Teaching Tenderness_Forever in Middlebury

by Brittany Cournoyer

  He nodded and looked down at me. I saw his teeth were clenched together and his breathing had hitched. “Okay.”

  “Nothing you think will ever be stupid. No idea you ever will have is a stupid one. You are one of the smartest kids in my class. Yes, you have a little bit of trouble when it comes to your reading, but that’s so small in comparison to everything else you can do. So I don’t ever want to hear you talk negatively about yourself, ever again. Do you understand?” Jackson nodded. “Good. Now tell me what brilliant idea you have.”

  “I just figured…” he trailed off. “You know how I love comic books?”

  “Yeah, you mean those dudes who fly around in their underwear?” I asked him, trying to lighten the mood, as I sat on the chair beside him.

  Jackson rolled his eyes heavenward again. “Well, I just figured that since I know how to read a little bit better, that I’d try to write my own.”

  I watched as his cheeks turned crimson again, and he stared down at his half eaten food.

  I bit my lip for a second as I mulled over what he told me. “You know what I think?” I asked him.

  “What?” he asked and I saw how tense his shoulders were. As if he was expecting me to shoot down an idea he was clearly so passionate about.

  “I think this mess can be cleaned up later. Let’s go check out that art class now, okay?”

  Jackson’s eyes lit up and he instantly hopped up from his chair. He raced down the hall and came back with his shoes on and a light jacket. “I’m ready.”

  I laughed again. His enthusiasm was contagious, and the smile didn’t leave my face as I slipped on my own shoes and grabbed my jacket from the hall closet.

  “So, any idea where this place is? I suck at directions. Maybe you should drive,” I joked with him and then opened the door.

  Whatever Jackson had replied to me fell on deaf ears, because all I saw was the person on the other side of the door. The person, who had their fist raised as if about to knock on the door—my door. My smile immediately dropped when I locked eyes with who stood on the other side and red-hot rage consumed me.

  “Mom?” Jackson asked in astonishment. “Is that you?”

  “Surprise,” Rebecca said awkwardly.

  Fuck. How the hell was I supposed to handle this situation? I was at a loss, and the only thing I could think of was to whip out my phone and text Marcus, while we all awkwardly lingered in the doorway.

  Surprise my ass. Surprises were supposed to be happy occurrences. Not something that made the bile rise up in your throat. This wasn’t a surprise. This was a fucking shit show, and I had a starring role.

  Chapter 31

  Marcus

  “Okay, Mr. Lawson, if you would just sign here we’ll be all set,” I said and laid the paper down in front of him with a flourish.

  I tried my hardest to remain calm and cool when inside I was bouncing with excitement. Lawson Electronics was a huge chain that Frazier Advertising had been trying to bring on as a client for the better part of a year. And I finally convinced him to sign with us. So watching him scrawl his signature on the line, well it was like a finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, while eating a chocolate brownie sundae. It was that exciting for me.

  Mr. Lawson, who insisted I call him Joseph, even though I never did, finished signing his name with broad scrawls and loops, then handed the paper back to me. “Can’t wait to do business with you and see what campaigns you come up with for Lawson Electronics,” he said and held out his hand for me to shake.

  “It’s a pleasure, sir,” I said and shook his hand firmly.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I quickly stuck my fingers inside to stop it. Mr. Lawson stood up and retrieved the jacket he had casually draped on the back of the chair. I listened intently as he rattled on about a golf outing and going to his in-laws for a cookout. I nodded and made the right noises and gestures while my phone continued to vibrate in my pocket. I felt sweat bead on my forehead because I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. My phone was never this active while I was at work unless it was an emergency. But thankfully, after a few more minutes of chatter, Mr. Lawson left my office.

  I reached into my pocket and saw the multiple texts from Anthony, and when I opened the first one and read it, my stomach dropped. Fucking Rebecca was there. She was at my fucking house where my son and partner were alone to deal with her. I quickly gathered my belongings and rushed out of my office.

  “Sheila, reschedule all of my appointments today. I need to leave,” I called out to her without stopping as I hauled ass out of there.

