Go Big

by Joanna Blake

Even the damn cat was gone.

  I roared, realizing the unthinkable had happened.

  She'd left me. My woman had left me.

  A big hole tore right through me, leaving an empty hole in my gut.

  I sat down on her bed, my head in my hands. I forced myself to be logical. To think this through. To plan.

  Instead I called her and left a scathing voicemail. I made it clear there would be hell to pay when I found her. I told her she shouldn't have run off on me without letting me know where she was going.

  Then I begged her to let me know she was alright.

  I hung up and stood there, feeling the void in the room. She was gone. Cami was gone.

  It was an hour later when I finally walked down stairs. I'd found an open bottle of her favorite tequila on the dresser and finished it. I was not in the best of states. Her father was in the study when I passed by. He waved me in and offered me a drink.

  "You're upset."

  I said nothing, just sipped the drink he'd poured me. Not that I should have. I'd had enough. But at the moment, I needed it.

  "She took off a few hours ago."

  I grunted and took a big swig of my bourbon.

  "It must have been urgent. She didn't even wait for them to prep the private jet. She flew commercial. Had to get a second seat and a special letter of permission for that cat of hers."

  Just like that I knew something was wrong. If my fancy ass woman was forgoing luxury she must be upset. By why?

  Apparently Mr. Rivers didn't know either.

  "You two have a spat or something?"

  "No, sir."

  "You know Cade, I was pleased as punch when my daughter started seeing you. But this isn't like her at all. She must be really upset about something. You're sure you don't know what that might be?"

  I shook my head. I started talking, ending up on my feet. I was on the verge of running out the place to go- where- I didn't know. If she was hurting, if I'd done something stupid, I needed to find her.

  Now.

  "No. I swear. I've been wracking my brain but I can't figure it out. I have to find her. I have to go-"

  "You can't Cade. The season starts in two weeks. She could be in the South of France for all we know."

  I cursed. I couldn't let the team down. Or the kids. They were counting on me and my paychecks. But Cami was my woman. That trumped everything.

  "I need to find her sir. Respectfully."

  "Let me try and track her down Cade. She's my daughter, but I will tell you where she is. You just keep your head down and play ball."

  I swallowed the rest of my drink. I wasn't used to taking a backseat. This was tearing me up inside. But I didn't have a choice.

  "Okay. I'll wait. But I'm going to go and get her. I don't care what else is going on. She belongs with me."

  "Alright son. Let me make some calls. You go home and get some rest. Sleep that off."

  I hung my head and nodded.

  "Goodnight Mr. Rivers."

  "Goodnight Cade."

  Camille

  I paced back and forth, trying to calm my thoughts. I was in the family townhouse in Manhattan on the Upper East Side. Being home should have calmed me. I could have visited with any number of friends.

  Gone out even. Looked for a distraction of the male variety.

  Except I didn't want to.

  I couldn't seem to get Cade out of my head. I could feel him on my skin. Inside me. His lips, hands and cock were branded onto my flesh.

  Never mind all the sweet things he'd said while we were making love. That he'd take care of me forever. That he wanted me so bad he'd been going out of his mind.

  That he was keeping me.

  I knew that sleeping with a hundred men would never erase Cade from my thoughts. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to. And I had no interest in testing the theory.

  The other reason I wasn't going out was sitting on the marble counter in my en suite bathroom. Just a little harmless piece of plastic, no bigger than a pen. It was the little blue plus sign that had changed everything.

  Damn him.

  He'd done what he had set out to do. He'd gotten me pregnant.

  I'd sent the maid out this morning to the drug store after I'd puked up my breakfast. I hadn't needed the test though. I'd known in my bones that it was true. That it was a baby making me nauseous.

  I think I may have known for a while.

  Maybe from the moment of conception.

  I felt different somehow. For one thing I could smell everything. Every single thing I came into contact with. It was insane, as if I had developed superhero senses.

  Not in a good way either.

  You try smelling everything in New York City. Every sweating person on the street. Every garbage can and burning cigarette. The cab exhaust. Every spritz of perfume or deodorant.

  My breasts were super sensitive too. And my belly felt different. Softer almost. Even though it was very early, I thought my face looked softer too. Dreamy.

  Dreamy! Ha! This was a nightmare!

  I sat down heavily. What was I going to do? I'd been planning to escape to our villa in Greece but now that was out of the question. I couldn't travel to a remote location without a major hospital nearby. I had appointments to make and vitamins to take.

  I had to prepare.

  I laid my hand over my belly, feeling instantly protective.

  It was crazy but until I saw the little blue line, I would have said I'd do anything not to have Cade's baby. He was a liar and a cheat. But now…

  I closed my eyes. I knew there was no alternative. No escape. My life had just changed.

  The worst part was… I'd have to tell him. I'd have to interact with the man who broke my heart. For the next twenty-one years or so.

  Not yet though.

  There was no way I was telling him yet. And I needed someplace close to hole up and think this through. Let it sink in. I rang the maid and had her bring out my summer luggage.

