Three Little Words (#dirtysexygeeks Book 4)

by Melissa Blue

  “My sister, Ashley, Eva...” She met his gaze. “I have a feeling that if I add call a cab to that list before you, the back of your head will explode.”

  That hit Porter. Right in the chest. Iris would consider hailing a cab before she called him. Sure she said it as a joke, but he knew her. How could he not after all these months? She never took his help, outside of sex or food. Any show of emotion on his part and she would turn tail.

  She was never going to rely on him. Not in a way that mattered. He was very much a walking vibrator she happened to have a baby with.

  He was falling in love with a woman who saw him as something easily dismissed or ignored or inconvenient. Funny, really, when he thought about it. She’d told him not to fall for her from the very beginning. He’d been cocky enough to believe it wouldn’t be a problem. He’d been sure he’d come to care for her. She was carrying his child. Their lives had intermingled. But love?

  He was stupid with it, which is why for two months he kept taking her in his bed despite knowing it was a bad decision.

  It hurt to be with her like this, knowing in a week or two weeks or six, they’d go back to acknowledging each other from afar.

  He took a step back then another. “You should go.”

  Her brows shot up. “Because I didn’t call you on Monday?”

  “Because I can’t...” He met her gaze and sighed. “I’m not the same man I was nine months ago, nor am I the same one who thought it was fine to fuck you until your due date.”

  Her eyes darkened. “Because I didn’t call you?”

  She was going to push him to say it. “I don’t want to be with you halfway. I want all or nothing.”

  She sucked in a breath. “How long have you felt this way?”

  Too long. “You should go.”

  “Porter, it’s the baby. You’re wanting to be a good father, and in your head, that means being with me. I get it, but after I give birth we’ll be too tired and cranky to want to be in the same room with each other.”

  His heart squeezed and his temper flared. “And after that time passes, what will you say? What excuse will you come up with?”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “Have you bought any baby stuff yet? Have you put in for maternity leave? Have you, in any way, thought about what happens next?”

  She scooted to the end of the bed, pushed off with one hand and rose with her belly up. Gravity was a bitch though. He grabbed her arm before she rocked back onto the mattress.

  She tore her hand away. “I tell you to let whatever you’re feeling go and then you go on the attack.”

  “It’s not.”

  “Everything isn’t ready at my place. Why? He’s not going to have his own room like at your place. I don’t need weeks to set up half a room. Also, I’ve put in for my six weeks off.”

  “Six weeks?”

  “Jessie’s going to watch him for me while I’m at work until he’s three months and I feel comfortable putting him in a daycare.”

  “Daycare?” he rasped.

  “You have something wrong with daycare?”

  He tried to swallow down his anger. He hadn’t been lying to her. He wasn’t the same man. She’d hurt him, deep, but he wasn’t about to make her feel small. “Why do you think I’ve been working my ass off these past few months? It’s so I can be home. So I can take care of our child. I thought that was understood when I said co-parents.”

  Her eyes widened. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

  Porter snapped. “You didn’t fucking have to! We’re in this shit together.”

  “But we’re not. If we were, you would told me why you were working extra hours. We would have ironed out what happens...after.”

  “Tell me a time when you’ve wanted to talk about what happens...after?”

  She sighed at the question. A telling tick. “I don’t—haven’t talked to you because you’re going to be here in your house with all your family. I have me.”

  He reared back. “Why do you think you’re alone?”

  She pushed past him. “You’re right. We should have stopped having sex months ago. I’ll call you when I’m in labor. I promised you that, and I plan to keep it.”

  He forced himself to stand in the middle of the room. Otherwise he’d watch her leave his house for the last time.

  *****

  “I really don’t care,” Iris growled then pressed her fingers to her temples. The anger remained tight and hard in her chest.

  Jessie whistled. “You’re cranky as shit.”

  The kids cheered at something playing on the TV in the living room.

  Iris dropped her hands to her sides and glanced at her room. A week had passed since she’d walked away from Porter, and his words kept ringing in her head. You’re not ready.

  She’d called her sister to get ready. Her bedroom was big, it was, for her. Now with a bassinet, a baby changing station and all the baby’s things, she could walk around the room if she turned to the side and shuffled. Why hadn’t she moved months ago? Her manager wouldn’t have blinked an eye if Iris asked for a unit with two bedrooms. It was too late now even if she hired movers. At best she could start the process and wait until...fuck, she didn’t know. When was it okay to move a newborn? When would she be okay for strenuous work?

  She sat on the bed and covered her face. “I’m a mess. My life is a mess. I’m in some kind of limbo hell.”

  And Porter.

  Her heart wrenched.

  She missed him. When he’d gone off to New York to work on whatever project eating up is life, they’d emailed constantly about little stupid shit. She shouldn’t miss detailing what she ate for lunch just so Porter could tell her he’d had a better one that she would have died over. Or send him a list of the most ridiculous boy names just so he could scoff over them.

  Porter came with complications. And foot rubs and back rubs and sex. The sex. The poor kid would have a dick sized dent in its soft spot. It was at least better than shaking syndrome from a vibrator.

  And Porter’s laugh.

  Him.

