New Beginnings

by Fern Britton

  ‘They’re beautiful. Thank you.’ She took the flowers, ran some water into a large ribbed blue jug, put them into it and stood it beside the draining-board. ‘I’ll arrange them in a second.’

  ‘And there’s this.’ Smiling, he held out a small flat parcel. ‘Caro thought you might like them. And one for you too, Mel.’

  ‘Let’s put them under the tree and open them after lunch with the others.’ Mel took Christie’s present, apparently quite unperturbed that his ex-wife should have been involved in his choice. ‘Come in and have a drink.’

  They followed her through while Christie stood there, watching them together, struggling with another unpleasant rush of envy. This wasn’t the time for that, especially when she was facing the last-minute dash to get all the various bits of Christmas lunch ready at the same time. She turned, quietly relieved to be working to her own (well, Delia’s) timetable, with no one else in the way.

  Twenty minutes later, she was ready and the others crowded into the room at her shout, waiting to be told where to sit.

  ‘Mel! Could you finish off the gravy while I carve?’ Suggesting they work together was her attempt at a truce, but Mel didn’t hear. She was too busy fascinating the boys with the story of a haunted cave high on a St Lucian mountain.

  ‘I don’t think you need do that, Christine. Here’s Richard. I’m sure he’ll help,’ Maureen purred, obviously having already succumbed to his attention.

  ‘I can manage, thanks,’ she said, rebuffing his attempt to take the carving knife. ‘Why don’t you sit down? You go between me and Mum, with Ted on my other side, and, Fred, you can sit at the other end of the table opposite me with Libby between you and Mel, and Olly next to Mum.’ She felt bad about putting Olly beside her mother but told herself that being next to Fred would be all that really mattered to him. But should she have put Mel next to Richard? No. How much did being apart for a couple of hours matter?

  ‘Can’t I help at all?’ Richard interrupted her thoughts.

  ‘Really not.’ She paused, then relented. ‘Unless you want to take charge of the drinks.’

  ‘I’d love to.’ He ushered Maureen and Ted to their places, pulling back Maureen’s chair so she could sit down. Then, with obvious relief at having a job to do, he set about opening and pouring either Burgundy or Chablis, taking Cokes from the fridge for the kids. Mel nudged Christie to share her glee at the undisguised approval Maureen bestowed on their guest as he moved around the table. Christie managed a smile in return. There was a ‘Snap!’ as Fred and Olly pulled the first cracker, Fred hesitantly reading out the appalling joke before they put on their paper hats. Everything was going to be all right.

  Even Maureen couldn’t find fault with the lunch: the turkey moist under its crisped skin; the sprouts and carrots with just enough bite; the delicate dusting of Parmesan on the parsnips; the potatoes crunchy on the outside, soft within; the hint of onion and cloves in the bread sauce; the citrus tang of the relish. Richard kept the wine circulating, admirably circumspect when it came to filling Maureen’s glass. He hadn’t needed to be told.

  Once the table was cleared, the flaming pudding was produced to rowdy whoops and the bangs of party poppers. Finally, unable to eat another mouthful, they returned contented to the sitting room where, among cups of coffee, glasses of wine and chocolates, they collapsed in front of the fire to unwrap their presents. The sisters’ predictions had been, of course, right. The scarf was ‘Lovely, but just the wrong shade of blue, darling.’ As for the rose: ‘Beautiful, I’m sure, but it won’t really go with my pink Gertrude Jekylls.’ Christie rose above her growing exasperation with her mother’s ingratitude and carried on smiling, covering the sound of Mel’s amused snort by loudly offering Ted a brandy. He accepted while making appreciative grunts over the socks and scarf he’d been given.

  But all Christie really cared about was Fred and Libby. She watched as Libby screamed with delight over her longed-for grey-knit Ugg boots and a skimpy Zara dress, while Fred immediately tried on his combat trousers and climbed into his sleeping bag, before they both crossed the room to hug her. She shut her eyes tight with pleasure.