  I quickly shot Anthony a text to alert him that I was on my way, as I jogged to my car. Once I had the ignition started, I squealed out of the parking lot and broke probably every traffic law on the way home, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to get home to Jackson and deal with Rebecca’s bullshit. How dare she show up at my house unannounced that way? Especially after I emailed her and informed her that Jackson didn’t want to see her. I should have known that her lack of response would have led up to this nightmare. And a nightmare was exactly what I pulled up to when I finally arrived home.

  There, standing in the doorway, blocking any access to Jackson was a stone-faced Anthony, while Rebecca gestured wildly and screamed at him. Even though I couldn’t make out her exact words, I could hear the anger in her tone, and Anthony just stood there and took it.

  I quickly exited my car and sprinted up the sidewalk. “What the hell, Rebecca?” I shouted at her. “Why are you here?”

  I saw pure relief wash over Anthony’s face when I came to a halt.

  “You crazy ex-wife won’t leave,” Anthony explained in annoyance. “Even though I have told her that she isn’t welcome here.”

  “Fuck you!” Rebecca turned her wild eyes to me. “I came to see my son! And I’m not leaving until I do.”

  “Watch it.” My voice deepened as I warned her. “You do not disrespect Anthony like that, especially at our home.”

  “But I just want to see Jackson,” she yelled back at me. “I’m his mother and I have every right to see him.”

  “Should’ve thought about that three years ago,” Anthony said with a rude snort. “What?” He asked when Rebecca turned to glare at him. “You can act offended if you want, but it’s true.”

  “Why don’t you mind your own damn business? This doesn’t concern you,” she said and crossed her arms defensively.

  “Actually, it does,” I countered. “He lives here, and he’s my partner. What part of that or the fact that Jackson doesn’t want to see you, don’t you understand?”

  Rebecca looked back and forth between Anthony and me, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. “This has to be some kind of joke.”

  “Why would I joke about something like that?” I asked and furrowed my brow. “I told you the other night that he and I were together.”

  “I thought you were just saying those things to be hurtful.” Her eyes darted back and forth between me and Anthony again. “Since when are you fucking gay?” she blurted out.

  “Are you freaking kidding me right now? We already went over this. My sexuality nor my relationship are the priority here. It’s you showing up uninvited to our home after I told you that Jackson doesn’t want to see you.”

  It was like my words flipped a switch inside her mind. She took a few steps toward Anthony and pushed against the door. “Let me see my son!” she screamed at him. “Jackson! Jackson, let me see you, baby. Mommy missed you so much!”

  “Rebecca, stop!” I said and reached out to grab her while Anthony fought to hold the door in place.

  “Keep your fucking hands off me!” Rebecca screamed as she used her free hand to slap and push at me.

  “Call the cops,” I said to Anthony as she continued to push against the door and scream for Jackson.

  “No, no cops! I can’t be arrested again,” she choked out as she continued to struggle against the door.

  “What? Again? Wha
t the fuck, Rebecca?”

  She fell against the door and started to sob uncontrollably. “Please. Please just let me see him once.”

  I stared at Anthony and knew my shocked gaze mirrored his. What did we do in this situation? Did we call the cops? Take her to a hospital? I was at a complete loss, and apparently, so was Anthony. But I was sure my neighbors were getting quite a show.

  “Lady,” Anthony said, then cleared his throat to try again. “Rebecca, I get you want to see Jackson, I really do. But this is not how you go about it. You can’t force yourself into our house and demand that he see you. It will just end badly for you.”

  Even with the current situation, my heart warmed when Anthony called the house ours. I knew he still didn’t feel comfortable referring to it in that way, and continued to call it mine. And no matter how often I corrected him, it didn’t seem to do me any good, until this moment. And had it not been for Rebecca standing there—or that Jackson was home—I would have taken him against that door and shown him just how much it meant to me.

  “Why in the hell were you arrested?” I questioned her and crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Just please let me see him,” she begged. Her entire body was still sagged against the door and her eyes were squeezed shut as she cried.

