Bracing the Blue Line

by Lindsay Paige

  I watch this quiet, independent force of a person that is Lucy, run her fingers over what's in the box. There's a few t-shirts, a necklace, a keychain, and even one of those old film cameras that are sold for tourists, filled with pictures I took for her that she can develop. Some shells and sand from the beaches are in a bag, and Lucy seems mesmerized and appreciative of it all, particularly the camera.

  “There's one left,” she says, noticing that one more picture can be taken on it. Lucy looks over at me. “Take one with me.”

  I turn on the overhead light as Lucy presses herself into my side and holds the camera out. We smile and she presses the button, releasing a soft click. She places it back into the box and sets it in the empty seat next to her.

  “Thank you, Grant.” She closes the space between us to kiss me.

  “Anything for you,” I murmur against her lips.

  Lucy pulls back at my words, almost looking confused. “Have you always been this way? You've seriously done that since you met me, even with the very first favor. Why?”

  I think about what she's asking. Even though I've known my lack of saying no, I never thought about why. My mind flashes back to when I met her, and I try to explain how I saw it. “At first, you seemed nervous and I didn't want to be mean. Plus, I was curious about you. When I found out who you were, who your brothers were, I wondered what it was like to have them for siblings. The more I saw you, the less the thought of saying no passed my mind. You were you...” I repeat what she once told me.

  “I couldn't have been any other way. You gave me bits and pieces, left me with questions, and were a person I wanted to be around. I wanted to do your favors, to see life like you do, to see the way you thought and behaved, to see your relationship with those around you. I wanted you in any and every way you would let me have you. So yeah, I was more than happy agreeing to do whatever you asked of me.”

  Lucy's blue eyes search mine, almost frantically, and I wonder what she's thinking. The words that leave her mouth next are so carefully spoken I could almost believe they've never been strung together in the same sentence before. They've never meant anything to anyone else, never existed before this moment because that's how special those words are to be leaving Lucy's mouth, directed at me. “I love you,” she says softly, but clearly.

  She's left me speechless. The only thing I can do is kiss her. To press my mouth to hers, glide my tongue between her lips and try to make my kiss speak what my voice seems to have forgotten how to do.

  “And even now, you overwhelm me,” she whispers when I pull away, resting my forehead against hers.

  “You do?” I ask, ignoring her statement. “You love me?” My mind is trying to figure out what I ever did to create such an emotion in her. I'm overwhelmed, just like she is, but for different reasons. Or maybe they are the same.

  Her lashes fall and rise before she smiles. “Yes. Don't you love me?” Lucy's cheeks are softly colored with a blush.

  “Yes, I do.” I kiss her quickly. “I love you so much.” I press my lips to hers again, wanting to taste every inch of her.

  Lucy rests a hand on my thigh and gently uses the other to push me away. Her eyes are bright with a playfulness and a desire stronger than I'm used to seeing from her. “Maybe we should go eat and then go back to your place.” She sees the questions in my eyes and laughs softly. “Don't ask questions now, Grant. Unless you want to say no?” Lucy raises her eyebrows at me.

  “Of course not,” I answer, making her laugh again. “I'm pretty sure that word isn't even in my vocabulary.”

  We go back to the front seats and continue with our plans, knowing what is to come later.

  “HOW DO YOU not know what you want, Neil?” Audra asks for the umpteenth time.

  “I don't know,” I sigh. “I mean, I've worked towards this for a long time, yeah, but things change. There's Liana and we're together now, so there's you too. I don't know if I would want to get signed, if that opportunity came.” We're running in circles with this conversation. Audra obviously has an opinion, but she's holding back for a change. “Be honest with me, babe. What would you want me to do?” I've told her about the traveling, the moving to whatever city that hosts the team, and it feels like bad karma to discuss something that might not even happen.

