Coulson's Lessons

by McIntyre, Anna J

  Chapter 26

  The persistent twisting in the pit of her stomach was her body’s nagging reminder of what had just transpired. Had she eaten anything, she was sure to throw up. Driving down the highway toward Coulson, she replayed the embarrassing encounter with Russell. Overwhelmed with dread, she was too afraid to ask, Can it get any worse? She knew it could, and she sure as hell wasn’t about to tempt the gods.

  She didn’t want to go home. What would happen if Ryan came home unexpected and saw her like this? It would be just her luck. Alexandra needed to talk. She needed help. She needed her sister.

  When Kate opened her front door, she wasn’t surprised to see her sister. The way Alexandra looked is what stunned her, leaving her briefly speechless. That old cliché, look what the cat dragged in, ran through Kate’s mind. Alex was pale and trembling, and her face was puffy from the tears. Her hair was bedraggled, and it appeared as if she had carelessly thrown on her clothes.

  “Alex! What the hell?” Kate blurted out as she stood in the doorway holding the front door open.

  “Are you alone, Kate?” Alex’s eyes darted about uncomfortably; she didn’t want to see anyone.

  “No one’s here. Come on in.” Kate quickly ushered Alex inside and closed the door. Suddenly all the possibilities popped into her head.

  “What is it, Alex? Oh no. Mom, Dad? It’s not Adam?”

  “No, Kate. Nothing like that. Do you have any aspirin?” Alex walked over to the couch and collapsed into the cushions. She leaned her head back and rested her wrist against her forehead, closing her eyes.

  “Sure, sure. Is Tylenol okay?” Kate scurried toward her kitchen.

  “Three,” Alex called to her.

  When Kate returned with the Tylenol and a glass of water, she found Alex just as she had left her, leaning back in the couch with her wrist across her forehead and eyes closed.

  “Here,” Kate offered. Alex sat up and took the glass and medication from her sister.

  “Would you call Mom for me?” Alex said just as she popped the pills in her mouth. Then she quickly drank the water and swallowed.

  “Why?”

  “Tell her I’m over here visiting with you. Tell her I’ll be a while. Tell her I’m in the bathroom. Shit, I don’t care.” Alex pushed the empty glass into her sister’s hand. She leaned forward and buried her face into her palms.

  “What’s going on, Alex?”

  “Mom picked up Adam after school today,” Alex explained after taking a deep breath. “I just can’t go home right now. But I don’t want Mom to know anything’s wrong.”

  “Do you want me to call Ryan?”

  “Hell no!” Alex snapped.

  Kate almost jumped back. “Okay,” Kate muttered helplessly, then walked to the phone.

  “Kate,” Alex called out as her sister began to dial the phone.

  “Yeah?”

  “If Mom asks, make her believe I’ve been here most of the morning. All right?”

  Kate simply nodded agreement. A moment later, Beth Chamberlain was on the line.

  “Hi, Mom. Alex is over here, and she wanted to make sure you got Adam okay?” Pause. “Can you keep Adam for a couple of hours? Alex and I would like to hang out for a while longer. What? Okay. Sure. Thanks, Mom. See you.” She hung up the phone.

  “Well?”

  “No problem. She said she was happy to see us spending more time together.” Kate moved to the chair across from the couch and sat down.

  “All right, Alex. We’re alone. You’ve had your Tylenol. I’ve called Mom. Now out with it.”

  Over the next forty-five minutes, Alexandra told her sister everything. She told Kate of the Christmas kiss, the secret meetings on Thursdays, of Russell’s surprise visit, and how Garret told Russell he loved her. When Alexandra finished, Kate sat back, a hundred questions racing through her head. Although Kate had suspected there was more to this relationship than simple friendship, she never quite expected this.

  “What are you going to do?” Kate asked softly. Her heart was breaking for her sister, for Ryan, and even for Garret Coulson. She would expect herself to become involved in such an incredible mess, but not Alex.

  “I don’t know. But I have to do something. I can’t keep going on like this.”

  “Do you think Ryan suspects anything?”

