SSmith - Ruins

by The Ruins (v1. 0) [lit]

  She couldn’t see Jeff, but somehow she sensed his surprise, a stiffening in the shadows above her. “No?” he asked.

  “I can’t.”

  “Because?”

  “I just can’t.”

  “But it’s your turn.”

  “Ican’t, Jeff.”

  He raised his voice, growing angry. “Cut the shit, Stacy. Get up.”

  He nudged her, and she almost screamed. Her entire body ached. She started to chant: “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t—”

  “I’ll do it.” It was Mathias’s voice, coming from the far side of the tent.

  She sensed Jeff lifting away from her, twisting to look. “It’s her turn.”

  “It’s okay. I’m awake.”

  Stacy could hear him getting up, rustling about, picking his way toward the tent’s flap. He stopped just short of it, hesitating.

  “Where’s Amy?” he asked.

  “Outside still,” Jeff answered. “Sleeping it off.”

  “Should I—”

  “Leave her be.”

  Stacy heard Mathias zipper open the flap, and something almost like light entered the tent. For a moment, she glimpsed all three of them: Eric lying motionless on his back, Jeff standing above her, Mathias stepping out into the clearing.Thank you, she thought, but she couldn’t quite manage to push the words into speech. The flap closed, dropping them once more into darkness.

  Without really meaning to, she was shutting her eyes again. Jeff was lying down a few feet to her left, mumbling to himself with an unmistakable air of complaint—about her, Stacy assumed. She didn’t care. He was already mad at Amy, so why shouldn’t he be angry with her, too? Later, the two of them could laugh about it; Stacy would mimic him, the way he continued to mutter even now, murmuring and sighing.

  I should check on Eric,she thought.

  She tried to remember what had happened before she fell asleep. Had she awakened him first, as she’d promised? The more she considered this, the less likely it began to seem, and she was just starting to rouse herself, laboring to open her eyes again, maybe even sit up and prod at him, when Mathias began to shout Jeff’s name.

  It was the same thing all over again: waking with that musty smell surrounding him, the vine growing across his legs.Inside me, Eric thought as he reached to touch it.My chest, too.

  Mathias was yelling from the clearing. There was movement in the tent, someone else stirring. It was too dark to see who. Eric was trying to sit up, but the vine was on top of him; it seemed to be holding him down.

  Inside me.

  “Jeff…” Mathias was yelling. “Jeff…”

  Something had happened, something bad; Eric could hear it in Mathias’s voice.Pablo’s died, he thought.

  “Jeff…”

  Someone was standing up, moving toward the tent’s flap.

  “Oh God,” Eric said. He’d pushed his hand down through the vine, was pressing at his chest, just above his wound. He could feel the vine beneath the skin there, a spongy mass covering his rib cage, spreading upward to his sternum. “The knife!” he called. “Get me the knife!”

  “What is it? What’s happening?” It was Stacy, right beside Eric, her voice sounding sleep-fuzzed, frightened. She clutched at him grabbing his shoulder.

  “I need the knife,” he said.

  “The knife?”

  “Hurry!”

  From the clearing, Mathias continued to shout. “Jeff…Jeff…”

  Eric’s hand had moved down to his leg, where it found that same padded growth, just under the skin, climbing over his knee, up his thigh. He heard the flap being zippered open, turned to look. It was still night, but somehow not as dark outside as in. He glimpsed Jeff stepping out into the clearing.

  “Wait,” he called, “I need—”

  But Jeff was already gone.

  Jeff knew.

  As soon as he heard Mathias begin to shout, he knew. He was up and out into the clearing, everything happening very quickly—too quickly—but not quickly enough to keep the knowledge at bay. It was in Mathias’s voice, in the panic he heard there, the urgency. That was all Jeff needed.

  Yes, heknew.

  Up and out of the tent and across the clearing, all in darkness, with Mathias little more than a shadow, crouched above a second shadow, which was Amy. Jeff dropped to his knees beside them, reached for Amy’s hand, her wrist, already cold to the touch. He couldn’t make out either of their faces.

  “I think it…” Mathias began, fumbling for the words, almost stuttering in his agitation. “I think it smothered her.”

  Jeff bent closer. The vine had grown across her mouth, her nose. He started to tug at it, the sap burning his hands. It had pushed its way inside her mouth, and he had to dig in with his fingers to pull it free, ignoring the rubbery feel of her lips, so cold—too cold.

  From the tent, Eric had begun to shout again. “The knife! Get the knife!”

  Not smothered,Jeff thought.Choked. Because he could smell the tequila, the bile, feel the dampness on the vine’s leaves. He remembered Amy staggering to her feet, taking that half step toward him, her hand held to her mouth. He’d thought she’d been pressing it there to hold back her nausea, but he’d been wrong. She’d been pulling, he realized now, struggling to rip the plant from her face, to open a passage for her vomit, even as she suffocated upon it, falling to her knees, beckoning to him for help.

