The Lighter Side of Large

by Becky Siame

  I think for a moment. “You’re right: I am better than that.” I’m better than her as well.

  Mama Rose pats my knee. “That’s my good girl.”

  “On that note,” I get up from the table, “I need to be good and check on Dad. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Dad is comfortably ensconced on the leather sofa, talking animatedly with a stranger. Dad always had the knack for talking to anyone, anywhere, anytime. He jokes that he can make friends with a rock, and I believe it. I overhear him talking about literature, his love of a lifetime.

  My job done, I use the downstairs powder room. When it was my powder room, it was decorated with green and blue tartan wallpaper and a border showing golfers, with rugs and hand towels in green and blue, a masculine look since it was across the hallway from Mika’s home office. Tiresa’s décor ideas were a complete one-eighty from mine; she had turned the room into an Eastern bazaar. It boasted a strong Indian influence in bold colors of gold and orange and fuchsia, with a framed picture of the Taj Mahal hanging above the toilet and a hanging light fixture of wrought iron and colored glass above the sink.

  When I step out, Mika is standing in the hallway. “Hey there, how are you holding up?” he asks.

  “Fine,” I reply, moving past him.”Wait,” he touches my arm. “I have something for you.” He motions me into his office and shuts the door, shutting out the rhythm and blues music. “I found your sketch book,” he says, picking it up off his desk.

  “Thank you” I say, genuinely pleased. “Where did you find it?”

  “It was behind a stack of books in a cabinet,” Mika. I flip through the pages, admiring my old handiwork. “How’s your drawing going?”

  “Good,” I reply, lost in the past of doodles and sketches. “I heard back from a magazine. They want to print one of my caricatures.”

  “That’s great news, Bella. I’m really happy for you.”

  I can’t get over seeing my sketch book again, and then I realise it’s been years since I worked in it. Marriage, kids - my life had grown too busy. But no longer. Even though Jae is the one who wanted to see this book and now he is gone, I have a piece of my lost life back.

  The cover of the book closes and Mika takes the book out of my hands and place it back on the desk. In the same movement, he slips his arm around me and kisses me.

  I try to push him away but he slips his other arm around me and holds me tight. “Mika, what are you doing?” I protest.

  “Bella,” he breathes, “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  “Mika! This is your engagement party. What do you think you’re doing?”

  He nuzzles my neck with his lips. “Baby, I can’t stop thinking about you and those things you said. You’re right, I’ve been a bad husband and I want to change. I want you back.”

  I push in earnest against him but he holds me tighter. “You’ve had too much to drink.”

  “No, no, it’s true,” he works his way back to my lips and kisses me passionately. I can taste the whiskey on his tongue. “I want you back,” he whispers. “I want to hold you again and make love to you and be a husband to you. We can be a family again. I want to take care of you in this house, our house. You know it’s the right thing to do.”

  He pulls me against him even tighter; I begin to feel afraid. I can’t scream but I can’t let him keep on. “Mika, stop it,” I demand. “You’re drunk and you’re hurting me. Let go.”

  “I shouldn’t have let you go,” he moans into my ear. “I can’t get you out of my head. Please say yes, Bella. You gotta say yes.”

  “NO,” I say. “Let me go this instance. What will Tiresa say if she finds us…”

  The office door bangs open, letting in the loud music. Tiresa stands there, the picture of hatred. “Yes, what will Tiresa say if she finds you? Oh dear, she did find you, you conniving bitch.”

  “Tiresa,” Mika says, startled by her intrusion. He pushes me away, as if I am the one assaulting him. “What are you doing in here?”

  “Keeping an eye on my dear sister, that’s what,” Tiresa slams the door behind her and stomps toward me. I back up but am stopped by the desk. “I knew you were going to do something, but this beats all. How dare you try to seduce my fiancé in my own home? Don’t you have any decency?” She laughs bitterly. “Of course not. You don’t know what it means to be decent, you fat slob.”

  Mika jumps between us. “Tiresa, calm down. Bella was just…”

  “Don’t tell me to calm down. I saw what she was doing! She just couldn’t wait to get her hands on you again. Missing his kisses, Bella? Yes, they are seductive, aren’t they? Were you planning to bonk him in the office while I was attending to our guests?”

