The Shy Nurse's Christmas Wish

by Abigail Gordon

  He had never shirked a callout for the lifeboat. It was as natural as breathing to all of them to risk their lives, along with himself whose father’s name was revered amongst sea folk and many others besides.

  But knowing how Darcey had lost her parents and taken on the heartbreaking task of caring for her young brother for many years, he understood her fear of the fates taking him from her with the kind of loss she had endured, and he couldn’t let her live with that sort of dread always present if she married him.

  CHAPTER NINE

  WHEN THE TRAIN pulled into the station of her home town, Alex was waiting and Darcey’s spirits lifted at the sight of him. He looked happy and relaxed and greeted her with a big smile of welcome.

  As they walked the short distance to the small hotel where he had made her a reservation he had lots of questions to ask about Seahaven at the first opportunity.

  That night, as the two of them sat in the hotel lounge after the evening meal, Alex said, ‘I’m keen to see where you live and work, Darcey, in this place that is so near the sea, and I thought of visiting you over Easter, which isn’t so far away. Would that be all right?’

  ‘It would be lovely,’ she said happily. ‘Just as long as you wouldn’t mind if I have to work the odd day or so if the ward is extra-busy. My place is very small and on hospital premises unfortunately, but I will find you somewhere nice to stay.’

  ‘I don’t mind where it is,’ he said, ‘and if some days you aren’t around there will be plenty for me to explore in what sounds like a super place to live, with the sea top of the list.’

  ‘Right,’ she agreed, omitting to mention that it wasn’t the top of her list at the moment, and told him, ‘Let me know how long you want to come for and I’ll make a booking for you somewhere. It will be just the two of us,’ she said, happy at the thought of Alex for company when she was so miserable and lonely. She ached to have Daniel’s arms around her, longed for him to find someone who would take his place on the lifeboat, but he hadn’t mentioned it since their serious disagreement, which had to mean that he wasn’t prepared to bend to her wishes.

  But for the rest of the weekend she put those sorts of thoughts to the back of her mind, enjoying her time with Alex, and it wasn’t until she was on the last train of the day in the dark night that was ending her short stay with Alex that Darcey allowed herself to think of the only man she would ever love. Amazingly, as if he’d read her mind Daniel was on the platform when she arrived back in Seahaven, his keen gaze scrutinising the faces of those for whom it was journey’s end, and in seconds he was by her side, taking charge of her weekend case and smiling at her surprise.

  ‘It’s just a guess, my being here,’ he told her. ‘I was passing your apartment, saw that it was all in darkness, so decided to meet the last three trains of the day in case you were on one of them, as always at this hour the last tram has gone and taxis are in big demand.’

  ‘Thank you for that,’ she said awkwardly, as her hopes of good news about him having found a replacement for himself on the lifeboat didn’t seem to be on his agenda, and she thought that it was as if she had asked him to do more than his love for her was capable of.

  As they walked to where his car was parked he knew what she was thinking and could have explained that it wasn’t for the want of trying. But so far no one had been found to replace him and, not having explained the situation to her in his first instance, he was torn between his love for her and his care for those whose lives were in peril.

  When they reached her apartment and he was ready to drive off, Darcey didn’t want him to go. She needed his arms around her, his kisses to set her on fire, yet didn’t feel she could be as cruel as to ask those things of Daniel and not understand where his commitments had been before they’d met.

  Yet she’d had responsibilities too, years of living with just Alexander in a much smaller house, and making sure that the love he had been denied by the deaths of their parents was always there, coming from her instead of them.

  As she put her key in the lock he was ready to go and said briefly, ‘Do I take it that you are back on the ward tomorrow?’

  ‘Yes, you do, and I’m looking forward to it,’ she said with a wry smile.

  ‘I’ll see you then,’ he told her, and was gone.

  * * *

  ‘I don’t remember thanking you for coming to meet me last night,’ Darcey said the next morning on the ward. ‘It was very kind.’

