Little Secrets--His Unexpected Heir

by Maureen Child

  She laid both hands on his chest and the heat of her slid inside him like a welcome balm, easing the harsh waves of regret and anger and frustration still roiling within. As much as he loved her touch, he almost resented it because it was temporary. She wouldn’t be here for much longer and when she was gone it would be so much harder to be without her.

  “Jack. If Kevin can move on, why can’t you?”

  He dropped his gaze to hers. Those whiskey eyes stared up at him with so many emotions rushing through them he couldn’t begin to name them all. And it was probably better if he didn’t try.

  “Because,” he said slowly, “if I move on, it’s forgetting. And if I let myself forget, then I’ve learned nothing.”

  She tipped her head to one side and all those amazing dark brown curls fell off her shoulder to be lifted in the ever-present wind. “That makes zero sense, Jack.”

  One corner of his mouth lifted. Of course it didn’t make sense to her. How could she untangle his emotions when they were so jumbled together even he didn’t understand half of them. But right now, that didn’t matter. She was there, pressed up against him, her curvy body radiating heat, the mound of their child between them and Jack let himself simply feel. If things were different, if he were different... But wishing wouldn’t make it so.

  She wrapped her arms around his middle and laid her head on his chest. Her scent enveloped him completely and he felt as if he were bathing in some soft, golden light. The tension she eased and soothed wasn’t gone, just buried. It was all still inside him, twisting, writhing. But that didn’t mean he had to find answers tonight.

  He took a breath, drew her scent deep and let it ease every jagged corner of his soul. Closing his eyes, he held her close and told himself that just for tonight, he would take the comfort she offered.

  And be grateful.

  * * *

  A couple of days later, they were in a backyard with a wildly spectacular garden bursting with blooms in every color imaginable. A rare June day of sunshine washed out of a clear blue sky and shone down like a blessing on the small group of people gathered.

  The wedding was beautiful. Small, as Rita and Jack’s had been, but instead of the beach, they were in a lush backyard with a small group of guests. There were tables, chairs and a wooden dance floor constructed just for the occasion. Music streamed from a stereo, an eclectic mix of classic rock, old standards and even a waltz or two just for tradition’s sake.

  Seated at a table in the shade, Rita looked at her husband, sitting beside her. Jack wore a perfectly tailored black suit with a white shirt and a dark blue tie. His black hair was a little long, his blue eyes a little too sharp, his jaw a little too tense. But he was there for Kevin, as promised.

  Rita smoothed the skirt of her bright yellow dress across her thighs, and swung the loose fall of her hair back behind her shoulders. Reaching across their table, she took Jack’s hand in hers.

  “Look at them,” she said, smiling. “They’re so happy.”

  She watched Kevin, with Lisa in his lap, wheel around the dance floor. The newlyweds were laughing, kissing and completely caught up in each other. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, but Rita’s eyes blurred with tears as she watched the two people so obviously in love.

  “Yeah, they do look happy,” Jack said and deliberately slid his hand out from under hers. He picked up his bottle of beer and took a long swig.

  “But you don’t.” Sitting beside him, surrounded by strangers in a flower-filled garden, Rita felt a now-familiar darkness creeping closer.

  There didn’t seem to be anything she could do to lift the cloud that had settled on him since seeing Kevin again a few days ago. He wasn’t angry or even unkind. He was...civil. He treated her as he would a stranger, with a cool politeness that chipped away at her heart and soul.

  When they were first married, Jack had kept a distance between them, but Rita had still sensed that he cared for her. That there was something inside him fighting to get out. Now, it was as if he’d suddenly built the wall around his heart thicker and higher, defying her to break through. God knew she’d spent the last couple of days trying to do just that. But it was as if he was on another planet—one she couldn’t reach.

  He slanted her a long, thoughtful look. The dappled shade from the trees threw a pattern of dark and light across his face. His features, though, were carefully blank, as if he was determined to give her no clue at all as to what he was thinking, feeling.

  “No,” he said finally, “I’m not happy.”

  God, she got an actual chill from the ice in his voice. But she had to keep trying to get to him, to touch his heart, to make him see that he wasn’t alone if he didn’t want to be. “Jack, what is it? What’s happening?”

  “This isn’t the place to talk about it,” he said and lifted his beer for another drink. His gaze shifted from her to Kevin and Lisa. His features were tighter, the glint in his eyes harder and Rita was more confused than ever.

  She turned her head to watch the newlyweds, too, but what she saw made her smile. Made her heart lift. Kevin, in his chair, Lisa on his lap, looking down into his eyes with an expression of pure joy on her face. The two of them might have been alone in the world as the music played and a handful of dancers moved around them.

  Why couldn’t Jack see the happiness all around him and let himself revel in it? Why was he more determined than ever to wallow in misery? For the first time since finding him again, Rita was worried.

  * * *

  As it turned out, she had a right to be.

  A few hours later, they were back in the penthouse. It had been a long, silent ride, with tension building between them until Rita had felt it alive and bristling in the car. Jack had given away nothing. She still had no idea what was bothering him but she was through guessing. Rita had waited as long as she could. There was no point in worrying over something when you could face it head-on and tackle it to the ground.