  I rub my temples, a headache beginning to form. This can’t be happening, I groan. Tiresa gets an idea in her head and it will not be dislodged, I knew from experience. “I’m just going to leave and pretend this never happened,” I say, starting for the door, but Tiresa, red in the face, blocks the way.

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Just go along your merry way and act like nothing’s wrong, like you’re so innocent. You’re anything but.”

  “Tiresa…” Mika begins.

  “Shut up, Mika” Tiresa orders.

  I try to step around her but she shoves me back. Fine. You want to be that way? “Tiresa, if you touch me again, I swear to God I will pound you to the ground. And since you put such high stock on innocence, let me tell you about your fiancé’s innocence. A few weeks ago, he came onto me and we had sex. How do you like that? He’s unfaithful, just as I warned you and he continues to prove it.”

  Tiresa snorts. “Like I’m going to believe you. Trying to get back at me because you gave up your husband? You’ll have to come up with a better story than that.”

  “It’s no story,” I insist. “Ask him.”

  “I don’t need to,” Tiresa laughs. “This is just a last-ditch effort to ruin our wedding. Well, it’s not going to work. I’ve had enough of you trying to ruin my life, but this is it. I want you out of my house now. And if you come within fifty feet of the wedding, I’ll have you arrested.”

  “You’re ruining your own life by marrying him!” I say. “Why won’t you ask him if we had sex? What are you afraid of?”

  “Fine,” Tiresa rolls her eyes and turns to Mika. “Mika, dear, did you sleep with Bella?”

  Mika, who had tried to make himself small and had moved away from us, suddenly stands up straight and crosses his arms. “Tiresa, what do you think?” he says in a cynical tone. The expression on his face is one of disgust at the accusation. I want to slap him.

  Tiresa’s eyes narrow and, for a moment, doubt flickers in her eyes at his lack of outright denial.

  Yes! I cheer inwardly. Revenge at last. Now who’s the winner?

  Tiresa stares him down. Unbelievably, Mika rolls his eyes. “I don’t know why she said that, Tiresa. Maybe it’s the stress. Maybe it was a bad idea for her to come tonight, but you seem intent on keeping this a threesome. It’s time for you to decide whom you want in this family and whom you don’t want in this family.”

  My jaw drops.

  Doubt fades from Tiresa’s eyes as she turns a smug smile on me. “Anything else you want to add?”

  “Mika, you bastard!” I yell.

  He clears his throat but avoids eye contact. “I think you need to leave now.”

  Tiresa shakes her head and tsk-tsks. “It’s about time you let go of this jealousy, Bella. It’s backfiring on you and ruining your life. I mean, maybe you’ll find a man after your surgery, but in the meanwhile, keep your claws off mine.”

  Her words sting as I think of Jae, but it’s not her I’m fuming at. “Mika, you, you bastard. So much for all that crap you’ve been spewing about wanting me back, not that I would have taken you back.” I’m so angry, I’m shaking. “You’re a coward and a liar. You two deserve each other.”

  They just stand there, Tiresa angry yet smug, Mika looking down and adjusting his
watch. That is it. It’s two against one and I’m the loser. I open the office door. “Damn you both.”

  I can hear Tiresa laugh as I bolt down the hallway. It’s several minutes before I can get Dad to stop talking long enough to ask him if he wants to leave, but my stomach lurches as he says no. I want nothing more than to run out the front door, but Dad, who has been without much social interaction for a while, is reveling in good company and good conversation. Abe and Fi are nowhere in sight, probably upstairs watching television as the party continues. Good. I don’t want them to pick up on my emotions.

  I swear under my breath and spot a waiter making the rounds with a tray of champagne glasses. I catch up to him and grab two. Gulping them down, it dawns on me that Mika and Tiresa want me to leave, so what better way to spite them by not leaving? They are back to talking with guests, with frequent annoyed glances from Tiresa in my direction, while Mika ignores me. I grab two more glasses with a smile. This party is just beginning.

  I wander into the kitchen and pour myself a shot of whiskey, then another, and then another. Oh yeah, I think, Tiresa expects me to be embarrassing; why disappoint her?