  “I’m not going to let some freaking criminal see my son,” I scoffed.

  “I’m not a criminal. It wasn’t my fault. He provoked me,” she said as she continued to sob. “I didn’t mean for him to fall and hit his head. He tripped on the coffee table when I pushed him. But he…” her voice broke as she cried harder. “He wanted to leave me.”

  I looked at Anthony and mouthed what the fuck to him. So that was why her relationship ended and she moved back home. She must’ve been arrested for assault, and obviously the poor guy didn’t press any charges since she was allowed to leave the state.

  “You need to leave,” I said firmly. “You had no business showing up here unannounced and upsetting Jackson. Leave, now.”

  Rebecca pushed off the door and straightened her spine. I watched as she furiously swiped at her cheeks to rid them of her tears, and her eyes flashed in anger. “You can’t keep him from me! He’s my son, too!”

  I opened my mouth to contradict her when I heard a soft voice from behind the door. “Mom?”

  “Jackson,” I said sharply, then winced at my tone and tried to soften my voice. “Please, go back to your room.”

  I sighed when Jackson poked his head out from under Anthony’s arm. “Mom? Why are you here?” Jackson asked instead, completely ignoring me.

  “I came to see you, baby. I missed you,” she answered with a sniff.

  “I don’t believe you,” Jackson said, and Rebecca gasped in shock.

  Anthony backed away from the door a little bit to allow Jackson enough room to stand comfortably and face his mother.

  “How can you say that? Don’t listen to whatever lies your father is pumping into your head. Of course I missed you. I’m your mom,” she said hastily and moved to stand closer to him.

  Jackson shrank back and pressed against Anthony’s side. My heart swelled as Anthony took his hand off the door and wrapped his arm around my son’s shoulders, as a way to comfort him.

  “Dad never said anything mean about you. I figured this out on my own when you didn’t come back to me. You forgot my birthday and weren’t there for anything I did. I had school programs, and I had to make Dad things for Mother’s Day. Do you know how weird that was? If you missed me, then you would have been there. Or even called me at least once.”

  I had never felt such conflicting emotions as I did at that moment. While I was proud of him for standing up to his mother, my heart broke at the words he said. I didn’t realize how singled out he felt for not having his mother around, even though I tried to play the role of both parents. It simply wasn’t enough. And I hated Rebecca even more than I ever thought was possible, for putting Jackson through that.

  “Jackson, sweetie, I’m sorry. I just had to do some things on my own.”

  “You can’t do that when you’re a mom.” Anthony must have felt compelled to remind her.

  “Why are you still here? This doesn’t concern you!” Rebecca hissed at him.

  “Yes it does,” Jackson argued with her. “He lives with me and Dad, and he’s my teacher. He’s helped me a lot with my dyslexia.”

  “Y-you’re dyslexic?” she asked with a sharp intake of breath.

  “Yup,” Jackson replied with a nod. “But you would’ve known that if you were around.”

  “But I’m trying to be around now,” Rebecca insisted. “Can’t you see that?”

  “Why?” Jackson asked her, and I had to admit, I was pretty interested in knowing that answer as well. “Why now?”

  “Because I love you, and I know I’ve missed out on so much of your life, already.”

  Jackson stared at his mother long and hard, and I saw Anthony flex his fingers against my son’s bony shoulder. “I don’t want to see you right now. Maybe in a few years when I’m older I’ll change my mind, but right now I’m happy having my dad and Anthony. Thanks for coming by, but you need to go.”

  “But, Jackson, I love you,” Rebecca argued and I saw more tears start to streak down her face. Jesus, with as much tears as she’d just shed, she could have easily given my grass a thorough watering.

  “Okay. Bye, mom,” Jackson said before he ducked back inside the house.

  Rebecca gaped at the door before turning to stare at me. “He’s just twelve! He isn’t old enough to make this decision!”

  I shrugged and moved toward the door to block her from trying to gain access, again. “I think he’s old enough, and I trust him to make the right kind of decisions with certain situations. You heard him, Rebecca. Now you need to leave before I call the police.”

