Dream Sweet

by Terence Matedero

“Fuck,” I thought to myself. “That was intense!”

  I took a deep breath before I asked, “Sorry. Did I wake you?”

  I didn’t hear her reply.

  I didn’t sleep the rest of the night.

  10

  Work went pretty much as expected the next day. I only worked half of it, like Sal recommended. Not so much because I didn’t think I could handle it, but I couldn’t wait to get down to the police station to get my hands on a copy of that police report from the accident.

  I got to see Frank that day, which was good for me. He was working on the Middleton project when I came across him. The Middletons were having us build a house for them on top of a hill just outside of town that overlooked the entire city. They were both lawyers.

  Frank saw my pickup and started to walk over to where I was pulling in.

  “Yo’ Howie, they let you out! Damn glad to see you, old man. Damn glad,” he said as he approached.

  Frank was my business partner, long time friend, and godfather to my children. I felt a surge of relief when I saw him. He had handled everything for me while I recuperated - business wise. He was the kind of guy that would give anything you asked of him. I hadn’t had one worry that he wasn’t taking care of things.

  “Good to see you too, Frank,” I said out the window.

  Frank Whiting was a little shorter than my 6’ frame, but he was more bulky. Not fat bulky, but muscular bulky. I was fat bulky, to an extent, but I still could work those young kids out of a job if I had to.

  I met Frank at a Home and Garden show at the Holiday Inn here in town. He was selling hot tubs at the time and Donna and I were in the market for one. It was a few years before we actually bought one, and not from Frank, but I gained a good friend that day talking about plumbing and installations. He was well versed in construction, so I found out, and we hit it off right away.

  He caught me up on the project and the delays and the changes in the Middleton’s master bathroom, and then he got down to the grit.

  “So, Howard, how’ve you been? Really?”

  I knew that he was referring to my state of mind with the accident and the death of Ms. Evans. He knew me very well after 10 years of friendship. He visited me a couple of times while I was in the hospital and knew I wasn’t handling things that well.

  “You know, Frank. I’d be lying to you if I told you I’ve been just peachy,” I replied.

  “Yeah, I know. I can see it on your face.”

  “I just haven’t been sleeping well, you know?” I shrugged my shoulders.

  “It looks to be a bit more than that, though. You really look like hell. Like you’ve been stuck on the spin cycle for a bit. I’ve seen most of these guys around here, including you, on little to no sleep, and it doesn’t look like you look right now. Come on, man, spill it.” He slapped me on the shoulder.

  “Frank, I didn’t think for a minute that I could keep anything from you, but I just don’t know if it is really something you want to hear about. You’ll probably think I’m losing my mind, and honestly, I’m beginning to think I’m losing my mind, too. You’re just not going to believe me if I tell you what’s been happening.”

  “Try me, Howie.”

  I punched him in the arm and said, “Stop calling me Howie, and maybe I will, numb-nuts.”

  We both smiled and then Frank said, “Well?”

  I told him about the dreams that I had been having, and in particular, the dream I had, or thought I had, when Kate was raped, although I didn’t tell him quite all of the details, especially the details of what happened just before Brandon woke me up the second time.

  “What? When did this happen?” Frank interrupted me.

  “This past Thursday night when Donna went out of town for a conference.”

  “Who is this kid, Howard, and where were you?”

  “I’m trying to tell you, Frank, that I was having a dream. I was sleeping, Christ, I don’t even know anymore. If it was a dream, it was a very vivid one. I can even remember smelling the sweat and the burning oil lamp that she had lit in her room. Can you smell when you’re dreaming, Frank? I don’t know. Anyway, the fact that I was awoken by Brandon the second time gives me the idea that it was a dream, but what if I blacked out for a moment and went back to lay down?”

  “I think you’re overlooking one thing, Howard. When you went into Kate’s room the second time, was there a mess on the bedspread?”

  “Well, no, but there wasn’t a bedspread on the bed, either. I suppose she could have thrown it in the laundry, we have a chute upstairs.”

  “Yeah, but did you check?”

  “No,” I replied. I could feel a headache coming on. “And Donna didn’t say anything about a bedspread in the laundry, either.”

  “You know, he could have taken it with him.”

  “Why would he do that? He didn’t take it with him. That doesn’t make any sense. Either way, I’m pretty sure I was dreaming because of, well, I’m just pretty sure it was a dream, most of it. I mean, most of what I thought was a dream was a dream.” I shook my head. “Oh fuck, who am I kidding, Frank, I think I’m losing my mind.” I turned to look at the front of the house.

  “You’re not losing your mind, you fucking murderer.”

  My head swiveled back to face Frank. “What did you just say to me?”

  “I said, you’re not losing your mind.”

  “I heard that, but what did you say after that?” I had begun to get pissed.

  “Nothing, Howard.”

  “It sounded like you did.” My heart was beginning to thump in my chest. “Why are you lying to me?” I asked him. I could feel my face flush.

  “I’m not lying to you, Howard, really.”

  I looked hard at Frank’s face. It was absent of any of his usual tells of lying. I stared at him for a moment longer and he didn’t move a muscle. He was either telling the truth or he had taken some acting lessons that I didn’t know about. But I was pretty sure I heard something. “I must be losing my mind,” I thought to myself.