  It was early in the season, but I was going to our beach house. That was a good thing though. Until late May, the Hamptons were quiet. I wouldn't run into many people or have to make small talk.

  No one would bother me, or even look for me there.

  That was a relief because I had a crazy idea that even with all his other women, Cade wouldn't be happy I had run out on him. Maybe it was just a primitive caveman thing. But wherever he was, he was pissed. I could feel it.

  I could hear it too, in the voice messages and texts he'd been sending me several times a day.

  He sounded angry but also almost… scared. For a moment after listening to the messages, I'd almost believed that he cared. Then I remembered the groupies.

  She said that she'd slept with him the other night.

  I'd stop listening to the messages altogether then. I'd even turned my phone off and started making arrangements for a new one. A new number, everything.

  Don't forget the groupies Camille. Stay strong. You are a mother now.

  You better toughen the fuck up.

  I opened my closet and started packing for the beach.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Cade

  I was in the study, nursing yet another drink. I'd been drinking heavily since Cami walked out on me over a week ago. It was stupid but I didn't care. For some reason it hadn't seemed to affect my game at all.

  Not yet anyway.

  My woman was gone. At least now I knew where. Mr. Rivers was talking. I forced myself to listen.

  "Relax, she's in New York. And you are going to be there in a few days anyway."

  I nodded and sipped, sipped and nodded. I was numb to everything. This should have been the best time of my life, and I was empty inside.

  Cami didn't want me after all.

  But dammed if I was going to let her get away without telling me why.

  I stared at the drink in my hand. Set it down. Decided not to touch another drop until I had my answer.

  I needed to be stone cold s
ober for our little reunion.

  "I respectfully request to leave early sir."

  Mr. Rivers took a hard look at me, and then nodded.

  "Go on Cade. I hope you can sort this out. I like you, son."

  I stood. I was going hunting. My prey was just over five feet tall and easy to spot in the wild. But I would still need to be crafty. She was smarter than anyone I'd ever met before. She might be the one to catch me.

  Hell, the woman already had snagged me. Hook, line and sinker. I didn't mind though. Turns out, I liked being caught.

  Until she left me with this huge empty feeling inside.

  I didn't like that part of it at all.

  "But Cade, don't hurt her. I don't want to have to trade you."

  "I would never hurt her sir. On my honor."

  I shook his hand and left, eager to catch a flight and be on my way. I packed all my belongings and took one last look at my suite. It had been a great place, while I had Camille.

  Now it just felt empty.

  I drove to the airport, planning to just catch the next flight, no matter what airline it was on or what it cost. Turns out, Mr. Rivers had called ahead for me. He made it easy and I was grateful for that. I was nursing one hell of a hangover on the plane, chugging power drinks the whole way.

  I needed to be on top of my game for this.

  I stared out the window the entire flight. I had Cami's address in New York. I had my address.

  I wasn't sure which one to go to first.

  I sniffed myself. I better shower and drop my bags off. She would not be impressed if I showed up like this. I still had the faint stench of bourbon on me.

  The stewardess offered me a drink and I declined, sipping some sparkling water mixed with my fruity power drink instead. I was going to clean up my act. I had a woman to catch and bats to wreck.

  I needed my A game, dammit.

  I hailed a cab and headed right downtown. I walked into my new building, nodded at the doorman and went upstairs. Looked around for about thirty seconds and dropped my bags on the floor. The place was fully furnished, even down to sheets and towels.

  I took the world's fastest shower, only slowing down to shave. Then I was off, in another cab and flying up the FDR towards the Rivers' townhouse. It was enormous and imposing. It just reminded me again how different she was.

  Maybe she wanted a rich guy.

  I scowled. I was a rich guy now. She'd just have to deal with my hillbilly roots dammit.

  Maybe I should have tied her down already with a ring. I cursed, realizing that must be it. I would get her a ring.

  That was it. I would do what I should have done to begin with. The moment I laid eyes on her.

  I was going to marry the fuck out of her.

  I rang the doorbell and waited, my mind already searching for a place to get the hardware. Camille would want a big diamond, I was sure of it. I needed a ring size too, didn't I? I could get a few rings maybe, in different sizes.

  Yeah that made sense. That was the quickest way to get her hooked. One of them had to fit. I almost turned around right then, heading to a jeweler. But I was too eager to see my woman. I stood my ground.

  I would make this right. I had to.

  The doorbell opened to an older woman in a starched uniform. She gestured me inside.

  "Please come in Mr. Dupree. Mr. Rivers told us to expect you. I'm Mrs. Crample, the housekeeper."

  I walked into the living room and waited. The housekeeper stood there, looking uncertain.

  "Please sit down."

  "I'd prefer to stand."

  "Would you like something to drink?"

  "No, thank you."

  I leaned against the mantle, waiting.

  "I'd like to see Camille now."

  The woman's hands gave her away. She was wringing them. I cursed under my breath before she even said the words.

  "She's gone sir."

  "Where did she go?"

  "I'm not sure, sir."

  "When?"

  "Yesterday."

  It was almost as if she was fucking with me. My sweet, surly, sneaky as fuck Camille. Oh yeah, she was one step ahead.