  Rebecca didn’t say another word as she turned around on her heel and practically ran to her car. I watched her as she wrenched the door open and slipped inside. I heard the battered car, I hadn’t noticed sitting at the curb, sputter to life and she sped away.

  “That was really fucked up,” Anthony said with a shaky breath.

  “Tell me about it. Thanks for texting me,” I sighed as I pushed open the door and stepped inside.

  “Is she gone?” Jackson asked and poked his head from around the corner.

  “Yes, she is. And I am so proud of you,” I told him as I walked closer and enveloped him in my arms.

  “Thanks,” Jackson said in a muffled voice against my chest. When I pulled back I saw that his cheeks were stained red. “So, um, can we go check out the art class now?”

  “Absolutely.” At that moment I would have taken him anywhere he asked.

  “I’ll just clean up the kitchen while you guys are out,” Anthony announced and started to walk in that direction.

  “I want you to come with us,” Jackson said softly.

  “You do?” Anthony asked in surprise.

  “Yeah. Then maybe we can go out for a family dinner?” Jackson suggested.

  “Okay, sounds good to me,” I said again and smiled.

  “Me too,” Anthony said and put his hand on my back to guide us back out the door.

  My smile didn’t waver as we walked to the car, nor did it falter when we pulled up to the art studio. Jackson had called us a family and Anthony didn’t deny it. And hearing that made me want it to be a permanent thing.

  Chapter 32

  Anthony

  “Okay, buddy, I’ll be here in an hour to pick you up,” I told Jackson as my car idled at the curb.

  “Yes, I know. We’ve been through this already,” Jackson said impatiently as he pushed open the car door. “See you in an hour.” His voice drifted back into the car as he shut the door and ran into the small storefront.

  I shook my head ruefully and pulled away. It was only his second art class, but he absolutely loved it. When I picked him up after his first class, he rambled on about “how cool” Mr. Tyler was, an
d how he couldn’t wait to go back. Marcus and I agreed, later on that night, how great it was to finally see Jackson interested in something.

  In the days following Rebecca’s surprise visit, we tried to continue with our routine to the best of our ability, but it was hard to retain a sense of normality. Rebecca showing up had been like a huge dousing of cold water and a shock to all of our systems. Marcus and I were constantly on edge, waiting for her to pop back up again. And while Jackson acted as if he weren’t affected by it, we both knew that wasn’t the case.

  Even though Jackson was on winter break, I still continued with our tutoring sessions. He had made amazing progress with his dyslexia, until Rebecca showed up. Then I noticed he wasn’t able to concentrate, and he was showing major signs of regression. Words that he’d mastered, he stumbled over, and he was irritated easier again. He made numerous simple mistakes, and when I would point them out, he’d lash out or shut down completely. It was like we’d taken multiple steps backward and were at square one again. Watching it happen was heartbreaking. Fucking Rebecca. Witnessing him struggle like that again made me loathe her even more. Why did she have to show up? I knew it was time to sit down and explain to Marcus what was going on with Jackson.

  Since I had an hour to kill, I drove to my favorite little café and took in the sights. Christmas was in a few days so the downtown area was festively decorated with twinkling lights, oversized ornaments, bows, and garland for as far as the eye could see. All of it led up to a giant tree right in the center of town. The lighting of the tree happened on the first of the month and Marcus, Jackson, and I trekked down with the rest of the townsfolk to engage in the small town ritual. We joined in with everyone else as we loudly sang songs off key and drank our weight in hot chocolate. A few years ago I would have scoffed at the idea of participating in such an activity, but that night I had an absolute blast. And after Jackson had gone to bed, I showed Marcus, with my body, just how much fun I’d had.

  I ordered my usual drink, an iced caramel macchiato, and sat down at an empty table that faced the street. After taking a few drinks, I pulled out my phone and dialed my mother. Aside from the entire Rebecca fiasco, I had something else weighing on my mind. Something that I couldn’t discuss with Marcus, or any of my friends for that matter, and knew my mom would be the one to help put me at ease.