Ash to Steele

by Stewart, Karen-Anne

  Held captive by Breck’s words, I’m too distracted to notice anything else going on around me. The phone becomes silent. The only thing I hear is Breck’s ragged, bated breaths and the pounding in my chest, not knowing where Breck’s going with this.

  When I hear Breck’s voice again, the agony lacing his words splinters my soul, “This thing between us…it’s killing me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I have to – I can’t -”

  All air seems to be stripped from the atmosphere as my chest feels like it’s going to shatter. I never knew how words can invoke sheer terror until now, dreading the next words to tumble from his lips. “Breck,” I choke, barely able to make a sound.

  My neighbor’s hand pushes me back, interrupting me from frantically thinking of something to do to make Breck stop, to just shut-up, and not say the words that will break my soul. “You need to leave,” he warns me in a panicked whisper.

  “Who is that, Emma?” Breck questions.

  I don’t have time to answer him before the unkempt thug pushes me again, causing me to stumble backwards, landing flat on my butt with a painful thud as he warns again, “Leave. Now!”

  “What the hell is going on, Emma?” Breck yells.

  “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” My neighbor starts slamming both his knotted fists against his unwashed head while he quickly paces back and forth, ranting in a frenzied rage of fright, “FUCK!”

  When a man gets out of a car parked midway down the alley, followed by two more men, one with the butt of a pistol protruding from his jeans, I realize what’s happening. My heart that had stopped from Breck’s call has jumpstarted back to life, thumping furiously. Slowly backing away, the blood in my veins freezes, “Oh, God.”

  “Emma? Are you alright?” The panic has seemed to teleport to Breck as he peppers me with questions of what is happening.

  “Well, now, who do we have here, James?” the man who seems to be in charge asks. He isn’t as large as the two men behind him, but he’s considerably bigger than my neighbor and me. He has dead, dark, soulless eyes that are filled with the promise of lethal brutality. He’s dressed all in black from his smooth leather coat to black slacks, and black, shiny dress shoes. Expensive jewelry covers his wrist and a few fingers. “Did your bitch here bring the rest of the money you owe me?”

  I scramble to my feet, the phone still pressed against my ear, but I can’t seem to make words form in my head.

  “She’s nobody, jus-,” James stammers, the length of his grungy frame shaking violently before a vicious fist to his gut knocks him to his knees.

  Time freezes. I watch in horror as James is panting for air, his right arm wrapped around his wounded abdomen as his left is pressed against the dirty asphalt as he tries to hold himself up.

  “Emma, get out of there, now!” Breck demands, yelling in my ear and stripping the lock that was barring time from ticking.

  Everyone’s movements flash before me at once. The dealer’s henchman who punched James hauls him to his feet, only to knock him back down again with a sharp jab to his nose. I don’t have the chance to say anything to Breck before the phone is wrenched from my hand and thrown to the ground as the dealer’s other enforcer stomps it until it’s crushed beneath his heavy laced boots.

  All I can think of is getting away from these men as my heart pounds so loudly I feel the vibrations in my ears. I take off, my lungs burning from the frigid air as I push myself faster, but I don’t get far. The man grabs my arm, jerking me backwards, and I crash to the ground again. He drags me as my hands scramble against the cold ground, my fingers raking against the dirt and debris as I try to grasp anything to stop myself from being dragged back to the drug dealer.

  “Get up, bitch!” my assailant commands.

  I struggle even more, tiny shards of gravel piercing the flesh under my cracked and bleeding nails. Searing pain enflames my scalp as he roughly uses my hair to yank me to my feet. I hear James crying and begging as he lies in the alley, curled on his side, with blood covering his nose and mouth.

  “Bring her to me, Carter,” the dealer states calmly, his malevolent eyes sordidly roaming up and down my shaking body.

  I’m thrust to ground, at the dealer’s feet, his shiny, pointy tipped shoes a few inches from my nose. I must have dropped my purse somewhere in the struggle because it’s tossed to him now, and he rummages through my wallet, emptying the cash before dumping the remaining contents on the ground next to me. His pointy toed foot kicks through my things as I scoot away from him, my jeans making a strange rubbing-scratching noise as the denim brushes against the asphalt.

