by Hannah Ford
“Yeah, sleep is overrated.” He turned to Fallon, but the segment was finished and now Jimmy was talking to Questlove.
She glanced at Jake’s face to see if he was upset. “Did you see it?” she asked him.
He gave her a look. “Did I see what?”
“Jimmy Fallon’s sketch about you.”
“Yeah, some of it.” He didn’t say anything else. His eyes looked her up and down, not bothering to hide his intentions.
Raven sensed that Jake was boiling over with pent up aggression, and she had some idea of what he wanted from her. She was both bothered and turned on by that knowledge. She didn’t want to just be his outlet, she wanted more than that.
But she was also excited by the idea of him taking all of his frustration out on her, touching her, spanking, grabbing, and maybe…maybe…doing more than that in the end.
She became a little unnerved by his unapologetic stare and moved away from him, walking to the mini-bar and opening it. “Want anything?”
“What I want right now isn’t in that refrigerator,” he said.
She knew what he meant, and it made her nipples stiffen beneath her shirt. She ignored his comment, grabbed herself a Diet Coke and then opened it, drinking the cold, bubbling liquid.
“Listen, Jake, I wanted to apologize about my attitude earlier,” she said, wiping her lips with the back of her hand.
“I get it,” Jake said, watching her. “Under these kinds of circumstances we’re all going to have our testy moments.”
She smiled. “Thanks for saying that. For being understanding.”
“That doesn’t mean you should just get away with it though,” he said, starting to move towards her. His eyes were dark and intense and needing of something—something that Raven knew all too well.
“Jake, you know we can’t keep doing this,” she said, putting her hand out.
“Can’t keep doing what, Raven?” he smiled, pretending not to know what she was talking about.
“You know what I mean,” she replied.
“We can do whatever we want. Nobody’s here but you and me.”
“It’s confusing things.”
“I’m not confused,” he replied, still moving forward. “And I don’t think you are either, actually.”
“I just wish I knew sometimes what was really going on between us,” Raven told him.
Jake’s expression changed to something resembling suspicion. The eyebrow with the scar arched a bit. “I was under the impression we both knew exactly what this is.”
“Are you saying it’s purely business?”
“Obviously not.”
“Then what?”
He shook his head slowly. “You know what it is.” He grit his teeth. “Don’t make me say it, Raven.”
“Say what, Jake?”
He ran a hand through his perfectly styled hair. His bicep bulged as his arm flexed. “Don’t make me define it. I told you, I can’t be your boyfriend. I can’t give you some term to put on this and make it all neat and tidy.”
Hearing him say it again hurt badly. She remembered the way he’d looked into her eyes in bed, the way he’d touched her face, her hair. The way he’d protected her from Club Alpha, even fighting the CEO to put a stop to their tactics.
And yet here he was denying everything right in front of her, like none of that meant a thing to him now.
“If all you want to do is use me to work out your anger at Jimmy Fallon, you should just leave.” She gripped the Diet Coke almost as tightly as she’d held the phone earlier while on the phone with her mother.
Jake laughed, holding his stomach. “Are you serious? You think I’m here because of Jimmy fucking Fallon?” He laughed again, his face reddening.
“It’s not funny,” she said. But even she had to admit that it sounded ridiculous when said out loud.
He kept laughing. “I hate to break it to you, Raven, but that’s not why I came here.”
“I’m glad this is entertaining for you,” she said, the humor draining from the situation as she thought about what he’d said just a moment prior. He’d told her—yet again, and in no uncertain terms—that he couldn’t give her what she needed. And here she was, like a fool, finding new ways to convince herself that he’d changed, that he was falling for her. “Why do you keep coming to my room?” she said. “Why can’t we just keep this professional, and only be romantic when we’re out in public?”
“I don’t like being interrogated,” he said. “I’m here, that’s all that matters.”
“I need to know why,” she said.
“You need me to spell everything out for you,” he said, his jaw clenching.
“Maybe I do, Jake.”
He shook his head. “You push me to the edge. You really do.” His eyes were completely fixed on her, and he seemed to be both angry and wanting her at the same time. Strangely, that was how she felt, too.
“Just say it,” she told him. “Tell me the truth and then whatever happens, happens.”
“Fine.” He took a deep breath and looked down before finally meeting her gaze again. “I’m here because I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he said, his brown eyes as gorgeous and captivating as anything she’d ever seen in her life.
And the way he said he couldn’t stop thinking about her, the thrill that went through her body was unreal.
She looked away from him, trying not to be hypnotized by his magnetism. “This is all just really confusing for me.”
“What’s so confusing?” he said softly.
“Going home is bringing up a lot of bad memories for me. That’s why I couldn’t sleep. I’ve got a lot of baggage in my hometown. I ran away because it was so bad.”
“What was so bad?” he said, coming close enough that she could smell his manly scent, and his cologne. He was fresh and masculine and strong and sexy.
Raven wanted to spill her guts, tell him everything. She wanted to tell him about the party, about Caleb and Andre and the people who’d turned on her—her parents, her brother, her friends—people at school.
