I almost choked as love and relief swelled in my chest and bubbled up my throat. Hilary. I could feel her warmth, smell the marshmallow scent she loved the most. Just like in the car after her funeral, I felt if I turned I would see her. She would be wearing a forest green dress, her hair a tangle of curls and flowers. Her wings pure white. I didn’t turn. Not because I doubted her presence, but because if I couldn’t see her I didn’t want to know. And so I allowed myself to feel her while I waited for my chance to speak because I knew exactly how I could help—I could be me.
That night I tiptoed through the sleeping castle, down curving stairwells and along shadowy corridors. Softly lit sunstones suspended in lanterns transformed the snow white walls to twinkling glitter around them. The guard outside the healing room made no comment as I approached, only bowed and moved aside to let me pass. I wondered why I still had this ticket to Leif now he could no longer grant it. Had the King told the guard to allow me entry? The Queen? Was it because I was still Leif’s betrothed?
Whatever the reason, I was grateful.
I stole into the room, the floor cool under my feet and the scent of nature hanging in the air. Hypatia sat by the bed, King Telophy’s most trusted healer. She rose from her chair and told me she would be just outside. I thanked her and as my eyes found Leif, all thoughts of anything but him flew from my head. He lay on his stomach, the sunlamp by the window spilling golden light across his face. He looked like he was under an enchantment, his eyes closed and breaths slow. I pushed my fingers into his thick, dark hair. Did he know? Could he feel me? I watched his face for a reaction—a flutter of eyelashes, a flicker at the corner of his mouth.
Nothing.
Clutching the bed cover, I eased it away, exposing his wings. The edges of both fell over the sides of his bed, the right filled with sun, the left heavily bandaged and infused with a thick band of light along the bottom. The cover fell from my hands as they came to my face, hiding my smile. Last time I’d been here, there’d only been the narrowest glimmer along the edge. Hypatia had explained the hope was that Leif’s wing would slowly reattach itself. If it worked, the mended section would become capable of retaining sun. I replaced the bed cover and sat in the chair beside him, my heart full of hope as I studied his face—traced the lines with my fingertips. The kissable lips, which—even under the earliest days of his father’s confusion—always managed to stop my pulse when they lifted into a smile. The closed eyelids hiding eyes sparkling with kindness. The cheekbones I’d so loved to press kisses to when we were a pair. I leaned over and kissed one now—firm and soft at the same time, my mouth moving lower until I found his lips, brushing mine against them, willing a reaction. I gave up after a while. He didn’t have a single clue I was here.
‘Where are you, Leif?’ I murmured. ‘I barely feel your father’s confusion anymore. It only takes the edge off not having you.’
Leif once told me that legend maintained faeries fell in love as souls, that I’d said yes to him and accepted a piece of his soul before I was conceived, before I was even a girl.
I looked at his hands, one on top of the other above his head, lay mine over them and wove my fingers through his. He didn’t stir. ‘I should have known I’d only fall in love with you again.’ I squeezed his hands, wanting to keep them. ‘And now you will marry Haigen … I won’t interfere.’ I pressed a finger and thumb to my eyes until I had my emotions under control. ‘But I can’t stand the thought of being with someone who’s not you … I don’t know how I ever thought I could.’
He let out a sigh that stopped me, but then he drew a long breath to replace it. I would have laughed at myself if I didn’t feel so sad—everyone had to breathe, even people in comas.
Chapter Five
The next few days were a hive of activity as faeries arrived at the castle to sign up to help the fading Fae. I hadn’t known what to make of King Telophy’s expression as he’d watched me speak before the meeting—surprise perhaps? I wasn’t sure. But he’d listened intently as I’d suggested specialised care teams to work with the fading faeries—their roles everything from helping around the home, to providing counselling, to getting the faery outside and involved in life again.
The only downside to my plan—Nian had offered his daughter Haigen’s help.
