by Becky Siame
“So do the release papers,” I add. “I’m stuck here until they sign me out, or I sign myself out, or whatever it takes to get out of here.”
“Well then,” Jae begins, “that gives us time to discuss something.”
I look at him curiously. “Discuss something? This sounds serious.”
“Well, it is,” he looks and sounds solemn. For an instant, I am worried. Things are going so well between us. What can be wrong? “I want to discuss me.”
“Oh my, that is serious,” I giggle, relieved. Jae doesn’t talk about himself a whole lot. His adventure tourism business, yes; his family and friends and activities he likes, yes. Jae the man? No. “Is this a joke?”
Jae takes my hand. “Not at all.” He takes a deep breath. “Bella, when I heard you were dying, I was never so scared in all my life.”
“That makes two of us.”
Jae cracks a smile. “That’s one of the things I love about you.”
“What’s that?”
“You always make me smile.”
“Or it could be flatulence.”
Jae laughs. “What has gotten into you?”
I throw my arms open wide. “I’m going home finally. I’m excited! But okay, I promise I’ll stop with the witty remarks.”
“Thank you,” Jae takes my hand again. “As I was saying before being bombarded with witty remarks,” he sighs, “I was scared I was going to lose you when you just came into my life.”
This does sound serious.
Jae continues. “And over these past two weeks of getting to know you better and meeting Abe and Fi and the rest of your family, I realise how precious life is and how important it is to be surrounded by the people you love and who love you. And I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“Waste any more time?” I quiz, hoping upon hope that he is about to say what I think he will say.
Jae looks me in the eye, something that always makes my heart melt, but now I feel it stop. “I don’t want to waste any more time not being with you. And so I was wondering about the future. Do you see me in yours? Because I can see you in mine.”
“Yes,” I breathe. “I can see you in my future. I hoped you would be in my future.”
Jae blushes. “So does that mean we are now exclusive?”
I gasp. “Yes!” I’m glad I’m in at least a partially horizontal position, because otherwise I would have fallen over in delirious joy.
Jae must feel the same joy, because his smile gets even bigger. “It’s official: we’re a couple.”
“Boyfriend and girlfriend - like a pair of teenagers,” I agree.
And then we laugh and laugh and laugh. Can this day get any better? Can my life get any better? I have a boyfriend. I, Bella White, cheated-on divorcee, single mother, lap band surgery survivor, and budding artist and writer, have a real, live boyfriend.
“But,” Jae says, his brow furrowed. “I do have a concern.”
“About what?” I ask, my joy sinking.
Jae strokes my hand, making me tingle all over. “I’ve been worried that you got the lap band procedure done to make me like you more.” He pauses, searching for the right words.
I chuckle. “Contrary to popular opinion, not everything I do is about you, you know.”
He smiles and rolls his eyes at me. “That came out all wrong. Bella, I guess what I am trying to say, albeit inarticulately, is I like you just as you are. I would never want you to become like the women I used to be around, who, if they gain a pound, call the doctor for liposuction and then add on a tummy tuck, face lift and botox shots. Where does it end?” His voice becomes forceful. “They end up looking like some plastic doll, unnatural, with their faces too tight and their boobs too big and their waists too thin. I have no respect for people who do that to themselves. It gets to the point where it’s simply disgusting.” He reaches out and strokes my face. I am a bit taken aback at how deeply he feels about it. “And I want you to be happy as you are. Because you are beautiful as you are. Do you understand that? I accept Bella as she is and I don’t want her to change.”
Tears well up in my eyes. What did I do to deserve such a man? A man who accepted me when I was obese, who stayed by my side as I almost died, and even now, though I have lost a dramatic amount of weight from being hospitalised, I’m still not the size I want to be. Yet Jae doesn’t care. A line from a song we sang in church when I was young springs to mind: “Just as I am without one plea.”
“Yes,” I sniff, wiping away a tear. “I do understand. And you don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that.”
