Go Big

by Joanna Blake

  “I- oh God Trent- I won’t!”

  SMACK

  “I know you won’t. I’ll make sure of it.”

  I lost track of time as he stroked and spanked me. We hit a little turbulence but he didn’t stop. I could feel his erection against my stomach. I reached up his thigh, hoping to make him stop this. And do other things instead.

  I moaned as he toyed with me again. This time his finger circled my clit lightly.

  “You want me to fuck you? One last time?”

  “Yes- yes please.”

  He lifted me easily, laying me on my back. He was methodical and cold as he pulled his pants down. He didn’t bother with his shirt or my dress. He just shoved it up around my waist, spreading my thighs wide.

  He held his cock against me, sliding it up and down my slit.

  ‘Hmmm… you’re so wet. Do you want me Lexi?”

  “Yes. Please Trent…”

  He looked at me dispassionately.

  “Want to get fucked by the famous porn star? So you have a story to tell your friends?”

  “What? No! I would never…”

  He licked his lips, circling his hips slightly. The tip of his cock eased inside me. He eased in slowly, then he stopped.

  “You wouldn’t, would you? That’s too bad. Such a good girl, doing such bad things…”

  His eyes were cold as he stared down at me. His hand reached down and rubbed my clit. I started moaning as he made me cum on his cock. He didn’t fuck me. He just sat there.

  I was whimpering when he made me cum the second time. I felt empty, craving the pressure of his cock.

  I wanted more.

  I wanted him.

  By the third time I came, I was crying tears of humiliation.

  He just watched me, like you would watch a bug wiggling around on the ground. I was helpless, pinned in place by his cock, a slave to his fingers. I couldn’t push him away. I wanted him to keep going. But not like this. This was wrong.

  He was punishing me. Humiliating me. And he was very, very thorough about it.

  I don’t know how long I laid there on that couch. Or how many times I came. It was at least 8. Maybe 10. Only once did Trent’s cold facade crack, right at the end. He leaned back and closed his eyes as I creamed all over his cock the last time.

  Then he pulled out, wiping his stiff cock off with a napkin.

  He took his seat, not looking at me.

  I lay there, feeling utterly shattered. I tugged my dress down over myself, feeling ashamed of my traitorous body. I still wanted him. But I wanted answers too.

  “Why Trent? I thought… I thought we were friends.”

  “I wanted more than that. But I’ll take what I can get.”

  He laughed, finally looking at me.

  “I mean I took what I wanted, when I wanted it. I’m satisfied. Are you?”

  I was shaking as the plane landed. I was shaking in the limo ride home. I was shaking as he let me out, not bothering to walk me to the front door.

  I stepped inside and collapsed against the wall. I slid to the floor, sobs wracking my body.

  Thankfully, it was eleven and Char was already in bed. She was reliable that way. The meds she took at bedtime tended to knock her out. Mrs. Keeley was sleeping in my bed so I showered and made a makeshift bed on the lumpy old couch.

  I closed my eyes, seeing Trent’s hard face as he made me cum over and over again.

  He’d used me horribly. And yet, somehow I had a terrible feeling that I’d hurt him. That he was reacting to something I had said.

  One thing I knew for sure.

  I could never face him again.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Trent

  A warm tongue licked my side. It was wet and sloppy. I reached out, pushing Hendrix away.

  “Bad dog.”

  He whimpered, pressing his cold nose against my ear. I was face down on the floor. I was cold and stiff and miserable. Not only that, I was still drunk after five or six days of debauchery. I would get drunk, sober up briefly and then sink back into the deep hole I was digging myself.

  A couple of weeks now. This was by far the worst bender I’d ever gone on.

  This was epic.

  But nothing had done a thing to erase the memory of Lexi’s face as she stared up at me, begging me to take mercy on her. Begging me to fuck her. To participate.

  To love her back.

  I had no mercy.

  And now I had lost her.

  It was all my own fault. I could have wooed her, convinced her it was more than a fling. I could have proved that I was in it for the long haul. But I was too hurt by her words.

  So I’d lashed out. I’d hurt and humiliated her. I would never, ever forgive myself for it either. The way she’d looked, spread open for me as I played her body like a musical instrument. I’d been totally in control of her body and my own desires. I’d won.

  And now I was paying for it. My sad and lonely life was one big hangover.

  I hadn’t gone out. I didn’t want to see anyone. I’d just slowly worked my way through a case of bourbon. And three cases of beer. No drugs. I didn’t want to even see anyone long enough to do the handoff.

  “You look horrible.”

  I rolled to my back, shielding my eyes from the glaring light.

  “Joss. Who the fuck let you in?”

  “A nice lady.”

  I grunted, picking up the closest bottle and taking a deep pull.

  “A nice lady who said something about quitting her job if you didn’t crawl out of the hole you were in.”

  I groaned, taking another swig.

  “A bit early isn’t it?”

  He reached down and pulled the bottle away. I was weak as a baby as I reached for it, cursing at him.