  The smoothie-maker she had given Mel was a wild success (not a surprise, given the heavy pre-Christmas hints) while Mel had presented her with a painted tin kitchen-roll holder in the shape of a crowded yellow St Lucian bus and something flat and floppy. She unwrapped it slowly, rolling up the ribbon then carefully unfolding the paper (ingrained habits instilled by Maureen), aware of Mel itching for her hurry up. She tore the sticker off the tissue paper and pulled it apart. Oyster silk, black lace. As she touched it, the fabric slid open across her lap, revealing itself as a sexy strappy chemise and matching thong. She snatched at it, not wanting the others to see something quite so personal. Too late. Ted sat forward; Maureen tensed; Richard busied himself with the battery for Fred’s new torch.

  ‘There! I thought you needed something to spice up your love life. Aren’t they gorgeous?’ Mel was unabashed, oblivious to anyone else’s reaction, least of all her sister’s. ‘I hope you’ll put them to good use.’

  ‘Melanie, really!’ Maureen’s voice cut through the embarrassed silence. ‘Hardly appropriate in front of the children.’

  ‘They’re lovely,’ Christie whispered, her cheeks flaming, hurriedly folding her presents any which way back into their tissue. Her sister was several glasses of wine the worse for wear and meant no harm, and any other time Christie would have laughed off the innuendo but today she couldn’t – especially not in front of Richard. Mel subsided into an uncharacteristic silence, a sure sign that she’d been hurt by Christie’s apparent dismissal of her gift.

  Richard swiftly crossed to the tree and picked up his and Olly’s present to Fred, deflecting everyone’s attention as Fred tore the wrapping off a metal detector and let out a long gasp of excitement. Between him and Libby, Smudge was pogoing in and out of the discarded paper, ears pricked, tail upright, spooking at invisible shadows, making them all laugh again.

  At last there were only two presents left: the small packages from Richard. Mel ripped hers open to reveal a pair of sassy tangerine-coloured gloves made of the softest leather. While she tried them on, thrilled, turning her hands this way and that, Christie carefully unwrapped hers, looking forward to a matching pair (though perhaps in a more muted colour). But instead she found herself staring at two sturdy sheepskin gloves. She did her best not to show her disappointment. Was that how Richard really saw them? She a dowdy country cousin to Mel’s funky city girl?

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, forcing herself to smile. ‘They’ll be incredibly useful.’

  ‘I noticed that the fingers on your others had come unstitched,’ he explained, obviously anxious for her to understand his choice. ‘That’s what gave me the idea and Caro approved.’

  ‘Well, I love them,’ she said firmly, taking a swig of wine, before putting them on the pile of three weighty Swedish crime novels that, to her delight, Ted had given her. ‘More coffee, anyone?’ A moment alone in the kitchen was all she needed.

  Five minutes later, coming into the hall with the tray of mugs and Christmas cake, she almost bumped into Richard, who was heading towards the loo. At the same time, Mel came down from upstairs. For a moment, the three of them paused, each waiting for the others to move first, when Mel suddenly stood on tiptoe, put her hands on Richard’s shoulders and kissed him smack on the lips. He didn’t pull away. A punch in Christie’s stomach would have been kinder.

  ‘There,’ Mel announced, satisfied. ‘I knew that mistletoe would come in handy.’

  ‘For God’s sake!’ Christie muttered under her breath, but loud enough for them all to hear quite clearly. Immediately she regretted it.

  ‘What?’ Mel demanded, her mood changing. ‘For God’s sake, what?’

  Richard edged past the sisters, mumbling something about the loo being free at last. Mel didn’t try to stop him. She was concentrating too hard on her sister.

  ‘Nothing.
Forget it.’ Christie was aware that she’d gone too far. She turned to the sanctuary of her kitchen, wanting to wind back the clock five minutes. But Mel followed her.

  ‘What the hell’s wrong with you?’ she demanded. ‘It’s Christmas Day and suddenly we’re all treading on eggshells round you.’

  ‘That’s unfair and you know it.’ Christie leaped to her own defence. She was not going to be put in her place by anyone, least of all by her little sister.

  ‘One Christmas kiss and you go all prim and proper. What’s your problem?’ Mel picked up an abandoned wine-glass from the table and slugged back its contents.

  ‘I don’t have a problem.’ Christie could see that Mel was slightly drunker than she was but she wasn’t going to allow her the upper hand. She would keep calm but fight her corner. ‘Look, I’m sorry if I’ve annoyed you but I’ve had a lot of stuff on my plate recently, not to mention putting all this together.’