“Now I’ve made you cry,” Jae says despairingly and leans forward to give me a hug - a long, tight hug.
A knock at the door signals the appearance of Mama Rose, who carries a large suitcase. We break our embrace, smiling at one another. A special moment has passed, but it is a life-defining one. “Mama Rose, guess what? I get to go home today!” I tell her as she enters the room.
“Fa’afetai e Atua,” she breathes a sigh of relief and drops the suitcase on the floor. “So I packed you a week’s worth of fresh clothes for nothing. Well, I’m glad they won’t be used.”
“And I have even better news,” I say, taking Jae’s hand in mine. “Jae and I are officially dating.”
Before Mama Rose can respond, the nurse walks in with my release papers. I sign them as she gives me instructions on taking it easy, getting plenty of rest, what to eat and what not to eat, and taking my medication. When she’s finished, there’s nothing left to do but get dressed and pack my things. And there is a lot to pack after four weeks.
“That’s my cue to exit,” says Jae. “See you in a few minutes.”
He leaves the room and Mama Rose gives me one of her disapproving what do you think you’re doing? looks. “Mama Rose, be happy for me,” I plead. “I really like Jae. He treats me like a queen. The kids adore him. What’s not to be happy about? I know you wanted me to find someone Samoan, but life doesn’t always turn out the way we want or expect it to.”
Mama Rose walks over to the bed and cups my face in her hand. “Biutiful la leleila’itiiti,” she says “Jae is a fine man.”
My jaw drops in disbelief.
“I have seen for myself that he does treat you like a queen. I have watched Abe and Fi’s eyes light up when they see him. He is white, but white men can be good men. Your father is one. Jae is another.” And with those words she seals her blessing with a kiss on my forehead.
I am wrong: life can get better.
•
“What are these?” Fi asks, flipping through my sketch book which sits on the edge of my desk. Mika graciously dropped it off at the hospital and I filled its pages with caricatures of me in embarrassing situations which every obese person finds themselves in at one point. “This lady looks like you,” Fi points to one.”That’s because it is me,” I muss her hair.
“But you’re not fat,” she says.
I can’t help smiling as I kiss her on the top of her head. “Go outside and play. Aunt Tiresa will be here soon and I’ve got to get my blog finished.” Almost dying has given me tons to write about and I am behind two weeks on my blog.
I finish it and sign out of my account, and then remember another account I have - the one on the singles site. Now that Jae and I are together, I haven’t been online and don’t need it anymore. My three months are almost up anyway and I don’t want to be automatically billed for unnecessary usage. I log onto it to deactivate my account when a chat window pops up:
RoMANce: Long time no talk. Where you been?
ShyNSweet: In hospital, actually. I almost died from blood clots from lap band surgery.
RoMANce: Are u serious? Are u okay now?
ShyNSweet: Yeah, I’m fine now. I stayed in hospital for two weeks. Lost a lot of weight and am still on the special lap band liquid diet.
RoMANce: I’m glad you’re recovering. When you didn’t log on, I thought you had dumped me for some loser. My heart was broken.<
br />
ShyNSweet: LOL No, I wouldn’t dump a friend, especially not for a loser.
RoMANce: If you need anything, let me know. Maybe we should meet soon before you have another near death experience?
ShyNSweet: Actually, I met someone and am about to delete my account, but thanks for the offer.
RoMANce: Good for you. But I will miss chatting with you.
ShyNSweet: Yes, it has been nice. I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve spent half the night chatting. Thanks for being there when I needed a listening ear.
RoMANce: You’re welcome. And if it doesn’t work out with this guy, you’ll come back here, right? I’ll still be that listening ear you need.
ShyNSweet: RoMANce, you are one special guy. L8r
I don’t have time to feel a bit sad for RoMANce as my phone rings at the same time as I shut down my laptop.
“Hello,” I sing in answer. The caller ID says it’s My Spunky Boyfriend.
“Agent White?” Jae drops his voice low.