She wanted to tell him how she’d gotten so lost in the end—so lost that one dark, horrible night she’d practically swallowed a pharmacy along with half a bottle of vodka before her mother had found her and called 911.
But looking into his brown eyes, knowing that he still didn’t really want to be with her, didn’t want to be committed to her, that he was just using her for the things that he wanted and needed from her—she couldn’t trust him enough to tell him everything.
“Sometime maybe I’ll tell you,” she said, finally. “But not tonight.”
“Okay,” he said, and he didn’t seem angry about it.
“It’s just been hard.”
“You called home,” he said, as if he already knew.
He knew from just looking at her face, probably. Jake Novak could read her like a book with magnified print.
She nodded. And then there was a lump in her throat, and she was crying, bawling actually.
“Hey,” he said, and then his strong arms were wrapping around her, enfolding her in his embrace, rocking her gently as he kissed her forehead. “Hey, it’s going to be okay,” he said. “You know that, right?”
She couldn’t reply. She was crying for everything—for Jake’s pain about his dead fiancé, for the horror of what he’d been through in the war, for Skylar being scared and maybe sick, and then finally she was crying for her own pain. All of the things she’d been through when she was seventeen and none of it had turned out okay back then.
But now Jake Novak was holding her and even though he kept telling her he couldn’t give her what she needed, the strange truth was that he continued to give her exactly what she needed.
* * *
They slept together that night in her hotel room.
It was all very dreamlike, the way Jake had comforted her, then led her slowly into the bedroom and laid her down on the mattress before taking off his shirt and jeans and climbing in be
side her.
His arms wrapped around her once more, he hadn’t needed to say much of anything.
In seconds, she’d fallen asleep—something that had seemed an impossibility just minutes before that.
When she awoke again, it was late at night, more like early morning, although the sun hadn’t yet begun to rise.
Jake was still holding her, his skin hot against her skin, his muscular frame so smooth and exciting that she turned over onto her back and ran her fingers along his forearm, trailing up to his bicep and shoulder.
He stirred a little, but his eyes never opened, and he instinctively grabbed her and pulled her body in that much closer.
Raven listened to him breathe in the quiet peaceful darkness, and felt his body against hers, and she looked at his face and his beautiful features, trying to make sense of who he was and what part he was playing in her life.
She allowed herself to feel the absolute wonder of being so close to a man that millions of women wanted and fantasized about. Jake Novak was the biggest thing going (or had been until his recent video leak), and somehow, against all odds, he’d landed smack dab in the middle of her little life and exploded the whole thing like a megaton bomb.
Raven studied his face and tried to understand why he was even with her. What had made him choose her that night at the party? What had made him so attracted to her?
She didn’t understand it at all. There were so many women that would have dropped to their knees in a heartbeat to let Jake Novak spank them, touch them, kiss them, do all that and more.
Yet he’d chosen Raven.
Watching him sleep, she thought he looked so peaceful, so beautiful, almost an angel. And the truth was, even though his presence in her life had pretty much exploded her normal reality, the tradeoff so far had been well worth it.
Being with Jake was frightening, challenging, frustrating, intense and exciting like nothing else she’d ever experienced. And yet, despite all of his mixed signals, Raven realized that she was beginning to trust him more and more and more.
When she actually thought about what he’d done for her—helping Skylar when she was scared and in need, facing down Club Alpha, bringing Raven in front of the media and treating her as his girlfriend, holding her close when she was sad and crying…
Looking at it objectively, Jake had actually risked a lot and done a lot for her in a very short time. They were spending nearly every waking moment together, and now he had even taken to spending the night with her.
Maybe, she thought, as she once again ran her palm across Jake’s arm and shoulder and then down his beautifully smooth, rock hard chest…Maybe he really is falling in love with me.
All signs point to the fact that he is, whether he wants to admit it or not.
Raven got chills thinking about it.
Perhaps Jake doesn’t want to admit what’s going on, but all you have to do is look at the facts and it’s clear that he cares.
Remember what he said when you pushed him to say why he kept coming to your room?
I couldn’t stop thinking about you, that’s what he said.
Raven smiled to herself, and then snuggled up even closer to him, drifting off into another peaceful sleep.
When she woke up again, it was much later and she felt strangely cold and empty. Turning back to see Jake, she realized the emptiness was literal—he wasn’t in bed with her anymore.
The bathroom door was open and there was nobody inside. She listened and heard nobody moving around outside the bedroom.
Jake had left, exactly when, she couldn’t be sure.
Raven realized that she wanted to wake up with Jake beside her, that she was already becoming addicted to the feel of him holding her, of him being next to her, his body was like a drug.
She wanted to see him wake up and smile and make a joke.
But he had gone, for whatever reason.
Sitting up in bed, she reached for her cell phone on the nightstand and found there was a text from Jake.
