Daisies Are Forever

by Liz Tolsma

  “I can imagine. My granddaughter would never be able to walk all the way from Heiligenbeil to here. And she’s ten.” She turned to her friend. “What do you say?”

  The smaller one nodded. “I think so.” She produced a knife and proceeded to slice a generous hunk from the sausage and wrap it in a cloth napkin. “What about these soldiers? Where were you injured?”

  Kurt jumped in with an answer. Just as well. Mitch wouldn’t have to open his mouth. “Russia. Both of us.”

  “Ach, surely we have a few slices of bread and some cheese for these poor men.”

  Her friend got busy searching through their backpack. Before too long, she produced the requested items.

  Gisela dug out a few cigarettes, the day’s currency, from her pocket. “Danke, danke. I wish I had more for you in return.”

  The skinny one waved away the offering. “You keep those. You never know when you will need them.”

  “But I insist. Vater always told me to never be a borrower or a beggar. I’ve done the begging, but I’d like to pay for what we have taken from you.”

  Again the woman declined the offer. “Are you headed west on that ammunition train due today?”

  She spoke so low, Gisela was sure she had heard wrong. “There is a train coming? Is it going to Berlin?” Mitch stepped beside her and touched the small of her back. Was the thrill she felt from his contact or from the news about the possible train?

  “The rumor is that one is due. Be on the lookout. I don’t know where it is headed, but anywhere west is fine with me.”

  “I have to get to Berlin.”

  The chubby woman smacked her lips. “I wouldn’t worry about the destination right now. Just get on that train and get west as fast as possible.”

  “But . . .”

  “You don’t know when the next one will come. Or if it will.”

  Mitch broke their agreement for the umpteenth time. “Ja, she’s right, Gisela. Whatever train comes, we take.”

  But west without Mutti? “Danke. For everything. We will think about it.”

  Their newfound friend locked gazes with her. “Nothing to think about. Whatever you have to do, get on that train.”

  Kurt chatted beside her as they turned back toward Audra. Gisela tuned out his senseless babble. They did need to hurry west. What if they were too choosy and missed their opportunity entirely? They could get caught by the Soviets and be in worse shape than they were now.

  But more than anything, she longed to be with Mutti. It had been two years since they had seen each other. And she had to make sure with her own eyes that Mutti was safe. Especially when she heard about the bombing of the capital city.

  They located Audra and their two elderly companions with little trouble. Gisela sat beside her. “I have a surprise for you.” She opened the off-white napkin and revealed the treasure.

  Three sets of eyes lit up like candles in a dark room.

  Audra leaned forward. “Where did you get this?”

  “We found two women a little way from here. They were eating knockwurst and I couldn’t resist the temptation to ask them for some.”

  Kurt drew a pocketknife from his coat, divided the meat, and gave it to the girls. Noticing that her part of the share was much larger than the others, Gisela switched portions with Mitch. She avoided looking at Kurt.

  Gisela bit the once-despised, now-loved meat. “That’s not the best part.” She whispered and Audra leaned closer. “They told us an ammunition train is due here today, headed west. I just don’t know if it’s for Berlin or not. I have to get home.”

  Mitch broke off a piece of the sausage for Renate. “We have to get on the train.”

  “What if it is headed more south than west? It could be going to Frankfurt or Bavaria for all we know.”

  Mitch pulled her to the side and spoke in English. “Do you want the Russians to catch you?”

  She shook her head.

  “With trains no longer running on a regular basis, who knows when one will show up.” His cheeks bore no signs of his dimples.

  “I have to protect the children.”

  “Then get on the next train, so long as it’s headed west. No matter where.”

  She choked down the meat. If she ended up in Frankfurt or Dresden or any city other than Berlin, how would Mutti ever find her? Would they ever be reunited?

  Annelies pulled on her coat. “I want to go on the train. I don’t want those bad men to come here.”

  Gisela peered at the little girl, her pert nose turned up a bit. Pleading, excitement, and fear all shone in her pretty eyes. The same emotions churned in her own stomach. How long would it be before the Soviets entered Danzig? She couldn’t risk letting the Russians catch them. Not again.

  “If the train comes today, we’ll go on it. How is that?”

  Annelies nodded and so did Mitch.

  The day wore on with no sign of a locomotive. They dozed the afternoon away until the sun stopped streaming in the windows and darkness fell.

  Gisela rubbed her eyes and ran her fingers through her greasy hair. “The train isn’t coming today, is it?”

  “Train, train.” Renate bounced up and down.

  Mitch caught the child when she tottered over, then shrugged. “Hope and pray God will send one.”

  As if he were a prophet, in the distance a train’s whistle sounded. “Train, train,” repeated Renate.

  Gisela laughed. “That sounds like one, doesn’t it?”

  Mitch shot to his feet and pulled Gisela to hers. “Let’s go. We have to be in front if we ever expect to get on.”

  They grabbed their sacks and Gisela clung to each girl’s hand, desperate not to lose them in the crush of people headed toward the tracks. As a group, the three of them twisted and pushed and maneuvered to position themselves as close to the arriving train as possible. Kurt and Audra came behind them, each dragging a Holtzmann sister. Several meters from the tracks, they could go no farther. People were packed in shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip. They couldn’t have moved even if they wanted to let the little party to the front.