  When he finished clearing her mouth, he tilted back her head, pinched shut her nostrils, bent his lips to hers—a tight seal, with no gaps. He could taste her vomit, feel the burn of the vine’s sap on his tongue. He exhaled, filling her lungs, lifted his mouth free, moved to her chest, felt for her sternum, placed the heels of his hands against it, pressed downward with all his weight, counting in his head with each push—one…two…three…four…five—and then back to her mouth.

  “Jeff,” Mathias said.

  There were stories Jeff could call upon here—false deaths—people pulled pulseless from deep water, blue-lipped, stiff-limbed. There were heart attacks and snakebites and lightning strikes. And choking victims, too—why not? People who ought never to have breathed again, and yet, through some miracle, some physiological quirk, were yanked back into life simply because someone who had no reason to believe, no reason to persist, did so nonetheless, breathing air into a corpse’s lungs, pumping blood through a cadaver’s heart, resurrecting them—somehow, some way—Lazarus-like, from the grip of their too-soon deaths.

  “It’s too late,” Mathias said.

  Jeff had learned CPR in a tenth-grade health class. Early spring in western Massachusetts, flies buzzing and bumping against the big windows, which looked out on the courtyard, with its flagpole, its tiny greenhouse. A short lecture, and then they practiced, the rubber dummy laid out on the linoleum, a female, oddly legless. She’d been given a name, Jeff remembered, but he couldn’t recall what it was. Fifteen boys, taking turns with her—there’d been a few halfhearted sexual jokes, which Mr. Kocher frowned into silence. They were all embarrassed, anxious of failure, and trying not to show it. The dummy’s lips had tasted of rubbing alcohol. Kneeling beside her head, Jeff had imagined the rescues that might lie in his future. He’d pictured his grandmother collapsed on the kitchen floor, his entire family—sister and parents and cousins and uncles and aunts—all of them frozen, helpless, watching her die; and then Jeff would calmly step forward, pushing his way through them, so that he could kneel beside her and breathe life back into her body, the simplest of gestures, yet God-like, too. A moment of grace—that was how he’d pictured it—full of serenity and self-assurance.

  He exhaled, filling Amy’s lungs.

  Mathias reached, touched his shoulder. “She’s not…”

  Go to her,he’d thought—he remembered the words in his head. Sitting in the mud beside Pablo’s lean-to, watching her stagger, drop to her knees, her hands at her mouth.Do it now. And why hadn’t he?

  There was movement from the tent, and Stacy appeared, ca
me stumbling toward them. “It’s inside him again,” she said. “I—” She stopped, stood staring at them through the darkness. “What happened?”

  Jeff shifted back to Amy’s chest, felt for the sternum.

  “Is she—”

  My fault:There was no doubt of this, yet Jeff knew he couldn’t afford to think on it now, had to resist its pull. Later, he’d have to confront those two words, bear their weight; later, there’d be no escape. But not now.

  He began to push:one…two…three…four…five.

  Then again, perhaps there wouldn’t be a later. Because there was that possibility, too, wasn’t there? No later, nothing beyond this place, Amy simply the first of them, with himself and the others soon to follow. And if that were the case, what did it matter, really? This way rather than another, now rather than in the coming days or weeks—couldn’t it be a blessing, even, like any other abridgement of suffering?

  “Jeff…” Mathias said.

  He hadn’t known. He hadn’t been able to see. She’d been only fifteen feet away, but lost in darkness nonetheless. How could he have known?

  Eric was yelling from the tent, calling for Stacy, for the knife, for help.

  Not now,Jeff thought, struggling to discipline himself.Later.

  “Mathias?” Stacy said, sounding scared. “Is she…”

  “Yes.”

  Babies pulled from trash cans, old women found slumped in their nightgowns, hikers dug out of snowbanks—the main thing was not to give up, not to make assumptions, to act without hesitation, and pray for that miracle, that quirk, that sudden gasp of air.

  Stacy took a single step forward. “You mean—”

  “Dead.”

  Jeff ignored them. Back to her mouth: the cold lips, the taste of vomit, the burn of the sap as he forced the air into her chest. Eric kept yelling from the tent. Stacy and Mathias were silent, not moving, watching Jeff work at the body—the lungs, the heart—straining for that moment of grace, which resisted him, fought him, wouldn’t come. He gave up long before he stopped, kept at it for an extra handful of minutes out of simple inertia, a terror of what it meant to lift his lips from her mouth, his hands from her chest, with no intention of returning. It was fatigue that finally forced him to a halt, a cramp in his right thigh, a growing sense of light-headedness; he sat back on his heels, struggled to catch his breath.

  No one spoke.

  She called my name,Jeff thought. He wiped at his mouth; the sap made his lips feel abraded.I heard her call it. He picked up Amy’s hand, clasped it in his own, as if trying to warm it.

  “Stacy…” Eric shouted.

  Jeff lifted his head, peered toward the tent. “What’s wrong with him?” he asked. The quietness of his voice astonished him; he’d expected something ragged, something desperate: a howl. He was waiting for tears—he could feel them, just beyond his reach—but they didn’t come.

  Wouldn’t.