  “Give it back!”

  “Fuck no.”

  Joss walked away and set the bottle back on the bar. It was too far away for me to get. Instead, I started looking around for another bottle. There were enough of them laying around. He looked at me, shaking his head.

  “January called. She was worried about you.”

  “So you flew here from Miami to check in on me?”

  He stared at me like I was something he’d just scraped off his shoe.

  “No. I have a new client. A-list celebrity. I’m meeting her here.”

  “Who?”

  He shook his head at me. Not that I cared anyway. I didn’t care about anything anymore.

  “You know I’m not at liberty to say.”

  “Right, right.”

  “What the fuck is going on with you Trent? This isn’t like you. Even at your worst you didn’t let things get this bad.”

  He pointed at me, accusation written all over his face.

  “You used to be fun.”

  “Aw man, that hurts.”

  “Yeah well, you are going to end up in rehab if you don’t straighten this shit out.”

  Sofia brought in two cups of coffee, setting them on the coffee table. She made a clucking sound with her tongue. I stared at mine, still wincing from the sun. Then I reached for it, sipping it gingerly.

  It was too hot but I didn’t care.

  The burning feeling on my tongue was more than I deserved.

  And it was the first thing I’d felt since Lexi got out of the limo.

  “I can’t.”

  “What?”

  “I can’t straighten this out. I fucked up too bad.”

  He sat down on the floor beside me, slapping his hand onto my shoulder.

  “Whatever it is man, we can fix it. I swear.”

  “She’ll never forgive me.”

  “Who? The maid? Of course she will.”

  I shook my head, sending the room spinning.

  “No. Lexi.”

  “Who is Lexi?”

  I looked up at Joss. He was a huge guy, taller than me even. But he had a good heart. Not that anyone really knew that. Only us guys that had served together.

  He was family. My only
family.

  Maybe he would understand.

  “I love her man. But she didn’t want me so I fucked her. Actually, I wouldn’t fuck her. That was the worst part.”

  “I’m not following T.”

  I swallowed the burning coffee and reached for the other cup.

  “You mind?”

  “Be my guest.”

  I downed the second cup and my mind started to clear.

  Then I started talking.

  Lexi

  I swallowed, trying to ignore the queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was almost a welcome changed from the haze of misery I’d been in. Only now I was nauseous and miserable.

  Perfect.

  Three weeks. It had been three weeks since I saw Trent. Since that horrible weekend in Hawaii.

  That horrible, wonderful weekend. The weekend that had changed everything. The weekend that had changed me.

  Now I knew about all the different ways my body could be used to make me feel good.

  And to make me feel very, very bad.

  I bent forward, rinsing a post-surgical wound. I flinched at the smell, nausea rising sharply in my throat. I stepped back, covering my mouth with the back of my hand.

  “Alexandra?”

  Dr. Bellamy was watching me. He gestured me out into the hallway, away from the patient.

  “Are you alright?”

  “There was a terrible smell. I don’t understand it.”

  He walked back into the room, inspecting the wound.

  “I see nothing wrong here.”

  He glanced at me, frowning.

  “Kelly can you finish this up please. I’d like to have a word with Alexandra in my office.”

  I followed him calmly. I was numb inside. But I knew something was terribly wrong.

  “Please have a seat.”

  I swallowed, the feeling of nausea still in my throat.

  “We’ve come across something… troubling on the security footage. I haven’t been sure exactly what measures to take. I did my best to protect you, but there is only so much I can do. I was going to wait until the end of the week, but we might as well get this over with now.”

  He leaned forward, his eyes on mine.

  “Did you disappear into a supply closet with a patient during work hours?”

  Oh God.

  I inhaled sharply. I knew I would pay for my stupidity. For my naiveté. For wanting what I shouldn’t.

  For wanting him.

  “Yes.”

  “For what purpose?”

  “He- I don’t know how to explain it. It was… a game.”

  “Was it sexual in nature?”

  I lowered my eyes. My voice was low and ashamed. I felt stupid. Of course I had been caught. I never should have played along with Trent.

  The truth was, I hadn’t been able to stop myself.

  “Yes.”

  “You know we can’t keep you here after this.”

  I should ask for understanding. Forgiveness. I should be crying.

  My whole life was shattering in front of my eyes.

  Instead I was numb. None of this was a surprise to me. Deep down, I’d known this was coming.

  “I understand.”

  “You are an excellent nurse Lexi. Other than this lapse in judgment. Can you assure me it won’t happen at your next job?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Then you will receive a positive recommendation from me.”

  “Thank you, Doctor.”

  “You may collect your things.”

  I stood, my hand on the back the chair to support me. I felt as if I might fall down.

  “Oh and Alexandra?”

  “Yes?”

  “You might want to take a pregnancy test.”

  My eyes snapped open and I stared at him, shock written all over my face. He raised an eyebrow.

  “Your heightened sense of smell. I’ve seen it a hundred times. It’s especially hard for nurses who are expecting. Maybe this is a blessing.”

