Finding Absolution

by Carol Lynne

  Kai glanced over his shoulder at Van and shook his head. “You’re taking this seriously.”

  “No, but I don’t want to look like an ass either.” Van moved his seat back as far as it would go and pulled on his socks and sneakers. He refused to feel guilty about changing. He’d promised himself he’d make the most of the week and by God that was exactly what he’d do.

  A good-looking man at the front gate started to laugh when he spotted Quade. He came over to the SUV and leaned against the open window. “What the hell’d the cat drag in?”

  Quade reached out and shook the man’s hand. “How’re you doing, Rio?”

  “Fine and dandy.”

  “How’s that ornery partner of yours doing?” Quade asked.

  Rio chuckled. “Which one?”

  “The tiny one who cares more about looking good than doing good,” Quade answered.

  “Nate’s doing a better job than you ever did, you sonofabitch.” He looked around Quade to Kai. “Good to have you back in town. Saw your name in the paper here a while back. Sounds like the surfin’s agreeing with you.”

  “It’s been a good year.” Kai gestured to Van. “This is my coach, Van Duggins. We finally talked him into coming inland with us.”

  Rio stuck his arm through the window, barely missing Quade’s face, and reached towards Van. “Welcome to Cattle Valley.”

  Van shook Rio’s hand. “Thank you. I’m looking forward to checking out the rodeo. I’ve never been to one before.”

  “Then you’re in for a real treat.” A horn honked behind the SUV, drawing Rio’s attention. “Yeah, yeah, hold your horses.” He slapped Quade on the shoulder. “Give me a call in the morning. Maybe you can squeeze me in for a little fishing while you’re here.”

  “Sounds good.” Quade put the SUV into gear and drove away. “Rio’s partner, Nate, is the mayor and his other partner, Ryan, is the sheriff,” he explained as they found a parking place in a big field.

  Van had heard both men talk about the threesome, but he still didn’t believe it was possible for three men to fall in love. Fuck, maybe, but not the kind of everlasting love needed to make a relationship work. He got out of the SUV and stretched his arms over his head. “I think I’ll take a stroll and see what they have to eat before I sit my ass in those bleachers.”

  Quade wrapped his arm around Kai’s waist. “I’ve got my phone if you need to find us later.”

  Van headed to the circular area of food wagons. He passed by the sweets——cotton candy and snow cones weren’t going to fill him up. The smell of smoked meat caught his attention and he followed his nose to a tent set up in front of a big metal smoker. He crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at the menu board. Ribs sounded damn good, but from the looks of it, all the tables were taken. He settled on two smoked sausages and a beer.

  After paying for his food, Van looked for a place to rest his beer while he ate. He manoeuvred his way through the crowd to the big stock trailers. Using one of the wheel wells, he set down his red cup.

  The first bite of the sausage made him groan aloud. Damn. He should’ve bought three. A sip of beer washed the bite down perfectly and before he knew it, he’d eaten both and had drained his cup. Van licked his fingers and headed back for another beer. He’d wait a while before eating anything else in case he found something that caught his eye.

  He decided to check out the animals. The hours of sitting on a plane would stiffen his body up in a heartbeat if he didn’t get some exercise. It wasn’t that he was old—forty-six wasn’t that bad. He was just beaten up from years on a surfboard.

  Van stopped next to a pen of bulls and marvelled at their size. He’d gone online before the trip to find out what was involved in a rodeo so he could follow the competitions with some sense of what was going on. However, the bulls on his thirteen-inch laptop hadn’t looked nearly as big and mean as the ones he was standing in front of.

  “Don’t get too close,” a man warned, moving to stand beside Van.

  “No worries there.” Van glanced at the man. “You ride?”

  The man shook his head. “Used to.” He held out his hand. “Shep Black,” he introduced himself. “Those’re my bulls.”

  Van shook Shep’s hand. “Van Duggins,” he returned. “Nice to meet you.”

  Shep grinned. “You’re Kai’s coach.”

  Van was impressed. “I’m surprised you know that.”

  “Quade’s one of my oldest friends. After he took up with Kai, I started following competition results.” Shep looked around. “They here?”