  Alex leaned back and considered the question before answering.

  “No,” she said finally and then explained, “Why should he? I’m home every night. I have never phoned Garret, he has never called me. Ryan and I don’t fight. I don’t complain.”

  “Doesn’t he wonder where you go every Thursday morning?”

  “No. He never asks what I do in the mornings.”

  “Doesn’t he notice other things? Like, jeez, Alex, you two still having sex?”

  “Yes.” None of Kate’s questions especially offended Alex. She needed to talk. She needed to talk about everything.

  “You’ve been sleeping with both of them?”

  “Why does that surprise you so much?”

  “Hell, I don’t know. Don’t you feel, I don’t know, guilty?”

  “You want to know something crazy?” Alex sat up in the couch and looked directly into Kate’s questioning gaze. “One thing I have never felt is guilt. Never. I’ve thought about that a lot, trying to figure out why. At one time, before this thing ever started, I always thought I’d feel incredible guilt if I ever cheated on Ryan.” She paused a moment, as if in deep concentration, then continued. “But I don’t feel like I’ve cheated on Ryan. It’s like there is a piece of my life that is mine, mine alone. Do I have to share my entire self with Ryan? I wish I could explain it better.”

  “I wish you could, too.”

  “What I have with Garret has nothing to do with Ryan. And my marriage has nothing to do with Garret.”

  “Alex, that’s insane reasoning.”

  “I’m just trying to explain why I haven’t felt guilt. Trying to make you understand what my heart feels. I know it’s insane.”

  “What does your heart feel?”

  “I’m in love. I’m in love with Garret and Ryan.”

  “No, Alex, that’s impossible.”

  “Why? Do you think there’s only one person for each of us?” As Alex talked to her sister, her words were expressing the thoughts that had been rattling in her head for weeks, yet she had been unable to express or comprehend until now. As she spoke, she sorted out her feelings, defining them more for herself than Kate.

  “No, but…”

  “I’m so damned confused. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

  “What you need to decide, Alex, is who you want to be with. You may love them both. But you sure as hell can’t have them both. You can’t keep going on like this. You look like hell; you’ve been distracted for weeks. And eventually Ryan is going to catch on or Garret will grow tired of being the other man.”

  “You’re right. Sometimes I wish one of them would just leave me! I can’t believe how weak I am!”

  “Okay, kiddo. We’re going to do this scientifically.” Kate stood up and walked to the kitchen. When she returned, she was carrying two Disney glasses and a large bag of M&M’s.

  “Even candy won’t make me feel any better,” Alex commented when she noticed what her sister carried.

  “It’s not for eating,” Kate explained, then sat on the floor in front of the couch. She held up a glass embellished with Mickey Mouse. “This is Garret,” she explained, then set it on the carpet. Then she held up a glass with a picture of Goofy. “This is Ryan.” She placed the glass on the carpet. Alex rolled her eyes at the absurd suggestion.

  “I’m going to ask you questions about each guy. If you give a positive answer, they get an M&M. The one with the most M&M’s is the one.”

  “This is one hell of a mature way for me to determine my future. The one with the most candy wins?”

  “Any other ideas?”

  Alex shrugged, then told Kate to continue.

&nb
sp; “Okay, do you like sex with both of them?”

  “Gee, Kate, you go straight to the important stuff,” Alex retorted sarcastically.

  “Come on, Alex, it seems sex got you into this mess.”

  “Okay. Yes, I like them both in bed.”

  Kate dropped one M&M into each glass.

  “Does either of them curl your toes?” Alexandra understood Kate’s meaning.

  “Garret,” Alex answered. God, yes, he curled her toes!

  “Okay, two for Garret. One for Ryan.” Kate then began with a series of questions, yet found Alex answering yes for both men. They were both kind, thoughtful, affectionate, understanding, treated her with respect and never yelled.

  “This isn’t working, Alex. Instead of me asking the question, tell me what you love about each one.”

  “Okay,” Alex considered Kate’s request. As she began reciting the better qualities of Garret and Ryan, Kate silently dropped M&Ms into the appropriate glass.

