A Time to Dance/A Time to Embrace

by Karen Kingsbury

  The bridesmaids wore light blue, the exact shade as the cummerbunds worn by the men. Sean was the youngest groomsman, and when the wedding party was lined up, Abby was struck by how beautiful they were. Suddenly the music changed and every head turned toward the back of the church. As the crowd rose to its feet, Abby peered around them and was among the first to see Nicole and John as they made their way down the aisle. Halfway there, John leaned toward their daughter and whispered something that made them both smile. Abby felt the sting of tears in her eyes as she watched them.

  Who are you, John Reynolds? I don’t even know you anymore. The man who’d stood beside her mere months ago making promises to her dying father . . . the man who had kissed her so passionately that night, and who years ago had asked to her to listen to the music of their lives, who had begged her not to ever stop dancing with him . . . the man who shared with her the only memories of little Haley Ann . . . Was that the same man walking their little girl down the aisle? Or was he an impostor, going through the motions, biding his time until he could be free from them all?

  Abby no longer knew.

  She glanced at Matt. His eyes shone as he saw Nicole in her wedding gown for the first time. Surely any man who could look at his bride with that type of adoration would be faithful to her for a lifetime. But then, John’s eyes had looked that way, hadn’t they?

  Abby wasn’t sure anymore.

  The minister cleared his throat. “Who gives this woman to be married?”

  John smiled at Nicole in a moment shared between them alone, regardless of the nearly two hundred family and friends who watched. “Her mother and I do.” Keeping his eyes trained on Nicole even after his words were said, John lifted her veil and kissed her on the cheek. A hundred images flashed in Abby’s mind. John kissing Nicole’s infant cheek and that same cheek again when she was hit by the car that awful afternoon. Always Daddy’s little girl. Nicole had cherished the role, and as Abby watched them she was struck by a realization: the John Reynolds she remembered would have struggled greatly with this moment. In fact, it would have torn his heart wide open. For the past days and weeks and months, Abby had wondered if John was looking forward to the wedding. She figured he was, since it signaled the end of his attempt at staying clear of Charlene. But the truth—at least in part—had to be that John was dying inside. He’d dreaded the coming of this day since Nicole first made her way into his heart the morning of her birth.

  Are you sad, John? Does it hurt the way you thought it would, or have you already moved on, even from a moment like this?

  Almost in response, she caught John’s glance as he made his way next to her. His eyes were watery with tears and the ceremony hadn’t even begun. The fact reminded Abby that if things had been different, she and John would have had ample opportunity to grow close over the past six months. Sharing their thoughts on Nicole’s wedding and reminiscing about their own love. Remarking at how fast her childhood had disappeared and wondering where the time had gone.

  Abby sighed and stared at her hands, at the wedding band she still wore. John said nothing but positioned himself so that his shoulder was nearly touching hers. She could feel the heat from his body and she tried to imagine what Beth must be thinking, sitting back a few rows. Probably the same thing they’d all think by the end of the next week.

  That Abby and John Reynolds were world-class hypocrites.

  John clenched his jaw as Pastor Joe commanded the attention of the crowd and began speaking about commitment and God’s plan for marriage. The preacher was a man the Reynolds family knew well. He was the associate minister at the church, the man who had led the high-school youth group when Nicole was a teenager.

  Had Nicole and Matt met with him to plan all this? And why hadn’t John been more involved? He could have at least had a conversation with one of them about what scriptures they wanted read at the ceremony or what direction the message might take. Had he fallen that far from his daily walk with the Lord? John felt himself being suffocated in a blanket of shame and he silently begged God to take it from him. I’m so sorry, Father . . . never again will I let You go. I don’t care what else happens; I can’t make it without You. He thought about Abby, how they had been unable to have even a pleasant conversation in weeks. Lord, is there a way? Someday, down the road a year or two? Is it possible that she might forgive me and maybe even . . .

  “When two people marry, the commitment is lifelong.” Pastor Joe smiled at the congregation. “No matter what else happens along the way, they will be tied to that promise forever . . .”