  I closed my eyes and nodded. He was right of course. That’s why I could smell everything. That’s why I was on the verge of vomiting right now.

  I’d assumed that Trent had a vasectomy. It was in his chart. But those reversed themselves all the time. He must have assumed I was on the pill. Or he had not cared either way.

  I was beyond stupid.

  I ran for the bathroom, barely making it into the stall before my breakfast made a second appearance.

  Kelly was waiting by the sinks when I came out.

  “Jesus Lexi, what is going on with you?”

  I looked at her.

  “Good news or bad news first?”

  She looked at me, concern written all over her face.

  “Good.”

  “I got fired.”

  Her jaw dropped.

  “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Trent

  “Are you ready?”

  I nodded.

  “Well, go get her tiger.”

  I glared at Joss. He had forced me to get sober. He had forced me to admit my feelings for Lexi. And now he’d forced me to figure out a way to get her back.

  This was what I’d come up with.

  We stood outside Lexi’s house in the middle of the afternoon. I hadn’t called. Or texted. We hadn’t spoke since I dropped her off after our date. Which I could safely say was the world’s best/worst first date in the history of the fucking world.

  She could be in Egypt for all I knew. She could hate me. She probably did. She might even have moved on.

  Here goes nothing.

  I lifted my guitar, settling the strap over my shoulder. Joss knocked on the door. Then I started to play.

  “When the darkness falls,

  When the light goes out,

  The angel they call Lexi,

  Is there to help you out.

  Her golden hair and hazel eyes,

  Her kindness and her grit,

  She’ll pull the best out of you,

  Even if it’s not worth shit.”

  “That’s a terrible song, mister.”

  I turned around to see Lexi and her sister standing on the sidewalk behind me. Charlotte was eating an ice cream cone and staring at me. Lexi looked like she didn’t know what to think.

  Not angry. Just… confused.

  Joss was laughing silently. He was enjoying this way too much. Considering how rarely he laughed, I knew I must look like a complete idiot.

  “You’re right. I just couldn’t quite seem to find the right words to describe what an ass I am.”

  “You shouldn’t say shit.”

  I nodded eagerly at Char, glad that someone seemed to want to talk to me.

  “You’re right. I’ll fix that. It needs work obviously.”

  “How long did it take you?”

  I stared at her, then at Lexi.

  “A couple of weeks. Actually, I wrote it the first day that I realized what an idiot I was. The rest of the time I spent hoping your sister might calm down enough for me to play it to her.”

  Charlotte licked her ice cream cone.

  “She’s calm. She cries a lot.”

  My eyes darted to Lexi. She lifted her chin proudly. God, I loved this woman.

  “Can we go for a walk Lexi? Or go somewhere to talk?”

  She stared at me. For a minute I thought she was going to say no. Then she nodded.

  “Come inside. Your friend too.”

  “Joss.”

  She nodded at him.

  “Hi, I’m Lexi. This is Char.”

  Joss followed us inside the cramped little house. It was neat as a pin. But the furniture was old and broken down. This was not a welcoming place to live. For a moment, I clearly saw everything that Lexi was up against.

  I could have helped her. Treasured her.

  Instead I’d treated her like garbage.

  I swallowed.

>   “Let’s go out back.”

  I followed her to the yard. She’d been making an effort, I could tell. Little flowers were everywhere. Most of them already wilted from the midday heat.

  I knew how they felt. I stood there, not sure where to start. I guess I better just get to it.

  “Lexi, I’m so sorry.”

  She sat in a rusted gliding chair, rocking gently back and forth.

  “For what?”

  “I was upset when you said I was just a fling. I wanted to hurt you like you’d hurt me.”

  She sighed.

  “I thought maybe that’s what it was.”

  “You did?”

  She nodded.

  “We’ve made a real mess of things Trent.”

  “I know and I want to make it up to you. I don’t know how to say this but- I’m in love with you.”

  She was speaking at the same time and barely heard me.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  “What?

  She looked as surprised as I was.

  “I thought you were on the pill.”

  “And I thought you had a vasectomy. It was in your chart.”

  “I did but it reversed itself.”

  “Apparently.”

  I was in shock. But it was a good shock. I lifted her up and squeezed her carefully.

  “Oh my God Lexi, we’re going to have a baby!”

  She frowned at me.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You and me, and Char and the dogs. We are all moving in together. I will take care of you if you let me.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  “I told you. I’m in love with you. Didn’t you hear me?”

  She was shaking her head no. She didn’t want me. She didn’t believe me.

  “You are the most stubborn woman I have ever met.”

  I scooped her up into my arms. She let out an adorable little squeak.

  “You are coming with me Lexi. You are mine, God dammit. Enough of this bullshit!”

  “But-“

  My mouth crashed down on hers, silencing her. I didn’t want to hear it. I refused to hear it.

  Thank God, she decided to kiss me back. For a minute I hadn’t been sure. And then her arms had slid around my neck, holding my head in place so she could kiss the hell out of me.