A Traitorous Heart

by Tammy Jo Burns

  “We leave England and set sail for America.”

  “You must be mad! You are a peer of the realm. What would happen to your title? Your family? It would look as if I were guilty, and we were running for our lives. What would that do to Kala’s chances of finding a husband?” She watched as a red flush crept up Derek’s neck. “You know what it would do to her, yet you are willing to sacrifice their good name and opportunity to be with a woman you don’t even love?”

  “Tessa,” he called to her as she walked away from him.

  “No, Derek, you listen to me. I am going to face this come what may. If I am guilty, I will not run away from my punishment. I hope with every fiber of my being that I gain my full memory, but in case I don’t, I have a request for you.”

  “And that would be?” he asked warily.

  “I want you to seek an annulment. No one besides your family knows of our marriage. If you pay the right people, no one will ever know that you were married to a traitor.”

  “You are not a bloody traitor!”

  “Promise me you will seek an annulment.”

  “I refuse to promise something so bloody ridiculous!”

  “And your plan is so much better? Derek, you can’t leave behind your life, your family for a virtual stranger.”

  “We are not strangers.”

  “We are. We have known one another for a total of a handful of weeks, perhaps a few more. For most of that time we thought one another dead. Wouldn’t it be best for all involved if by the time we have to return to London and I don’t have my memory fully back, we cut ties once and for all?”

  “Listen, to her Derek. The woman seems to be reasonable after all,” a deep voice chimed in supporting Tessa.

  Chapter 22

  “Go to hell,” Derek snarled at his best friend.

  “Temper, temper,” Gabe taunted.

  “Your Grace,” Tessa dipped into a curtsy.

  “Please, call me Gabe.”

  “Not until you have earned it, I think,” Tessa countered, refusing to listen to the voice reminding her that this powerful man in front of her could call for the order to end her life with a few well-placed words to the right person.

  “Someday we might become friends, Countess.”

  “Hmmph.”

  “If you two are finished with your tête-à-tête, I am having a very private conversation with my wife. Please leave.”

  “That is no way to talk to your best friend,” Tessa scolded. “Do you know what Derek has planned?” she turned her full attention on Gabe.

  “No, he doesn’t, and it should stay that way. We will take up this conversation later,” Derek walked over and grabbed her upper arm to steer her towards the door. “Perhaps you should go upstairs and rest.”

  She jerked her arm free of his hold, spun to face him, and planted her fists on her hips.

  “Do not dare treat me like a recalcitrant child. I may be the first, but I am not the latter. Nor do I intend to go meekly about my life as some wives do while the men make all the plans because we are just too silly to have a thought in our heads. It is my life that hangs in the balance, husband, not yours and not his,” she nodded towards Hawkescliffe. “We will talk this out now and develop a plan, for I am sick to death of hiding.”

  “Bravo,” Gabriel clapped enthusiastically.

  “And you, Your Grace,” Tessa walked over to him, her emerald eyes sparkling in her anger at his light treatment of the situation, “should be more aware of your best friend and his plans if you truly do care about him.”

  “What are you talking about?” he asked looking down his nose at her, but shooting a suspicious look at Derek.

  “Your best friend is ready to abscond to America if I never regain my memory.”

  “Like bloody hell!” he exclaimed. “Think of your family. Your parents will be shunned by their friends. Your father will lose his position as will Elizabeth’s husband. Think of Richard and Drucilla. My God, Kala will never find a husband should that happen! Have you gone mad?”

  “He does not seem to realize that the situation involves far more people than just the two of us. I suggested he seek an annulment before you arrived.”

  “And how did he receive that suggestion?”

  “Do you have to ask? I’m attempting to make him see it is truly the soundest decision he could make.”

  “My friend is too noble to do that.”

  “Perhaps you could talk to him.”

  “I am standing right here!” Derek roared feeling overcome by anger at being talked over.