  The train chugged into the bahnhof, like Santa Claus dragging his feet on the way to a child’s house. No sooner had it slowed to a near stop and belched a puff of steam and coal ash did the crowd surge forward.

  They were carried onward by the wave. Women with sweet, round faces pushed old men to the side without apology. The old men swore. The girls cried as they were pressed against Gisela’s legs.

  She turned her head to see if Mitch was still behind them. Nowhere in the crowd did she see his dark head. Where did he go? They needed to stay together. “Josep! Josep!”

  The shouts of the horde drowned out her screams. No one answered.

  She glanced to her left, hoping to see him. Instead, Kurt headed in her direction. He beamed a crooked smile. Another heave by the crowd and he joined her. “Keep moving forward.”

  She squeezed each girl’s hand to make sure she still gripped them. The throng squashed her so she couldn’t move her arms from her sides. She propelled herself forward, no matter how small the steps. Her goal, their salvation, lay mere meters in front of them.

  The black iron horse grew larger and larger, and after several more minutes riding the ebb and flow of the mass, they reached the tracks.

  They stood in front of the passenger car, the steps several meters on either side of them. The windows were either cracked or missing altogether. Women handed their children to strangers through the openings. If moving forward had proved difficult, moving sideways toward the stairs was impossible. They were unreachable. She didn’t know what to do.

  Two graying heads popped out of the window directly in front of them. The thin woman with the knockwurst leaned out as far as she could. “Hello there, Gisela.”

  She would have waved but couldn’t.

  Kurt pulled Annelies from her grip.

  Gisela’s throat threatened to close. “What are you doing?”

  “Getting the
girls on the train.”

  “Nein, nein.” Even her shouts were ineffectual against the racket of the crowd.

  “Do you want them on here?”

  “Not without me. They have to stay with me. I made a promise. If you put them on this train, I will never find them again. I won’t leave them with strangers.”

  Kurt took no heed of her pleas. With his one strong arm, he lifted Annelies to the window. “Grab her and take her in,” he shouted to the woman.

  “Ach, of course. We’ll take the kinder.”

  One plump hand and one bony hand each reached from the window and grabbed Annelies by the wrists.

  “Don’t take her from me.” Oh God, don’t take her from me. Before she could reach to pull Annelies back, the worn soles of the child’s shoes disappeared from sight.

  Gisela picked up Renate and pressed her against her chest. “Don’t take this one. She stays with me.”

  But despite the fact that she clung to Renate with all of her might, Kurt tugged the child from her grasp and handed her up in the same manner. She beat his single arm, but he didn’t let go.

  Renate disappeared from her sight.

  Annelies appeared at the window. “Aren’t you coming with us, Tante Gisela? I don’t want to go with these ladies.”

  “I’ll come, I promise. They will watch you for a little while until I get onto the train.” She turned to Kurt. “Lift me up. Now.”

  “I can’t. There is no way I can lift your weight with my one arm. The kinder are smaller.”

  “Then bend down and let me stand on your back. Or shoulders.”

  The engine hissed and blew another puff of steam, then another. The couplings creaked as the wheels began to turn.

  “Now. Lift me up now.” Gisela couldn’t catch her breath. She had to get on the train.

  It chugged and chugged some more, picking up speed and momentum.

  The carriage containing the girls moved away from her.

  The train was leaving.

  With the girls.

  Without her.

  TWELVE

  Mitch scanned the crowd in the train station, first to his left, then to his right. The engine belched steam. Where were they? They had to be here. Right beside him. How could he have lost Gisela and the girls? Not to mention the rest of their little band. He beat his arms against the people mashed against him. If they would just move. At last, he managed to get his arm above his head to wave it. “Gisela! Gisela!”

  No return wave. No answer to his call. Sweat trickled down the side of his face.

  For a moment, just a small moment, he had leaned to the side to try to gauge how far they were from the train and what the chances were they would be able to get aboard. In that split second, someone had pushed between him and Gisela and then more and more people until she was lost to him.

  By the time he turned back to them, they were out of sight. Gone. All of them. In this vast train station, he couldn’t locate anyone he knew.

  Separated.

  Again.

  He couldn’t swallow.

  The crowd pressed in on every side, cutting off his breathing and his circulation. “Bitte, bitte.” He dared to use his German.

  The wiry, pimple-dotted teenage girl next to him took up his cry. “This man is a soldier. Let him through. Get him on the train.”

  “Nein, nein.” What if they didn’t get on? They needed his help. He needed theirs. Like Gisela would insist, they had to stay together. “The women and children go.” He pushed a pretty young blond woman with four children ahead of him and up the steps to the compartment.

  The girl was insistent. “You gave yourself to the Fatherland. You deserve to get on. You soldiers are all heroes.”

  Not him. He was far from heroic.

  If the teen only knew. Instead, with trembling hands, he pushed her forward, onto the carriage.