  Carter knees me in the back, halting my escape and sending a sharp shot of pain into my spine.

  “Fifty dollars? You brought your bitch to pay me fifty fucking dollars?” the dealer spits, throwing the money in James’ face. “You owe me two grand!” His pointed shoe digs into James’ chin, “I told you yesterday that you better deliver your remaining debt tonight or I’ll leave two long, nasty cuts down your arm every day until you do. Where.Is.My.Money?”

  James continues to beg, curled into a fetal position, as the dealer pulls out his knife, pressing his knee against James’ chest as he grips his hand, holding his arm steady as he cuts open his shirt and presses the tip of the knife against his skin. I feel bile rising up my throat as I scream for him to stop. The dealer pauses, turning towards me, and I try to scoot away, but Carter slaps the back of my head, knocking me forward again.

  “I-I brought her to work out some kind of arrangement,” James pleads, desperately trying to think of something to save his arm from being sliced open.

  “No. No,” I sputter, fear nearly paralyzing me as the dealer drops James’ hand and orders Carter to bring me to him. I dig in my heels, scream, elbow, and kick to no avail. My struggles don’t even slow Carter down as drags me and pushes me into the dealer’s arms. I stare at the knife, my heart pulsing ferociously, hurting my chest.

  The side of the knife slides down my cheek and across my neck, and a whimper escapes as the dealer laughs, amused by my fear. Closing the knife, he tosses it to Carter before grabbing the back of my neck, squeezing painfully. “I’m a reasonable man, James. I’ll let your bitch work off a few hundred from your debt tonight. But you need to learn that I collect what is owed and I follow through on my word. It’s the only way to teach you to follow through on yours.” Nodding at Carter, his grip tightens on my neck as I twist and pull to free myself, “Only cut him once, but make sure it’s deep enough to ensure James here has learned his lesson.”

  James’ loud, agonizing scream pierces the air as the dealer drags me to the car, opening the door and pushing me into the back. I scramble across the cold seat, trying to force the locked door to open. Pounding against the glass and ramming my shoulder against the hard steel, it’s useless, and tears spill down my cheeks as the dealer slips in beside me, closing his door.

  I don’t waste any time before trying to fight. I punch, kick, and knee as he forces me on my back, pinning me on the seat. Tears run against my lips and tongue as I scream for him to stop when he undoes my jeans, ripping them off of me. “Please, stop. Please, don’t do this,” I beg, twisting my wrists against his firm grasp.

  “Shut up!” he yells, taking his hand off of my panties long enough to slap me.

  Blood joins the tears filling my mouth as I continue to kick and try to get him off me. He tears the thin cotton panties from my legs and I squeeze my legs together, begging for him to let me go. His fingers dig into the soft flesh on the inside of my thigh as he pries my legs apart. I’m screaming so loudly, I’m nearly hyperventilating, as I continue to fruitlessly struggle against the man who is too strong for me.

  His hand slides up the inside of my thigh, and I do the last thing I can think to do to try to escape, biting his wrist that’s pinning my hands against the cold seat as hard as I can. Even though his skin is shielded by the thick leather, I know I hurt him by the fierce backhand against my cheek. Flashes of light burst in fron
t of my eyes like a million swarming, angry fireflies as my cheek explodes in pain. His hand is back at my thigh, punishingly squeezing his fingers into my skin as he rips my legs apart again.

  Tears, blood, and bile choke me as I scream for him to stop. The sound of shattering glass reverberates through the car as shards cover me. The dealer is pulled out of the car window and thrown against the alley wall as Gavin lands three solid blows against the man’s face before he falls. Sirens join in the revolting sound of James’ moans, Gavin’s fist pummeling the dealer in loud thuds until he’s motionless on the ground, and my own ragged air leaving my body in shallow, gravely gasps as I try to catch my breath.

  My hands are shaking so violently, I can barely grab the panties from the floor, but they are torn. The broken glass cuts into my legs as I try to slide my jeans over my legs, but my fingers won’t work. Gavin leans in the car window, trying to find the release to the lock, but there’s nothing there, no button to push or latch to undo.

  “C’mere, baby,” he coaxes, “I’ll lift you through the window.”