  “Fine, you want to be involved in the conversation then you need to begin to see reason,” Gabe crossed his arms and leaned against the desk. “I am not here for a friendly visit. McKenzie sent me back here just as soon as I arrived without Tessa. He wants to question her, and he has run out of patience with the situation and you,” he looked pointedly at Derek.

  Derek stared back at his friend, refusing to relent. He would not allow the director to determine his future. If necessary, I will gather every member of my family and escape England if I must, he thought impractically.

  “Your Grace, I have given my situation a lot of thought,” Tessa’s voice cut into Derek’s wanderings. He straightened, unsure as to what she would say. “I know that you do not yet trust me and can understand that, but I truly do not believe I have done anything wrong.”

  “Can you prove this to me?”

  “Not right now. My memory has not fully returned. It is just a feeling I have, that I could not possibly put the nation that I love, that my father loved, in danger.”

  “I do not work off of feelings, my lady, nor does our director or the Prime Minister.”

  “I understand that. I also know that my time is up, regardless of how hard Derek is fighting that fact. I either turn myself in or force the enemy out into the open to prove that I am innocent and a target and pawn in this deadly situation. I want to offer myself up as bait.”

  “Absolutely not,” Derek said, grabbing her shoulders and squeezing them.

  Tessa masked her expression, suppressing a flinch at the grip Derek had on her and continued the conversation with Gabriel.

  “Your Grace, none of us know for certain when, or if I will regain my full memory. Each of us needs closure and answers. It would be easier to control the surroundings here at the estate; however, I do not believe your director will allow that to happen,” she paused to see his reaction and continued when he nodded his head in understanding. “I suggest that if I am the one this person wants, I should be the bait that attracts him. I will also meet with the director and answer as many of his questions as possible.”

  “I see,” Gabriel answered looking at Derek. “And what do you think about this?” Gabriel turned the question to Derek.

  “I bloody well hate it,” he replied finally realizing he still had a vise like grip on Tessa. He forced his fingers to release her and took a step back watching her rub her arms tenderly.

  “I see. Countess, allow me,” Gabriel faced Derek and addressed him. “Derek, I want you to remove yourself from the situation. For a moment, imagine you have no ties to Lady Blackburn. What would you suggest we do to bring out this mysterious villain into the open? Would we hide her away so that no one can touch her? Would we risk the security of England for two people’s happiness? Can you in good faith see more men killed because you are unwilling to do all you possibly can for your country? Or do we stake her out like a goat to lure in a man-eating lion?” The two watched as Derek turned and left the room. Shortly they heard a door open and slam shut.

  Tessa made to go after him, but felt a firm hand grip her shoulder to stay her.

  “Let him be,” Gabriel commanded when she started to argue. “He has just agreed. Give him a chance to calm down, and we will make some decisions on what should be done before he returns.”

  * * *

  Derek trudged through the damp grass, his way lit by a setting sun and a rising full moon. The clouds
had finally moved off, leaving behind a nice breeze to keep the evening from becoming too cool on this early autumn day. He did not notice the person following him at a distance. His steps took him past the folly until he came upon the ruins of an old structure. An ancestor had thought he needed a castle and had a small one constructed, only to have it fall in sad disrepair.

  He had hoped to bring Tessa here tomorrow, to share the special spot with her, but now it would not happen. Derek looked over the ruins and did not see what brought him many hours of play as a youngster, slaying dragons and rescuing damsels, even if she was his sister. Instead, he replayed the conversation in the study over and over again. His anger and feelings of impotence grew, overwhelming him.

  Derek stomped over to a half-standing wall and gave it a mighty shove, seeking a physical release for his anger. It rocked precariously before he once again put his force behind it and watched in satisfaction as that portion crumbled to the ground. He picked up one of the larger boulders and heaved it across the small, enclosed yard, grinning with satisfaction when he heard the loud thud as it hit another wall. Derek repeated the process, grunting loudly every time he threw one until he finally collapsed in a sweaty heap on the wet grass. His breathing came in shallow pants, and his muscles quivered.

