Bracing the Blue Line

by Lindsay Paige

  Which is crazy and wrong and bad, but it's the truth, so no need to deny it to myself. From the corner of my eye, I watch Maddie watch the game. She moves to the edge of her seat, entranced by almost goals, or jumps up with a goal, no matter which team scored. And then, sometimes, she's leaning back in her seat, looking bored almost. During the third period, I decide to see if she's actually enjoying herself or not.

  “Having fun?” I ask.

  Maddie looks over at me. “Yeah, mostly. Not really a sports-watching kind of girl.” With a grin, she adds, “I definitely like seeing you play, though.”

  I shake my head. What am I supposed to say to that? The game ends quickly it seems and we're on our way back to campus to drop the girls off. Maddie and Lucy are making plans to hang out soon. Grant walks Lucy to her dorm while Maddie and I head towards hers.

  “Thanks for tonight, Winston,” she says.

  “You're welcome. You still want me to come over tomorrow?” Maddie nods. “Okay, I'll be here after practice.” My phone starts vibrating in my pocket, so I pull it out.

  “Let me guess? It's your other half,” she deadpans, almost annoyed with me.

  I laugh. “Yeah, it's Dave.”

  “I swear, y'all talk more than girls. Better let you go. Heaven forbid he finds out I'm with you,” she finishes as we reach the door. “Thanks again.” Maddie stands on her tiptoes, but I lean down to help her out as she places a soft kiss on my cheek. And then she's walking away before I can comment on what she said.

  Swiping my finger over the screen, Dave appears. “You sure are spending a lot of time outside.”

  “Leave me alone. Just got back from a game and I'm about to head home. Did you decide when you're coming up yet?”

  “No, not yet. My woman says I've already committed a weekend to her, but I apparently forgot about it. I'm having to wait for her to quit being angry before I pick a weekend.”

  “Your woman?” I laugh. “You can't say her name or something?”

  Dave shrugs. “She likes when I call her that.”

  I shake my head as I come up on Grant's truck, where he's already waiting. “I gotta go. Maybe you should call your woman.”

  “LOOK WHO FINALLY decided to show up,” Maddie snaps as soon as I open the room to her dorm.

  “Sorry. I'm here now,” I try, feeling a little unsure of myself. I've never seen a pissed off Maddie. Practice ran super late because Vincent pissed off Coach.

  “You couldn't have texted that you would be late?” She picks up her pillow at the head of the bed and then throws it down again in anger. Before I can answer, she keeps on ranting. “A text only takes five seconds, Winston. It doesn't matter anyway. I'm not in the mood to study or be around you today. Might as well leave.”

  What? She wants me to leave because I was late? Her tone pisses me off a little. “What the hell is going on with you? Are you PMSing or something?”

  Maddie turns around slowly, the fury rolling off her in tsunami-sized waves. “Are you an idiot, Winston?” she yells. “You're seriously going to ask if I'm PMSing?!” She picks up a pillow and throws it at me, but I catch it easily.

  “Well? Are you?”

  Her shoulders sag. “Maybe.”

  I walk over and hand her the pillow. She clutches it to her chest and sits down on the bed. Following suit, I lean over to press a soft kiss to her temple because kisses make everything better, right? “Do you want me to go?”

  “Yeah, I don't want to yell at you for no reason. Plus, I have to go to the store.”

  “I'll go. What do you need?” I ask, despite the sinking feeling in my stomach over what she's going to say.

  She gives me an “are you serious?” look. “Don't worry, Winston. I can go.”

  Shaking my head at her, I insist, “Write down exactly what it is you need and I'll go get it.” Reaching around her, I grab the sticky notepad and a pen from her nightstand. “Here.”

  Maddie doesn't argue as she writes down her preferred product. God, what has happened to me? I'm offering to go buy tampons. She didn't even have to ask me! She hands me the paper, and I look over her girly, loopy handwriting.

  “Thanks, Winston,” she says softly, kissing my cheek.

  I give her a smile. “Yeah, yeah. I'll be back and when I do, you're studying, so get your ass in gear.”