  Kind! Daniel thought grimly, and fought back the urge to tell her that it was longing that had brought him to meet her at close on midnight, and a need to see for himself that she was back safely from just the few days when she had been out of his sight.

  He’d been hoping that she wouldn’t ask if he’d found himself a replacement to leave him free of his commitment to the lifeboat and she hadn’t, which in its way was worse than if she had as it made the huge obstacle that separated them seem even more insurmountable than ever.

  But there were young ones needing him with hurt and aching bodies, just like his young niece had been, and with Darcey beside him Daniel went from bed to bed, doing what he did best, and wondering whether he would ever have a child of his own.

  As she watched Daniel talk to his small patients, Darcey’s heart melted with tenderness, but it didn’t wipe away the fear of being left totally alone this time as Alex didn’t need his big sister any more, and she could tell just how reluctant Daniel was to leave the crew of the lifeboat, especially with the memorial to his father about to be revealed. In fact, she doubted whether he had even mentioned a replacement to anyone, and why should he if sea rescue meant more to him than she did?

  When they’d finished the ward round and he had gone to the next group of patients needing his orthopaedic skills, Darcey looked around her and pondered if staying the course was the lesser of two hurts or not, or would it be better to make a clean break away from the situation in which she found herself. But what then?

  Live the rest of her life in a cocoon of sadness away from the man she loved because she wanted him for herself, instead of having to share him with an assortment of risk-takers who thought they had the perilous sea under control and found they didn’t?

  At that moment a hospital porter appeared with a little girl called Bonnie, who had just been admitted, and all other thoughts were shelved in the needs of their newest patient.

  Having had no time for food shopping since her late return from her weekend with Alex, Darcey went to the nearest of the promenade restaurants at the end of her working day, expecting nothing more than some hot food and a chance to unwind after the usual stresses of the ward, but found Brendan Stokes back in the area after a secondment at a hospital similar to Oceans House.

  He was seated at a table for two, and pointing to the empty place opposite asked, ‘Not with the boss or anybody, are you?’ And Darcey thought grimly that he hadn’t lost his unique brand of charm.

  ‘No,’ she told him. ‘I’m going to get a sandwich from the restaurant’s take-away counter as I intend to have an early night.’ Without giving him the chance to comment further, she pointed herself in that direction and said goodbye to eating somewhere warm and cheerful.

  * * *

  Back inside her small residence, with the dark night closing in, she found a printed poster on the mat, announcing that the reopening and dedication of the lighthouse in memory of Daniel’s father was to be on the coming Saturday, and on a slip of paper attached he had written:

  I don’t expect you to be there for various reasons, Darcey. One being your nasty experience not long ago when you were lost in that area, and another your aversion to all matters of this kind, but it would help to know that you are there in spirit on Saturday.

  Love, Daniel

  She would be there in more than just spirit, she thought tearfully. Her dread of more loneliness wasn’t Daniel’s fault, and as it s
eemed he wasn’t prepared to pursue her plea of retiring from his position on the lifeboat, the future was going to be an empty thing no matter what.

  * * *

  The next morning when they were about to start the usual ward rounds she said to Daniel, ‘I will be thinking of you on Saturday. Your father must have been a very special man, from what you say. What of your mother when she was alive, how did she cope with the constant fear of losing him?’

  ‘With difficulty, like any other woman who loves a man who cares about the lives of others,’ he said sombrely, and went on to say, ‘I called to see Cordelia and Lawrence last night to inform them about Saturday’s event before it became common knowledge, and she was so happy to know that our father is never going to be forgotten in this place and many others.’ Then, as if he felt he had said enough on the subject, Daniel indicated the occupant of the nearest small bed in the ward and said, ‘Shall we proceed?’

  * * *

  It was Saturday and a chill wind had not kept those who had known and respected Mark Osbourne from making the journey to the clifftop to pay their respects to the memory of a brave and fearless man.

