When I get to the house, the guys are in the kitchen, talking. They all stop when I walk in.
“I thought you had plans tonight,” Bo says.
“Plans get canceled. What are y'all doing?”
“Just decided we're going to the bar tonight,” Winston states.
“Want to come?” Grant asks.
“Yeah, I think I will.”
It's a bit early, but we leave anyway. We're all hungry and some of the other guys on the team will be meeting us there. By now, the guys know I'm dating someone, but that's it. They don't know anything more than that. So it doesn't faze anyone when Bo starts asking questions after the waitress, Liana, has taken our orders. Pretty name. I haven't seen her here before, so she must be new.
“Well, what happened?”
I take a swig of my beer. “I get there and she's not quite ready, which isn't new. I may have asked her something important, and then she suggested she go hang with the girls and I hang with y'all. So, I left.”
Bo nods, like that makes complete sense. It doesn't, dumbass. That's what I want to say, but I don't. I don't want to talk about her, so I look at Grant and Winston.
“Where's Lucy and Maddie?” They would usually be with them, but I guess not tonight.
Winston laughs. “They ditched us earlier for each other.”
“Yeah, apparently Maddie,” Grant glares at Winston, “needed to go do something and Lucy had to go too.”
“Don't look at me,” Winston tells him. “Lucy's the one who decided it was better than going out with you tonight.”
Grant rolls his eyes as two guys walk up to our table. “Hey, Patrick, Jonathan. Guys, these jackasses are two of Lucy's brothers.” He laughs, and I'm surprised the guys chuckle. From what I've heard, they aren't all that nice when it comes to their sister.
I zone out of the conversation as they begin to talk, and I eat. What they say doesn't matter to me. Maybe it would if I wasn't so concerned about Audra. I want us to work, damn it. I haven't wanted anything as much as this in a long time, but that doesn't mean shit if Audra doesn't want it too.
“Let's play a game,” Bo interrupts my thoughts as he nods at the pool table.
I should have known it was a bad idea because as soon as he breaks, he starts talking. “You asked her about moving in?” I nod curtly. “She said no?”
“She didn't say anything,” I correct, feeling like it should matter more than it probably does. “Next thing out of her mouth was to cancel our plans, which I guess suffices for a no.”
“Have you started freaking out yet?”
I want to take my pool cue and jab him in the gut. “No,” I semi-lie and Bo leaves it at that. Like I said, all that really matters is that they are healthy. If Audra doesn't want more than what we have now, then that's fine. Even if I want more. I can survive either way. I just wish Audra would be up front with me about what she wants. She can tell me what she's thinking about everything, but this.
We don't talk for four more games with me drinking beer after beer after beer. Thoughts of Candace and my current situation with Audra swirl in my mind, fueling the drinking. And it doesn't miss my attention that Lucy and Maddie show up, heading straight for Grant and Winston with big smiles. My eyes scan the room as Bo takes a shot, landing on a girl I've slept with a time or two before. When was the last time I had sex anyway? It feels like a lifetime ago.
“Don't even think about it, Neil,” Bo's voice cuts through my thoughts, making me turn to him. He glances at the girl to show me that he saw me looking. “Don't do anything stupid.”
“Fuck off, Bo.” I shove my pool cue at him much harder than I meant, and he stumbles backwards into a passing waitress. I stalk over to the table, ignoring all the eyes on me as I throw some cash down to cover my food and drinks and start walking out of the bar.
Like I would have actually gone after the girl! It pisses me off that he thinks I would do that to Audra, whether she ever found out about it or not. She's carrying my baby girl! I love her! And he thinks I would throw away the simple possibility of being with her like I want because she shut down on me today? Just for a piece of ass?
Fucking bastard.
I don't have to listen to his shit because I can get the hell out of here.
My phone rings and I answer it angrily, “What?”
“Neil?” Audra's voice sounds on the other end.
“Neil!” Bo calls from behind me.
I ignore him. “Hey, babe. Sorry about that,” I say much nicer.
