by Ryan Muree
Shenna took a deep breath. Aulos could be wrong, and she’d make a fool of herself.
But what if Aulos was right? Colter had been so bold to ask her to dinner, to make that meal, and then to ask for her opinion. She could at least be honest with him. Even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Even if it went against what he wanted for himself.
Even if it stopped him from going to Revellis until much, much later.
“All right, I’m going back to the lab. If you see him, tell him—”
Aulos rolled her eyes with a smile and waved her on. “Sure, I know. Don’t worry.”
Shenna turned toward home and ran up the stairs. She had an hour left to practice. Normally, she wouldn’t be nervous, especially since she’d been nailing salves lately. But this time was different. Maybe it was the fact this practical stood between her and a two-year wait imposed by her mentors. Maybe it was the fact she was pulled in two very distinct directions.
Zoi sat at her desk, scribbling in her journal. “You’re back early.”
“I couldn’t find Colter for tutoring.”
Zoi sat back and tapped her bottom lip with the end of her pencil. “Ah, I saw him earlier.”
“You did? Where? When?”
Zoi blinked. “At the Occhemist Circle. He applied to go to Revellis. His application was quite impressive—”
“What?” The word burst from her before she could stop it.
Zoi lifted an eyebrow.
“I mean, he was really helpful tutoring me. I know they won’t take him right away, but still, it seems a little sudden is all.” She moved to the lab table and dropped her bag on the counter.
Had that come out natural? Smooth enough to be convincing? It’s not that she wasn’t allowed to have a relationship, and it’s not that Zoi would be upset about it. She just didn’t want to invite any questions, especially embarrassing questions she wasn’t sure she could answer. In some respects, Zoi was like a mother to her. A mother who drilled her and demanded perfection in her profession. But it just seemed awkward to talk to Zoi about something like this.
More importantly, Colter had applied for Revellis. He’d taken her advice.
It would be fine, though. Applications took months to approve, if the Circle ever did.
But why apply now? And why did it sting?
She needed to find him. She needed to tell him not to go.
She yanked her bag from the counter, slid it back over her shoulder, and turned for the stairs again.
“You just got here! Where are you going?” Zoi called.
“Market. I forgot to get something for tomorrow,” she lied. But she’d start looking for Colter there.
What will I say if I find him?
She jumped two stairs at a time, reached the lobby, and dashed out into City Center for the market.
If she told him to pull his application, and he did, that wouldn’t look good to the Occhemist Circle. It was also highly unlikely he would listen.
She dodged the crowds shuffling through the streets and hollering trades to vendors. She’d head for the craftsmen’s corner. They were the most demanding with occhemist deliveries, salves especially. If he wasn’t there, she’d check his house. She was going to find him.
More likely than pulling his application was him not pulling his application. Of course, he wouldn’t pull it just because she would ask him to. It would be ridiculous to expect it. They weren’t close like that.
But I like him. The thought bubbled up out of nowhere. An automatic response. It settled in the forefront of her thoughts and explained her racing through the streets like a crazy person looking for him. I like him.
The more she repeated it, the more real it seemed. She’d tell him. She’d explain why she was hunting him down.
She turned onto Fishers Lane and skidded to a stop in the center of the street. Colter stood on the doormat of a customer’s home and waved goodbye. He turned toward her.
She’d tell him she was hunting him down because…
His entire body froze except for his narrowing eyes.
She was hunting him down because… she liked him and didn’t want to lose him.
Chapter 9
Shenna gripped her bag and marched down the lane toward him. First, she’d mention how terrible it was that he’d stormed off and then avoided her. Then, she’d question him about the application.
Colter didn’t budge an inch.
She had this all wrong. She should be asking the questions. She was getting ready to say all these things and confess something she’d never thought she’d do without any information from him.
No, he would be giving answers first.
“Shenna—”
“No.” She stood firm.
His eyes were exceptionally soft in the afternoon. His blond highlights glowed in the sun.
“Why did you avoid me? Why have you blown off our tutoring sessions?”
“I’m sorry for that—”
“You left me alone standing there. You ended our dinner short.” She crossed her arms.
He winced. “I’m sorry—”
“Why did you corner me into answering an impossibly difficult question when you should have known what I was going to say?”
He rubbed his forehead. “I was hoping—”
“And why did you apply right now? Why?”
“I’d explain, if you let me.”
She huffed.
He licked his lips. “I’m sorry I dropped our tutoring sessions. Honestly, you’ll be fine, but I was afraid it would be awkward since dinner—”
“And what was dinner? Just that? Dinner? Or a date?” She blinked at her own candid remark. But she wouldn’t take it back. She’d meant it. He needed to clarify.