  Audra glides her hand in a circle over her belly, looking down at it before lifting her head to meet my gaze. “I think our daughter would want her daddy to go after his dreams. When she grows up, do we tell her that she stole your chance? That you felt like you couldn't? You can, Neil. Players are doing it right now. They have families. What's stopping you from doing the same thing?”

  I reach for her hand and pull her over so she can sit sideways in my lap. We stayed in for dinner since everyone else would be going out. “First of all, she wouldn't have stolen it. I know I could.”

  “Then what's stopping you?” she repeats.

  She gazes at me, and I take a deep breath. I hate voicing my fears, but when it's Audra, it's not as bad. “I could miss so much with Liana while she's growing up. It's bad timing for her first year. And what if something were to happen while I was at a game? I don't want to come home to something bad ever again when I could prevent the being away while playing part.”

  Audra plays with the hair at the base of my neck with one hand with sad eyes. “You can't keep worrying about what if's, Neil. Here,” she takes my hand and hovers it above her stomach, “if she moves, then you will play if a contract comes your way. If she doesn't, then consider your hockey days numbered. Now, ask her what she thinks.” She puts my hand on her belly.

  She seems so serious about it that I laugh, but say, “What do you think, baby girl?” I feel a kick before I can even finish.

  A grin rises on Audra's face. “Looks like we have an answer.”

  “We couldn't let her pick her name, but we let her decide our future?”

  “Technically, I decided and then she helped you decide. She was moving around before I put your hand there.”

  “God, I love you,” I laugh as I kiss her temple.

  It's not until Audra quietly replies, “I love you too, Neil,” that I realize exactly what I said.

  My heart nearly bursts on the spot with her words. The last thing I wanted after Candace died turned out to be exactly what I needed. I needed someone to love, care for, and be there for. I didn't really need for someone to do that in return. I just needed to be able to do all those things for someone else again because for a long time, I didn't think it was possible. Audra's that person for me. She's even managed to help me heal. Not to mention that she's giving me a daughter, and she loves me too.

  “C'mon. Let's put our dishes away and go lay down. My back is bothering me, too. Will you please put those hands to work?” she asks, giving me a small kiss, as if I need an incentive.

  “Of course. You can go on up, if you want. I can take care of these.” I nod towards the plates.

  “No, I can help.”

  So we put away our dishes, and I give her a massage before we lay down for bed. Life is looking pretty damn good, if I say so myself. Baby girl will be here soon, and as I fall asleep, I pray that she'll be healthy. I can't wait to meet her.

  “GRANT,” JON CALLS out. “Luce is here.”

  So far, living with her brothers hasn't been too bad. We're all learning how to be around each other when we're here. There are still things I don't understand about them, but that's their business, not mine. Plus, I actually see Lucy a bit more because she'll come to see her brothers, and I'm already here as well.

  “Hey,” I greet once I find her and her brothers in the kitchen.

  Lucy smiles and kisses me quickly on the lips. “Hey.”

  “What did I tell you about that?” Jon frowns at his sister.

  She shrugs. “I'll kiss him if I want. You should be grateful that we're not making out in front of you.”

  Jon groans as does Patrick, but Patrick's turns into a laugh. “Don't you have a 5K to run?” he a
sks. “Grant, make sure you beat her time for us.”

  Jon shakes his head. “Make sure she doesn't get dehydrated. That's what you should be telling him, Patrick.” A small smile does appear on his face. “But definitely beat her time.”

  I glance at Lucy, who rolls her eyes. “Grant's not leaving my side, so he can't beat my time. And he will take care of me. Won't you?” She turns to face me and takes my hand.

  “Of course.”

  Jon and I are still getting used to each other, but for the most part, things are good between her brothers and me. It's good to be around them when Lucy isn't around. I get more insight into their personalities instead of the overbearing, overprotective brothers that they are around Lucy. They trust me more, and they are even kind of fun to be around. It's just hard to tell whenever Lucy is here.

  “Let's go do this,” I say, pulling her to the door before we're late.