  “I have a history with Ryan. He is a good father. It’s important for Adam to have a secure family. I love him.”

  “But he doesn’t make your toes curl?”

  “Maybe not, but maybe your toes aren’t supposed to curl after nine years. Maybe love develops into something deeper. Maybe that initial charge we experience during the beginning of a relationship is intended to kick-start a relationship. Maybe in nine years with Garret, my toes wouldn’t curl.”

  “Maybe you want to work on your marriage.”

  “You hit the nail on its proverbial head.” Alex stood and began pacing the room. “You know, I think that’s why there are so many divorces. You meet someone, and there is that special something, that chemistry that just kicks. I felt it with Garret. Instead of being smart and saying, whoa, girl, you don’t need the complications, I moved toward him rather than away. There is more than one person for each of us. What if I did leave Ryan for Garret? Maybe he curls my toes because it’s forbidden. If we could see each other every day, do boring and mundane stuff together like clean the garage or weed the yard, would I still want to rip his clothes off?”

  “I don’t know, Alex. Would you?”

  “It’s an awful gamble, Kate. How can I throw away all that I have for a mere possibility? I know Ryan is a good father. I know he’ll be there, in spite of the boring and mundane. I really don’t know that about Garret. Actually, there is a lot I don’t know about him.”

  “Looks like you’ve already made your choice.”

  “That’s the problem. I made my choice weeks ago. But I can’t stay away from Garret. I try. But I keep returning. I need to find the courage to say goodbye and mean it.”

  Chapter 27

  Rose-colored light filtered through the smoky, dimly lit room. Kate was hidden away, seated alone in the privacy of her favorite booth. An emerald green curtain of beads separated the entrance to the booth from the walk area. To her left on the table, just inches away from where she rested her hands where the booth butted up against the wall, a small candle flickered, illuminating the enclosed area.

  She knew this was a good place to meet Russell. Alexandra would never come into this restaurant, and Kate was certain Garret didn’t know the Emerald Tearoom existed. It was Kate’s special retreat, a gathering place for artists.

  When Russell arrived, Kate knew Andrew would bring him immediately to her booth. She described Russell to the waiter and was confident that no one fitting his description, other than Russell himself, would come into the tearoom. She heard voices and then saw Andrew’s hand emerge through the strands of beads, pushing the curtain to one side, making an entrance. Russell stood before her, looking a bit bewildered. As she had expected, he looked as though he had just stepped off a golf course.

  Russell nodded to Kate and then looked back to Andrew with a faint smile of thanks. He ducked his head and stepped beneath the beads, slipping into the empty seat, directly across from Kate. Andrew let the beads fall back into place, and they swayed from side to side briefly until finally they came to rest.

  “Interesting place,” Russell observed dryly. He glanced around. The booth enclosure was walled on three sides; the forth side was the bead-covered entrance. He folded his hands together on the table; he looked nervous.

  “Thanks for making it, Russell.” Kate was leaning back, sitting sideways with her left arm draped over the top of the padded backrest. Her eyes fixed intently on Russell, studying his reaction to the tearoom. She removed her arm from the backrest and turned to face Russell, placing her hands on the table, just inches away from his.

  Russell looked into Kate’s face, so like Alexandra’s, yet so different. He noticed her shoulder-length hair was curlier than normal, not knowing it was because of a recent perm. Wispy, unmanageable curls framed her petite face. She looks like a gypsy, he thought to himself. He remembered her as a child. She’d always been such a skinny thing, always looking much younger than her years. Even now, in the loose-fitting denim dress, he could see no evidence of a figure. He imagined she was probably a vegetarian.

  “We need to talk about your brother and my sister,” Kate announced quietly. Russell wasn’t surprised. He suspected this is what Kate wanted to discuss when she had called him earlier this morning and asked him to meet her at the Emerald Tearoom. Other than occasionally running into each other around town, they had not talked in years.

  “Yes.” Russell leaned back in his seat. He was not willing to offer any information until Kate revealed what she knew. He had promised Garret his silence.