  ‘Oh, get a grip.’ Mel had never sounded so unforgiving. ‘Loads of women run jobs, families and Christmas. And they do it without the help of their mother and sister. Mum’s bending over backwards for you to make everything work. Me too, for that matter.’

  ‘They don’t do it without the help of their husband, though.’ How pathetic she sounded, but it was true.

  ‘Oh, put the self-pity away or I’ll get out the violin. Please.’

  Christie stared at her sister as if she’d been slapped but Mel hadn’t finished. ‘Look, I couldn’t be more sorry that Nick died and nor could Mum. He was a lovely, lovely man. But you can’t keep bringing him out as an excuse whenever things go wrong. He’d hate it and you know he would.’

  ‘How dare you speak to me like that? How dare you?’ Suddenly the anger she’d been suppressing since the morning took over, making her grip the back of a chair for support. ‘You’ve no idea what it’s like. Libby’s not well, I’m having to treat Mum with kid gloves, Julia’s on my tail and I’ve had a letter from the bank saying I’m reneging on the loan repayments. On top of that, I’m trying to handle being recognised in the street and written about in the papers. You haven’t a clue about the pressure I’m under.’

  ‘Oh, poor old you. And who chose the fucking job? Not us. Not Libby or Fred. Not me or Mum. You did. You wanted it and all the crap that comes with it. And we were all thrilled for you because you wanted it. But now you’re turning into a selfish, thankless cow because of it.’ Mel’s eyes glittered with fury.

  ‘If we’re talking thankless cows,’ snapped Christie, ‘look at yourself for a moment. With you, it’s number one all the way and nobody else to think about. Any man you want, no kids, just a stupid self-indulgent worthless job as a fashion guru.’

  Standing in the doorway, Richard gave a quiet cough. Christie whipped round, her eyes stinging with tears, her head spinning, horribly conscious that their argument had spiralled way out of control and that the others must have heard everything.

  ‘Erm . . . I think it’s probably time for us to go,’ he said quietly. ‘Ted and Maureen have asked me to give them a lift home. Ted’ll collect the car tomorrow.’

  ‘But don’t you want coffee?’ They couldn’t leave now – the day wasn’t over.

  ‘I don’t think we should. Maureen says she’s very tired.’

  ‘Perhaps you could take me too,’ Mel demanded.

  ‘Mel! You can’t go yet.’ Both of them had spoken out of turn and they needed time to straighten all this out.

  ‘Think not? Watch me!’

  Before Richard had time to agree to her request, Mel had dashed upstairs, taking them two at a time, and returned with her case. Within what seemed like moments, awkward goodbyes and thank-yous had been exchanged, and the Land Rover carrying half her Christmas party was turning from the drive onto the road as the first flakes of snow began to fall. Christie stared after them, not quite able to believe what had just happened, feeling as if she had walked onto the set of some excruciating Mike Leigh film. She snatched up Smudge, who was making his own small bid for freedom, and shut the front door, but not before a blast of freezing air had entered the house.

  Behind her stood Libby, her kohl-rimmed eyes making her face look even paler than usual. In her hand was the single sheet torn from the News. ‘Satisfied?’

  ‘Where did you get that?’ Christie tried to take it from her. ‘I told you never to go into my office without asking first.’

  ‘I was looking for Smudge and the door was open.’ Libby stood her ground. ‘So, are you? Are you satisfied with what you’ve done? Everyone’s gone home and now I’ve found this.’ She threw the paper onto the hall floor. ‘You promised me. You promised me no one would know and now everyone does. I hate you.’

  Christie grabbed her arm. ‘Libby, darling. It’s not like that. I don’t know how they got the story but there’s nothing there to suggest that me seeing Angela has anything to do with you.’

  Ignoring her, Libby pulled out of her grip. ‘This is all your fault. If you hadn’t taken that job, none of this would have happened. And we’d still be having Christmas.’

  ‘Libs, don’t do this. It’s not my fault. You know I love you more than anything.’

  ‘No, you don’t. If you did, you’d be at home with us like before. You’ve ruined everything.’ With that, she seized Smudge from Christie’s grasp and ran upstairs. A moment later, her bedroom door slammed. The only noise in the house was the murmur of voices from the TV. Fred had sensibly chosen to tune out of the domestic mayhem and immerse himself in whatever was on the box.