  But not for long.

  I was so angry I barely said a word. I just walked out the door into the streets. I barely even noticed that it was raining. I didn't even bother to ask for an umbrella.

  I walked downtown blindly, barely taking note of the traffic signals. I was fuming, literally giving off steam in the drizzle.

  She ran out on me again.

  That was twice now.

  I was beside myself with worry and shock. Nobody walked out on Cade Dupree. No woman had ever left me unless I kicked them out of my bed.

  And I'd kicked a lot of them out over the years.

  I was a bachelor. The kind of man who wouldn't settle down. I didn't want to, ever.

  Until her.

  The woman had me more tied up than a rabbit in a briar patch. I was hooked the moment I saw her. I was toast.

  I was burnt toast.

  Damn it Camille… where are you?

  I walked past a fancy looking jeweler and paused. They had diamonds in there. That's what I needed.

  Diamonds.

  And then I had to figure out how the hell to find her.

  Camille

  It was a dreary late spring day but I didn't care. We had an indoor pool at the Southhampton house. And the beach was beautiful in the rain.

  I headed there now, grabbing a rain slicker.

  Our house was in a row of huge old houses, leading down towards the water. There was a sidewalk that I'd grown up riding my bike on. In the Summer the area was crowded to the point where I tried not to go out on the weekends.

  My mother had held my hand countless times on that sidewalk too, when she was alive. She'd loved it out here. Now it was just me, walking by myself in old jeans and a pair of beat up old running shoes.

  But maybe in a few years… I'd be walking with someone new. Someone who'd need a bike of their own.

  And a helmet.

  Definitely a helmet.

  I knew already I was going to be a strict mom. Especially where safety was involved. I wasn't going to let him or her out of my sight.

  I laughed suddenly, my mood taking a sudden swing. I'd read about this happening but it still felt weird. One moment I'd been sad and lonely, missing Cade. The next I was laughing out loud about all the fun things we could do once we were a family.

  Just the two of us.

  I was imagining myself with a little girl or boy, with no sign of Cade.

  And boom, just like that, the sadness was back. This time it overwhelmed me. I stepped out onto the wet sand as tears came pouring down my face. I found a piece of driftwood and sat down on it, sobbing inconsolably.

  I sat there for nearly an hour, trying to calm myself. I stared out at the waves. The water normally centered me. But it didn't work this time. Nothing would work.

  Nothing could take away the pain of missing Cade.

  Even with all his faults and philandering, I missed him.

  I didn't just miss him.

  I fucking loved him.

  I laughed again, brushing away my tears. I knew I was an idiot for loving him, but I did. So help me God, I did.

  I walked home slowly, feeling strangely lighter. As if admitting that I still loved Cade had eased some of my pain. I wouldn't tolerate cheating though, no matter what he said.

  The next move was his, but I was willing to listen.

  I knew he still wanted me, his texts made that much obvious. I guess I'd just have to see how far he was willing to go. Maybe he'd prove to me that he would stop seeing other women.

  It would be hard, but I could try to learn to trust him again.

  I got home and stripped off my damp clothes. The housekeeper was making me some healthy soup from scratch as I got into a hot bath. I slurped some down and was in bed by eight o'clock. I fell asleep a few minutes later.

  I was too exhausted
to dream.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Cade

  I sat in the dugout, waiting for my first at bat of the season. Our first game. Even more meaningfully, it was a home game. The most monumental day of my whole dang career.

  I was feeling good today. I'd gotten two texts that morning which made me feel a whole hell of a lot better. I'd sent yet another text when I woke up, asking her where she was and if she was okay.

  I'm okay. Have a good game tonight.

  Are you ready to talk?

  Soon.

  That was it. But it was enough.

  She was thinking of me. Even if she was God knows where. I had to believe she wasn't in another man's arms.

  I hoped so anyway. Because I would just about lose my mind if that was the case. I'd track them down and tear the guy limb from limb.

  And I'd end up in the slammer because all hell would break lose.

  If someone was touching her, he was going to have some serious problems using his hands for a good long time. Because I was going to break them. Then I'd tear his head off.

  Nobody touched my woman dammit.

  I exhaled, remembering that it was just my imagination. But during my first time at the plate, I knew what to imagine on the ball.

  Camille's ex. Just in case it was his ass keeping her from me.

  If it was, I was going to smash more than his face, that was for damn sure.

  The game was tight but I was playing well. I'd already hit a homer, a triple and got a base hit, which was a good showing. It felt natural to me, being there with all the big players. The adrenalin, the roar of the crowd, it felt like second nature.

  Like I was supposed to be there.

  We were tied going into the ninth. Bases were loaded and I was up again. I imagined Cami at home watching. Then I cleared my head, put the bat on my shoulder and flipped the switch.

  CRACK

  I felt the bat splinter in my hands as the ball connected, sailing up and over the field in a perfect arc. It went over the wall and kept going, flying into the nosebleed section.

  Hell, by then I had stopped looking. I was grinning ear to ear as I rounded the bases behind my teamates. I'd just clinched the first game of the season for the team.