  “I know you know about Garret and Alexandra.” Kate watched for his reaction. His expression was unreadable. He just sat there listening patiently. “I know you walked in on them. Alex told me.”

  “Who else knows?” Russell asked quietly.

  “Unless you or your brother has told anyone, only you and I.”

  “Ryan doesn’t suspect?”

  “No. He’s too wrapped up in his restaurant to see anything,” she said bitterly, as if placing some of the blame on her brother-in-law.

  At that moment, a hand slipped through the curtain, pushing it to one side. The waiter silently set a teapot and two empty, handle-less mugs on the table. He moved away from the booth and let the curtain swing back into place. Kate picked up the pot and gingerly poured the steaming brew into each mug. She gently slid one mug toward Russell and then cupped hers with both hands, allowing the warmth to penetrate her palms before bringing it to her lips. They were alone again.

  “I’m worried about my sister, Russell.” Kate sipped the tea and then placed it back on the table. Her hands continued to hold the mug as she absently stared into its rim. “She’s never done anything like this before. It is driving her crazy.”

  “How does she feel about Garret?” Russell questioned. He did not pick up his mug, yet nervously slid it on the table from hand to hand. Both pairs of eyes fixed downward.

  “She’s in love with him.”

  “Is she going to leave Ryan?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “She’s in love with Ryan.” At that, Russell’s gaze flew up to meet Kate’s.

  “What do you mean—she’s in love with both of them?”

  “It’s true. You need to understand something, Russell. Alexandra has only slept with two men in her entire life. Two.”

  “I still don’t understand how she could possibly love them both.”

  “Why not? She has a long history with Ryan. He’s the father of her son. They’ve always had a good marriage. Unfortunately, she got close to your brother during a weak point in her life. Suddenly, she finds herself in love with two men.”

  “What do you want from me?” Russell stopped pushing his mug. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket. It seemed a little ridiculous to ask if she minded if he lit up; the restaurant was already heavy with smoke. Russell tapped the bottom of the pack on his empty hand, sending several cigarettes emerging from its open end. He leaned down, allowing his lips to
grab an extended cigarette, then pulled it out and returned the pack to his pocket. After fishing a lighter from his jacket pocket, he cupped the cigarette and lit up. He inhaled deeply, then looked back at Kate.

  “Do you know that Alexandra has tried to break it off with Garret?”

  “Are you telling me Garret won’t let her?” Russell took another drag off the cigarette.

  “No. She can’t do it. She keeps coming back”

  “Did you know Garret loves her?” Russell looked down and tapped his ashes into an ashtray.

  “Yes. But this can’t go on. It’s killing Alex.”

  “It’s not a picnic for Garret,” Russell spat defensively. “I think this is the first and only time he’s ever been in love. He could give her anything she wants.”

  “Russell, if you’re talking Coulson money, even that won’t buy Alex what she really wants. Money isn’t important to Alex. It’s not important to me. We aren’t like you, Russell.”

  He looked up sharply and frowned.

  “Is it true Coulson Enterprises is planning on setting up a new division in Chicago?” she asked.

  “Yes. It’s been in the works for some time now. Why?”

  “Word around town is, your father plans on having either you or Garret relocate to Chicago.”

  Russell smiled, crushed his cigarette into the ashtray, and then pushed it to the side. “My father likes everyone to think that he’s still running Coulson Enterprises. He isn’t,” Russell stated matter-of-factly. “The truth is, Garret calls most of the shots. Garret and I have decided together who will go.”

  “And?”

  “I think Garret’s the best choice.” Russell shrugged. “Yet, he has no desire to live in Chicago, and Alicia wants to move back. Her family is there.”

  “Do you want to move to Chicago?”

  “Not particularly. Why are you asking me all this?” Russell looked Kate directly in her eyes.

  “Let Garret go to Chicago. Please.”

  “What?”

  “Alexandra is going to ask Garret to take the transfer and move to Chicago. Please don’t fight him on this. Let him go.”