  John remembered a distant friend of his father’s who had gotten divorced in his thirties and remarried his wife again twenty years later. And of course there were Matt’s parents, Jo and Denny. If they could find a way back together after so many years then . . .

  Maybe that’ll be us one day, Lord. John considered the idea. You’re the only One who could make it happen, God. He pictured the way Abby’s eyes had grown hard, how she never smiled or laughed or allowed her feelings to show around him anymore.

  Reconciliation seemed about as likely as snow in July.

  With Me all things are possible . . .

  John reveled in the return of the inner voice. God was beyond faithful, prodding him, encouraging him, bathing him in grace every moment since the night he’d read Kade’s paper on the eagle. The deepest regret in all his life was that his restored relationship with the Lord was—for him and Abby—too late. He’d even started writing his feelings down in a journal, confessing his shortcomings, analyzing all that he’d done that had hurt their marriage. Maybe someday when she’s not so mad . . . maybe she’ll read it, Lord. It’s all my fault . . .

  Confess your sins to one another; talk to her; tell her.

  For just a moment, he let his imagination take him down such a path—but he knew there was no way. Abby’s mind is made up, Lord. She has . . . other plans. John’s fingers tightened into a fist and relaxed again as a pang of jealousy gripped him. Kade had mentioned earlier that morning that the house was going to be quiet with Nicole and Mom gone. A few questions later and John knew the truth. Abby was going to New York on business, which could mean only one thing. She was seeing her on-line friend, her editor.

  Not that he could blame her. It was simply over.

  Pastor Joe had moved from commitment to honor and he seemed to be winding up. “I’d like to close by talking about the eagle for a moment.” He grinned in John’s direction, and John felt the blood draining from his face. Had someone told the pastor? His breathing seemed to slow to a stop as the man continued. “The bride’s family has spent a lifetime calling themselves Eagles. Marion Eagles.” A friendly chorus of chuckles sounded across the church. “But God also calls us to be eagles. Why? Well, lots of reasons, really.”

  Kade shot John a curious glance and raised an eyebrow. Obviously Kade hadn’t told Pastor Joe about his report. He glanced at Abby and could tell from her unchanged expression that the message wasn’t hitting a personal chord with her. You’re really trying to tell me something here, aren’t You, God?

  Anyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.

  A hollow pit formed in John’s gut. He was familiar with the scripture that wove its way through his mind, but it was too late to put anything into practice. At least where Abby was concerned.

  The pastor smiled at Nicole and Matt. “But the main reason I want to talk about the eagle is because of something Matt shared with me. Something he learned from his future father-in-law, John Reynolds.”

  Abby looked skeptically at John, and he turned his attention back to the pastor. That’s okay. She doesn’t know what’s happened in my heart.

  “Before eagles choose a mate—” Pastor Joe paused, making sure he had the attention of everyone in the building—“the male eagle will lock talons with the female as she falls upside down toward the ground. At that point the male must pull her out of the tumble
or die trying. In other words he grabs on to her and refuses to let go—even unto death.” He smiled again at the couple. “And that’s why—Nicole and Matt—God calls you to be like the eagle. Because the commitment that you make here today is one you make in the same way. Unto death. Let’s pray.”

  John wasn’t sure when the tears had filled his eyes, but sometime near the end of the message, he felt them on his cheeks. As he wiped them, he noticed Abby do the same thing. What was she thinking? Did she realize that they’d failed the eagle test? That they had done everything but stick together in the past years? That when life got busy and the kids’ schedules even busier, they hadn’t locked talons but simply set out on totally different flying patterns? And if she felt the sting of the message, what direction were her thoughts headed? Did she still hate him as she’d told him the night after Kade found Charlene in his classroom?

  It was time for the vows. Pastor Joe asked Matt to repeat after him, and John realized how grateful he was that Nicole was marrying him. Matt was a good kid—a good man. He’d make a wonderful husband for Nicole. Matt finished his part and it was Nicole’s turn.

