic coffeemaker. Then he cleared the table and put the bread in the warmer. “Go ahead, I’m listening.”

  “Why are you waiting on me? You’re acting as if I’m wounded or something. Why are you doing all this?”

  “I’m not doing much.” He put the lasagna back in the oven. “Not when you compare it to flying away to sit by my dead body just to hold my hand.”

  “That’s not funny, Lynch.”

  “I know it isn’t. That’s why it touched me and made me feel a lot of weird stuff I’d never felt before.” He poured her coffee and then one for himself. “So just take what’s offered and be gracious about it.” He brought the coffee to the table and set her cup before her. “Now go ahead.” He sat down across from her. “Get it out so that you’ll feel better.”

  “You think you know me so well,” she said impatiently. “It’s very annoying.”

  “I know. But you have to consider I’ve made a study of you. It didn’t come easy.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Do you want me to start? Let’s see, you’re backing away with all due speed. You enjoyed the hell out of the sex, but it’s scaring you. Because you’re afraid that it’s going to bring me closer to you.” He looked into her eyes. “And you don’t want to ever feel as you did when Griffin opened his big yap and told you that whopper. You might not have even realized that you’d feel that terrible if I bit it.” He added softly, “Oh, but you did and I like it very, very much, Kendra. Not your pain, but everything else connected to it.”

  “Well, I don’t,” she said curtly. “I liked it just fine when we were just … friends. I don’t want this … other.”

  “But you’ve already got it. Tied up in red ribbons.” He tilted his head. “You could tell me to go to hell. But I probably wouldn’t go and you’d miss me if I did. You might even worry about me if you couldn’t be there to take care of me. You were really upset about Portland.” He took another drink of coffee. “And it would also demonstrate to you that you weren’t strong enough to handle me. That would hurt your pride. Wouldn’t it be better to just learn how we can get through this together?”

  Not if it meant repeating those hideous moments that had almost devastated her today. “Until the time someone really does kill you? Until you actually do get blown up because you’re trying to manipulate every situation to suit yourself? With your track record, it could happen anytime. You seem to go looking for it on every assignment you take. And if that’s your choice, I have no right to even question it. But I’ve made my own choice, Lynch.” Her hand was shaking and she had to put her cup down. “I can’t deny I feel … something for you. It’s a little late for that. But I won’t go through this again. And I can’t let it get any deeper.” She moistened her lips. “I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you and keep you safe, but I won’t let myself in for that kind of punishment. It was a wake-up call.”

  He shook his head. “It’s not going to work, Kendra,” he said gently.

  “It’s the only thing that will work.”

  He was silent. Then he shrugged. “I thought that was where this was going. I knew Griffin had probably squashed any slow and gradual approach with his damn shock tactics. It’s a definite setback, but not irreversible. I’ll take what I can get, and I’ll play your game.” He smiled. “We actually took several steps forward. We found out what we have sexually and it’s very, very hot. Even if we try to forget it, that’s not going to happen. There will be a moment, an hour, a day…” He got to his feet and went to the oven and pulled out the lasagna. “Get used to the idea that we won’t be able to stop it.”

  But he was agreeing to acknowledge that she meant what she’d said and wasn’t walking away from her. Somehow the thought of him doing that was causing her to panic. She didn’t know if it was relief or disappointment that was making her feel this strange letdown. “Maybe that won’t be a factor.” She smiled with an effort. “You might get bored with me and decide to wander off. I’m not exactly a femme fatale. You always have lots of women revolving in your orbit.”

  “I won’t get bored.” He was dishing out the lasagna onto their plates. “No, we’re going to have to work this out on our own. So start accepting the challenge.” He sat down again. “Now to problem two on the agenda. I could see how quickly you snatched at Griffin’s using you to help fool Brock. You want to twist it and for us to use you to stage a trap?”

  “It seems the logical thing to do.” Her lips twisted. “After all, I’m perfect. Heartbroken, willing to do anything for revenge or to complete your mission. I’m even distantly involved in the wedding party killings. All we’d have to do is create a plan.”

  “I don’t like this concept at all. It’s scaring me.” He was studying her expression. “But I’m not going to be able to change your mind, am I?”

  “They were listening to me. I feel dirty when I think about it. And they tried to kill you.” Her lips tightened. “I want to see just how perfect I can be.”

  He didn’t speak for a moment. “Okay. But only as a last resort. There may be another way to avoid it. I told you we wanted to use Facey. When I was talking to Griffin tonight, he was practically salivating. He wants to use the information we got from Facey about Brock right away instead of waiting.” He grimaced. “So much for all the trouble we went through to make everyone think we were dead. I argued with him, but now I may have to go along. Griffin’s planning a raid on the main Brock Limited headquarters that would include an in-depth search and bringing in Vivianne Kerstine and her merry band. We’re hoping to find any records pertaining to Derek as well as anything else incriminating.”

  “Yes.” She leaned eagerly forward. “When?”

  “Later today. Probably this afternoon.” His lips twisted. “And you’re looking a little too happy. I was afraid of that. This is an FBI raid. You shouldn’t be anywhere near it. If you like, you can be present when we bring them in for questioning.”

  “Yes, I will. And Griffin can assign an agent to drive me to those headquarters and I’ll watch them being taken into custody.” She gestured impatiently. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to bust into that place with guns blazing. That would be stupid. I just want to see them taken
down and shown that they don’t own the entire world.”

  “I like my way better.”

  “You always like your way better.” She started to eat. “But I want to squeeze every bit of satisfaction I can from those bastards. I’m going to eat this dinner that’s now really breakfast. While I’m doing that, I want you to call Metcalf and tell him to get me a burner phone so that those assholes won’t hear me unless I want them to hear me. Then I’m going to shower and dress and head for the FBI office and make my demands known to Griffin.” She smiled. “And I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.”

  * * *

  “I DON’T LIKE THIS IDEA.” Griffin scowled as Kendra climbed into the van beside the special agent he’d assigned her. “This is FBI business and civilians should not be involved.”

  “I’m merely an observer and I have no intention of being involved.” She slammed the door. “And what about Lynch? I saw him get into that van over there.”

  “Lynch is different,” Griffin said. “You know that, Kendra.”

  “Yes, he’s a dead man walking.” Kendra leaned out the window and said between her teeth, “What a surprise. I wonder if you realize just how angry I am with you, Griffin.”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, Lynch spelled it out for me. But I thought it was the right thing to do. Once I knew how important Facey was going to be, I had to make certain that both their deaths appeared authentic. I’ll make it up to you, Kendra.”

  “Oh, will you?” He was incredible, she thought. Lynch was right, nothing was important but his damn job. “I’d be interested to see how.” She started to roll up her window. “I’m going, Griffin.”

  “Whatever.” He turned away. “But don’t get yourself killed. It would be very bad press.”

  Was he trying to joke? She thought he might be.

  Incredible.