  “C'MON, LUCY,” I breathe. “Almost there.” We have half a mile left of this fucking 5K. It's really not so bad because we've been running for a while now, but Lucy's slowing down a bit.

  “How much further?”

  “Half mile.”

  Her pace picks back up and soon, we're crossing the finish line. We weren't the fastest or the slowest, but we finished. Lucy bends over with her hands on her knees once we're out of the way. I take her hand, making her stand upright, and I pull her to me for a hug, even though we're both hot.

  “I'm so proud of you,” I whisper.

  Before she can respond, Maddie shouts, “Lucy! You did it! And you too, Grant.”

  Lucy pulls away to face Maddie and Winston. The girls hug and I say to Winston, “You piece of shit. You should have run too.”

  He grins. “I know how to tell Maddie no. Maybe you should take notes and learn a thing or two.”

  Maddie slaps his stomach, but laughs and I roll my eyes.

  “I don't need to tell Lucy no because I actually like doing things with her.”

  “Are y'all going to bicker or can I get some water now?” Lucy says as Winston opens his mouth to respond. Without waiting for an answer, she takes my hand and pulls me over to the table with snacks and bottles of water. Once she's rehydrated, she smiles at me. “Thanks for doing this with me. I'm proud of you too.”

  “Think you may want to do another?”

  She laughs. “No. I don't really like running, but now I can at least say I tried.” Lucy takes a step closer to me with a wide smile, so I wrap an arm around her waist. “You're sweaty, Grant.”

  I chuckle. “You do know that most people find sweat gross, right?”

  Lucy shrugs. “Sometimes, it is. I love you,” she adds, lifting her chin a bit as she leans in to kiss me.

  “I love you too.”

  Not much has changed since we first slept together. We've gotten closer, and Lucy will tell me those three words every chance she gets. Sometimes, I think that she learned to tell her loved ones that often because she knows they might not always be here. She reserves it for those who deserve it, and then she says it with every parting, and any other time she wants to remind you of her love.

  Our future together looks bright. We have another year of college together before I graduate and Lucy has one more after that. Instead of going to see her grandparents, she's going home with me for spring break to meet my parents. I can't wait for them to meet her. I kind of wish we were having a big family reunion so I could show her off to everyone.

  “Hey, we're going to eat. Want to come?” We turn at the sound of Maddie's voice.

  “Of course,” Lucy answers, tugging me towards Maddie and Winston.

  She can drag me anywhere, ask me to do anything, and I'll always go and do whatever she wants. It's worked for us so far, so why stop? I can't help but wonder what the next few years will bring. I'm looking forward to it because the future seems even more exciting with Lucy by my side.

  MADDIE HAS BEEN seeing a counselor, working through her issues. Things got worse before they got better. It was like acknowledging it made her even more conscious, and she snuck around to overexercise. We argued a lot over it, too. I would catch her at the gym, drag her away, and it always ended with her being angry and hurt. After a huge argument and her passing out from having not eaten enough on top of being dehydrated, Maddie started being more cooperative.

  She scared me to death, enough that I didn't want her running the 5K today because she would've stop training for it then. We compromised instead. She stopped exercising at the gym and only ran a certain amount four days a week, and I had to be with her. Maddie didn't like me shadowing her though. I had to start running with her so it would feel more like I was doing it with her and not watching her.

  Since the incident and since Maddie has accepted that she needs help, she seems happier and most definitely healthier. Her sessions are better, more helpful, and she took me with her for a few sessions. It allowed me to understand her better, even though I never spoke a word. She wanted me there as a quiet support, so I was. After that, she felt good going on her own, and she didn't want me there anymore.

  With the 5K over, her exercise routine will cut back to three times a week, including running because of how much she ran. The counselor has even introduced her to another person with similar struggles, and they workout together in a healthy way. Her new friend and counselor often support her in ways I can't because I don't understand. I always know when she's going to talk to either of them because Maddie says, “I want to talk to someone who gets it, Winston.” One day, she'll hopefully feel like I “get it” enough for her to talk to me more than she does. It's working for her, and that's all that matters.