  Dropping her taupe clutch bag onto the nearest chair, she stared at Jack’s back and demanded, “Are you going to tell me what’s bugging you?”

  He was standing in the center of the living room, suit jacket tossed to the couch, hands stuffed into his slacks pockets. When he turned to look at her, Rita’s heart actually dropped. If a man’s face could be a sheet of ice, then that’s what she was looking at.

  His clear blue eyes glittered like shards of that ice as they locked on her. “What’s bugging me? It’s this.” He pulled his hands free, lifted both arms as if to encompass the two of them and the apartment. “It’s over, Rita. This marriage sham? It’s done. Time for you to go.”

  All of the air in her lungs left her in a rush and seconds later Rita was light-headed. It felt as if the floor had opened up beneath her feet and simply swallowed her. Shock was too small a word for what she was feeling. Hurt was right up there, too, but temper was coming in a close third and quickly rising to the top. Forcing herself to breathe, she stared at him as she would have a stranger. “Just like that?”

  “Just like that,” he said and headed for the bar in the far corner of the room. Bending down, he opened the mini fridge and grabbed a bottle of beer. After opening it, he took a long drink and avoided looking at her.

  Yep, temper was bubbling to the surface and Rita gave it free rein. Her family could have told Jack that when Rita was truly angry, it was best to run, but that was all right, she told herself. He’d find that out for himself.

  “That’s just not going to fly with me, Jack.”

  One of his eyebrows lifted in mild surprise. She could do better.

  “You don’t get to stand there so cool and dismissive and say ‘time for you to go, Rita,’ and expect me to start packing,” she said, riding a cresting wave of what felt like pure fury. “You don’t tell me to go and then not even bother to look at me.”

  He s
lid his gaze to hers and it was almost worse, she thought, seeing the blank emptiness in his eyes. Pain grabbed at her, but she shook it off.

  “What the hell happened?” she demanded. “You’ve been different ever since Kevin came here. And today—” she broke off, shook her head and said, “the wedding was beautiful, but you couldn’t see it. Kevin and Lisa were practically glowing and you sat there like a black hole, sucking in every bit of joy around you without it once affecting you. Where’s this all coming from?”

  “From Kevin,” he snapped, then took a breath to visibly calm himself. When he had, he continued. “From the wedding and Kevin and Lisa and the damn hearts and flowers practically floating over their heads.”

  She just blinked at him. This was making no sense at all. “That’s a bad thing? How does your friend’s happiness equate to you being miserable?”

  “I’m not miserable. I’m realistic.”

  “It’s realistic to hate the fact that people are happy? To send me away so there’s no chance of you being happy?”

  “That’s right.”

  God, it was like talking to a wall. Only she’d probably have gotten more out of a wall. He was bulletproof. Her words bounced off him and never left a dent.

  “You don’t want to be happy, is that it?” God, she was getting colder.

  “You’re damn right,” he said, setting the beer down in a deliberately calm manner. Coming out from behind the bar, he walked toward her and stopped with a good three feet of empty space between them. “I told you going in that this was temporary, just until the baby was born.”

  She put both hands on her belly. “News flash. Still about two months to go.”

  He didn’t even look at the baby. Hell, he barely looked at her. “Yeah, but we don’t have to be living together to be married, do we?” he asked.

  “Wow.” She took a step toward him and he took one back. One short, sharp laugh shot from her throat. “Was I getting too close, Jack? Were you starting to care? Are you making me leave because you don’t want me to go?”

  “Think you’ve got me all figured out, do you?”

  “Oh, yeah,” she said, nodding. “It wasn’t that hard. Answer me this. Do I scare you, Jack?”

  He gritted his teeth, huffed out a breath and said flatly, “You terrify me.”

  Small comfort, she thought, but didn’t speak again as he continued.

  “I didn’t sign up for this. Didn’t want this,” he muttered darkly, pushing one hand through his hair impatiently. “You’re getting too close, Rita. I can see it. You’re starting to believe this is all real and it’s not. It can’t be. I won’t let it be.”

  She’d never been dismissed so completely, so casually and it hurt so much she wanted to keen, but damned if she’d let him see that. Her heart ached for them both. She’d gotten to him, reached him and because she had, he was cutting her out of his life with a single, cold stroke.

  “You won’t let it be real?” she asked. “You’re the only one with a vote here?”

  “That’s right.” His eyes were cold, empty and that one fact tore at her so deeply, Rita could hardly breathe.

  “Why?” She stared at him, completely confused and hurt and even her temper was easing off to be replaced by an ache that settled around her heart and throbbed with every beat. “You at least owe me an explanation, Jack. How did Kevin showing up here and his happiness today make you so determined to throw your own chance at it away? Our chance.”

  “You want an explanation, fine. Sure, Kevin and Lisa are happy today,” Jack ground out. “But what about tomorrow? What about when pain comes rolling down the track and hits them both?”

  Flabbergasted, Rita stared at him. “What? Being happy isn’t worth it because one day you might not be? What kind of logic is that?”