He rubbed his arm. “I intended it to be a date.”
Her cheeks burned. Aulos had been right. It wasn’t meant just for friends.
As nice as that was to know, she needed more. “And then I answered wrong apparently, and you stormed off, leaving me behind, and now I hear you’ve applied for Revellis?”
He took a deep breath. “It’s my dream, Shenna. It’s all I’ve worked for.”
“But why did you apply right now? When I told you my response, that wasn’t what I meant!”
He sighed and dropped his gaze to his boots. “Then what are you saying, Shenna?” His voice soothed her, reminded her she was here to tell him she liked him and didn’t want him to go. “What are you saying?”
But her words stuck. The steam she had built up to tell him the truth evaporated. She couldn’t keep him from his goal. Not when he had done everything he could to help her with hers.
“I don’t know.” She swallowed. “I don’t know, but you are crazy. You’re only a level three—”
“You said I was skilled.”
“Yes, but this is different! This is silly. You—”
“You what?” His chest was inches from hers. His chin tilted down made his lips incredibly close. He was breathing deeply, evenly.
She swore he’d sneaked up on her. Their distance had shrunk at some point.
“What are you saying, Shenna?” He said it barely above a whisper.
She licked her lips. I like you. I don’t want you to go to Revellis. I don’t want you to live out our people’s greatest dream—your dream. I want you to stay for me because—
Why would he stay for her? Just because they got along? They were good friends, but throwing away their duty for a chance at life—love—was silly, too.
Her silence grew. No matter how hard she tried, the words wouldn’t come out. The opportunity to tell him was slipping through her fingertips.
She glanced down to avoid the magnetism of his eyes.
I like you. I like you, and I want you to give up everything for me. That’s selfish, I know. Especially because either one of us could die to the Necrophaise at any moment. We’ll figure it out, but I want to give us a chance before—
“My application was accepted. I leave
for Revellis in three days.” His voice was grave, resonated in her core.
Doomed. He was doomed. She opened her mouth to stop him.
“Occhemist Trista has been gone in Revellis for several months. They’ve assumed she—” He cleared his throat. “The applicants are getting thin, and Chaak spoke highly of me.”
Maybe this is what it felt like to be inflicted with the Necrophaise. Her heart seemed both full and empty. Her brain scattered. Her gut twisted in knots, twisted her.
“Colter, I—”
“Colter!” It was Chaak from behind her. “Shenna?”
“I’m nearly done, sir.” Colter took a step back away from her and waved at his mentor. “One more delivery to go.”
Chaak approached and stood beside Shenna. “Fine, fine. It’s your last delivery, son. I couldn’t be prouder.” He slapped him on the shoulder. Colter barely moved.
Shenna inched back, blinking away any threat of tears.
“And Shenna, deliveries, too?” Chaak asked.
“I—” The sound was gravel.
“She came to see me for some last-minute tips before her test tomorrow,” Colter lied. “I think she’ll do great.”
She dared to look at him. No matter how long she stared, he remained focused on Chaak.
“Of course she came to you. You’re incredible. A better teacher than even I, I’m afraid.” Chaak knocked Shenna’s shoulder. “Don’t let us down, now. I spoke so highly of Colter to the Occhemist Circle because of his work with you. He has proven his ability.”
Chaak’s words were a scalpel digging deeper into her flesh. Colter hadn’t told her that fact. She had doomed him.
“Speaking of which, I’d rather not wait until tomorrow.” Chaak adjusted his robe. “If you’re not using the lab for tutoring, then I have time now, Shenna. Let’s get this practical over with.”
She wanted to memorize Colter’s face. His glasses sat the perfect distance from his face and highlighted eyes the color of dawnflower fields in the morning. His sharp jaw and square chin had stubble she ached to touch. She glanced down at his strong hand gently wrapped around a couple of vials. She wanted to grab his hand, hold it while dancing. All things now lost.
“Shenna? Are you ready now? Or do you need more time?” Chaak sneered as he adjusted his glasses.
Finally, Colter glanced down at her. “Shenna?”
It was automatic. She was numb. “Yes, I’m ready now.”
Chaak motioned for her to follow him to his lab. “Then let’s see what you can do.”
Chapter 10
Deep breath—in and out. I can do this.
She had repeated it as she walked with Chaak to his lab. She had repeated it throughout the practical. Every time Colter’s face seeped into her thoughts, she pushed him aside. She had a job to do. He was doing his. She could at least do hers.
Chaak skimmed over her rubric. He eyed the two vials, one for burns and one for scars, with a magnifying glass. He uncorked them, smeared some on his finger, sniffed them. Rose-orange and green. Perfect sheen. Perfect viscosity.