  “Yeah.” Van nodded towards the arena. “Up the grandstand, I imagine.”

  “I think I’ll track them down.” Shep held out his hand once more. “It was nice to meet you.”

  “You, too.”

  “By the way, the nastiest bulls are kept over there in individual pens.” Shep smiled. “Just don’t get too close.”

  Van laughed. “No need to worry about that, I’ve never been stupid.” Weak, indulgent and a coward, maybe, but never stupid.

  Shep slapped Van’s shoulder as he took off towards the grandstand.

  Van turned his attention to the pens Shep had pointed out. He was passing by an open-sided hay barn when he heard a loud groan. Afraid that someone was hurt, he decided to investigate.

  “Ouch. Not so hard, you’re gonna rip ‘em.”

  “Stop fighting me, you little bitch,” another man replied. It was clear from his slurred speech that he’d had a few too many glasses of beer.

  A loud slap followed by a cry of pain prompted Van into action. “What’s going on in here?”

  A cowboy looked over his shoulder at Van. “None of your business,” the man slurred, his head lolling to the side in his drunken state.

  Van tried to look around the asshole to the man on the ground. The guy’s eyes were full of fear. “I believe it is,” he said. He pointed to the handsome man. “I think he’s had enough.”

  The cowboy snickered. “I said, mind your business! Jon’s been begging for it all evening.” He glanced down at the man trapped under him. “I was promised ass, and I’m not leaving until I find out what’s hidden underneath these girly panties.”

  Jon narrowed his eyes and swung out, striking the cowboy on the chin. “Fuck you, Guy!”

  The blow knocked the cowboy off balance, but before Jon could get out from under him, the cowboy managed to land another punch to the side of Jon’s face.

  Van balled his hands into fists. It had been years since he’d been in a fight, but no way in hell would he allow the asshole to lay another hand on Jon. “Take off while you still can,” he warned, taking a step forward. He pulled out his cellphone. “What’s it going to be?”

  The big cowboy stood and stuffed his cock back into his jeans. “I don’t want trouble with Ryan.” He pointed at Jon as he walked away. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

  Van knew from Kai that Ryan Blackfeather was the sheriff, and from what he’d heard, the cowboy was right to be worried. He knelt beside Jon. Although he more than appreciated the view, he felt pervy ogling. That said, he doubted he’d ever forget those sexy panties. “Are you okay?”

  Jon tried to get his feet under him. “Yeah, just help me up.”

  Van grabbed Jon under the armpits and easily hoisted him to his feet.

  “Thanks,” Jon mumbled. He bent to pull up his jeans and almost fell over again. “Shit.”

  “Hang on.” Van knelt and untwisted Jon’s jeans from his boots. The position put him at eye level with Jon’s gorgeously wrapped cock. He silently cursed himself as he pulled Jon’s jeans up. “I’ll leave the zipping to you.”

  Jon reached down and carefully fastened his jeans. “I’m so sorry.”

  Van got to his feet. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” He tilted Jon’s chin up and to the left. “You’re going to have quite a bruise. Who the hell was that guy?”

  “Guy,” Jon answered.

  “Yeah, that guy who was ju
st here. What’s his name?” Van reiterated.

  “Guy. Guy Hoisington.” Jon shook his head. “I’ve had a crush on him for years, but he’s never given me the time of day. I should’ve known when he picked me up earlier that it wouldn’t end well. Nothing ever does for me.”

  Van wrapped a supportive arm around Jon’s waist and led him to one of the bales of hay. “Here, sit down for a minute.”

  Jon dropped to the bale. “Fuck, now he’s going to tell everyone to stay away from me.”

  “I doubt it. You’d be perfectly justified in filing a complaint with the police for what he did.” Van picked up another bale and carried it over to sit next to Jon. “Why would you be worried about what that fucker thinks or says?”

  “Because it’s Guy. He’s an Olympic Gold Medallist in downhill skiing, and he owns the lodge up on the mountain. He’s, like…famous.” Jon glanced up at Van. “I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.”

  “Van Duggins.”

  “You live around here?”