  Then it began to huff and puff, steam streaming from the engine. Without warning, it inched its way forward like a caterpillar. “Gisela! Gisela!” The noise of the crowd intensified, swallowing his words.

  How would he ever find them? But he had to. No matter how much she infuriated him.

  Had she and the girls managed to get on? Should he try to board? His heart drummed against his ribs. He couldn’t leave them here alone. He couldn’t let them go ahead alone.

  The train chugged and moved faster. If he didn’t act now, he would lose his chance. But if they weren’t aboard . . .

  He jogged along the train, as much as he could in this mass of people. He had to commit. Now.

  “Annelies! Renate! Girls, girls, girls!”

  Gisela screamed for the children, her words lost in the clicking of the train wheels against the track. Kurt had gotten lost in the crowd. How would she ever get aboard? She should have never let Kurt push them through those windows. Never.

  When the train left the station, they would be lost to her forever. Two little girls, alone in the world.

  And she, nothing but a failure.

  She could no longer keep pace with their car. Her breathing became labored. Soon the train would pass her by.

  “Nein, Lord, nein.”

  Then two long arms reached from the broken window of a car several removed from the girls. If she could get on the train—anywhere on board—she would have a chance at finding them.

  Lord, may this man be strong. Don’t let him drop me. If he did, the train would run over her. Her palms perspired.

  She grasped his hands and held on for dear life.

  Audra telescoped her vision and focused on the train in front of her. Her heart pounded in her throat. If she didn’t think about the number of people pressing in on her, she would be fine. She had to just focus on breathing.

  This was nothing like her brothers locking her in the outhouse for hours. Nothing like the dream she kept having, the one where her bedroom walls pushed in on her, strangling her.

  She had to fight for air.

  She pulled Bettina and Katya along with her. They hampered her forward progress. How had she gotten stuck with them, of all people? The iron giant loomed in front of her, large and menacing, yet welcoming her with open arms. She surged forward with the crowd.

  Another few pushes and she stood on the edge of the platform, the steps to the compartment immediately in front of her. Here was her chance.

  “Sister, we will get to ride the train. What a thrill.” Bettina was always up for adventure.

  “There are so many people here, Sister. Will there even be seats for us? Is this our train? It looks rather old.” Katya was more lucid today.

  Audra wondered herself whether there would be room on the train for them. Or would it pull away and leave her here with the Holtzmann sisters?

  All Audra knew was she couldn’t miss this train. It might be the last one out of Danzig. Forever. If she didn’t, she would never make it big. She would be doomed to a life of poverty, like the rest of her family.

  The women and children pressed hard around her. She pushed Bettina ahead of her and shoved her up the steps, then repeated the process with Katya before Audra raised her foot and set it on the metal step.

  The force of the crowd squeezed them farther and farther into the car. The world began to spin and blackness closed in. She swayed and grabbed the edge of the once-plush seat, crushing the velvet with her fingers.

  Her knees buckled. In moments she found herself landing on a lap.

  Kurt’s lap, to be specific.

  “Fräulein Bauer, what a pleasant surprise.” Very little light graced his eyes.

  She studied his face, the angles of his cheekbones, the rise of his eyebrows. The world stilled even as the train lurched forward. “What are you doing here?” She slid from his lap, stood, and brushed off her coat.

  “Some would call this a providential meeting.”

  “Would you?”

  “Providential or not, we will be riding this train together for a while.”

  “I would say you’re fol
lowing me.” Still dizzy, she had to catch her breath.

  “Are you feeling any better?”

  “Some, danke. There are so many people in this car.”

  He moved over on the seat already overflowing with three amputees. “There is no reason you should stand.”

  “The Holtzmanns should be the ones to sit.”

  Pink suffused his face. “Of course, of course. If you feel fit enough.”

  If she could forget the mass of humanity around her. “I will be fine.”

  He rose from his seat and offered it to the women. Bettina cackled. “What a gentleman you are. God bless you, sir, for taking pity on a couple of old biddies.”

  Katya glared at her sister. “I most certainly am not a biddy.”

  “I am. And I’m not ashamed of it.”

  Audra chuckled until the train jerked ahead, along with her stomach. They moved forward, picking up speed. Outside the window, people screamed, frantic to get onto the train.

  Light streamed into the window and she knew they had passed from the bahnhof into the countryside. The wheels clacked against the track in a steady rhythm, one she wished her heart would copy.

  Kurt had to shout above the noise of the crowd and the train even though she stood shoulder to shoulder with him. “Where are the others?”

  “You don’t know? They aren’t in this car?”

  “Nein. I shoved the girls on the train, but before I could get to Gisela, the crowd had separated us and I lost her.”

  “At least we know the kinder are aboard.”

  The train clacked along and Bettina’s and Katya’s excitement waned until they dozed in their seats, heads back, snoring like men.

  Kurt leaned into her. He must not have been incapacitated for very long. His body was still lean and muscled. Nice.

  “Josep is a good man, nein?”

  Kurt’s question startled her. “I don’t know him well enough to say.” She noticed his intense blue eyes. He was screenworthy.

  “You should talk to him some. Find out what he’s like.”

  Why would he suggest such a thing? “I could.”