  Later,he thought.

  “It’s inside him again,” Stacy said, and she, too, spoke softly, almost inaudibly. It was the presence of death, Jeff knew, reducing them all to whispers.

  He let go of Amy’s hand, laid it carefully across her chest, thinking of that rubber dummy once more, those limp arms. He’d received a certificate for passing the test; his mother had framed it, hung it in his room. He could shut his eyes now and see all those certificates and ribbons and plaques hanging on the walls, the shelves full of trophies. “Someone should go help him,” he said.

  Mathias stood up without a word, started toward the tent. Jeff and Stacy watched him go, a shadow moving off across the clearing.

  Ghostlike,Jeff thought, and then the tears arrived; he couldn’t hold them back. No sobs, no gasps—no wailing or moaning or keening—just a half dozen drops of salty water rolling slowly down his cheeks, stinging where the vine’s sap had burned his skin.

  Stacy couldn’t see Jeff’s tears. She couldn’t see much of anything, actually. She was in bad shape: tired, drunk, aching—in her muscles, in her bones—and thick-headed with fear. It was dark, too dark; it hurt her eyes, the straining to pull things into some semblance of themselves. Amy was lying on her back and Jeff was kneeling beside her—that was all she could see. But sheknew, even so, had known as soon as she stepped out of the tent—not how, just the fact of it:She’s dead.

  She lowered herself into a crouch. She was two feet away from them; she could’ve touched Amy if she’d only reached out her hand. She knew she ought to do this, too, that it would be the right thing, exactly what Amy would’ve wanted of her. But she didn’t move. She was too scared: Touching her would make it real.

  “Are you sure?” she asked Jeff.

  “Sure?”

  “That she’s…” Stacy couldn’t bring herself to say it.

  But Jeff understood; she sensed him nodding in the darkness.

  “How?” she whispered

  “How what?”

  “How did she…”

  “It grew over her mouth. It choked her.”

  Stacy took a deep breath, reflexively.This can’t be happening, she thought.How can this be happening? That campfire smell was in the air again, and it reminded her that there were people at the bottom of the hill. “We have to tell them,” she said.

  “Who?”

  “The Mayans.”

  She could feel Jeff watching, but he didn’t speak. She wished she could make out his expression, because he was part of the unreality here, the not-happening quality—his calmness, his quiet voice, his hidden face. Amy was dead, and they were just sitting beside her, doing nothing.

  “We have to tell them what’s happened.” Stacy’s voice rose as she spoke. She could feel it more than hear it, her heart speeding up, burning through the tequila, the sleep, even the terror. “We have to get them to help.”

  “They’re not gonna—”

  “They have to.”

  “Stacy—”

  “They have to!”

  “Stacy!”

  She stopped, blinking at him. She was having a hard time remaining in her crouch, her muscles jumping in her thighs. She wanted to leap up, run down the hill, bring this all to an end. It seemed so simple.

  “Shut up,” Jeff said, his voice very quiet. “All right?”

  She didn’t answer, was too startled. Briefly, she felt the urge to scream, to lash out at him, strike him, but then it passed. Everything seemed to collapse in its wake. Her fatigue was back suddenly, and her fear, too. She reached, took Amy’s hand. It was cool to the touch, slightly damp. If it had squeezed back, Stacy would’ve shrieked, and it was this realization more than anything else that finally, unequivocally, brought the truth home.

  Dead,Stacy thoughtShe’s dead.

  “No more talking,” Jeff said. “Can you do that? Just be here with me—with her—and not say another word?”

  Stacy kept gripping Amy’s hand. Somehow this made things easier. She nodded.

  And so that was what they did. They remained there together, one on either side of Amy’s body, waiting, not speaking, while the earth began its slow tilt toward dawn.

  Eric kept begging Mathias to cut him open, but Mathias wouldn’t do it, not in the dark.

  “We’ve got to get it out,” Eric insisted. “It’s spreading everywhere.”

  “We don’t know that.”

  “Can’t you feel it?”

  “I can feel that there’s swelling.”

  “It’s not swelling. It’s the vine. It’s—”

  Mathias patted at his arm. “Shh,” he said. “When it gets light.”

  It was hot in the tent, musty and humid, and Mathias’s hand was slick with sweat. Eric didn’t like the feel of it. He pulled away. “I can’t wait that long.”

  “Dawn’s almost here.”

  “Is it because I called you a Nazi?”

  Mathias was silent.

  “It was just a joke. We were talking about the movie they’ll make. When we get back, how they’ll turn you into the villain. Because you’
re German, right? So they’d make you a Nazi.” He wasn’t thinking straight, he knew, was talking too quickly. He was scared, and it seemed possible he wasn’t making perfect sense. But he’d started down this road, and now he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “Not that you are one. Just that they’ll make you one. Because they’ll need a bad guy. They always need one. Though I guess the vine could be the villain, too, couldn’t it? So maybe you don’t have to be a Nazi. You can be a hero, like Jeff. You’ll both be heroes. Do they have Boy Scouts in Germany?”