A Time to Dance/A Time to Embrace

by Karen Kingsbury

  Abby hadn’t thought it possible, but Jo’s smile spread even farther around her face at the suggestion. She bid the others good-bye, and in an instant they were gone. Matt and Nicole hugged in celebration of the moment, and then Matt excused himself, leaving Nicole behind, her face glowing, eyes full of hope for the future.

  “Can you believe it, Mom? Isn’t God amazing?”

  Abby’s gaze fell to the dishrag still in her hand and she began absently polishing the tiles on the counter. “Amazing.”

  Nicole hesitated for a beat, her smile suddenly faded. “You don’t sound sure.”

  Recover, Abby. Don’t give her a reason to doubt you . . . She looked up, feigning ignorance. “About what?”

  Nicole crossed her arms and moved her weight to one hip. “About God. I said isn’t He amazing and when you answered . . . you didn’t sound sure.”

  Abby laughed as lightly as she could manage. “I’m sorry, honey. I guess I’m tired. It’s been a long weekend. Watching Kade graduate, throwing the party, getting ready for your wedding.”

  A look of concern danced in Nicole’s eyes. “You’re not sick or anything, are you?”

  Abby shook her head quickly. “Not at all, sweetheart. Just a little caught up in what’s happening around here.”

  “But you’re happy for Jo and Denny, right?” Nicole’s voice still had an edge, and Abby was desperate to change the direction of the conversation.

  Pour it on, Abby. “Oh, absolutely. They’re just wonderful together. I mean, if that’s not how God loves to work, I don’t know what is.”

  Nicole’s shoulders eased and the lines on her forehead smoothed. “Exactly. That’s what I was trying to say in the first place. I mean, those two back together is like . . . I don’t know, it’s like more than Matt and I ever imagined.”

  Abby felt herself relax as she folded the towel and set it on the edge of the counter. She moved closer to Nicole and hugged her gently, pulling back enough to see Nicole’s eyes. “You and Matt have been praying for them, haven’t you?”

  Nicole’s eyes danced like they had earlier. “Every day.”

  This time Abby’s smile was genuine. “Then that, my dear, is absolutely amazing.”

  They were still standing that way, face to face, Abby’s wrists balanced on Nicole’s shoulders when John walked in and stopped short. “Oh . . . I thought Nicole was with Matt.”

  Nicole twisted around and smiled at John. “Hi, Dad. Why, where’s Matt?”

  “Outside with his parents. I thought . . .” He looked preoccupied.

  What is it now? Abby felt her insides tighten, and she released the hold she had on Nicole. “Go on out and join him, honey. You should be together at a moment like this.”

  Abby was grateful that this time Nicole didn’t scrutinize their faces or look deeply into the reasons why John might want to talk to Abby alone. Instead she grinned and bounced off in the direction of the backyard. “They’re probably down at the pier. Matt knows that’s where we celebrate everything.”

  Abby felt her daughter’s comment as strongly as if it were a physical blow to her gut. “That’s where we celebrate everything . . . that’s where we celebrate everything . . .” Abby turned and met John’s gaze. “Is everyone gone?”

  He swallowed and had trouble making eye contact with her. “Yeah. Everyone but Jo and Denny.” He was quiet for a beat but Abby refused to rescue him. You have something to say, say it. I can wait all night.

  John cleared his throat. “We need to talk.”

  Abby shrugged. “Yeah, for about five years now.”

  “Look—” John’s tone was suddenly impatient, tired and impa-tient—“ I don’t need your sarcasm, Abby. I’m serious. The wedding will be here before you know it and we need to . . . there are a few things we have to discuss.”

  Abby stared hard at him. “I’m listening.” Her voice gave away nothing.

  He let his gaze drop for a moment and then pulled it back up again. “The papers are ready. I talked to the lawyer again yesterday.” There was defeat in his voice—but something else, too. Something more determined and set that hadn’t been there before. “He wants you to stop in sometime this week and take a look before we sign.”