  Daniel searched the crowd for a sight of Darcey but had no luck, until the latest tram-load of spectators arrived and she was the first person to alight amongst them, which gladdened his heart, knowing that at least she understood his feelings regarding the lifeboat.

  But when the service was over and he looked for her in vain amongst the crowd again, it became obvious that she had left, that nothing had changed between them. His sister came up to him and said, ‘I thought I saw Darcey. Has she gone?’

  ‘It would appear so,’ he replied, and as Cordelia glanced at him questioningly he explained, ‘We have a problem, the two of us. I’ve asked her to marry me, but she is too aware of the perils of the lifeboat to say yes, for a very good reason. Darcey lost her parents in disastrous circumstances when she was in her early teens and had to bring up her young brother on her own, so now she dreads having to do the same with any children we might have, if the same happened to me as it did to Dad.’

  ‘That is so sad for both of you!’ Cordelia exclaimed. ‘A chance of happiness away from old sorrows being blighted by your pasts.’

  ‘I’m waiting to see if the powers that be can produce someone suitable to take over from me on the lifeboat,’ he said, ‘but so far there’s no news from those quarters, and in the meantime the two of us are keeping a low profile regarding our love life, such as it is, so I’d be obliged if you would say nothing to anyone about it for the time being, Cordelia.’

  * * *

  Back at the apartment, after her brief appearance at the dedication ceremony, Darcey was wishing that she hadn’t been in such a hurry to leave the proceedings. But the occasion had been more than she could bear, with the reason for it such a close reminder of her dread of loss and loneliness, and with those thoughts still uppermost there was the rest of Saturday to face on her own.

  As she was digesting that thought the doorbell rang and when she opened it, Daniel said gravely, ‘Thanks for attending the dedication ceremony, Darcey. I can imagine what an ordeal it must have been, and have come to take you for a meal if you are agreeable, leaving our differences and despair to disappear for a while.’

  She smiled. ‘I would like that very much.’

  ‘So get your coat and off we go to the place that you liked so much the first time, if I remember rightly,’ he commented, and thought they were acting as if there wasn’t a cloud in their sky when in truth it was full of them.

  He left his car in the hospital car park and as they walked the short distance to the restaurant he said, ‘Cordelia was asking after you. She was disappointed not to have had the chance for a chat.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Darcey said regretfully. ‘That was my fault entirely. I’ll get in touch during the week.’

  Changing the subject, he said, ‘Easter will soon be upon us. Have you made any plans so far, or are you on duty on the ward? Only we never did go out for a sail with the Young Sailors’ Club after the Christmas mix-up of your working hours, did we? Or are references to such matters taboo?’

  ‘No, of course not,’ she told him, so aware of his nearness she wanted to reach out and hold him close. But she hadn’t forgotten the time when she’d thrust him away as he’d taken the call from the lifeboat house to say he was needed and spoiled their wonderful moment of desire. Everything had changed since then and she knew he was trying to avoid any further upsets between them.

  The restaurant was busy but a table was found for them and as they waited to be served, various people who had been at the lighthouse dedication service in the afternoon stopped by to say how appropriate a gesture it had been in memory of such a man, and when they had gone she said chokingly, ‘You must be very proud of your father.’

  ‘Yes, I am,’ he agreed unsmilingly, ‘but I’m not looking for any of that sort of thing for myself.’ And when the food arrived at the table just then, he made no further comment and neither did she, but both were conscious of the moment that had come out of nowhere.

  * * *

  When the meal was over they walked slowly back to the apartment and on arriving Darcey said, ‘Would you like to come in for a drink before you go?’