  After a deep breath, I said, “Frank, forget it. I should probably just go and check on Ramirez, so I can get home early and rest like the doctor told me to.”

  Frank looked at me with his eyes wide open. “Really, Howard? You just got here. You’re going to leave already?”

  “Yeah, Frank. I’m starting to get a headache,” I said, as I cradled my forehead with my right hand and massaged my temples.

  “Okay, Howard. Um, you gotta do what you gotta do, I suppose. I just want to help, you know, and we didn’t finish our conversation. But if your head is hurting, you’d better go and get some rest. I can handle everything here.”

  “I know you can, Frank. And, thank you.” I smiled at him - lips, no teeth – then turned to walk back to my truck.

  “Hey, wait a sec, Howard,” Frank said.

  “What now, Frank?” I felt my heart starting to beat harder again and each pulse translated into a stab of pain in the side of my head.

  “I’m sorry if I upset you. Really I am. I don’t know what you think I said, but you know me, and I wouldn’t say anything derogatory to you without it being a big joke.”

  I breathed deep. The pain subsided just a bit. I took another deep breath and it subsided a little bit more. “Frank, you’re a good friend. I’m not feeling very well. I must have been hearing things. I’m sorry.” I walked up to him and put my hand on his shoulder. “We’ll continue this conversation later, I promise. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” This time I smiled with teeth.

  “Sure, Howard, you take care of that head, and make sure you say hi to Donna and the kids for me. Call me later if you’re feeling up to it.”

  “Okay.” I turned and headed toward my truck once more.

  11

  The police station had quite a few more cars than normal in front of it. I had to park in the lot on the south side. The only side of the building that didn’t have an entry. Lucky me. Why they decided to put a lot there, I don’t k
now. Probably some kind of political favor, or maybe a sick joke. It used to be a local grocery store before Wal-Mart came to town and put it out of business. Now it was just a lot.

  It had turned into a gorgeous spring day. I could smell the odor of fresh cut grass, and see the flowers on the apple trees beginning to bloom. I had always liked spring. It felt like a new awakening. Especially because the birds came back and the town sounded alive again. Winter was just so barren and quiet in southwestern Montana. Hell, it was part of the frozen wasteland of the northern plains, competing with Wyoming, Nebraska, and the Dakotas. The one thing I liked most about living there was that it was close to the Gallatin and Shoshone National Forests, the northern and eastern outskirts of Yellowstone, respectively.

  I approached the door, and held it open for an older lady. She didn’t even say thank you. “What is wrong with people these days?” I thought.

  Of course, I had to wait for her to finish her business with the dispatch officer before I could proceed with why I had come there.

  When it was my turn, Officer Sheila Dobson, according to her name tag, asked me if she could help me and I replied, “I think I’m beyond help, but you could maybe do something for me.” I smiled. I always nailed people on that one. How can I help you, and what can I do for you are two very different things. At least different enough to give people shit about.

  “Okay, sir. What can I do for you?” she said, as she returned the smile.

  “I was wondering if it would be possible to speak to the officers that were at the scene of the accident out on 270 last month. I have a couple of questions I’d like to ask them.”

  “And you are, sir?”

  “I’m Howard Cushman. I was one of the people involved in it,” I replied.

  “Oh, yeah, right. Good to see you well. I worked that night and remember the EMTs taking you to the hospital,” she said, still smiling.

  “Can you tell me who the officers were that went to the scene?”

  “Sure, I have it right here in the database. I think it was Rogers and Wilson, if I remember, but let me check to make sure.”

  “Great.” I noticed the DUI scare posters on the wall behind her desk. The ones that showed some horrific accident and explained how a drunk driver caused it and some people died. It made me feel a bit queasy at that moment.

  “Yup, it was. Let me call them in. You can have a seat while you wait.” Officer Dobson said.

  “Will it be long?” I asked

  “No, they’re off for lunch and they need to come in anyway. You picked a good time.”

  “Thanks, that’s the first thing I did right today,” I lied and winked at her. “Why was I flirting with her?” I asked myself. “Probably because it was the first time in a couple of days that a woman smiled at me.” Donna was still not talking to me. And, she certainly wasn’t smiling at me.

  Twenty-three minutes had passed before two plain-clothed policemen walked through the security doors and approached me.

  “Mr. Cushman, I presume?” the one on the right asked as he stuck out his hand.

  I stood, shook it, and replied. “Yes, Officer?”

  “Wilson,” he said, “and this is Officer Rogers.”

  I shook his hand also while Officer Wilson asked me what they could do for me. At least he didn’t ask me if he could help me.

  I explained to them the nature of my visit and told them that I came in to get a copy of the police report.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Cushman. That is an ongoing investigation, and we can’t release the information until the case has been closed.”

  “Why would they still be investigating, and why is he being such an…?” I thought. “Why is the case still open?” I asked.

  “I can’t divulge that information, Mr. Cushman.”

  “Are you trying to trump up some charges against me?” I spat back at him. Almost immediately after I asked that, I could feel my blood pressure rise again. My heart beat reverberated against my skull once again and I could feel the intense pressure against my left side.