  Van shook his head. “I live in Oahu. I came for the rodeo and stuff with a friend who’s from Cattle Valley.”

  “Oahu,” Jon sighed. “I bet it’s pretty there.”

  “It is,” Van agreed. His cellphone started to ring. “That’s probably my friends.”

  “Oh,” Jon replied. “I’m fine if you need to find them.”

  “It’s okay.” Van put the phone to his ear. “Hello.”

  “Where’re you at? You’re missing it,” Quade said as soon as Van answered.

  “I’m over at the hay barn.” Van decided not to mention Jon’s run-in with Guy. He’d probably fill Quade and Kai in on what had kept him, but not in front of Jon.

  “What’s going on?” Quade asked.

  “Just talking to a new friend. I’ll be over in a few.” Van grinned at Jon and rolled his eyes.

  “Bring your new friend along if that’s what it takes, but you’re missing some damn fine riding,” Quade said.

  “I’ll ask.” Van ended the call without the usual pleasantries. “Do you feel like watching some of the rodeo?”

  Jon stood and retrieved a cowboy hat that had obviously been knocked behind one of the bales in his scuffle with Guy. “I think I’ve had enough for one night.” He settled the hat on his head. “Please do me a favour and don’t tell anyone about the underwear.”

  “Why would I do that?” Van asked.

  Jon shrugged. “Cattle Valley’s a small town.”

  “You live there?” Van hoped he’d see Jon around in the next day or two.

  “No. I take care of my grandpa’s farm. It’s about forty-five minutes away, but there aren’t many places around here to find other men like me,” Jon explained.

  “You mean gay or with the underwear thing?”

  Jon chuckled. “Gay. I seriously doubt if there are many men around here who like the feel of silk underwear.” He bit his lip. “I took a big risk even wearing them tonight, but I’d hoped…” His voice drifted off as he shook his head. “You must think I’m some kind of freak.”

  “Not at all.” Van fumbled for what to say. “They’re nice, actually.”

  Jon’s face flushed. “Do you really think so?”

  “I do,” Van confessed.

  Jon pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and handed Van a business card. “Just in case you get bored while you’re here. If my grandpa answers tell him you need to talk to me about some hay.”

  Van looked at the card. “You have a produce stand?”

  Jon nodded. “But I’m not always there. I have a lady who runs it for me when I’m out in the fields.” He went on to tell Van about quitting his job and returning to the farm when his grandfather had become ill. It was obvious to Van that Jon would rather be using his graphic design skills, but he never once said he regretted his decision.

  Van tucked the card into his pocket. “What about Guy? You want me to go with you to file a report on him?”

  “No. I don’t think he’d have done it if he hadn’t been drunk. From what I hear he’s usually a good man. The last thing I want is to cause him trouble.”

  “You’re a nicer person than I am, that’s for sure.” Van stood and held out his hand. Even though he’d only known Jon a short time, he had respect for the man. “If you change your mind and need a witness I’ll be staying at the lodge.”

  “Thanks.” Jon smiled. “I wish we’d met under different circumstances.”

  “The important thing is that we met.” Van leaned over and kissed Jon’s bruised cheek. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.”

  Chapter Two

  Van sat in the Grizzly Bar, mulling over the evening’s activities. He’d tried to sleep, but images of Jon in nothing but that red underwear had kept him awake. After an hour of tossing and turning, he’d tried jerking off, but that had only made matters worse. Eventually, he’d decided to get dressed and visit the lodge’s bar, bypassing the loud group of Quade and his friends to sit beside the large stone fireplace. He stared into the fire and sipped a glass of ginger ale to ease his stomach. It wasn’t the sausages he’d consumed earlier that had his insides in knots, it was Jon.

  “Jon,” Van whispered to himself. With his big hazel eyes and twin dimples, Jon had trusted the wrong person and it had almost ended tragically.

  According to Rio and Shep, Guy was on the verge of losing everything he’d worked so hard for. They weren’t sure whether the drinking was the cause or the outcome, but evidently the lodge was losing money fast, and Guy’s constant drunken state wasn’t helping.