  “I, Nicole Reynolds, take you, Matt Conley, to be my husband.” John was struck by how calm Nicole seemed, and his mind diverted to the hazy memory of Abby saying similar words to him on a day not so different from this one. Were we that way twenty-two years ago? Sure beyond any doubts that what we had would last forever?

  Pastor Joe was moving on to the ring part of the ceremony, and John shot a look at his gold band. How many times had he taken it off so he could work out in the morning with Charlene? Oh sure he’d told himself it was for safety reasons. Wouldn’t want to crack the ring or hurt his finger on the free weights. But the truth—and he wasn’t up to anything less at this point—was that he wanted to feel single. Even just for an hour.

  It was something else he could write in the journal. Lord, I have so much to be sorry for . . .

  And a promise to keep.

  A promise? What promise?

  “And now, by the power vested in me by the state of Illinois, I am honored to present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Matt Conley—” the pastor grinned at the couple and waved a hand toward the congregation— “whose promise before all of you today is the beginning of a lifetime of love.” He looked back at Nicole and Matt. “You may kiss the bride.”

  It was during the kiss that John remembered the promise, and the realization cut like a dagger through his heart. It was the promise he’d made to Abby’s father. A promise not too different from the one Nicole and Matt had just made.

  That he would love Abby Reynolds as long as he lived.

  As terrifying as the coming weeks seemed to Abby, nothing could have marred the joy in her heart as Nicole’s wedding reception came to life. The house had been decked out in flowers and folding chairs, and the caterer had set up a series of white canopies for the buffet line. From the moment the wedding party arrived back at the house, the disc jockey seemed to have the perfect music playing in the background. The fading sun sent a glistening spray of light across the lake, and though the evening was warm, it was not humid. A faint breeze stirred the tops of the trees, and the sunset promised to be something out of a painting. Nicole and Matt sat closest to the house with the rest of the wedding party while their friends and family found places at tables situated about the yard on either side of the constructed dance floor.

  Abby surveyed the gathering and noticed that many couples seemed happier than usual, as though they were touched, as people often are at weddings, by the reminder that they, too, had once shone as brightly as the bride and groom. And even though the memories were sad beyond words for Abby, she refused to let her sorrow win tonight.

  Throughout dinner Abby sat next to John, talking mostly to Jo and Denny who were bursting with excitement over the next week’s events.

  “If it were up to me, I tell you, we’d stop the music, take our place up there on the dance floor, and say our vows right now.” Jo pointed at the lake. “Then me and Denny would get out there and do what we always did best.”

  Jo jabbed her elbow gently at Denny’s side, and he broke into a grin. When he noticed the odd looks from the others at the table, he cleared his throat. “Fishing. We’d go fishing; that’s what we’ve always done best.”

  “Something the Lord Himself liked to do, I might add!” Jo nodded at Abby. “I’ve been doing what you said. Reading the book of John and learning all sorts of things about the Lord. When I got to that fishing part, I had to stop and clap my hands. I mean, I just knew I liked God from the get-go. Just wish I hadn’t taken so long to figure it out. In fact what was it I was reading the other day, Denny, you remember . . . about that—”

  The conversation showed no signs of slowing. And while it might have been nice to talk to some of the other guests at the table, Jo and Denny’s streaming dialogue took the spotlight off Abby and John so that no one at the table seemed to remember it was their anniversary or that they hadn’t said a single word to each other since back at the church.

  Dinner was winding down, and the DJ called the wedding party forward for a dance. Abby watched the young people laughing and swaying together, caught up in the joy of the moment. As the song ended, Abby heard the beginning notes to “Sunrise, Sunset” and she knew it was time for John to dance with Nicole.

  “I’ll be back.” John made the general announcement to the table and eased onto the floor as the music began asking the same questions that rattled around in Abby’s empty heart. What happened to the little girl Nicole had been? When did she get so old and grownup? Wasn’t it yesterday when she was just a child? Just skipping in from the lake, asking for a towel and a glass of juice?