  She's also learning that she can eat whatever she wants, in moderation as she constantly reminds me, and still be fit. Skinny is a word she doesn't use anymore. So is fat. Maddie wants to be fit and healthy instead. Her mindset has finally turned, and she is learning how to adjust to that kind of lifestyle.

  The Kennedy brothers haven't been bad roommates either. Grant and I teach kids hockey at a local rink, and it pays the bills for us. If I thought Neil and Bo were private, they have nothing on these brothers. They share nothing of importance, only small talk about sports usually, but it works. I'm not buddies with them or anything, so I keep to myself most of the time. Grant can be the social one of the two of us.

  “I kind of want an ice cream,” Maddie says thoughtfully, glancing at me. We've just finished lunch with Lucy and Grant. Desserts and junk food are the hardest for Maddie, so anytime she says she wants some, I give her the same answer.

  “We can split one, if you want.”

  “Mm, I think I want one too,” Lucy adds. With Lucy ordering one, it helps Maddie do the same. Sometimes, it's hard for her to even say she wants one, much less order it herself. It makes me proud to watch her order us one to share. “Are you coming to the game tonight, Maddie?”

  “Yeah, my brother is coming up to watch, and I'm going with him.”

  Dave and I have slipped back into our friendship, but the details of my relationship are off limits at the request of them both. She doesn't want me telling him, and he doesn't want to hear most of it. Maddie hasn't really spoken to him since he showed up last month, but she wants to make amends between them and go back to normal.

  We only have a few games left this season, and instead of getting that end-of-season tiredness, we're more pumped than ever. Coach has been giving us great pep talks, Neil has been playing even better than he has all season, and we feel unstoppable. It's a good feeling to have with the season coming to a close. What's even better is that Maddie is mine, she's healthier, and I still have my best friend.

  MADDIE AND DAVE hug awkwardly. She asked me to stay, in case she needed a quick escape. We're about to all ride over to the game together and Dave just arrived.

  “Can we talk first?” Maddie asks him.

  He glances behind her to me where I'm leaning against the driver's door to my car. “Yeah, of course.”

  “I w
ant us to go back to normal. All of us,” she adds, looking back at me. “You're still my brother. You don't need to be cautious over what you say. Be sincere and nice and we'll be fine. I want you to stop treating me like a kid. Be my brother, Dave.”

  He nods. “Okay. I'm sorry. I'll work on it.”

  “Thank you.” Maddie steps so she can see us both. “Now, you two need to stop being weird when we're all together.” She's right that he's weird, but me? I didn't think I acted any differently. “We're not going to have sex in front of you, Dave. He's not going to burst into flames if you hold my hand, Winston. You're best friends. Stop all your extra thinking and be that. Stop thinking of me as the sister when you're around each other. Be best friends, okay?”

  I glance to Dave, who smiles. “I always knew you were bossy,” he teases.

  Maddie laughs and I add, “She calls the shots, that's for sure.”

  “That's more like it,” she says.

  It'll take some time for us to find a normal for all three of us, but it'll happen. Maybe Dave and Maddie will have a better relationship than before too. We're slow going, but all we're looking for right now is progress. Dave hugs Maddie one last time to officially make up for all the wrong doings. With a smile, Maddie takes my hand and says we better get going.

  BO PLOPS DOWN next to me on the couch. We haven't really talked since that night we fought. He hasn't been with me to see the Lanier's but once or twice when Alice said he better show up.

  “I'm sorry,” I tell him. “I was an ass and drunk.”

  “I'm sorry too. You aren't selfish, or at least, not in the way I intended. You're going to be a great father, Neil. I've always known that from watching you with Alice. So yeah. Sorry for what I said.”

  I nod, clearing my throat. “This mean you'll be her uncle Bo?”

  Bo grins. “Someone has to teach her how a winger is better than a forward.”

  I laugh. “Thanks.”