by Becky Siame
Nevertheless, I’m thrilled that Jae fits in with my gang. Over the past two weeks, he met us at Café Crave and it seemed like he was always a part of our group. He hit it off with Riyaan; he and Sands planned to give a discount to Go 4 It to her gym members; and Cat didn’t bother him. In fact, he seemed to get her, and most importantly, accept her.
After dishes are done and the food put away, Riyaan races up the stairs and comes back down lugging a karaoke stereo.
“Oh, no!” wails Sands.
“Oh, yes!” Riyaan cheers. “Come on - it’ll be fun.”
Riyaan starts off with a gyrating rendition of the B52s Love Shack, which we all sing along to, followed by me with, appropriately, I Will Survive. The group claps in time to the music as I strut across the “stage” (in front of the fireplace). Jae looks adorable when it’s his turn. He chooses My Way by Sinatra and gets into the act with gusto. I have goosebumps by the end of the song. Sands, however, is laughing so hard that she has to run to the loo so she doesn’t wet herself. When she returns, we perform a duet, You’re the One that I Want from the film Grease.
We finish, collapsing into one another with laughter. And then to our surprise, Cat, who had been flipping through the karaoke songbook, stands up and takes the microphone from me. “Number 703,” she says flatly. Riyaan punches in the number and the song begins.
Violins play softly. Cat opens her mouth and we are stunned. “When you wish upon a star/makes no difference who you are/anything your heart desires will come to you.”
Her clear alto voice warbles slightly, as if from years of lack of use. “If you heart is in your dream/no request is too extreme/when you wish upon a star/as dreamers do.” I recall the very first crazy conversation I ever had with Cat; we talked about our favourite Disney songs. She is singing my favorite.
As she comes to the end of the song, Jae takes my hand. “Like a bolt out of the blue/Fate steps in and sees you through/when you wish upon a star/your dreams come true.”
“Oranges,” Jae whispers.
“Huh?” I whisper back.
“Oranges, not fate, stepped in, in our case.”
I remember the orange avalanche with a smile and lay my head on his shoulder.
The party breaks up soon after that. While the others go to bed, Jae and I sit out on the deck in a double reclining deck chair, cuddled together under a thick fleece blanket wrapped around us, gazing at the stars reflected in the glassy lake.
“Are you warm enough?” Jae asks, taking my hand which isn’t wrapped around his back. “Your hands are freezing.” He kisses it. If I was freezing before, I wasn’t now as he sets off a spark. He reaches out to caress my face, first with his hand and then with his lips. We’ve kissed before, but not like this.
It gets hotter and hotter underneath the fleece blanket. Even in the passion of the moment, Jae doesn’t go too far. He keeps his hands around me or on my arms or face. The difference between him and Mika, who would be inside me at this point, is striking. We part for a moment, the cool breeze flowing between us. “Do you want to continue this upstairs?” I ask breathlessly.
Jae strokes my face and kisses me once more. “Not yet.”
My heart jumps and my stomach clenches. He doesn’t want to? Why? Why? If my boyfriend doesn’t want me, that can’t be good. Despite his declarations of accepting me as I am, am I still too fat? Is that why he doesn’t want to sleep with me? Rejection seeps into my soul.
And then he smoothes back my hair. “I know you’re still sore and in pain. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, so,” he kisses me again, “I will wait until you are ready.”
I am ready, though I see his point. A night in bed with him would tax my strength and current physical limitations. “You’re right,” I hate to admit but am relieved as well. He’s not rejecting me because of my size. And it doesn’t stop us from kissing a few minutes more.
By the time he breaks off again, I feel secure, the echo of my brief panic attack fading away. “I have something for you,” he says.
“Jae, no,” I protest. “You’ve given me this weekend. There’s nothing more I want.”
He shakes his head. “Close your eyes.”
“Jae,” I begin, but he puts a finger to my lips.
“Just close your eyes,” he says again.
I sigh in surrender and shut my eyes. “You really don’t have to do this.” As much as I like Jae and am flattered by all the planning which went into this weekend, it makes me feel just a teensy bit guilty that he wants to give me something more.