  I can’t get my mouth to work, so I just shake my head as I continue to try to pull the jeans over the naked bottom half of my body. The sirens screech louder, and I watch as Carter and the other asshole grab the dealer and they run out of the alley. James is still writhing on the ground, blood spilling from his arm and face, and I feel like I’m going to vomit all over the car.

  Gavin starts to try to climb his large frame through the window, but I scoot away from him, more shards of glass slicing my legs. “Emma, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m going to help you get dressed then get you out of this car, okay?”

  I know he won’t hurt me, but I don’t want him near me, I don’t want anyone near me. “No,” I whisper, finally finding my voice, “I can do it.”

  Gavin patiently waits, his eyes staying on my face, never dropping to my lower half, as I manage to get the jeans back on my body. I feel disconnected from everything, from myself, as Gavin takes off his jacket and lays it across the car window frame. My entire body is shaking as I place my hands on the window.

  Gavin reaches for me, but I jerk away, “Don’t touch me!”

  Holding his hands up, he takes a step back, “I won’t, Emma, not unless you need me to.”

  I straddle the window, dropping to one foot as I pull the other out. My legs burn and, vaguely, I wonder if I have some of the glass embedded in my skin. Police officers fill the alley, and I back away from them and from Gavin. I know they are there to help, but I can’t stand someone touching me right now. The thought of someone else’s skin against mine sickens and infuriates me.

  “It’s okay, Emma. No one is going to hurt you,” Gavin whispers in his soothing British accent as he steps towards me.

  “I know,” I cry out, “but, please, just give me space; don’t touch me,” I plead, wishing I had enough strength to pull myself together.

  “Okay, sweetheart, I won’t let anyone touch you,” Gavin promises, and he doesn’t. He stands in front of me, holding his hand out in front of him when the officers come towards me. “She needs a minute. You can talk to her, but give her the space she needs.”

  I realize that Breck just saved me from the most horrifying act I can imagine by calling Gavin, knowing he was at the Dark Hole, only a couple of blocks away from me. He must have called the police after he called Gavin. Time plays tricks on me again as everything seems to happen at once. Police officers throw questions my way as two ambulances arrive and the medics try to take my arm to lead me to the back of one for inspection. I recoil from their outstretched hands as Gavin tells them to back off.

  A woman officer stops a few feet away from me and gives me a soft, friendly smile. “You can ride with me to the hospital. You will have the entire back seat to yourself.”

  Nodding, I follow her to the car, stopping when I think of Gavin. “I don’t-,” at a loss of words that could possibly show him how grateful I am that he came when he did, I force back a fresh wave of tears, “thank you.”

  All his usual loveable, cocky arrogance is gone, replaced by a gentleness that is polar opposite from his firm, bouncer frame, “I’ll be right behind you, Emma.” Slowly taking tentative steps towards me, he leaves enough room for me to feel comfortable, but close enough for me to hear and see the truth when he tells me, “You are one of us, now, Emma, I’d kill and die for you.”

  I believe him.

  Chapter Eleven

  Sweetest Hell

  Breck

  Violent images of what I’m going to do rage through my soul. “Drive faster!” I growl at the cab driver, “I’ll triple your fare; just get me to the fucking hospital!”

  The driver accelerates, weaving professionally in and out of traffic, on the way to Boston Medical. I’ve never taken advantage of my grandfather’s company jet until tonight. The Boeing greatly reduced the time it would have taken me to drive the 218 miles from New York to get to Emma. My entire world stopped when I lost connection with her. Every possible nightmare flashed through my mind as I tried to busy myself with making emergency arrangements with the pilot to get me back to Boston while I waited on Gavin’s call so I wouldn’t lose my damn mind. His vagueness over the phone has stripped the last thread of my self-control.

  Thrusting a handful of cash at the driver, I sprint through the hospital doors, pushing past a group of bystanders hovering in the way. Gavin is in the waiting room as I rush down the hall. “How’s Emma? Where is she?”

  “Calm down,” Gavin tries to soothe me.

  “Fuck that, Gavin. Tell me how she is,” I demand, my jaw clenching.