  “I thought you’d gone to bed,” Kai said, settling himself in the high-backedleather chair opposite Van.

  “Couldn’t sleep,” Van replied. “I keep thinking about what could’ve happened to Jon if I hadn’t been there.”

  “Guy’s a loser. You saw first-hand what he did.” Kai crossed his legs and rested his feet on the stone hearth.

  Van wasn’t sure he agreed. Yes, Guy seemed to be on a downward spiral, but there had to be something behind it. “Guy needs help before he does something that lands him in jail or the morgue.”

  Van closed his eyes. “I can’t stop thinking about Blain.” For months he’d watched his lover drink until he was out of control, so high on booze that he thought himself invincible. The reef that had ended Blain’s life had only been the last in a long line of near misses.

  “I know what you’re thinking, and you can’t help Guy any more than you could Blain. Number one rule in trying to save someone from themselves——first they have to be open to it. Blain wasn’t, and from what I’ve heard, neither is Guy,” Kai argued.

  Van got to his feet. Kai was wrong. Van should have been able to help Blain. The truth was, he’d given up several weeks earlier, after Blain had cheated on him. Van had never confided to anyone the details of his sex life with Blain and he didn’t plan to start. With his need to help Guy forefront in his mind, his interest in Jon could take a back seat. “I think I’ll try to get some sleep.”

  Kai stood and hugged Van. “I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings.”

  Van held Kai tighter. “You didn’t. Just don’t expect me to sit by and watch history repeat itself.”

  * * * *

  Jon winced as he studied his face in the mirror above the sink. He’d put off fixing Grandpa’s breakfast long enough. There would be questions, and he hoped his answers would be enough.

  The violence on Guy’s part hadn’t been necessary. Jon would’ve let the man fuck him if only Guy hadn’t been so impatient and grabby. It was a damn shame the scenario had happened because Jon doubted he’d be able to face Guy again without a combination of fear and shame. The one and only bright spot of the entire evening had been meeting Van. He didn’t know much about the surfer, but he’d like to see him again.

  Jon pushed away from the sink. He paused on each step as he made his way downstairs.

  “Morning, Grandpa.” Jon leaned over and kissed Bill’s cheek.

  “How
was the rodeo?”

  Jon moved to the counter and grabbed a cup out of the cabinet. “Sorry that you had to make the coffee.”

  Bill chuckled. “I’m not completely helpless. Besides, you didn’t get in until almost two, so I figured you needed to sleep.”

  In actuality, Jon had made it home by eleven thirty, but he’d spent several hours beside the creek on an old bench his grandpa had made. It was his thinking spot, the same place he’d done all his worrying since he was a kid.

  Jon took a sip of coffee. He was about to lie to the only man in the world he loved, and he hated himself for it. “Well, I got drunk and fell down at the rodeo. A couple of friends made me sober up before they’d let me drive home.”

  “You know better than to drink too much,” Bill admonished.

  “I know.” Jon carried his cup to the table.

  “Oh my God.” Bill reached towards Jon’s bruise, but Jon pulled back.

  “It’s okay as long as you don’t touch it.”

  “Did you put some salve on it?” Bill leant forward in his wheelchair. “That’s a nasty one. Guess it’ll teach you to drink and walk.” He chuckled. “You going back tonight?”

  “I doubt it,” Jon said in all honesty. “It’s almost eight o’clock. I’m running three hours behind schedule, and I have no idea what the rest of the day will bring.” In truth, the thought of running into Guy was enough to keep him away.

  Bill shook his head. “You need to make time. The hay’s already in. The wheat won’t be ready for another few weeks, so all you have to do is harvest the vegetables that’re ripe.”

  Jon couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You want me to go?”

  “Sure I do. You look forward to it all year,” Bill explained.

  Although Jon doubted he could get his work done on time, it was nice to know his grandpa understood. “We’ll see.” He reached for Grandpa’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Now, what do you feel like having for breakfast?”

  * * * *

  While Quade and Kai visited with Quade’s ex-secretary, Carol, and her two husbands, Van decided to take a look around the property. He’d never been one to sit and visit for hours at a time, preferring to do something physical with his free time.