“Okay, you can open them,” he says.
I open my eyes to see him cupping his hands together. Right, so this gift is small. Jewelry? A key? “Open it,” he says, holding out his hands to me.
Holding my breath, I unfold his hands - and see nothing. I bite my lip, uncertain how I am supposed to respond.
“What do you see?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I reply, wondering what I’m missing. Certainly he wouldn’t joke at a romantic time like this.
Jae smiles. “That’s right. I want nothing to ever come between us.”
Realisation dawns and I throw my arms around him. “I want nothing to ever come between us, either. Jae, you mean so much to me.”
“And you mean so much to me, Bella.”
We go inside. Jae holds my hand as we go upstairs. Outside my bedroom door, he kisses me. “Goodnight, Bella,” he whispers.
“Goodnight, Jae,” I answer. And it is.
•
As excited, happy and content as I am, I can’t fall asleep. Around 12:30 a.m., I go downstairs for a drink of water. On my way back to my room, I freeze in terror as I hear someone at the front door. Someone is rattling the doorknob. Someone is opening the door. I don’t know whether to scream or find a weapon to beat the intruder with or run to safety. Before I can decide, the door opens, the entry light is switched on and a thin, auburn-haired beauty in a long straight skirt, jacket, and scarf around her neck carrying a suitcase jumps in surprise when she sees me standing there in all my flannel pyjamaed glory.
“Hello,” she says hesitantly.
“Who are you?” I ask, eyeing her suitcase.
She sets it down. “I own this house. Is Jae here?”
The pieces click into place. The auburn-haired woman Sands saw hugging Jae; Jae’s amicable working relationship with his ex; Jae’s home away from home. “You must be Amanda,” I say. Any joy I feel about this weekend, any fun I’ve had so far, any comfort I take in Jae’s “nothing” gift, fizzles out with an almost audible piff. Jae had told me about Amanda, but I am not prepared for just how beautiful she is. She is perfect: perfect figure, perfect hair, perfect make-up, perfect clothes. Even her wary smile and the way she stands are perfect.
And her perfect self is in my once-perfect weekend.
A tall, handsome man with short cropped blonde hair and receding hairline, wearing what can only be described as upscale country club casual, walks in carrying two suitcases. “Looks like we’ve got company,” he says.
The woman tilts her head at me in question. “And you are?”
In my pyjamas and fuzzy slippers with my hair a mess, looking a fright, no doubt, I think. “I’m Bella, Jae’s girlfriend,” I confess. His less than perfect, scruffy-looking, almost-died-two-weeks-ago girlfriend.
Amanda maintains a half-smile on her face. The expression says she is having a hard time accepting the fact. “Oh,” she says. “I’m Amanda, Jae’s ex. This is my husband, Pierce.”
“How do you do?” Pierce says, shuffling in between us and starting up the stairs.
Amanda picks up her suitcase. “Jae and I still share the cabin. I suppose I should have checked with him to see if he was using it this weekend.” Even her voice is perfect - not too high but rich and smooth. It’s the type of voice you hear on commercials for expensive cars or luxury resorts and other things out of my wallet’s range.
As if summoned, Jae appears at the top of the stairs. “Pierc
e, Amanda, hey,” he trails off, dumbfounded.
Amanda cranes her neck to see him. “Hello, Jae dear. So sorry, we didn’t know you were coming this weekend. I assumed you were still too busy with your adventure tourism to get away.”
Jae runs his hand through this hair. He wears an old t-shirt and flannel pyjama bottoms. As I look from him to Amanda, I can’t picture them together, they are so dissimilar. And yet I also can’t picture Jae and I together with her around. I feel self-conscious, unworthy. He wanted nothing to come between us, but why did he want me at all when he could have - did have - perfection?
“No, I should I have called you. Give me a minute. We’ve taken up all the bedrooms.”
“You have more guests?” Amanda asks.
“Yeah,” Jae says. “Hang on.”
Riyaan is lodged in Amanda and Pierce’s suite but is gracious about being moved into Jae’s room in the middle of the night. Jae lugs a pillow and blankets and heads for the stairs. “Where are you going?” I ask from my room’s doorway.