  “You reminded me of me da’ just then,” a voice came from the shadows cast by the full moon that had risen.

  Derek reached for his cane that he left at the house, and only relaxed upon seeing Lucas step into the moonlight. “What’re you doing here?” he demanded and fell back on the cool grass.

  “Lady Tessa wouldn’t want anything to happen t’ya. So I decided t’ follow ya’,” Lucas answered.

  “So she has you trained like a dog now, does she? She teaches you to read and do numbers, and you watch me and report back to her, is that it?”

  “No, sir,” the boy said softly. Derek knew he had hurt the lad’s feelings, but could not take back the words.

  “Go home,” Derek commanded.

  “I’ll wait for ya’, sir.”

  “I’ll send you back to your father,” Derek threatened.

  “I’ll see ya’ home first, sir. It’s what Lady Tessa would want.”

  “Aye, and if I sent you back to your father, she would never speak to me again,” Derek stared up at the full moon shining brightly in the sky. It offered a sign of a renewal for many, but tonight it just seemed cold, and the man trapped within it mocked and laughed at him. His hopes and dreams were disintegrating once more before his very eyes and he couldn’t do a damn thing to stop them. “Join me lad,” Derek coaxed Lucas.

  The boy warily lay on the ground next to him, but stayed far enough away that he would have time to jump up if Derek reached for him. Lucas did not trust, and Derek had moved them back to the beginning with his earlier harsh words and threats. A comfortable silence settled between them and before he realized it, Derek began telling his problems to a street-wise stable lad.

  “She wants to return to London and lure the person after her out into the open.”

  “She can’t do that!” Lucas jackknifed into a sitting position.

  “I tried to tell her that,” Derek remained supine, watching similar emotions play across Lucas’ face that had played across his own earlier in the night. “I want to take her away, to America, but she refuses.”

  “Kidnap her!” Lucas cried standing and pacing the area. He kicked at rocks agitated by the news he had just heard.

  “I would love to do nothing more than that, but she unfortunately told my friend about my plans. He will give chase because it is the right thing to do. It is what I would do if the situation were reversed.”

  “Ya’ have to take her away, m’lord, ya’ just have too,” Lucas’ voice quavered, and he turned to stare at Derek, his hands fisted by his sides. “Lady Tessa is the best thing to happen to me since me ma died. She cares ‘bout me and I love her!”

  Derek saw the anger and fear vibrating through Luke and knew it only too well. He pushed to his feet and stepped towards the boy. Lucas’ pent-up frustration erupted and he charged at Derek, swinging at him with all his might.

  “She can’t die!” Lucas yelled over and over until his voice turned hoarse and sobs shook his wiry frame. “Everyone good in me life dies.” Derek held him tightly, his heart breaking for the boy that had grown up too quickly. While the boy cried out his fears, he felt a few tears of his own escape.

  When both of them were once more in full control of their emotions, Derek clasped Lucas on the shoulder and said, “We will play this game how she wants, but in the end, we will do what we have to in order to keep her safe.” Luke gave a sharp nod in agreement and in silence they walked back to the house.

  * * *

  Several hours later Gabriel had been settled in a guest room for the night and Tessa anxiously waited for Derek. Nervousness overwhelmed her, but she knew she had to see this to an end. She had eaten a light repast and began packing, clothes and trunks littered her room and bed. She finally crawled into bed, exhausted and worn. It felt as if hours passed before she heard the familiar, slightly uneven gait of her husband coming down the hall.

  The lights in the bedroom were dim as he made his way in and began stripping. His clothes were wet from sweat and had grass stains on them. He smelled of the outdoors and rain.

  “Where have you been?” Tessa asked quietly.

  “At the ruins.”

  “Ruins?”

  “Yes.”

  “What are they?”