“Everything okay?”
“Neil!” Bo yells again as I unlock the doors to my car. “Don't you get in that fucking car!”
“Try to stop me!” I holler back, getting into the car with the intentions of getting away from him for a few to cool myself down.
“Neil, what's going on?” Audra asks with worry.
“Nothing,” I reply, locking my doors and cranking the car to get warm.
“Why are you calling me?”
“I just got home. Are you sure you're okay? You're slurring.”
Bo slaps an open palm on my window. “Neil, you're drunk. Get out of the damn car. You aren't driving.”
“Watch me.” I level my gaze at him. I wasn't going to drive anywhere, but if he won't go away, then I might as well leave.
“Neil,” Audra brings me back to her. “What happened with Bo? Please don't do anything stupid,” she echoes, which seriously pisses me off.
I slide the gearshift into reverse.
“Neil!” Bo bangs on the window again. “Put it back in park! Now!”
Audra panics when she hears Bo, her voice rising with fear. “Do it, Neil. Let him take you home. Please,” her voice cracks and I know she's crying.
“Fuck!” I hit the steering wheel in frustration because I didn't want to make her cry. It pisses me off though. She wants to call now? In the middle of this when I should've been with her instead? Bo is still pounding on the window, but all I hear is Audra.
“If you drive and you're drunk, you and maybe even someone else is going to get hurt. What if you die, Neil? What am I supposed to do without you? Let him drive. Come stay with me tonight.”
“I'm not drunk.”
“Yes, you are!” she snaps. I hear a long exhale, and then she stabs me in the fucking heart. “You lost Candace. Don't do anything that would make me lose you. I'm not supposed to do anything risky and you aren't allowed to either, Neil.” I barely hear her whisper through her tears, “I need you. We need you.”
I move the gearshift back into park. Bo stops hitting my window for now, and I realize I drew a crowd outside. Okay, only the guys, but still.
“I'm sorry. He'll drive me over there, okay?”
“Thank you. Call me if it takes longer than it should.”
I agree and hang up. All my anger is gone now. I'm the fucking bastard. Unlocking my doors, I get out of the car and once I close the door, Bo shoves me against the car, my collar in his fists.
“You're a fucking idiot! What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Get off of me!” I push him backward. “If you would've left me the fuck alone, I would have sat in the damn car.”
“She was on the phone, wasn't she?” He shakes his head. “You're a selfish piece of shit, Neil.” Selfish? “Good luck being a fa-”
I lunge forward and punch him in the jaw before he even finishes. He throws one at me, getting me right in the eye as Winston and Grant rush over.
“Enough!” Winston yells once they've separated us, pushing me around to the other side of the car. “Get in the car and shut the fuck up.” He roughly shoves me into the back seat before slamming the door. I watch as Lucy and Maddie walk with Bo to Maddie's car and then, Winston and Grant get in with me.
“You going home or somewhere else?” Winston curtly asks.
“Somewhere else.” I give him Audra's address.
The car is deathly silent on the drive. When we get there, Grant asks if I'm good to walk to her apartm
ent myself. Yes, I am. I'm not that fucking drunk, thank you. I do walk slowly to her building, though, because the ground is covered with stupid snow, and I don't want to fall. I'm already sore from the couple of hits Bo managed to get me with. Time seems to move in slow motion as I lift my hand to knock on Audra's door. I don't know why because I have a key somewhere.
I'm patting my pockets for my key when I realize that Winston's driving my car, so he has my key. Audra opens the door with puffy eyes and wet cheeks. That sight kills me, making me feel even worse than I already did.
She gasps. “What happened to you?” Her fingers reach up and gingerly touch around my eye.
“I'm sorry.” I flinch, but it isn't from her touch. I can hear myself slur.
“You should be. Come in, so I can get something for your eye.”
“No, it's okay,” I tell her as I walk to her couch. I don't deserve anything to make me feel better. Audra ignores me and walks into the living room seconds later with a bag of frozen peas. She sits sideways in my lap and puts the bag over my eye carefully, watching me. “I'm sorry,” I say again.