  The corners of her eyes began to sting. “You’ve seen them?”

  John nodded. “It’s just like we discussed. Everything’s split. You get the house. I get the savings and the truck. Child support until Sean’s eighteen. I keep adding to their college funds. It’s all spelled out.”

  Listening to him was like hearing an autopsy report of their marriage. Abby tried to fight the sick feeling that welled up inside her but it was a losing battle. She let her head drop some. “Fine. Whatever gets us out of this mess.”

  There was a distant sound of laughter, and Abby knew that Nicole and the others would be outside for a while. The evening was too nice to waste it inside.

  Unless, of course, you had divorce details to work out.

  John was staring hard at her. “The reason we’re in this mess is because sometime . . . a long time ago . . . we stopped loving each other. It wasn’t just me who stopped, Abby. It was both of us. You were busy with the kids, and I was—”

  “Busy with Charlene.”

  He angled his head in frustration. “No. I was busy with work. And before we knew it we stopped talking to each other. Maybe we were too tired or maybe we just ran out of things to say. But I can guarantee you one thing, Abby. This mess isn’t because of me alone.” He studied her, and for a moment she thought she saw a flicker of regret in his eyes. “I’ve made arrangements to stay with one of the PE teachers after the wedding. I’ll have my things packed so I can leave when the reception’s over.”

  The stinging was back. Abby blinked twice and struggled to make her voice sound normal. “When do we tell the kids?”

  “After Matt and Nicole get back from their honeymoon.”

  Abby nodded slowly and walked over to the kitchen sink, staring out across the dark yard toward the lake and the pier and the happy voices that still rang out from that direction. “Okay.”

  For a moment neither of them said anything, and Abby wondered if John had left the room. Her breath caught in her throat when he came up behind her and let his hands settle on her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Abby. This isn’t . . . I never thought . . .”

  She was torn between jerking her body from his grasp and turning into his embrace. Instead she remained utterly still. “I know. I’m sorry, too.”

  He withdrew his hands and cleared his throat. “I’ll keep my promise about Charlene, though. Nothing until after the divorce is final. You have my word.”

  “You have my word . . . have my word . . . have my word.” A silent, sad laugh started up Abby’s throat and died. She kept her back to him and blinked her tears away. “I’d like to be alone now, John, if you don’t mind.”

  Without saying good-bye, without touching her again or asking if she was all right, John simply turned around and retreated. After a minute she heard the bedroom door close behind him, and she thought of the hundreds of times when that sound would have pulled her from a late-night task, beckoning her to the quiet intimacy of making love or whispering side by side under the covers or laying her head on his shoulder and merely listening to him breathe.

  But tonight . . . tonight the sound marked the end of a business meeting between two coworkers who had gathered to discuss funeral arrangements for an associate. An associate whose imminent death was bound to be something of a relief.

  Twenty-One

  IN ALL HER LIFE NICOLE HAD NEVER FELT closer to God than she did during those weeks leading up to her wedding. Everything her parents had ever taught her about love, all that they had prayed for her and modeled in their own marriage, was finally about to culminate in the single, most glorious moment of her life.

  It was Monday, an unforgettable summer morning, mere days from her wedding, and Nicole could barely wait another minute.

  She opened a suitcas
e and set it on her bed. Maybe the camping trip would make the time pass more quickly. Nicole didn’t know if it would, but she was glad she was going all the same. It was something she’d always dreamed of: a chance to spend a few days with the women closest to her and glean all she could from them and from God about what it really meant to love a man, to be partners for life in a bond that would last as long as life itself.

  A gentle breeze sifted through the screened window, and Nicole gazed outside across the lake. She had always loved the fact that her room faced the back of the house. How many mornings had she sat in her window seat and written down the feelings in her heart while gazing outside? Something about the way the sun threw diamonds across the water always made her emotions rise to the surface, and today was no different.