“Yes, sir,” I play along.
Jae continues in an ultra-professional voice. “I have a mission for you. Should you choose to accept this mission, pack a suitcase for the weekend.”
I chuckle elatedly - Jae’s taking me away for the weekend. I can’t believe it. “And if I don’t choose to accept this mission?” I play along, excited and suddenly very nervous.
“Then you will have to walk around naked for a few days,” Jae replies without missing a beat.
I laugh out loud. “That won’t do at all. Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise,” he says, and I can tell he’s smiling. “But pack casual and comfortable. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning, eight o’clock.”
“Oh, come on, I plead. “Give me a hint.”
“Nope,” he remains adamant. “That will endanger the mission.”
“You silly man,” I laugh. “I can’t wait,” I say, wondering what he has planned.
“Neither can I,” Jae says softly. “See you tomorrow, beautiful.”
I’m so excited that my hands shake as I pack my clothes while trying to get Abe and Fi’s clothes ready for their weekend with their dad. Where will we go? What will we do? Not that I can do much. Though it’s been a couple weeks since I left the hospital, I am slow to recuperate and rest as much as I can.
I’m in such a state of anticipation about the weekend that I decide to take a shower now in the late afternoon, hoping to get to bed early and be bright and ready in the morning for the “mission.”
On my way to the bathroom, I see a woman in the hallway mirror. Her clothes are baggy but her eyes are bright with hope and anticipation. I turn around, examining all my angles. My face has shrunk: no more double chin, though the skin needs tightening from years of being stretched. My butt doesn’t stick out like my own built-on Victorian bustle. It looks like a normal-size butt. My hips no longer need a “Wide Load” sign: they’re more slender, albeit they could stand a bit of toning. I lift my arms -stretched skin sags, nothing that weight training can’t take care of. Overall, I am pleased and happy with the person I see. “You are looking good, girl” I wink at her and give her the thumbs up.
The sound of a car and heels clicking on the walkway interrupt my thoughts. Tiresa has arrived early to pick up the kids.
I open the door before she knocks. “Come in - their bags are on the couch. I was just about to hop in the shower,” I tell her breathlessly, going to the back door and opening it. “Abe, Fi! Aunt Tiresa’s here!” I call.
They take their time getting off the trampoline. I shut the door and turn to see Tiresa standing in the living room. It hits me that this is the first time since her blow-up in this very room that she’s been in the house.
“You seem better,” she says in a halfway polite tone.
I nod. “I feel much better. If you’ll excuse me, I have to take a shower and finish packing.”
She glances at the kids’ bags and then back at me. “Going somewhere?”
I smile. “Jae is taking me away for the weekend.”
One perfectly plucked and arched eyebrow lifts. “Where to?”
“I don’t know; it’s a surprise,” I reply.
Tiresa shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “I had coffee with Jae the day you got out of hospital.”
I glance at her, puzzled. “Yeah, I know. He told me.”
“He said he is still close with his ex-wife. They do business together. Doesn’t that bother you?”
I shrug. “Why should it? She’s remarried and he’s with me.” The kids stumble into the house then. I hug and kiss them goodbye. “Be good. I’ll see you rascals on Monday,” I say.
They grab their bags and rush out the door to Tiresa’s car. Without another word to Tiresa - we never say goodbye to each other - I head down the hallway to the bathroom, leaving her to see herself out. In a minute the water is running and I am undressing. I pause when I hear my mobile ring. After a few rings it stops. If it’s important, they will leave a message. I hop into the shower, singing corny love songs into the hand-held shower head.
•
After taking me out for breakfast, Jae drives the Jeep onto Highway 6 going east but refuses to reveal our destination. I sit back and relax. Jae holds my hand when he isn’t shifting. A little over an hour into the trip, we turn onto Queen Charlotte Drive, and a little after that we go north on Kenepuru Road. Soon we have a view of the Mahau Sound.
“Do you have any idea where we’re going?” Jae asks teasing.