We were getting ready to go out together for the first time, and spend the morning meeting the clients of one of the care teams. I’d never been to the region of Illeria before so when it was time to go, Haigen led the way, flying fast with me trailing behind her. We alighted by a vast lake the colour of sunlit aquamarine. Caught in reverse on the shimmering water were rolling hills and deep green trees, beyond them the mountains of Telophy in miniature— the great castle reduced to a doll’s house on the horizon. Flowers brushed my legs as I turned to see miles of the pastel pink blooms. Like bells they waved in the breeze, their scent a spritz of sweetness that made me feel strangely uplifted. Haigen too seemed affected because even the scowl that was fixed to her face whenever she was in my presence fell away. I bent to pick a bunch of flowers, my basket full by the time a purple-winged faery flying across the sky caught my attention. She landed before me and curtsied. ‘I am Daneeli, soul guide and leader of my care team. It is a pleasure to see you, Princess.’
Haigen shot me a filthy look and lifted her chin. ‘Actually, Daneeli, I am Princess-to-be.’
Daneeli looked between us. ‘But the welcoming. I saw—’
‘Regardless,’ Haigen interrupted, her beautiful face all angles and annoyance. ‘It is I am to wed the Prince, not Marla.’
Despite the knot in my stomach, I smiled at the purple-winged faery. ‘Why don’t you tell us about the man we’re about to meet?’
Daneeli gave Haigen a final puzzled look before returning her attention to me. ‘His name is Linden and I am most concerned. He was once a member of the guard and strong, but now he sinks more every day—refuses to open his door to any of my team.’
‘What about his family?’ I asked. ‘Will he see them at least?’
‘His parents come every day, but only stay for a short while and leave in tears. At first they took care of his little son, but after losing his mother the boy pined for his father, and so he has been returned.’
‘Linden must make himself well, if not for himself, then for his child,’ Haigen declared.
‘I believe he is told so often,’ Daneeli said with a sigh. ‘But he pays no heed.’
‘Come on,’ I said, opening my wings. ‘Let’s go and see if he’ll let us in.’ Together we took to the sky, sapphire and purple and pink tangling together around us.
Linden lived in a small home buried in the side of a hill, a semicircle of paved stone beneath our feet. On the other side of the little wooden door a child was crying. Haigen knocked, waited, then knocked louder. She went to the window and pulled the shutters wide, peering inside. ‘Leave us alone,’ a male voice said from within.
‘I am Haigen, Princess-to-be and here on behalf of the King.’
The scrape of a chair against stone and then the door opened. The man on the other side looked as though he hadn’t smiled in a long time. His broad shoulders were slumped, his hair a tousle of brown knots.
A boy of about two sat in the middle of the floor and watched us, tears trailing down puffy red cheeks. I smiled but he didn’t return it.
Haigen made a tutting noise as she looked from the child to the man. ‘For the sake of your baby, you must pick yourself up.’
Linden stepped aside and gestured to the table. Haigen went ahead of Daneeli, both carefully picking a path around the mess to get to the chairs. I went to the boy, crossing my legs as I sat on the mat beside him. I lifted my arm and flicked the pink stone dangling from my wrist. When it had his attention, I worked my bracelet over my hand and held the stone up to him, pearlescent swirls captured within like a tiny galaxy. He stared at the stone with glistening eyes.
‘Our wish is to help,’ Haigen said, as I swung the stone back and for
th before the boy. His eyes tracked it carefully. Finally, a little hand reached out. I grinned and snatched the stone away, tucking it behind my back. ‘There is much we can do,’ Haigen continued as the child attempted to peer behind me.
She began listing the services of Daneeli’s care team as I swung the stone again—counselling, house cleaning, meals, child minding—all the good things. ‘Can you catch it?’ I whispered. He tried and missed again.
The child swiped at his cheeks as I brought the stone from behind my back. ‘It matters not what you do,’ Linden told Haigen, his voice flat. ‘It will not be enough.’
I swung the stone again, this time allowing it to be caught. I laughed. ‘You’re too fast for me,’ I said, letting him take it.