“Gonna crash on the sofa,” he replies.
“Well,” I say, “You could sleep in my room.”
The beginnings of a smile turn up the corners of Jae’s lips. “I could, hmm? That is, if it’s not too much of an imposition.”
I grin. “I’m flexible when it comes to positions.”
Jae chuckles. “I’m trying to think of a come-back, but I just can’t top that one.”
I open the door wider and wave him in. “Sleep first, think later. Come on.”
Jae shuts the door, dumps his unneeded pillow and blankets on the floor, and climbs into bed with me. It feels natural to wrap our arms around each other and snuggle under the covers.
“Bella, I’m so sorry,” he sighs. “I can’t believe this happened. Amanda and Pierce never come up here this time of year. I’m so sorry. This ruins everything.”
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” I say, but I can’t summon sincerity into my voice. It is not okay. Jae and I are on our first weekend away together and his ex-wife shows up. How do I not compare myself to her? Amanda and Jae co-own this cabin. They have something together. I force a laugh. “Who would have known a midnight trip to the kitchen for a drink of water would turn out like this?”
“We’ll leave tomorrow morning and return some other time,” Jae proclaims. “I can’t imagine how disappointed you are and the others will be.”
“Absolutely not,” I say. “You went through a lot of trouble to arrange this. We’re staying.” Not that I’m thrilled about your ex-wife also staying. “Anyway, it’s not so bad. Look where we ended up.”
Jae sighs again and holds me tightly. “Definitely not so bad.”
“For me, yes; for you, I don’t know,” I say.
“What do you mean?” Jae asks. I love hearing his voice as my ear rests against his chest.
“I snore,” I confess.
Jae makes a dismissive sound. “Everybody snores.”
“No, I mean, I really snore,” I insist. “As in, get- the-ear-plugs snoring.”
Jae turns his head and kisses the top of my head. “Never mind. I’m glad you’re here, snores and all.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
“You won’t accomplish anything through doubt, but you will succeed if you believe in yourself.”
FROM BELLA’S BLOG
http://www.thelightersideoflarge.com/ch20
Nonsense. You must stay,” Amanda insists the next morning as she pours a cup of coffee. Though she wears a robe, no makeup, no jewelry and her hair is twisted up in the back, she looks like a supermodel. I cringe. I’m wearing a robe, no makeup, no jewelry, and my hair is also twisted up in the back, but I look decidedly less spectacular than her.
Jae is making Belgian waffles and scrambled eggs and sausages. I am sitting at the kitchen table sipping a protein shake, but with Amanda’s appearance, I lose my appetite and push the glass away. Amanda eyes the growing stack of waffles. “May I steal one? Are they wholewheat?”
“Help yourself,” Jae says. Amanda takes one waffle and nibbles on it as she sits down at the table opposite me.
“No, really, don’t go. The cabin’s big enough for all of us. It will be like we’re not here. Pierce is going to be working on his laptop on the deck and I’ll be sunbathing. Really, I insist.”
My self-esteem sinks a little lower at the thought of Amanda’s perfect body parading around in a bikini for Jae to see. Jae pours more batter into the waffle maker and looks at me. “Bella, I’ll leave the decision up to you. This is your weekend, after all.”
“Do stay,” Amanda encourages. “I’ll feel terrible if you leave.”
Great. If we go, Amanda will take it as an insult. If we stay, I’ll be the one who feels terrible. Why do I have to make the decision? “Well, I hate to see all of Jae’s plans go to waste,” I say.
“Good, you’ll stay,” Amanda finishes for me, spreading the thinnest layer of butter on her waffle, and then jumps in surprise.
I look to find Cat standing next to me, staring intently at Amanda. Her clothes look like they were slept in and her hair is back to its uncombed state. “Cat, this is Amanda. She’s Jae’s ex. Amanda, this is our friend Cat.” I surreptitiously tap my temple to signal to Amanda that Cat is not normal.
Amanda glances at me then back to Cat. “Nice to meet you,” she says. “What an unusual name. Is it short for Catherine?”