“What happened? I've never seen you like this.”
I close my one good eye. “Nothing, babe. I don't want to talk about it.”
“What if I tell you why I didn't answer earlier? If I do that, will you talk to me?” Her voice is so soft, so caring. I don't deserve it. Not tonight, at least. “Neil, look at me.” My eye opens and she sets down the bag of peas, cupping my cheeks. “You scared me tonight. You owe me an explanation. So if I tell you, are you going to tell me?” When I nod, she kisses me.
She rests her head on my shoulder and starts talking. “I overreacted and froze when you asked me because the last guy I dated was controlling. He wasn't always like that, but the longer we dated, the more he tried to take over my life and everything I did. When I ended things, it didn't go so well. I looked a lot like you do right now.” My hand balls into a fist on her back, but I don't say anything. “It started with little things, so every time you mentioned wanting me to do something or anything like that, I panicked a bit. I know you aren't like that, but I reacted like you were anyway. Being pregnant doesn't help with my crazy thoughts either. I'm sorry, Neil.”
Unclenching my fist, I rub her back. “I wish you would have told me sooner, but it's okay that you didn't.”
Audra smiles. “You seem too perfect sometimes. Glad to know that you aren't.” She chuckles as she picks up the frozen peas and puts them back over my eye. “Your turn.”
“I was dumb.”
She laughs. “I knew that already.”
I crack a smile, happy she's not too pissed at me. “I overreacted with your non-answer and started drinking, which I don't usually do because I'm not the smartest person when I do. I was thinking about you and Candace and then Bo said some shit.” I shake my head.
She runs her fingers through my hair. “What did he say?”
For half a second, I debate telling her before deciding I might as well. “All I did was notice a chick and he saw me. He told me to not even think about it and not to do something stupid. I didn't want her and it pissed me off that he thought I would mess things up with you. It went downhill from there.”
“You really had me worried, Neil,” she whispers.
“I know, and I'm sorry for that and for making you cry. Do you forgive me?”
Audra nods. She's quiet for a moment before she says, “You only noticed her? You didn't want her?”
“Babe, no. I noticed she was there, like I noticed when Maddie and Lucy showed up. I want you and baby girl, who still needs a name, by the way.” She rubs her belly and looks down at it. “Do we need to go stand in front of the mirror again? I think I need to add 'really' in front of 'huge and ridiculous knockouts' to make it 'really huge and ridiculous knockouts'.”
Audra smiles. “No, we don't. I was thinking about how we still haven't decided on a name.”
“Let's go lay down and brainstorm then.”
Once we change and climb into her bed, I go to pull her to me, but Audra shakes her head. “What's wrong?”
Her request is simple. “Will you talk to her? She hasn't been as active today as usual.”
When I nod, Audra sits up, and I move to lay my head in her lap. “Hey, baby girl,” I whisper, kissing her stomach. “Everything okay in there? Maybe now is a good time to tell your momma if you like the name I've picked.”
Audra perks an eyebrow at me, but smiles. Baby girl is moving. “What name?”
“Liana. Liana Lawson. I haven't figured out a middle name yet.”
“Where did you get that name from?” she asks.
“Do you like it?”
“Actually, yes, I really do.”
“There was a new waitress at the bar tonight. That was her name and I thought it sounded pretty. We need a middle name now, if you truly like Liana.”
Audra smiles. “I do. I like your last name with it too. We can't pick a middle name that starts with O, though.”
I frown in confusion. “Why?”
“Her initials would be LOL.”
Laughter erupts from deep within my chest. I can't help it. Between earlier and now, it's erasing the tension. Plus, it's hilarious. I don't think I would have even thought of that either. Audra starts to giggle with me as I sit up and lean forward to kiss her. Kissing her is something else. It's like a little piece of heaven, and she gives it to me every time. Her lips are plump, soft, and pure magic. I love kissing her because things seriously feel better afterwards.