  Nicole stopped and stared, breathing in the summer air. There was nothing like summer in southern Illinois, and she and Matt had talked often about having a house much like her parents’, a modest home with a lake view and plenty of room for . . . well, for children one day. Just last week they’d received news that Matt had passed his bar exam, and already he was receiving offers from two local firms and several in the Chicago area.

  The thought of their future made Nicole feel all lit up inside.

  She pictured her parents one day not too many years off having the chance to be grandparents, and she smiled . . . but just as the image took root, it changed, and Nicole remembered Matt’s concerns about Charlene Denton.

  There’s nothing to be worried about. The woman’s a floozy.

  Her mood cooled considerably. Nicole crossed over to her dresser and pulled out two pairs of shorts she’d need for the campout. Charlene wasn’t a threat to her parents’ marriage. No way. Her father was deeply devoted to her mother and would be forever. They were in love. Busy maybe, but in love all the same.

  Still, the more Nicole tried to shake the idea, the more threatened she felt by thoughts of the other woman. Finally she released a loud sigh and dropped to her knees near the foot of her bed.

  “Fine.” She hung her head and began praying out loud, in a whisper only she and the Lord could hear. “Okay, God, I don’t like my thoughts, but maybe I’m having them for a reason. Maybe there’s something about that woman that’s causing my dad and mom some trouble.” She struggled for a moment. “I mean, I don’t think so, really. But still. Whatever this feeling is, I want You to take it, Lord. If Charlene’s a problem, make her go away.” She hesitated, allowing God’s Spirit to lead the prayer. It was something she’d learned years ago when she first realized her habit of rushing ahead of Him. As she waited, she felt led in a specific direction. “What I’m really trying to say, God, is be with my parents. They’ve had a lot on their minds and . . . well . . . make their love new again. Use me and Matt if it’ll help. Whatever it takes, just make sure they love each other forever. And help me not to waste any more time thinking about my dad and that . . . that woman. Love is from You, Father. And love is always what we’ve had in this family. Make it grow so that it’s greater than ever before.”

  A peace came over her and calmed her anxious heart. Nicole smiled, relieved and grateful at the same time. “I can always count on You, God. Thank You ahead of time for what You’re going to do on this camping trip.” She was about to stand up when she thought of one last thing. “Oh, and make the hours fly, Lord. Please.”

  Abby lugged her suitcase into the hallway and leaned it against the others as she looked around for John. He had promised to load up the van, but as usual lately he had busied himself in the garage—his most common hiding place in the hours when he absolutely had to be home.

  The others were already in the living room, talking in unison and swapping stories of earlier camping trips. Originally there were to be six of them, but Nicole’s friends were both sick with the flu. That left Abby, Nicole, Jo, and Abby’s sister, Beth, who had flown in for both the campout and the wedding and who was in an uncharacteristically upbeat mood.

  Abby walked down the hallway and opened the door to the garage. “We’re ready.”

  She didn’t wait for John’s reply, but let the door shut and turned to join the others in the living room. In seconds she could hear him moving luggage outside, and in no time he found them in the living room, slightly out of breath. “You’re all loaded up.”

  He refused to make eye contact with her, but his tone was cheerful and she was sure the others hadn’t picked up on it. Jo was on her feet first. “I declare John Reynolds—” she walked up to him and patted his cheek much the way a favorite aunt might—“you haven’t aged a bit since your playing days in Ann Arbor, Michigan.” She winked at Abby and then turned back to John. “Oughta be against the law to look that good at your age.”

  The others laughed at Jo’s directness. For the briefest moment John caught Abby’s gaze and she looked away. Get me out of here, God. What am I supposed to do, stand around and agree with her? So what if he was good looking? She and John were counting down the days until the divorce.

  Abby led the way out to the car with the other women trailing behind. The foursome piled into the van and bid good-bye to John. Abby was grateful that Nicole didn’t comment on the fact that John hadn’t kissed her as they left. In five minutes Abby merged onto the highway, and Jo seized an almost imperceptible break in the conversation.