  ‘Er...yes, that would be nice,’ he said, aware of the message in the last three words of the invitation, but reluctant to miss the chance of spending more time with her. Inside her apartment, he couldn’t help but glance through the open door of her bedroom as she hung up the winter coat that she’d been wearing, his gaze falling on the neat single bed that she slept in. With the thought of his luxurious double bed, which he so much wanted to share with her, and with the weight of the moment heavy upon him, he said, ‘I think I’ll give the drink a miss, if you don’t mind. I’ve got a busy day in the operating theatre tomorrow.’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ she said flatly, and as he turned to go she added, ‘The meal was lovely, Daniel. Thank you so much.’

  ‘It was a pleasure, as is anything that we do together,’ he replied, and with a brief goodbye quickly headed off into the night. When he’d returned to the silence of the empty rooms of his apartment he groaned inwardly, and once the door was locked he climbed the elegant staircase to the master bedroom and stood looking down at the bed that was so much more attractive than the neat, white-sheeted, single one he’d observed in Darcey’s bedroom, which was still making his blood warm.

  Would he ever have the joy of carrying her up here as his bride? he thought. There was a determination in her that came from her fear of loss and loneliness that he understood and wished he didn’t, and with regard to finding another coxswain to replace him on the lifeboat, it was proving to be much harder than he had thought it would be, but there was no way he would ever leave the crew short in number. He had expected to have heard from the authorities before now with regard to his request for someone to replace him as when it eventually occurred it would leave him free to marry Darcey, which he longed to do, but there would always be the feeling of loss in his life that came from a lack of contact with the restless sea.

  The last thing he did before settling for the night was to check whether her light was still on, and when he saw that the apartment was in darkness Daniel visualised her sleeping alone in the small white bed and his heart ached at the thought of the hurt he was causing her by wanting to hang onto his grim resolve.

  * * *

  For a long time Darcey had lain awake, wondering what would happen next, and how long they were going to continue the cat and mouse charade that they were playing out. With those thoughts running around her head, sleep had eluded her until at last she’d slept fitfully, though not for long, as the strident sound of her bedside alarm clock had soon brought her back to reality and the agenda of the day ahead.

  With morning came a hint of spring. A pale sun shone in a cloudless sky and the sea was
the calmest Darcey had seen since coming to Seahaven. Soon it would be Easter and Alexander would be here, she thought, and when he met him, Daniel would realise how special he was to her, the young brother that she had cared for, and maybe would understand how now she wanted children of her own with him, Daniel, as their father, but needed to know that he wouldn’t be placing his life at risk.

  It was Sunday and sometimes she was on duty on the children’s ward, but not today. With that first glimpse of spring from the pale sun above she had the urge to be out and about, and as she was debating how and where, in the middle of the morning Cordelia rang to invite her to lunch if she was free.

  ‘Yes, I am,’ Darcey said. ‘I would love to come. I owe you an apology for not seeking you out after the ceremony, Cordelia.’

  ‘You don’t owe me anything,’ came the reply. ‘The girls are looking forward to seeing you and so are Lawrence and I...and Daniel would be too if he knew you are joining us. But he has that pleasure to come when he arrives to have lunch with us, which is usually after his Sunday morning with the young sailors.’ Into the silence that followed, Cordelia commented, ‘But today he will be showing a possible applicant for his position on the lifeboat what sort of a set-up we have with our rescue facilities.’

  ‘Yes, I see,’ Darcey said, as light dawned that Daniel had been keeping to his side of the agreement that she’d demanded of him so forcibly, and now might be free of his commitment to the lifeboat service.

  ‘I’m not so sure it will be as easy as that,’ she told her flatly. ‘The two of us aren’t in agreement about the future because my past was a joyless thing once I lost my parents, with my young brother to care for and a living to earn, and if anything should happen to Daniel while on the lifeboat, I would be lost for evermore.’

  ‘I understand how you feel as I worry too, but I should also say that it is rarely that a life or lives are lost under those conditions,’ Cordelia said gently. ‘However, obviously there is an element of risk that has to be accepted in the process, and if he does have to stay on the lifeboat crew, it will be for you to decide how much of that you can cope with on a long-term basis.’