  One look at me and Gavin knows to not even try to waste his time to calm me down or sugar coat the truth. “She’ll be okay, but she’s traumatized. Her neighbor saw an opportunity to save his own ass and offered Emma to his dealer as reimbursement for some of the debt he owed him.”

  “Did the bastard touch her?” I rage, ready to bleed every drop of blood from him before snapping his neck if he did.

  Gavin’s gaze falls to the floor. I grab his collar, slamming him against the waiting room wall, “Tell me what he did to Emma!”

  “He didn’t rape her, Breck, but he tried. Emma fought like hell, keeping him from…” his voice trails… “succeeding. The bastard had her jeans and underwear off, holding her down in the back of his car, prying her legs apart when I got there.”

  “Did he hurt her?”

  “He knocked her around. Her lip is busted and her cheek and eye are swollen.” Gavin’s head drops as he rubs his hand down his face. Sorrow and rage flash in his eyes when he looks at me again, “She was so scared. As soon as the dealer was down, I went straight to her and they got away, Breck.”

  Releasing his collar, I drag my hand roughly through my hair before clasping them tightly on my head, trying to calm down. “You stopped him from hurting her, Gavin. I can never repay you for that.”

  Gavin places his hand on my shoulder, giving a hard squeeze.

  “What room is she in?” The dark rage boils incessantly as I follow Gavin down the hall, the beat of my heart ceasing as I push open her door.

  Emma’s sitting on the edge of the bed, her long legs hanging off the side, her arms folded across her waist, and her chin tucked close to her chest. She looks so small, wrapped up inside herself on the large bed. I can barely breathe, and my voice comes out in a soft whisper when I call out to her, “Emma?”

  Slowly, she lifts her head, her gaze meeting mine, and I rush to her side, wanting to maim the man who did this to her, to erase her pain.

  “Breck, don’t touch-” Gavin calls, but Emma slides off the bed, throwing herself into my arms before he could finish his sentence.

  I pull her close, gritting my teeth at the bruises on her face and deciding that I might kill the bastard instead of just making him wish he were dead. Holding her tightly against me, I brush my lips against her forehead, afraid my hold is hurting her. The way she clings to me proves otherwise, so I tight
en my arms around her slender frame, cradling her protectively. My throat is raw when I whisper in her ear, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to prevent this, Emma.”

  Her head makes the slightest move against my chest. Her words are muffled against my shirt, but her lips pressed against the cotton fabric doesn’t do anything to hinder the sorrow in her voice, “It’s not your job to protect me. You shouldn’t have come.”

  Gently pushing her to where I can see her beautiful eyes, I shake my head in disbelief, “Nothing in hell could have kept me from coming to you tonight, Emma.”

  The agony in her eyes bleeds my soul. A small tear slides down her cheek and she goes to wipe it away, embarrassment and sorrow stripping the light that usually shines so brightly in her eyes. For that alone, the man should die. Pulling her back into my arms, I hold her as if the flow of the blood in my veins depends on her touch. When her phone died, so did I. Without her, I’m nothing. When I first realized that truth, it made me feel weak and ashamed at how strongly I need her. Now, I have no shame left. I need Emma like I need to breathe. She is my air. It’s as simple as that.

  The doctor enters the room, and I reluctantly allow Emma to slip from my arms, but I take her hand, refusing to leave her side as the doctor goes over the results of the exams. Relief washes over me as he assures us that the bruises, cuts, and contusions are just surface wounds and should be completely healed in a little over a week.

  The doctor leaves, and I squeeze Emma’s hand as Gavin calls Jess, giving her the update. I can tell by Gavin’s fingers massaging his pulsating temple that Jess is giving him hell over not calling her earlier and I smile. Emma has infiltrated our small guarded group, becoming a part of each of us. At first, I thought Jess just loved Emma because she didn’t think she was a bitch like all of the other girls who know her do, but there’s something about Emma that makes her irresistible. Maybe it’s her compassion for everyone, her loyalty, or her innocence that has captured our trust. Regardless of what it is, she’s broken the usually impenetrable barriers of our protected circle, making it so much more agonizing knowing that, one day, she will see me for who I really am and leave, breaking my heart and killing my soul when she does.