  “Well, girls, I think I need to tell you about the miracle of God.” She was sitting next to Beth in the backseat, with Nicole in the passenger seat up front. Jo tapped Abby on the back. “You girls already know about this, but Beth here hasn’t heard, and besides—” she giggled loudly—“I can’t stop talking about it. I mean really and truly. It’s worse than my fish stories. Everywhere I go it just sort of leaks out all over the place—”

  Beth broke in. “What leaks out?”

  “Well, my love for God and Denny and being together and marriage, and all the things I’d given up on long before I . . .”

  This should be good. Abby leaned back in her seat and focused on the road. There couldn’t possibly be anyone more cynical about the virtues of marriage than her sister. Beth had been married at twenty-one, had two baby girls at twenty-three, and been deserted at twenty-five. Beth liked to say joining someone for life was less marriage and more psychological warfare, and that if she were ever tempted to make a mistake like that again she hoped someone would have her committed for insanity. Beth was one of those If-I-get-lonely-I’ll-get-a-dog women, and so far she hadn’t even done that. Every time the topic came up she’d explain that being married three years cured her of loneliness for a lifetime.

  Not until just now had Abby considered the sparks that might fly if Jo and Beth chose to get into the faith issue that weekend. Well, God, whatever happens work it out for us . . . this is Nicole’s campout.

  The prayer came easily, as though she’d been in conversation with the Father for months on end.

  The appointed time is for you, daughter.

  Abby’s breath caught in her throat and she tightened her grip on the wheel. It was one thing to let loose an incidental prayer, but to sense what seemed like an answer so quickly and surely in the depth of her heart . . . Abby blinked hard and pushed the words from her mind. She must be imagining things. The campout had nothing to do with her. Abby tuned out the Lord and honed back in on Jo’s conversation.

  “And so I just kinda leak all over about the Lord and His goodness and how He done worked a mighty miracle for me and Denny, and how He could do the same thing for anybody willing to take Him at His word.”

  Abby glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Jo grab a mouthful of air. Beth used the opportunity to clear her throat. “Well, I hate to be a kill-joy, especially when we’re getting together for Nicole’s wedding, but I for one found my miracle in being divorced. Something about making dinner night after night for a man who can’t keep his pants zipped around other girls just doesn’t smack with the feel of a miraculous God, if you get my drift.”

  Nicole shifted uneasil
y in the front seat and shot Abby a glance. Abby nodded. Great. She’d probably be playing referee all weekend at this rate. “Anyone want to stop for coffee before we head out toward the cabin?”

  The drive to the cabin took two hours, but the last thirty miles were so remote Abby didn’t think there was another person within fifty miles of them. The cabin belonged to a friend of her father’s, and at least once a year the Reynolds family had use of it, even if only for a weekend of fishing. Abby knew the spot represented quiet and utter solitude to Nicole and the boys, and when Nicole requested it in lieu of a bridal shower, Abby hadn’t been surprised. After all, they’d already had the couples’ barbecue.

  After they arrived, the four of them unpacked, after which Abby stood up and surveyed the group. “Okay, who wants to go for a walk?”

  Beth was on her feet almost instantly. “Me.”

  Jo waved toward the door. “You go ahead.” She patted the cover of her Bible. “Me and the Lord have some catchin’ up to do.”

  Nicole looked at Abby as she spread out on the now-empty bottom bunk. “Mom, why don’t you and Aunt Beth go this time. Jo had a few verses she wanted to share with me, okay?”

  Abby felt a pit form in her stomach. If she and Beth were going to be alone, then maybe it was time to tell her the news. She nodded. “Sounds good, we’ll take the path around the lake and be back in an hour.”

  They headed north on the gravelly trail that circled the water, walking in silence until the cabin was out of sight.

  “Sure is beautiful.” Beth was trim like Abby but more rugged, earthy almost. She spent her days as an advertising executive, but she’d worked her way to a position of seniority so that getting time off was not a problem. Although Beth could be cunning and brilliant in a business meeting, she was far more at home with hiking boots and walking shorts, taking in a few days on Silver Moon Lake.