  Tears built up in Abby’s eyes as she watched her football player husband dance the age-old number with their daughter.

  And suddenly all Abby could hear was John’s voice as he’d said it dozens of times before, as he’d never say it again. Dance with me, Abby. Dance with me. Dance with me.

  As the reception wound down Abby found herself comparing this evening to the one six months earlier when John and Kade had won the state title football game. All the while she kept reminding herself that this was the last time she and John would entertain and socialize as a married couple. After all the years of frustration and pain and buildup over their divorce, they had finally arrived at this place and now every minute brought them closer to the end. Abby knew that like the night of the big game, even the smallest memories made that evening would be savored in their minds forever. There was one difference, of course.

  This time there were no winners.

  “Beautiful wedding, Abby, tell Nicole she looked gorgeous . . .”

  “Happy anniversary, you two . . . you look every bit in love as always . . .”

  “Matt’s going to make her happy; I can feel it my bones. Thanks for a great evening . . .”

  “Wonderful party, Abby, give me a call sometime . . .”

  One at a time friends and family left until it was Beth’s turn. She and her daughters would stay at a hotel in Chicago that night and catch a flight out tomorrow for the East Coast. Abby had already said good-bye to Beth’s girls, and now Beth pulled Abby to a place on the back porch where no one could hear them. “Well, big sister, I don’t envy you telling those great kids of yours the truth. But you’ve got to do it; there’s no other way. I watched you and John today.” Beth angled her head sadly and brushed a stray lock of hair off Abby’s forehead. “It’s gone between you, Abby. You’re doing the right thing.”

  Abby wished she could feel some sense of victory in Beth’s words, but there was none whatsoever. The fact that Beth was right brought little consolation to the reality of all that lay ahead for Abby, living life as the divorced mother of three grown children. The sound of it so chilled her heart that goose bumps appeared on her arms as she hugged Beth and wished her a safe flight home.

  “I’ll give you a call next week when I’m in New York.” Other than t
he children, Beth was the only person Abby had told about her trip.

  Beth nodded. “I know we haven’t always been close, but I’m here if you need me.” She squeezed Abby’s hand and then found her daughters. “We’ll be getting our things in the car. Tell Nicole and Matt I’ll be ready to leave in five minutes.”

  Abby glanced at a clock on the wall inside. Quarter past ten and only the wedding party and Jo and Denny remained. Nicole and Matt disappeared into the house and came back dressed in sporty outfits.

  “Okay, everyone,” Nicole announced from the porch. “We’re off to the airport.” Abby had helped Matt and Nicole with the logistics of their honeymoon. Beth would drive them to a hotel near the Chicago airport where the bride and groom had reservations for the honeymoon suite. Like Beth, they would board a plane in the morning, but theirs would take them to an all-inclusive resort on the island of Jamaica.

  John had been chatting with Denny down near the pier, but at Nicole’s announcement both men made their way up to the porch.

  “Bring home a tan for me.” Kade pulled Nicole into a hug and kissed her on the cheek. “Love you.”

  Nicole’s eyes glistened with tears. “Love you, too, Kade.”

  Abby’s full-grown son turned to Matt and pushed him playfully in the arm. “Take care of my sister, okay, buddy?”

  There was a smile on Matt’s face, but his eyes were more serious than Abby had ever seen them. “Always.”

  One by one Matt and Nicole shared similar words with Sean and the others and eventually with Matt’s parents.

  “Don’t know about you, sweetheart, but right next to that Bible of yours I’d pack myself a fine fishin’ pole; wouldn’t you, Denny?” Jo was completely serious, and despite the sadness at saying good-bye to Nicole and Matt and the impending doom of what was set to happen when everyone was gone, Abby had to stifle a giggle.

  “Well, Jo, I thought about it and . . .” Nicole gazed into Matt’s eyes, her entire face lit up with her feelings for him. “I decided we probably wouldn’t have enough time to fish. Not on this trip anyway.”