  She rolls her eyes and pushes my shoulder playfully. On my way out, I notice her stack of Gobstoppers are low. The drug store is surprisingly scarce of people. I find the candy first and grab three boxes. That has to soften her up if she's still irritated when I return. I make my way to the correct aisle and look down at my sticky note and then back at the shelves upon shelves of feminine products.

  Damn. Who knew there were so many brands and so many different kinds. I find the brand name first and then go down the line until I find the ones she wants. My hand reaches out and grabs it quickly. Now I can get the hell out of here.

  “Winston?”

  Fuck. I turn around to see Neil, a smile rising on his face as he spots the tampons and candy.

  “What are you up to?” he asks, walking closer and I want to punch that grin off his face.

  “I'm shopping, dumbass.”

  “Tampons? I didn't know you needed those.”

  “Are you done?” I'm in no mood to hear his crap. Shouldn't he be working or sleeping or something?

  He smirks. “Why? Do you have somewhere you need to be?”

  “Fuck you, Neil,” I mutter, turning around and leaving his laughter behind. It's a girl at the cashier, which makes me feel a little better, especially when she makes a comment that I must be a great boyfriend. Her mouth parts in surprise when I tell her I'm only doing this for a friend.

  There's an odd sense of satisfaction with my completed task as I return to Maddie's dorm. She's laying on her back on her bed. I set the bag down on the nightstand and sit next to her. The corners of her mouth lift slightly.

  “I have a surprise for you.”

  “Really?” Maddie sits up, excited about what I might have for her.

  “Mhm.” I reach into the bag, grabbing a box of candy. When it makes some noise, a full-blown grin appears on her face.

  “You certainly know how to make a girl happy,” she says, taking it from me and ripping it open.

  “Yeah, I guess so,” I answer, not sure how to respond to her words. Maybe she doesn't realize she said it. After popping a few Gobstoppers into her mouth, she gets up with the bag and disappears into the bathroom. Her books are on her desk, so I grab them before laying on my stomach on the bed. “Where's your roommate?” I question when she returns. She's never here.

  “I don't know. We aren't really friends.” Maddie lays next to me and rests her head on my shoulder. Her eyes focus on the books. “I hate this class.”

  “Why? What are the tests like? I've been meaning to ask because you know this stuff, Maddie.”

  “Fill in the blank and essay. I can't ever remember the key terms once I get started, and without them, I can't answer much.”

  “Well, let's work on that.”

  While we work on test taking strategies, Maddie keeps bumping her foot into mine, her head still on my shoulder. Two hours pass with her next to me before I have to leave. We've got a game tonight.

  “Just remember to relax and do what I've told ya. I gotta get going. We have away games this weekend, so you'll have to survive without me.”

  Maddie rolls her eyes. “I'm sure I'll do just fine. If not, send me some half naked pictures to get me through.” She winks and I chuckle, shaking my head.

  “OKAY, HERE'S THE deal. I don't have long before I have to be at the rink for tonight and then I'm booked all weekend. I'm so fucking behind on homework, so I brought my books. We're going to have to multitask,” I tell Audra, taking a seat at her kitchen table, which is already filled with textbooks.

  “That's fine. It's what I'm doing too.” She frowns as she gazes at me. “You look exhausted, Neil.”

  I
give her a half smile. “Once I get into more of a routine, then it won't be so bad. How are you doing?”

  Audra groans. “People are noticing now, and it's making me feel like a cow. I wish you would gain weight too. But I'm feeling pretty good and she keeps moving around.” Audra places her hand on her stomach, smiling. “Do you want to feel?” she asks, lifting her head.

  The more I'm over here, the better we get along. I think Audra is actually warming up to me. I mean, she just asked if I would like to touch her stomach. She was super surprised when I first asked, and now she's basically offering. That's progress. Nodding, I reach out, placing my hand where hers just was, but I don't feel anything. It's honestly a bit of a disappointment. Why does Audra get to experience this all the time and for me, it's all about luck? Being in the right place at the right time. She moves my hand a few times before I finally feel the movement.

  “It never fails to be amazing,” I whisper.