Just then we pass a sign which gives away our destination. “The Marlborough Sounds? Are you serious? I’ve always wanted to see them!”
There’s a lot more twists and turns in the road before we finally pull off Kenepuru Road to a smaller road, which leads to a gravel road, which then winds through the woods for a short way until it emerges into heaven.
The trees give way to a two story cabin. Well, it isn’t exactly a cabin. It is more of a luxury condominium built of logs. The deep blue water of the Marlborough Sounds spreads across the valley floor behind it. A boat dock juts out to a small motorboat. A barn sits nearby. Its door is open and I see quad bikes parked inside. With the sun shining through fluffy white clouds and the temperature hovering around perfect, I know we are in for a special weekend.
Jae parks next to a silver SUV. “Who’s here? Where is here anyway?” I ask.
Jae gets out of the Jeep and comes around to open my door. He extends a hand to help me out. “This is my home away from home. As for who’s here, that’s another surprise.” Holding my hand, he leads me to the front door and opens it. We step into a gorgeous rustic house - rustic with every modern amenity. The ceiling of the den rises two stories. A twelve-point buck is mounted on a shield above the stone fireplace. A wooden stairway climbs up to the second story, its banister looking like a slender tree cut down the middle, its smooth lacquered cut side serving as the top of the banister and its underside with branches serving as the spindles. One wall of the cabin is of windows, affording a view of the water.
And seated in overstuff sofas centred around the fireplace sit Riyaan, Sands, and a woman I don’t recognise. And then I do.
“Cat?” I blurt. And it is, except this is Cat as she should be - bathed, hair combed, and dressed in non-bag lady clothes. “Is it really you?”
Riyaan and Sands greet me with a hug, but Cat remains seated, back ram-rod straight as usual. Some things don’t change. “Who else would it be?” she replies and we all laugh. “Sands let me shower at the gym. Your man gave me some clothes.”
Sands clears her throat. “You mean I had to drag you into the shower and force you into those clothes. Now see, isn’t it worth it? You look ready to rejoin the human race.”
“No thanks. I have a very low opinion of humans,” Cat retorts.
We laugh again. She may look different on the outside, but she is still Cat on the inside.
Jae wraps his arms around me. “Bella, this weekend is for
you. You deserve a vacation; you deserve to have a fun time with your friends with no responsibilities. Your wish is our command.”
I squeeze him back. “I don’t deserve this or to have best friends like you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“What do you want to do first, Bella?” asks Riyaan. “There’s a boat and quad bikes…”
“And trails and rock climbing,” adds Sands.
I look around. “The first thing I want to do is find the loo.”
Jae takes me upstairs to my room, which overlooks the lake. It features an en suite bathroom. “I know you’re still hurting, so I want you to take it easy,” Jae admonishes. “Don’t feel obligated to go rock climbing or do anything too exerting, okay?”
Despite the pressure in my bladder, I don’t rush to the bathroom. Instead, I take both of Jae’s hands. “The only thing I want to do this weekend is be with you.”
And for the rest of the day, we never leave each other’s sides. After exploring the house and barn (full of recreational equipment), Jae takes us for a spin in the boat across the Mahau Sound, cold water splashing on us in a fine mist.
We return in the evening and while I sit with my feet propped up to a small fire in the fireplace, the others make dinner. At first they plan to keep it simple and eat frozen pizzas, since I am still on a liquid/pureed food diet, but I insist they have a celebration meal. “It won’t hurt my feelings to see you guys eat hearty,” I say. “In fact, if you don’t, I’ll feel guilty.” And so Jae grills steaks from the freezer, Riyaan and Sands make the vegetables and other side dishes, and to everyone’s shock, Cat makes a tasty appetiser and sets the table.
We linger at the dinner table long after everyone finishes eating, laughing and joking and enjoying each other. Everyone except Cat. She remains expressionless through the meal and conversation, so it’s hard to tell if she is enjoying herself or not.