  She shouldn’t miss him because she could already feel herself turning into a different person and compromising who she was to make him happy.

  Her sister’s hands rested on her knees. Iris opened her eyes to find Jesse crouching down in front of her.

  “I didn’t want to say anything,” her sister said.

  She laughed at that announcement. “You can tell we’re related because we both have opinions on everything and rarely keep it to ourselves.”

  “And I just want to say you’ve dragged your feet on a lot of shit. I figured you’d pull it together. You always do.”

  “I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to do. When I think I’ve got a handle on it, I’m stuck with indecision.”

  “Which is fine and normal. I don’t believe anyone who says they are prepared for a baby, much less to raise a child.”

  “But the bottles aren’t clean yet, and I’m due in three weeks.”

  “I can do it, and you can nap. You’ve got to learn how to delegate when someone is willing to help. Or to ask for support.”

  Iris squinted at her sister. “I didn’t ask you to come over.”

  “That’s your problem. I’ve been doing rotations with your friends because you shouldn’t be alone this close to your due date, and you just got the room ready today.”

  She couldn’t even fix her lips to say she would have gotten around to it. All the baby stuff had been in the closet since her baby shower months ago.

  “Jessie, I’m terrified.”

  “So am I.”

  She laughed. “Why?”

  “I’m a pro at what I’ve done before. I can take care of a newborn. I can potty train a toddler. Do you think I’m ready for a tween? The attitude, the smell, and whatever else tweens need? Hell, no. I’m terrified this will be the time I screw it all up, and I end up with someone who refuses to leave home.”

&nbs
p; Iris smiled. “That’s your nightmare? Really?”

  “Hell, yes, but the point is I’m terrified. Still.” Her sister hesitated. “You’ve got Porter. I know I only met him a few times the last few months, but the way he was with you, and you weren’t with him like that...”

  “He’s going to be a great father.”

  “Why do you say it like that?”

  She could tell her everything but that wouldn’t fix a damn thing. “He seems ready. That’s all I’m saying.”

  Her sister narrowed her eyes. “You’re being cryptic.”

  “Likely.” She smiled to soften the blow of not spilling her guts. “I think I need another girl’s night out, but during the day. One last hurrah before I’m officially a mom. Do you think you can get free Saturday?”

  “What do you have in mind?”

  “Mani-pedis with all the women in my life that I love. We can spend the day passing a Bechtel test and not talking about men at all.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  No. She wasn’t. She doubted she’d be okay for a while. She had a Porter-sized hole in her damn heart.

  “Just the hormones,” she told the half-truth with a straight face.

  Jessie moved to the door to check on the kids. They had gone quiet. “Have you talked to dad?”

  “You mean has he bothered to check on me at all? Then, no.”

  Her sister nodded. “He’s talked about you.”

  Iris could only imagine. “That’s nice.”

  “You’re such a sarcastic ass.” She crossed her arms over her stomach. “I just...I miss mom sometimes when dad gets riled up.”

  Riled up. That was an understatement. She was so used to it, she didn’t think about what it felt like until she hadn’t been berated in a while. As horrible as it sounded, she hadn’t missed her dad. She glanced at her sister.

  “I can’t remember, but was mom...rigid? On her own?”

  “Before Dad really got into church, no. She was more like a hippie.” She laughed at some memory. “It was before you were born, but one day she kept me home, and we had an ice cream day. We ate so much by the end of it all, we were sick. Then when dad got home.”

  The rest didn’t need to be spelled out. Her father had come home and ranted, belittled. Iris scrolled through every happy childhood memory to find one where her father didn’t shadow it with his anger.

  She couldn’t.

  “So dad killed the hippie in mom?”

  “Mom killed the hippie in Mom.”

  “What?”

  “Dad’s a dick, sometimes. I love him, but I don’t really deal with him. You know?”

  They checked in on him. They had family dinners. Did they stay around just to spend time with him? They didn’t. “I know.”

  “Yet Mom, she made the choice to leave the hippie behind. I love her still. I miss her like shit. Had she lived long enough, I would hope she would have found the hippie again.”

  “I can’t see mom as a hippie.”

  “She had pigtails, wore flip flops, and I would swear on a Bible she had tie-dye shirts.”

  The image popped into her head and she laughed. “You’re full of shit.”

  “A little, but she did change. We all do. I guess the important thing is liking the new you. I don’t think mom did.” She peeked out at the kids and admonished them for fighting.

  Iris opened her mouth to ask Jessie if she liked herself. That would be asking the wrong person. Since the moment the pregnancy had started to throttle her senses, Iris hadn’t liked herself very much. Why? Because she was vulnerable, had no control of her body, her mind.

  She’d spent an inordinate amount of time with a man who she would have never talked to again, had the circumstances been different. She would have never known under all those fallible traits was a good man at heart. A man who was a little too protective of his sister. Who loved his family that really wasn’t his—and were so odd. A man who said things like cock and pussy during sex.

  He wasn’t perfect.

  She couldn’t stop thinking about him.