  I mix another rum and diet coke, with much more rum than diet coke, and saunter through the house. I bump into Tiresa in the dining room. “You need to leave,” she hisses.

  I put a hand on my hip. “Well, it ain’t happening, sister. I’m here to stay, so deal with it.”

  Tiresa’s lips press together. “I’m calling the cops.”

  I laugh. “Now that would be really embarrassing, the cops showing up at your engagement party. Won’t that be fun to read about in the society pages?” Before she can reply, I turn and walk away. The alcohol makes me hot but relaxed - and brave. Yes, I will enjoy this party after all.

  A couple of good-looking business types stand chatting next to the fireplace. I’m single and available; why not talk to them? I decide and approach them with a smile.

  “Great party, hey?” I ask.

  They turn to me. “Yes, it is,” replies one.

  I hold out my hand. “I’m Bella, by the way, Mika’s fat ex-wife. This used to be my home. Lovely, isn’t it?”

  Both men look startled but smile hesitantly, like they’re waiting for the punchline to a joke they don’t yet understand. “It’s a great house,” says the other man.

  I tilt my head in a flirty pose. “I know. I designed it myself. Mika just paid for it. He really wasn’t into designing and decorating - or me, as it turned out. He kicked me out five years ago, you know. A shame, really.”

  “Yeah, a shame,” the first man murmurs. “Will you excuse us?” They slip away before I can say anything more.

  I continue my trek through the house. “Isn’t this floor beautiful?” I say to no one in particular. “It took me forever to decide if I wanted red oak or pine floors. Back and forth and back and forth: I just couldn’t decide.” A woman nearby gives me a tentative smile and turns away.

  I stumble back to the kitchen to refill my drink. A waiter is busy putting more bottles of beer on ice. “Hand me one of those, honey. I need a drink.” The man pops the cap and hands me the bottle. I take a swig. Yuck. I don’t like beer, but what the hell?

  A group of people near the big screen television are talking animatedly and laughing. I move closer and listen. “Tiresa will make the perfect bride,” one woman says. “I tried to convince her to have the wedding here. It’s such a fabulous home and my editor was willing to do a feature on weddings at home and showcase the house, but Tiresa doesn’t want to. At least I convinced her to have the engagement party here.”

  “I designed this house, you know,” I say. All eyes turn toward me. “Yeah, I spent two years designing it, waited six months for it to be built, then poof! Mika kicks me out a year later. That sucks. Didn’t even get to really enjoy my own house.”

  “Bella?” says one man. I try to focus on his face, but there are two of him. “It’s me, Gerald.”

  “Huh? Oh, Gerald!” I laugh. Gerald is one of Mika’s associates. “Lawyer Gerald, long time, no see!”

  Gerald nods. “It has been a long time.”

  “Well, no time like the present to become reacquainted.” I turn back to the woman who has been talking. “You’re right: this house is great for a wedding. All the skylights - I insisted on having those installed. Gotta have my sunshine. And the staircase for the bride to walk down. What do you think of that staircase? I wanted it grand but not ostentatious. There is a difference, you know.”

  A couple of people move away, including Gerald.

  Jerk-off. He was always snooty to me.

  I giggle. “Now, if Tiresa walked down that staircase as a bride, I would die laughing, because my son Abe was conceived on those stairs. Yes,” I snort and beer comes out my nose. “Mika couldn’t wait to reach the bedroom. He just shoved me to my knees and pulled off my drawers and we went at it doggie style!” I laugh so hard I nearly fall down.

  Everyone looks uncomfortable but I don’t know why. “Would you like to get some cake?” one man says to a lady. They quickly leave.

  “Cake? I love cake!” I blurt. “Did you know it matches my dress?” I stumble through the room and out the patio door.

  “There you are, Isabella,” Mama Rose waves me over to the table.

  “I’m just getting some cake!” I shout to be heard over the music. For some reason, Mama Rose looks surprised. “I know, I’m on a diet but one little piece won’t hurt!” Mama Rose’s mouth makes a perfect “O.” Some of my other relatives at the table turn in my direction. “Want a piece? Danny, you want a piece?” I call. Why did they have to have the stereo so loud?