“Baby girl has a name?” I whisper against her lips.
“Ask me tomorrow or in a week, just to be sure I don't change my mind.”
She takes one of my pillows as I go to lay down. Audra turns onto her side and slips the pillow between her legs. I face her, my eyes getting heavy already.
“What are you going to tell the guys?”
I peer through my eyelashes to look at her. “What?”
“If I move in, what are you going to tell the guys?”
“My parents can help find them a place, or two of them can share a room if they want to stay and then the baby can have a room. We'll figure something out.”
She nods as I turn to lay on my back. Audra moves closer to lay her head on my shoulder. I trail my fingers from her shoulder down her back, my only available path with my arm bent at the elbow. The place is quiet, and I can't help but smile at the thought that it won't last much longer before the silence is replaced by the cries of baby girl.
THE FIRST THING that happens when I wake up is a recollection of last night. Ugh. God, I'm a bastard. I can feel Audra's ass against my hip and her back against my side. I'm still on my back, and she's facing away from me on her side, but she's still pressed against me.
“Babe?” I rasp, realizing my throat is dry as fuck.
“Hmm?”
“I'm sorry.” Last night's apologies don't count because I was drunk.
Audra rolls over. “You've said that a lot. You can fix me breakfast, if you still feel really bad about it.” She smiles, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and then leaves for the bathroom.
“I would have done that anyway,” I call after her. I get up and go to the kitchen to start cooking. Then I realize what she said before we went to sleep. The legs of the chair scrapes against the floor and a glance over my shoulder shows me her presence. “You're moving in?” No need to beat around the bush.
Before she can answer, there's a knock on her door. Who the hell is here? Audra gets up and returns with her parents. I've never met her dad, and I'm so thankful that it's winter because that means I'm wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt for a change.
“Neil, if I had known you were here and making breakfast, I wouldn't have brought any for Audra.” Her mother sets a bag of food on the table and then turns to her husband.
“It's okay. I'm sure she'll eat everything still.” I chuckle and manage to make both her parents laugh too. I turn off the burner and face her father
, holding out my hand. “Nice to meet you, sir.”
“You too. It works out that you're here,” he says, taking a seat.
Audra comes and fixes her a plate. I stay standing near the stove because she only has three chairs at her table. Once they are all seated, Mr. Garcia angles himself towards me.
“Audra said she didn't want to travel for Christmas this year, especially since she saw everyone at Thanksgiving. We would like to have dinner with you and your parents.”
“Um, yeah, I could arrange that. They haven't met Audra yet, and I'm sure they want to.” Her parents exchange a look. I don't know what it means though. Truth is, I haven't talked to my parents much since I told them. Mom texts me, wanting updates on how Audra is doing, but that's about it. Maybe I need to work on my relationship with them before they meet her parents.
“Since y'all are here,” Audra starts, “might as well let you know that I'm going to move in with Neil. Oh!” She wipes her mouth with a napkin and looks at her mother. “What do you think about Liana, Ma? For the baby's name?”
“It's pretty. Where did it come from?” She smiles.
“Neil met someone with that name.”
“What's wrong with this place?” her father asks, being the first to comment on her moving in with me. I can't tell for sure, but I don't think he really likes me.
Audra shrugs. “We talked about it and decided that was best for us. He's over here most of the time anyway.”
“You'll sleep better in my bed too, babe,” I say without much thought as to how it may sound. All eyes land on me and I add, “Your mattress sucks and mine doesn't. Hopefully, you can sleep more soundly than what you have been.” She nods. “Um, is there any particular time you would like to have this dinner? So I could let my parents know?”
“Whenever is good for them,” Mrs. Garcia answers.
THAT SOFT CLICKING never fails to make me smile. I'm sitting in the library, studying, and Lucy has apparently arrived. Now, I'm waiting for that whine of disappointment when she realizes I've noticed her.
Bracing the Blue Line Page 22