  She couldn’t hold onto the self-righteous anger that he’d used words as weapons. When they’d fought a week ago, fought about something she knew that mattered to him, Porter hadn’t dug deep to throw words at her like they were knives to cut her down. He hadn’t even thrown any of the shitty things she’d said about him back in her face to make his point.

  Who was really the bad guy here?

  “Jessie?” Iris asked.

  Her sister dragged her full attention to Iris. “Yes?”

  “What’s the meanest thing you said to your husband in a moment of anger?”

  “I really haven’t said anything, but I have imagined smothering my husband in his sleep. He was sleeping one off. Without getting up, he rolled to the side of the bed and puked. He went back to sleep. I had to clean it up. I was sure that night I was going to end up on a Snapped episode.”

  Iris sat in shock. “Obviously you didn’t do it.”

  “I went to my friend’s house for a week just so I wouldn’t.”

  That shocked her more. “You would have?”

  “I was so angry I would have done anything. I have no doubt if I had talked to him that week, I would have said some pretty unforgivable things. Drinking and going out had become more important than me and the girls. That was his one and only wake up call.”

  She’d known things had been tense after her sister’s youngest had been born. Iris hadn’t known they were that bad.

  Jessie narrowed her gaze. “Why do you want to know?”

  “Because...” Iris took in a breath and then let out the truth she’d been holding to her chest. “Porter reminds me of dad.”

  Jessie’s mouth rounded. “How did he react when you told him you were going back to work after six weeks?”

  “He was hurt.”

  “And?”

  “We got into an argument.”

  Jessie lowered her voice. “And?”

  “He...didn’t...he wasn’t like dad in that moment, but I know he can be.”

  “You told a man who has been nesting for weeks that you were going to use your sister as daycare instead of him, and Porter didn’t blow his top?”

  “No, but—”

  “Porter is not dad.” Her sister held up her finger. “And why are you going back after six weeks?”

  “Why is everyone shocked by that?” Iris asked.

  “Are you hurting for money?”

  “I have savings and vacation and sick days to cover more than six weeks.”

  “Then why are you dying to get back to work? Please don’t tell me you think your life is just going to go back to normal once you drop this baby?”

  Yeah. Kind of. “Well...no.”

  Her sister laughed. “Yes, you did. Honey, you’re going to be a mother. You’re going to be eyeballs deep in diapers, in spit up, in joy, love, frustration, and exhaustion. You’re never going to be the same. You’ve got to say goodbye to the Iris you have in your mind.”

  That was the last thing she’d wanted to hear. She wanted to argue, and point out the flaws in her sister’s words. She wanted to rail against what felt like the truth. Her life couldn’t be irrevocably changed. God. Was she going to cry again? She wrapped a hand around her belly. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

  “Are you ready to be at least thirty pounds lighter?”

  She scared up a smile for her sister. “Yes.”

  “Then the rest will come. All right. Give me some love. The girls are getting restless. I gotta go.”

  Her sister waved her off when Iris tried to stand up. She shouted to her sister’s retreating back. “See you on Saturday!”

  “Or before. Your stomach’s dropped.”

  “What?”

  The front door closed on any answer. Iris looked down at her stomach. Her life was about to change in a million different ways that probably couldn’t even imagine. But Porter would be there. He’d be ther
e for their son and son only because she’d refused that change. She’d hurt him in the process to keep him—no. Keep her heart safe. For what?

  She sighed. “Are you ready to come out?”

  But as always, he didn’t respond to her voice. She was alone.

  Elizabeth + Mr. Darcy

  “Hey, Porter,” said the young man. His blue shirt with an apple in the middle was stretched tight across his chest.

  “What’s up, Bryan?”

  The kid leaned against the glass case that held nothing but phones. “Slow day. What’s going on with you?”

  Porter gave him a tight smile. “Dropped my phone.”

  He put it on the glass between them, and it looked like he’d taken a hammer to the thing. He hadn’t. The garage’s concrete floor had sufficed.

  For the past week he’d picked up his phone to call Iris or text her, but she’d drawn a line in the sand. To be honest, so had he. He had hoped with time he could shake whatever hold she had on him. Maybe everything he thought he felt had to do with her being pregnant with his child. Or seeing her constantly. Talking to her. Caring for her in a way that had nothing to do with their son.

  Seven long ass days he had often found himself with his keys in his hand, at the door, ready to check in on his sister at work.

  Fooling nobody that he was actually there to catch sight of Iris.

  But the important thing at the moment was keeping his face straight as Bryan gazed between the phone and Porter with a you’re-trying-sell-me-bullshit stare.

  “Dropped it?” Bryan asked. “Under your car as you backed over it?”

  “I was in my garage.”

  “This can’t be repaired.”

  “Then can I have a new one? I kind of need it.” Which had dawned on him after he’d lost a hold on his temper.

  “Waiting on a call?”

  “Yup. Having a baby any day now.”

  “Congrats,” Bryan said and sounded genuine, not at all like he knew he was getting a commission. “I didn’t know you were married.”

  This again. “I’m not.”

  Bryan winced. “Oh. Baby mama drama?”

  “Nope.”

  The younger man seemed to catch on this was not a subject Porter wanted to get into at the Apple store.

  “Do you want the same model, same color?”