  The couple I just talked to is getting their cake when I approach the table. I stumble on the patio and slosh my beer on the back of the man. “I’m so sorry!” I giggle. “I got beer on your jacket. It’s not expensive, is it?” I try to be helpful and grab a napkin to dab his jacket dry.

  “Thank you, we’ll take care of it,” he says tersely and walks away with the woman.

  “Fine. Be that way,” I say. “Just trying to help.”

  The cake is already cut and pieces sit on plates around it, but none have enough coloured icing on it for my taste. I take a swipe at one large violet flower with my finger. “Mmm!” I say, savouring the sugary goodness. “That is one good cake.” I take another swipe and then another.

  “Bella,” a voice by my side startles me and I jab my finger and half of my hand deep into the cake. I laugh. “Look what you made me do!”

  Danny tugs on my arm. “Bella, Mama Rose wants you to sit down.”

  “I will, I will,” I wave a cake-smeared hand in his face. “Let me get some cake.” I proceed to lick the cake off my hand. “This is really good cake. Very moist.”

  “Bella, you’re embarrassing yourself and Mama Rose. Now come sit down,” Danny insists.

  “Have some cake,” I offer and smear some on his face. “Dang, this is really good.” I grab a handful of cake and shove it in my mouth.

  Suddenly, Mama Rose is at my side. “Isabella White, sit down this minute! You are ruining the party for everyone.”

  “What?” I ask and look around. Almost everyone in the backyard is staring at me. I flash them a huge chocolatey grin. “Yup,” I raise my voice so everyone can hear. “I’m the fat girl that you just can’t trust around a cake. Better hide it before I eat it the whole thing, ha-ha!”

  I reach to grab another handful but Danny and Mama Rose pull me away and sit me down hard at their table. “You’re drunk. Isabella, how can you…” Mama Rose scolds me.

  “Oh, look, there’s Mika and Tiresa!” I squeal. They step out the patio door and zone in on me. Gerald is behind them. I struggle to my feet, grab a knife and tap it vigorously against my bottle. “Attention, please,” I shout.

  Danny swipes the knife and bottle from my hand while Mama Rose tries to push me back into the chair, but I’m bigger than her and she can’t budge me.

  “Attention, everyone! I
have a toast!” I cry. Everyone’s eyes are locked on me, yet I don’t feel nervous. “I just want to congratulate Mika and Tiresa on their impending nuptials. No two people,” I hold up two fingers, palm inward, to illustrate my point, “deserve each other like they do.” I pause, waiting for applause, but there is none. “And I just want to say how kind and compassionate my big sister Tiresa is for taking such a low-life, teeny-weeny penis from my life, because Mika really is a no-good, cheating dick.”

  Mama Rose and Danny resume their attempts to get me to sit down, but I shake them off. By now, more people are filing out of the house to hear my speech. Someone turns off the music, so it’s suddenly quiet. I always could write a good speech, but I never knew how great I was at delivering them until now.

  “But Tiresa, let me leave you with a word of advice: DO NOT have a baby and expect Mika to stick around, because he will line up someone else to screw and then leave you two weeks later. Then you’ll be screwed!” I laugh at my own pun, grab my bottle and raise it high. “To Mika and Tiresa!” I toast.

  No one joins the toasts. It is dead silent. The looks on everyone’s faces range from anger to amusement to shock to shame to sadness.

  It is Pa’s face which looks sad. During my speech he appeared on the patio and now approaches me. “Bella, it’s time to go home,” he says.

  “I’ll go home when I’m good and ready!” I snap. Who is he to tell me what to do?

  His face falls and his shoulders slump, and I immediately regret my words. It’s not his fault any of this happened. He just came to enjoy the party and I ruined it for him. I put down the bottle. “All right, Dad, let’s go.”

  Danny gets up from his chair. “I’ll see you home.”

  Mika and Tiresa are fuming as we walk by them. When the front door shuts behind us, the music is turned back on and the party resumes. We walk down the lighted driveway, which is waving like the ocean. Danny and Dad hang onto me from either side to prevent me from falling.

  Dad drives me in my car to my house while Danny follows behind us in his truck. Without a word, Dad guides me into my house and sits me down in the kitchen. He potters around for a minute before handing me a concoction in a coffee mug. “Drink up.”