‘I am not enough.’ I glanced up to see father watching son as the boy brushed the smooth stone against his mouth. ‘My son looks for her and finds only me.’
‘I’ll tie it to your wrist,’ I said, worried the stone would vanish between the toddler’s lips. The boy made no sound but whipped the stone away from me when I reached to take it. ‘What’s your name?’ I asked, drawing my hand back.
‘His name is Heath,’ Linden said. ‘He’s spoken not a word since …’
The boy’s arms were tight behind his back, a fierce frown on his face. ‘It’s all right, Heath, you can keep it—it’s a present.’ I looked at the father. ‘Do you mind?’
‘Mind?’ He shook his head. ‘You honour my son.’
I looked away as Haigen’s eyes blazed. ‘I think you’d better tie it to him. He won’t let me.’
Linden crouched down beside us and held out his hand. ‘Give me the stone, little one—just for a moment. So you won’t lose your gift.’ His voice was soft and soothing.
Heath handed the stone over and stuck out his arm.
‘It’s called Darleesi,’ I told the child as his father tied it in place. ‘It means strength and gentleness combined.’
Linden’s moss-green eyes held mine. ‘You are kind, Princess.’
He knew my identity. Haigen hadn’t introduced us, but he knew.
I closed my eyes. What do I say to him, Hilary? How do I help? It came to me like a gift. I opened my eyes and touched his forearm. ‘I lost my oldest friend that night. It’s been so hard … She used to look after me, you see?’
‘I see too well.’ He stumbled over the words.
I was uncomfortably aware of Haigen listening. ‘What do you fear most, Linden?’ I was pretty sure I already knew but wanted him to say it.
‘I fear I cannot live without her. I fear her child cannot.’ He watched his son turn the stone between his fingers. ‘I am a poor substitute.’
‘Do you speak to her?’
‘Every day … Every moment of every day. I tell her it’s too difficult. I tell her Heath cries for her … that I don’t know what to do … I fear the day he will not remember her.’
‘But he will remember because you’ll remind him. Fill him with stories of her. Every day a new story. You can tell him how she loved him, how she held him … You can hold him.’
As I spoke, Heath stretched two plump arms towards his father. Linden picked him up, pulled him into his lap. I ran a finger across the boy’s little hand. ‘Does she speak to you, Linden?’
‘No, I mean … sometimes I think …’ He shook his head. ‘No, how can she?’
‘Close your eyes.’ He did as I asked. ‘Reach out to her—not with your words, but with your soul … Can you feel her?’
‘I … I think so.’
‘Imagine she is standing beside you, close enough to touch. Don’t tell her your problems. But ask her something—something that’s been worrying you.’
After a short while a smile spread across his face.
‘She answered?’
‘Yes.’
Relief swept through me. It wouldn’t be easy for him. He would miss her. He would doubt himself. And he would struggle and worry for his son. But it was a start.
He opened his eyes. ‘Thank you.’
‘It’s how I talk to my friend … Hilary.’ I stood, and he stood with me, his son in his arms. I touched the boy’s cheek. ‘Heath loves you. You’re his dad. I love my dad to the stars and back … There’s no one I love more.’
A tear slipped down Linden’s cheek. He wiped it away with the back of his hand. I gestured to Haigen that it was time to go. As I was about to follow her out the door, I stopped. ‘Will you tell me what you asked her?’
Heath wriggled as he sucked on the pink stone. Linden held tight to his son and gave me the glimmer of a smile. ‘Will you come back and visit us?’
I smiled. ‘Is that the price?’
‘No, but,’ he glanced down at his son, ‘we would like it very well.’
I reached out and lifted Heath’s little fingers in mine. ‘I’ll come back.’
‘I asked her if I could still be me … without her.’
‘What did she say?’
‘She told me I still had her.’
‘Classin never talks to me,’ Haigen said bitterly after we had left Daneeli with Linden to discover what he needed from his care team. ‘No matter what I say, or how I say it. I should never have gone to him in the first place. I should have stayed with Leif. He and I would be wed by now and Classin would be safe.’