  Christie went into the kitchen and poured herself an enormous glass of wine – right up to the brim – took a huge gulp and sat with it at the table, her head in her hands. As she wondered whether she should go to Libby or leave her to calm down before trying to talk to her, the phone rang. Mel! It must be Mel wanting to make up. She ran into the sitting room, anxious to answer before her sister hung up. As she reached for the phone, she knocked into the side table, sending Nick’s photo flying towards the fireplace where it smashed against the grate. Cursing, she put the phone to her ear, at the same time crouching down to pick up the pieces. ‘Mel?’

  ‘Darling! Happy Christmas.’ Julia. Of course, Mel would be far too stubborn to call so soon. What had she been thinking? She tuned back into Julia’s voice.

  ‘I’m having a marvelloushly relaxed time all on my own but I couldn’t get through the day without wishing all my clients the compliments of the sheason.’

  ‘Sheason’? Had she been drinking? Cristal Champagne probably, accompanied by a suspicion of calorie-free caviar, thought Christie, crossly, but managed, ‘That’s so sweet of you, Julia. Thank you. And thank you too for the glorious McCartney bag.’ She began clearing the shards of glass into a piece of wrapping paper.

  ‘My pleasure, darling. Just keep up the good work into the New Year.’

  ‘I’ll try.’ And she would.

  ‘’Bye, then. Hippy Chrishmas.’ And Julia had gone.

  Whatever anyone said, Christie determined to stick to her guns and do her best to prove the others wrong. She had to, to show herself and them that she had it in her to achieve something of her own. That this was all worthwhile. Nick’s death didn’t mean she had no place in the wider world. She picked up the broken frame, unpinning the back so she could take out the photo. As she removed the backboard, a piece of paper fluttered to the floor. Curious, she picked it up. Her stomach lurched as she recognised Nick’s handwriting. It was one of the messages he used to leave hidden around the house for her. She’d thought she’d found them all. Sometimes they were little expressions of love, sometimes just an observation. This was both.

  If you’ve found this one, don’t forget: the best bit about fighting is the making up afterwards. I’ll always love you. xx

  She was overwhelmed by a sense of loss so extreme that she struggled to catch her breath. He must have written this after they’d disagreed about something but she had no memory of what. She sat down, bending over her knees u
ntil her head cleared. What had she just done? Not only had she lost him but her stupid, selfish behaviour had driven her family away too. Mel had never spoken to her like that before. Maureen had never looked so disappointed – and that was saying something. After what Christie had said, Mel had every right never to speak to her again. Who would blame her? Somehow she had to put matters right, although she knew Mel could be so intractable if she set her mind to it. She might not be able to bring back Nick, but she had to make amends with the others, Richard included. If she could. Watching the embers of the fire, she suddenly felt horribly alone.

  She sat for a little longer before picking up her mobile again. She ran down her contacts list, watched as the numbers appeared on the screen, then dialled. After a few rings, someone answered.

  ‘Frank?’ As she said his name, she began to cry. ‘Could you come over? Please.’

  Chapter 21

  When Christie had called Frank, he had just got back from Christmas lunch with his aged mother and was only too willing to abandon his evening alone with a DVD of It’s a Wonderful Life and a bottle of whisky. By the time he reached Christie’s, both Libby and Fred had gone to bed, upset by the way the day had ended, an exhausted Smudge was curled up asleep by the Aga and Christie was finishing the clearing up, mascara-smudged streaks of tears on her cheeks. Frank took one look, led her into the sitting room and sat her down, gave them both a large brandy and revived the dying embers of the fire, making the sparks fly as he tossed on another log. In return, Christie poured out the whole story exactly as it had happened. He didn’t interrupt, just occasionally shook his head or tutted, sometimes in sympathy, sometimes not. When she finished, he knelt in front of her, taking both her hands in his.

  ‘You poor old thing. But you know what?’

  Miserable, she shook her head.

  ‘Whatever the rights and wrongs, you’ve got to apologise. As far as I can see, you’ve alienated almost everyone close to you, apart from my good self. It’s no use waiting for one of them to make the first move.’