  “I had hoped to show you tomorrow on a picnic, but it seems we will be going to London instead. So I guess you will have to wait.”

  “I see,” she said hurt.

  “What were you doing?”

  “Rearranging things.”

  “Why?”

  “What is this, an interrogation? Did Gabe leave?”

  “No. He is staying overnight in one of the guest rooms.”

  “Keeping your conspirator close at hand?”

  “Derek, please, you have to see it has to be this way. Please don’t be mad.”

  “Don’t be mad?” he asked incredulously.

  “It has to be done.”

  “Bloody hell, no it doesn’t!” he threw down the boot he had been fighting with.

  “Please tell me what you’re thinking, feeling. Anything,” Tessa pleaded.

  “You want to know what I’m feeling?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, biting her lower lip.

  “Fine! I am mad as hell and will stay mad for as long as I damn well please. I am mad at you for coming up with this hair-brained plan. I am damn sure mad at Gabriel for agreeing to it. I am mad at the situation and myself for knowing I would do the same blasted thing. But most of all I am bloody well infuriated with whoever is playing us like puppets. How is that? Enough feeling for you, Contessa?”

  “It’s better,” she murmured.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. Derek, you do understand don’t you? I have to have answers. I can’t hide from the situation anymore and not just because of your director, but for us as well. If we are to have any hope of a future together, I have to clear my name.”

  “This scheme that you and Gabriel hatched is dangerous. We can’t control the situations.”

  “We will find a way.”

  “You have more faith than I do.”

  “You have to understand that I can no longer live like this. I cannot try to remember as well as watch for someone I do not even recognize or remember. I need it finished. I need my life to go on,” she paused significantly, “or end.”

  Derek stared at her, a stricken look on his face as he heard her finally voice the truth of the situation. Kidnap her! Lucas’ words replayed in his mind. He paced back and forth at the end of the bed. She leaned against the headboard calmly waiting for his decision, while inside she felt jumpy and scared. A part of her wanted him to tell her no, but a greater part needed him to agree.

  “We will go to London, bu
t you have to follow what I say exactly. You also cannot wander around and be by yourself without protection.”

  “I understand.”

  “I have a bad feeling about this.”

  “I have already lost my memory, what could be worse than that?” she joked attempting to lighten the atmosphere.

  The attempt failed miserably when he simply replied, “Losing you forever.”

  She watched, speechless, as he blew the lights out around the room. Clothes rustled and then she felt the bed dip on his side as he climbed in. In the light of the moon she witnessed his stiff back turned to her. Tessa scooted down under the covers and turned on her side away from him. It appeared they would share a bed, but the chasm between them spoke volumes.

  Tessa lay there, shell-shocked at what he had said—losing you forever. Those words were the closest he had come to admitting his feelings were more than lukewarm for her, and her heart thrilled at the thought. She bit her lip to hold back the sobs, but the tears flowed freely from her sapphire eyes.

  Chapter 23

  By mid-morning the next day, Tessa and Luke were leaving Blackburn Hall to return to London. Lucas excitedly rode atop the carriage with the driver. Sarah would follow in a day or two after seeing that all of Tessa’s clothes were packed. Tessa’s head pounded due to a combination of lack of sleep and crying. Now the deeply rutted road did not help matters in the least.

  She attempted to hold herself stiffly to avoid jostling, but had very little luck. After one particularly bad spot of road, Tessa could no longer hold back a soft moan. She tried to get some relief by leaning against the squabs, but found that to be just as painful. Her stomach began to churn unpleasantly.

  “You do not sound as if you feel well.”

  “I’m fine,” Tessa answered shortly, closing her eyes against the sun trying to peek through the clouds. In moments, she could no longer feel the light trying to pierce through her eyelids. She tentatively raised one lid and saw that the shades had been pulled, blessedly shutting out the light.

  “Tell me what’s wrong,” Derek cajoled.