She gave me no time to respond, only opened her wings and took to the sky, leading the way to the next fading faery, me once again trailing behind in an angry flourish of sapphire.
Chapter Six
Not wanting to provoke the new Princess-to-be, I stayed away from Leif during the day. But over the next few weeks my nights became his. Guards, healers and carers would smile and wait outside as in whispers I shared my day with their prince. One night I told him how Lysander had joined his local evadenet team, and that while King Telophy had insisted I remain at the castle, my brother was now halfway moved into the home our birth parents once shared. The reason, I explained to Leif’s unhearing ears, was that although Lysander was throwing himself into his position among the King’s Guard, he seethed with resentment. Away from him, my brother blamed the King for every one of his problems, but in his presence—like every other faery allegiant to King Telophy—he was compelled to revere him. Having been raised in the human world, it was a situation Lysander couldn’t even begin to understand let alone tolerate.
‘Can’t you at least try to let the anger go?’ I asked my brother when he came to me before his first evadenet game one morning. He’d been ranting about spending the early hours trying to impress King Telophy with his archery skills while at the same time despising himself for wanting to impress him. ‘I mean, what’s the point?’
Lysander stood poised between my balcony and bedroom as he counted the points on his fingers. ‘I’ve got no idea where my father is. My mother’s had her soul sucked out of her. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. But he just gets away with it … And there’s other stuff too.’
I wondered if that other stuff had anything to do with Ashleigh, but I stayed silent as I watched my hair slide through the bristles of my brush.
Lysander frowned. ‘We need to find out what happened with King Telophy and our parents.’
‘How would that help? King Telophy doesn’t know where Tobias is, and as for saving Finelle … You saw how that went.’
‘But we went in blind. Next time we’ll be more careful.’
I froze mid brush. ‘Excuse me, but did you say next time?’ I put the brush down and stared. Not a conversation passed between my brother and I without mention of our birth parents or the terrible things that had happened in Dark Faera. But he’d never so much as hinted at returning. ‘Lysander, you are not thinking of going back.’
He ignored the accusation. ‘Tell me again what you know.’
‘I know what you know. We went together, remember?’
‘I meant about our parents and the King.’
I swept my hair into a ponytail, tying it in place. ‘All I know is that
at some stage King Telophy and our mother had something going on. But it can’t have been official, or even lasted long, because no one remembers it.’ I stopped, something teasing at my mind—a memory—like a knot too tight to unpick. I gave up trying and carried on. ‘Which is weird because Leander and Melody should remember … shouldn’t they?’
‘Their daughter dating the King? You’d think so.’
I checked my reflection in the mirror, pulled my ponytail tight. ‘So, it might not have been official but it must have been serious because why else would King Telophy have been so crazy when he found out she’d married our father?’
Lysander scowled. ‘Leif said he threatened to kill us. That’s evil, not crazy.’
‘Well I don’t think that’s exactly how it happened. When I went into Leif’s memories, the King said he’d never harm Finelle or her children.’
‘He would say that.’ My brother’s eyes were narrow.
‘Lysander, the King has no filter when he’s angry, and I know he would have threatened our mother in some horrible way.’ I’d seen him do and say some terrible things, been the victim of them myself more than once. ‘But I just can’t see him threatening to kill her baby.’
‘Your betrothed seemed to think he was capable.’
Lysander moved on to the balcony and I followed him out the door. ‘But there’s so much distance between Leif and his father. I don’t think they even know each other that well.’
‘Have you asked the King about our parents?’
‘When I came here, he told me not to even mention their names in his presence.’
‘You’re afraid to ask him?’
I thought about that, a bit surprised at the truth. ‘No, I’m not afraid—not anymore. I just think if we want actual answers, the time needs to be right.’
Lysander released his wings, turquoise flashing and sparkling around him. ‘I’d rather it were sooner than later.’
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