  “I know.” Audra takes a deep breath before adding, “We should get to work.” We start on the mountain of homework and talk here and there throughout. “Have you told your parents yet?”

  “No, I don't really talk to them on a regular basis, so I was going to wait until they called.”

  “Oh, do you have a good relationship with them?”

  “Yeah, I guess,” I answer without looking up. That's the truth. I mean, they are parents. We don't sit around and talk about all our life problems. If I need them, they are usually there. They don't hover, aren't stern, and we don't argue, but it's kind of hard to argue when you barely talk. They raised me and shipped me off to college. That's pretty much it. Actually, it's a bit more complicated than that, but my current relationship with my parents is more my fault than theirs.

  Once something is broken and more and more time passes, it's hard to remember how to piece it back together. It's difficult to see what things were like before, so much so that you feel like you aren't missing out on anything. Or even worse, that things are better now. That's my relationship with my parents. That's my life in general. I was destroyed four years ago, utterly obliterated, and life has been fine. Just fine. A word that should be erased because it holds nothing but an empty truth. Audra and this baby present a light at the end of this dark tunnel I've been on for so long. I have no choice but to go towards it.

  A few minutes pass in silence. “How old are you, anyway?”

  “Twenty-three.”

  That makes me raise my head. “You're older than me?”

  She giggles. “Yeah, is that a problem?”

  “No, I just didn't realize that you were older. So, is this your last year?”

  Audra nods. “I got a little behind, but yeah.”

  “What's your major?”

  “Marketing. Yours?”

  “Computer Science.” I watch for the surprised reaction I know is coming. Her eyes widen, her eyebrows raise, and her mouth parts. Instead of waiting for a response, I add, “No more talking. I need to get more work done.”

  We work in silence for the most of the remaining time I'm there. Audra gets up a few times to find something to munch on.

  “I getting a few days without you around?” Audra teases with a smile as I start packing my things up.

  “Yep. Don't be too excited. I'll probably call to check in, make sure you're doing all right.” My stomach is already in knots about having to leave. I can't help it. Bad things happen when I'm not around.

  “You're a worrier, aren't you? Never would have guessed.”

  “Yeah, me either. You don't mind if I call while I'm gone?” I don't want to aggravate her when we seem to be doing so well.

  “No, I don't mind, but you'll probably get the same answers each time.” She smiles.

  “That's okay.”

  Audra walks me to the door. “Oh, I can't remember the exact date now, but I do have an appointment coming up. It's only a checkup. I'll text you the date and if it doesn't work for you, let me know and I'll change it.”

  “Thanks. See you later, Audra.”

  “Bye, Neil.” I'm halfway down the hallway when her voice calls, “Hey, Neil?” I turn to face her. “You should really go ahead and tell your parents. It's their grandchild, after all.”

  I nod, but don't make any promises.

  THE LOCKER ROOM is subdued with a loss hanging over our heads. I sit on the bench with my head in my hands, replaying some of my mistakes, so I can make sure it doesn't happen again.

  “Hey, Grant, head up, man,” Neil says, taking a seat next to me. He's already changed and showered. “It's not like we haven't lost before.”

  “Yeah, but it's not like I've ever played that badly either.” Five. We lost five to zero. I've had a rough night, obviously, and I hate nights like these. It could easily be my worst game.

  “We didn't help much, Grant. Shake it off, remember what a badass goalie you are, and maybe we can get a shutout or two this weekend.” He grins, ready for the challenge. He's right. We were all terrible tonight.

  “Thanks, Neil.”

  He slaps my shoulder, stands, and leaves. I pull off my shirt and upper pads as some of the other guys start to trickle out. Winston stepped out a few minutes ago, but has popped his head back in.

  “Grant, Lucy's out here for you. She said hurry up.”

  Lucy's waiting for me? Curiosity gets the better of me, so I go ahead out to meet her before it gets any later. Sure enough, she's standing in the hallway, leaning against one of the walls with her camera hanging from her neck. She looks up when she hears me. Lucy looks over my body before focusing back on my face.

  “What's up?”