Cat stares at Amanda without answering her question. Amanda glances from me to Jae and back to me again, her discomfort evident. “Isn’t this kinky?” Cat says. She turns to Jae. “Invite your girlfriend and your ex-wife on your weekend getaway. Sounds like an episode of Shortland Street. Won’t be surprised if Tiresa and Mika walk through the door.” She pulls out a chair and sits next to me. “If he proposes, get a pre-nup. Some people are really weird.”
“Good morning,” Pierce makes an appearance, yawning. “Oh, yummy, waffles.”
“Who’s this?” Cat asks, turning on the newcomer.
“This is my husband, Pierce. Pierce, this is Cat, Jae and Bella’s friend, Cat.” She circles the air next to her head with her finger while I tap my temple.
Pierce stares in amazement at our gestures while Jae smiles helplessly. “Ah,” Pierce plasters a fake smile on his face. “A pleasure to meet you.” He quickly turns away. “Do I smell coffee?”
“Help yourself,” says Jae.
Cat sniffs. “I didn’t know it is THAT kind of weekend. Maybe I should open up practice. I’ve enough clients in this cabin to get started.”
“Practice?” Amanda and I say in unison. “Are you an attorney or doctor?” Amanda pushes.
Cat stares at the table. “I’m a psychologist.”
“You are?” I blurt. “You never told me that.”
“You never asked.”
“I did,” I defend. “I’ve asked you countless times what you used to do but you never answered.”
“Well, there’s your answer,” Cat grumbles.
Amanda and Pierce look unconvinced at Cat’s claim. I feel a sudden anger rise up inside me to defend my friend, insane as she may be. “Where did you practise?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “Clinical instructor.”
“Where?”
“University of Waikato.”
I scramble for a way to broach the subject tactfully. “How did you end up in Nelson?”
“Do you mean how did I end up homeless and crazy in Nelson?” Cat asks. Her blunt words get Amanda and Pierce’s attention. Amanda stops mid-nibble to hear the answer. Pierce holds his cup of coffee to his mouth without taking a sip. “I found out my husband was cheating on me with one of his doctoral students. He was the chair of the psychology department. He was also stealing research. To discredit me before I could divorce him or report him to the university, he set me up to make it look like I was stealing research and got me fired. He hired some big-shot lawyer, accused me of adultery, had me declared an unfit mother, and got custody of our one y
ear-old son. My parental rights were terminated. I tried to get hired at other universities but he spread slander about me so that no one would hire me.”
I lay a tentative hand on her arm. “I’m so sorry.”
Cat shrugs. “Don’t be. The jerk was killed in a car crash a year later. His wife took my boy and moved to Nelson.”
“Did you…” I leave the questions unspoken. Did she ever see him again? Did she ever try to make contact? Could she legally if her parental rights were terminated? How old is he now? “What is his name?” I asked instead.
“Ryan.”
Alarmed, I look at Jae. His mouth is open, gazing at something over my shoulder. I turn and find Riyaan standing under the wooden arch which divides the den from the kitchen. He looks a bit green.
“My father died in a car accident when I was two,” he says. “I found out my mum wasn’t my real mum when I was eleven, but she told me my birth mother was dead.”
Cat is still staring at the table. “Did she ever finish her thesis? It was on the negative effects of cartoons on children under the age of eight. How unoriginal.”
Riyaan turns greener. “No,” he whispers.
Jae suddenly remembers there is a waffle cooking and lifts the waffle-maker lid. The waffle inside is a crunchy dark brown. Pierce still hasn’t sipped his coffee and Amanda has forgotten about her waffle.
And at that moment, I feel guilty for being so upset about Amanda and insecure about my looks compared to hers. My disappointment in her arrival here on my special weekend is nothing compared to the drama now unfolding. I get up from my chair and go over the Riyaan, placing my arm around him. “I think you both would feel better talking about this in private. Why don’t you go out on the deck? Jae, some coffee?”
“Right,” Jae says and scrambles to pour them each a cup. He brings them the cups as I guide them out the patio door and close it behind them. They each take a seat on an Adirondack chair, leaving one empty between them. Neither says anything. I go back to the kitchen.
Pierce shakes his head and whistles softly. “Shortland Street is right.”