Had to go to my room 2 grab a shower etc. Check on Skylar see how she is doing. I will make all arrangements for our trip to Mass. We will there for a day maybe 2 at most. Meet u in the lobby at noon to head out.
Well that explained where Jake had gone—back to his own room for a shower and to ready himself for their upcoming trip.
Raven still couldn’t quite accept that they were going back to Southbridge together. The whole notion was just surreal, absurd, and fraught with risk to her emotional wellbeing.
But there was no fighting it any longer, as she’d already told her mother of the visit and Jake was expecting to go as well.
Jake seemed pretty convinced that this would make a good photo op and lead to the kind of press they desperately needed if he was going to stop being the punch-line on late night television and cable news shows.
What about Kurt, though? Raven wondered as she slid off her t-shirt and turned on the shower, waiting for the water to get sufficiently warm before stepping under the stream from the showerhead.
What was Kurt’s angle? He was the one who’d suggested sending the two of them to her hometown, and it didn’t really make sense. He wanted Raven out of the picture, but there he was, arguing for her and Jake to spend even more time together.
Perhaps he really had accepted that Jake was going through with the plan, and so Kurt was now embracing Raven as a necessary evil. Maybe he was actually trying to help the plan succeed.
Somehow she didn’t really think so. Whatever Kurt was up to, she didn’t trust him any further than she could throw him.
Raven washed up, rinsed off and dried herself, running the towel through her hair. Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, she saw a different person looking back at her.
Something in her expression had changed these last few days. What was it?
She couldn’t quite put her finger on it at first, and she even felt that maybe it was just wishful thinking.
You haven’t changed, you’re still the same girl you’ve always been.
But then she really looked at herself, trying not to judge based on old impressions. Imagine you’re seeing yourself for the first time.
What do you see?
And that’s when it hit her. Raven had always felt that she wasn’t good enough, wasn’t worthy, was somehow lacking.
That lack of confidence was gone now, and in some way it’s disappearance could be seen on her face. Her expression was somehow more confident and self-assured.
Raven smiled, looking at herself as if for the first time.
Is it possible that being Jake Novak’s escort has been good for me? Is it possible this whole ridiculous situation is the best thing that’s ever happened in my entire life?
And then she realized that, yes, it was possible, and moreover, that’s exactly what Jake Novak was—the best thing that ever had happened to her.
* * *
Skylar and her parents were just finishing breakfast when Raven called her.
“Come downstairs,” Skylar said. “My parents are going back to their room but I’ll just hang here for a minute.”
“You sure?” Raven said, as she stepped into her sandals. She’d dressed in a light blue summer dress and carried a pink clutch. “I can meet you back at your room if you want.”
“No, it’s nice to be here, I can watch everyone in the hotel coming and going. I can even see the paparazzi clamoring around in front of the exit.” Skylar giggled. “You and Jake Novak sure have gotten them excited.”
“I guess we have,” Raven said. “Okay, I’ll be down in two seconds.” She hung up and then grabbed her one suitcase that contained all the things Kurt had brought for her to wear and use while staying at the hotel. Since she would be checking out and leaving, she decided to simply bring it with her.
By the time she was done talking to Sky, it would be pretty much noon, and that meant meeting Jake in the lobby.
Her stomach danced with anxious butterflies as she imagined Jake w
alking with her, out of the hotel, the photographers snapping their pictures.
And then, the long drive back to Massachusetts—but it would feel far too short for Raven’s tastes. She wished it could have taken a month instead of four or five hours.
She got off the elevator and walked, towing her suitcase, until she saw Skylar sitting at a small table right near the entrance to the hotel restaurant. The entire wall was glass, so patrons could look out into the hotel lobby and the hotel guests could look in and see everything inside the restaurant as they crossed through.
Raven felt a rush of love for her friend, and concern too, as Skylar waved back at her. She was sitting with a cup of coffee and a scone, and she looked almost happy.
Don’t go crying now, Raven scolded herself. It will only make her feel bad if you do that. Remember, she’s fine and maybe the test will come back clean.
Raven walked into the restaurant and parked her suitcase next to their table, leaned down and gave her friend a peck on the cheek before finally sitting.
“You look gorg,” Skylar said, eyes wide, taking a big sip of coffee. “What a hot mama.”
“Thanks,” Raven laughed. “What about your clothes?” she said. “You didn’t bring a change of outfit either.”
“My parents brought me stuff from home when they came.”
“That was thoughtful of them. Where are they staying, anyway?”
“Here,” Skylar said. She put her coffee mug down. “Jake didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
Skylar picked a piece off her scone and ate it. “He booked my parents a suite here, and it’s open-ended just like mine. All we need to do is inform the front desk if we want to add a night and they do it. He’s paying for everything.”
Now Raven really did want to cry. “Wow, I didn’t have any idea Jake set that up. That was really nice of him.”
“Yeah, and he’s been staying in contact with the hospital on my behalf. No word yet, but they think they’ll have results back in the next day or two for sure.” Skylar gave a smile but this time it was strained, and Raven could tell.
“You holding up okay, Sky?”