  “I need your help with a picture, but we need to do it before the Zamboni runs over the ice. Could you help me? It won't take but twenty minutes, promise.”

  “Yeah, give me a second.” I turn and go down the hallway until I find the man I'm looking for. I politely ask him if he would give me twenty minutes before he resurfaces the ice. Then I return to Lucy and lead the way.

  “Thanks,” she smiles when she sees me.

  “No problem.”

  When we reach the ice, I step onto it first and turn to take her hand, so she won't slip and fall. She did say she needed my help. I figure she needs me on the ice with her. She mentioned some shot near the net on the walk here. Lucy eyes me carefully as I hold my hand out.

  “Grant.” My name. That's it, but it's enough to stop me.

  “What?”

  “You're sweaty.”

  I run a hand over my short, wet hair, and look down at myself. My skin shines where the light reflects the layer of sweat over me. “Well, yeah. I just finished a game, Lucy.”

  She reaches out and runs her fingers down my arm, over the slick sweat. Her touch raises goosebumps along my skin. “Are you sure we won't get in trouble?” Those blue eyes come back up to me.

  “If we keep standing here, talking, then I can't make that promise.” No one will really care that we're here, but it's fun to see that flash of panic in her eyes. I wipe my hand over my pants and stick it back out, waiting.

  “Couldn't you have at least worn a shirt?” she mumbles, taking my hand as I glide over the ice while she walks slowly over to my cage. I smile, but refrain from saying something. “I need to sit up here to get the angle I want, but I need help doing that.” I nod to show her I'm listening. “And don't let go once I'm up there. I might tilt and fall over.”

  “You won't, but I'll hold onto your hips, just in case.”

  “And no funny business,” she adds.

  I laugh. “If you're sure that's what you want,” I tease. Somehow, I'm always doing what she wants, and I honestly don't mind. I enjoy it, and I have thought about asking her out on an actual date, but she makes me nervous. So freaking nervous and I worry that if I set the pace, so to speak, I'd lose what we already have. What Lucy wants is what I'll give her. Too bad she doesn't know this yet.

  Lucy snaps her head over to look at me, almost losing her balance. “I don't
want to fall, Grant!” She clutches her camera tighter, choosing not to comment directly on what I said.

  As we come to a stop with her standing in between me and the net, I grab her hips, one of her hands going to my shoulder for balance. I lift her up to sit on the net and murmur, “I'd never let you fall, Lucy.”

  “Thanks,” she whispers.

  The air is suddenly too heavy, so I clear my throat. “Is this where you want to be?”

  “Hold tight,” she orders despite what I told her. I squeeze her hips, ducking a little, as she lifts her camera to check. “Perfect.”

  “Do you want me to bend down so I'm out of the shot or move behind the net and hold you from there?”

  “Just bend down. I might fall while you're moving back and forth.”

  I crouch a little bit, enough to be out of her shot, still holding her hips, but not too far down. It's an awkward position to be in as her camera clicks away. Maybe conversation will help. “Why this shot tonight?”

  “I wanted your view, but a little higher. Think one day you could get the guys out here for a few with people on the ice?”

  “I can try,” I answer honestly. No telling how many favors I might have to do to get them out here.

  “Neil, at least, if he will.” Lucy leans over, her camera over my shoulder.

  “What's so special about him?” Wasn't I her favorite to photograph? Why am I even asking that question?

  At this, she leans back to look at me with a blank expression. “He's the captain.” A blush takes over her cheeks before she even finishes. “He would be perfect for it.” Well, then. “I've got enough, I think. Plus, that guy is looking impatient.”

  I look over my shoulder at the guy waiting to finish his job. Without a word, I set her back down on the ice, take her hand, and lead her back off. Her voice is so low that I almost think I'm hearing things.

  “I think I like you sweaty.”

  “Do you want a picture?”

  “No.” We step off the ice, and I turn to face her. “Thank you, again. I'm sorry that y'all lost tonight.”

  “You're welcome, and it's no big deal. Losing is part of the game.” I grin and add, “I should probably go finish changing, so I can shower and stop being so sweaty.” I smile wider when Lucy gives me a small one in return with a blush.