  Officer Rogers squinted at me and studied my eyes. “Are you all right, Mr. Cushman?” he asked.

  “Ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump,” my pulse bounced harder and harder inside my head.

  As I nodded to Officer Rogers, Officer Wilson, whom apparently wasn’t concerned about me said, “I’m sorry, Mr. Cushman, we can’t discuss the case with you at this time. It is an ongoing investigation, as I’ve just told you. And I cannot release the report of an ongoing…”

  “Okay, okay. Sorry. Can you answer some questions about it, then?”

  “Mr. Cushman, I just told you that we can’t discuss the case with you.”

  “Please, I just need to know some details to help me remember what happened.”

  “I’m sorry, but no. We can’t at this time.”

  I stared at Officer Wilson and wondered for a moment if I’d try to stop the car if he crossed the street in front of me. “Thanks for nothing,” I said and turned to walk out of the waiting area.

  If I had stood there any longer, I might have snapped. For the past 24 hours, all I had thought about was the possibility that I could get some information that would help me solve the dilemma I’d been in the past few weeks. I had put so much behind the idea that there would be something on the pages of the police report that would squelch my fears, that my body reacted with such strong anger at the officers’ refusal to help me. “Now what am I supposed to do?” I thought. I started to feel dizzy from the pain.

  “That’s right, keep going; we don’t cater to murderers, Mr. Cushman.”

  “What did you just say to me?” I asked and spun to face the officers. The next thing I remembered was looking up at an EMT in a moving ambulance.

  ~

  I had quite a few sleepless hours lying in the hospital bed, once again, that night.

  Donna had come to check up on me earlier and the attending physician came in to talk to me just before the nurses had made their rounds with the night’s medications.

  “It is not uncommon for a patient that has suffered a recent brain trauma to experience fainting when changes of blood pressure occur, or changes in heart rate occur. Dr, Morrisey and I both concur that the fainting was a common side effect, not an immediate concern. There is no indication from your CAT scan to indicate otherwise. Our intention is to keep you here overnight for observation and if you are feeling up to it tomorrow, you can go home. Dr. Morrisey may have you stay off your feet for another day or so, but that is entirely up to him in the morning,” the attending had said to me.

  I was relieved by the news, but also concerned, because I didn’t tell him about the two incidents of Frank and the officer calling me a murderer when my back was turned. I hadn’t quite decided if I was going to make Sal privy to the information in the morning, either. The last thing I wanted to do was spend more time in the hospital. I could rest at home. I could take some more time off.

  “I bet after I spend a couple days camping with the kids this weekend, I’ll feel much more like myself, too,” I had thought. “The fresh air will do me good! What doctor wouldn’t agree with that?” I smiled.

  Shortly after that, the nurse had given me a mild sedative, but the stress of the day overpowered the medication, and I did not sleep until well past midnight. When I did sleep, it was restless, but thankfully, dreamless.

  12

  Donna had taken me home the next morning, as Sal didn’t have much more to add to what the ER doctor told me the night before. Sal did tell me to stay off my feet for another 24 hours, and let him know immediately if I felt faint or lightheaded. He said that I could go to work on Thursday if I felt up to it. Again, only recommending a half day.

  “Honey, I’m sorry I’ve been so distant the past few days,” Donna said to me on the drive home.

  “That’s okay, honey, I probably deserved it.” Which I felt.

  “No you didn’t, honey. I was upset about Kate, but I didn’t have to blame you for it
. I wasn’t empathetic to what you’ve been through the past few weeks and I didn’t give you enough credit for handling the situation well enough before you went to bed.”

  “Really, it’s okay.” I looked at her and smiled. No teeth.

  “No, just let me finish. You didn’t let Jim back into the house. Kate did. And I know it sounds harsh, but Kate is more to blame about what happened than you are. I don’t think it’s the right time to tell her anything of the sort, but I also shouldn’t have put the blame on you so much, if at all.” Her voice was quivering.

  “But, hon. I know you were upset, and you had every right to be. I’m the one that failed Kate.”

  “No you didn’t, darling. You have been there for Kate every time she needed you.”

  “Except that night,” I mumbled.

  “Now that’s not true. The one thing that you didn’t know because I forgot to tell you before I left and I didn’t tell you when I returned, was that I told Kate not to invite anyone over while I was away because I didn’t think that it was fair to you, having just been released from the hospital and all. In a sense, I’m more to blame than you are.”

  “Honey, I don’t think you should blame yourself. I’m having a hard time believing that I’m not more to blame, but I also don’t think that we should be playing a blame game. Do you?”

  She hesitated, and then said, “No, you’re right, we shouldn’t. We should accept what happened as something that we couldn’t entirely prevent because we didn’t have complete control. If I would have told you what I told her, and she would have done what she agreed on, instead of playing us against each other, then the whole incident wouldn’t have happened, right?”

  “I suppose so, but I was not a saint, exactly, that night either.”

  “I understand you feel that way, but what I’m saying is that we all made a mistake that night. Kate suffered the most from it…”

  “I wasn’t sure I’d entirely agreed with that statement,” I said to myself.