  He shook his head grimly. “Perfect, that’s what kind. I saw it happen. Too many damn times. You love someone—or worse yet, let someone love you—and things go wrong, lives are shattered. I heard a guy’s widow sobbing. I watched parents grieving.” He wasn’t cool and detached now. His voice was hot, words tumbling over each other. “I saw the strongest men I’ve ever known break under the agony of loss. Why the hell would anyone risk that? No, Rita. There’s no way I’m setting either one of us up for that.”

  Her own breath came short and fast, because she knew he believed what he was saying. None of it made sense but that didn’t keep him from having faith in every word. “So screw ever smiling or being joyful because of what might happen.”

  He didn’t even flinch.

  “It will happen,” he insisted. “You think anybody gets through life unscathed? They don’t. The best you can do is protect yourself from misery.”

  “By being miserable?” she demanded.

  “Think what you like.” Shaking his head, he ignored that and said, “I’m not letting you get any deeper into this marriage, Rita.” His voice was tight, hard. “You’re getting too damn close, pulling me along with you, and I can’t go any further. I won’t let myself start coming back to life only to risk more grief. Trust me, it’s not worth it. I know.”

  God, he’d already cut her off. He’d made that call a couple of days ago when Kevin visited and since then it had been solidifying in his mind until now; it was a done deal. Without talking to her about any of it, he’d made the decision to end what was between them.

  “You’re wrong,” she whispered, and to her fury, felt tears fill her eyes. She hated that. Rita always ended up crying when she was at her angriest. Too much emotion had to eventually spill from her eyes and the tears were lowering. Viciously, she swiped at her eyes. “You’re so wrong it’s sad, Jack. Caring about people? That’s worth everything.”

  “Don’t cry.” He scrubbed one hand across the back of his neck. “Just don’t. It’ll rip at me because I...care about you.”

  “You don’t just care, Jack,” she told him flatly. “You love me.”

  His gaze snapped to hers. “See? That’s another reason you have to leave.”

  “What?”

  “Love’s coming, and I know that, too. So I need you gone before I love you.”

  Rita laughed shortly then actually reached up and tugged at her hair in frustration. This had to be the weirdest and most heartbreaking conversation she’d ever had. “Right. Don’t want to take a chance on actually loving someone.”

  “I’m doing what I have to do.”

  “No, you’re not, Jack,” she said, lifting her chin and meeting that cold stare with all the heat she could muster. “You’re doing what’s easiest.”

  “You think this is easy?” he demanded.

  “I think it’s unnecessary,” she snapped. “But no worries. I’m leaving. I’ll be out of here tonight.” Damned if she’d stay with a man who was so determined not to love her. To cut himself off from any feeling at all.

  “You don’t have to go tonight,” he said. “Tomorrow’s soon enough.”

  Her gaze locked on his. “No, it’s really not.”

  * * *

  A couple of hours later, Jack was alone in the apartment.

  As good as her word, Rita was gone so fast, she’d been nothing but a blur. She hadn’t said another word to him, but her silence came across loud and clear. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her and someday soon, Rita would realize that he’d done all of this to protect her. He didn’t want her hurt. Mourning him as he’d seen others mourn the fallen.

  She’d cried.

  He slapped one hand to the center of his chest in a futile attempt to ease the ache centered there. Jack had never seen Rita cry before. Not even the day he’d left her in that hotel to go back to his tour of duty. She’d sent him off with a smile that had no doubt cost her. But today, she’d cried.

  If he could have changed it, he would have. But this was the only way and Jac
k knew it. He stepped out onto the terrace and let that cold wind slap at him. He finally had what he’d wanted—craved—most. Solitude. There was no one here talking to him, trying to make him laugh, drawing him back into a world he’d deliberately turned his back on.

  “This is for the best. For both of us. Hell,” he added, thinking of the baby, “for all three of us.”

  Didn’t feel like it at the moment, but he was sure it would. One day. Rita would see it, too. Eventually.

  “Damn it,” he said when the doorbell rang. He thought about not answering it, but even as he considered it, the damn thing rang again.

  “Rita probably forgot something,” he told himself as he headed back inside. He took a peek through the judas hole and sighed heavily. So much for solitude.

  Reluctantly, he opened the door and said, “Hi, Cass.”

  “Don’t you ‘hi’ me,” his sister said as she pushed past him into the apartment. She threw her purse onto the couch, then turned around, hands at her hips and glared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  Calmly, Jack closed the door and faced his sister. She was practically vibrating with anger. Her eyes, so much like his own, were flashing dangerously and her features were set like stone in an expression of indignation. “What’re you talking about?”

  “Rita called me from the airport.”

  That threw him. “The airport?”

  “Yeah, she found a flight to Utah and she went back to see her family.”

  Okay, he’d wanted her to leave the apartment—not the state. He wasn’t sure how he felt about her being so far away. Was she planning on staying there? Giving up her bakery? Her friends?

  “Are you out of your mind for real?” she asked.

  “This is none of your business, Cass.”

  “Since we’re family, it is my business,” she countered grimly. “Rita asked me to come and check on you,” Cass added, not bothering to hide the disgust in her tone. “She was worried about you.”