“Well, Shenna.” Chaak inhaled. “This is nearly perfect. Better than my level-three students. Colter taught you well.”
She nodded, but was still numb.
He scratched something at the top of her paper and handed it over. “We expected this from you the first time. Stay focused, Shenna, and you’ll be level two eventually. Who knows, maybe you’ll be applying for Revellis soon.”
She glanced down at the paper. Perfect scores all the way down. She had done it. She had passed. She could test for level two in a few months’ time.
So why did it feel like she’d achieved nothing?
“Thank you, Mentor Chaak,” she forced out.
“I’ll be sure to tell Mentor Zoi. She’ll be very pleased.”
She nodded and headed out for the stairs.
The excitement she should’ve had never came. She’d managed to push Colter aside in her mind to pass the practical, finally, and yet without him, she would have never been able to come close to passing.
They never come back. They never survive.
The harsh truth kept creeping up.
She took one step out into City Center and collided with Colter. Chest to chest, she bounced back. His arms caught her before she fell on her back end.
“Shenna!”
“Sorry! I didn’t see you there!” She straightened herself, her vest, her bag.
Colter’s firm hold slid down her arms and away. The warmth of his hands went with him.
She had a second chance to tell him how she felt, but nothing had changed. He was still chosen to go to Revellis. It was still his dream.
He backed away from her, and she longed to step closer. He was creating distance on purpose.
She swallowed. “I-I wanted to say that—”
“First, did you pass?”
She glanced up at him. His head was tilted, a slight grin spread across his face.
“Did you pass?” he repeated.
She nodded. “Yes, thank you. I mean, thanks to you, I did.”
He leaned back and put his hands on his hips. “Good. That makes me happy.”
“Colter, I—”
“Why shouldn’t I go to Revellis, Shenna?”
You should. It’s your dream. It’s our job. I only want you to stay because I’m selfish. There’s no good reason to stay.
“Why are you asking me?” Shenna cleared her throat and lifted her chin.
He closed the distance again, bringing the familiar scent of fresh plants. The heat radiating from him lured her in. “I told you—”
“No, the truth. I want the truth.” About me. About why my opinion matters above your own.
“I told you the truth. I value your opinion. You’re skilled. I trust you.”
He couldn’t say it either. And she couldn’t bring herself to ask again.
“We’re… friends,” she tested.
He nodded.
Just friends, then, if he couldn’t admit more either. He was just her tutor, a senior classmate. If he couldn’t admit how he really felt about her, then she wouldn’t either.
Besides, this was his work. Eien came first. Going to Revellis was an honor. They were meant to save lives, not take them. She had no right to keep him for herself.
“Then you’ve already heard my opinion,” she said. “I’m sad to see you go, but you’re carrying the hope of our people. I can’t…” She took a deep breath. “I can’t ask you to stay.”
He inhaled deeply, and his eyes fluttered.
Was he crying?
“I understand,” he whispered. He tipped his head as if to bow and walked on behind her toward his lab, leaving her there alone all over again.
Chapter 11
Shenna scribbled in her journal, jotting down the foliage and recipes she had been experimenting with for her level-two exam. She sat under the afternoon sun in the conservatory, her desk the lab table, her companions the flora she cared for.
The conservatory’s glass walls, from floor to ceiling, gave a gorgeous view of City Center. Its shoppers offered a perfect distraction from the monotonous journal recordings she was responsible for.
True, her best recipes were etched into her bracelet, but that was merely decoration. It was long left over from an ancient tradition when the recipes of occhemists were too precious to trust on fragile paper.
Today, journals were the only thing that mattered. Every occhemist painstakingly sketched, took notes, and created recipes in journal after journal. She’d already filled four in her short time practicing. Zoi had hundreds, all of which Shenna had read and memorized. No point repeating the mistakes of her mentor.
Colter should be leaving soon.
It didn’t matter which distraction she tried, Colter bubbled up.
Sitting there among the plants that were her lifeblood, her purpose, her home, she knew she’d be ready to face Revellis one day, if necessary. She would leave her home for the unk
nown to try for the greatest achievement her people would ever know.
And as if thinking of him miraculously called him to her, Colter appeared below her on the street.
He was dressed for hiking—boots, fresh brown pants with a green vest. His occhemist bag had been cleaned and packed. His face had a somber shadow across it. Chaak stood beside him, along with several leaders of the Occhemist Circle.
It was his farewell gathering. They were walking him to the wall to see him off to Revellis.
She stood and leaned against the glass to get a better look at him. He glanced straight up, staring at her. They connected. Did he want to say something?
She should have gone down to him. She should have walked with them, too.
He waved slightly to her. A goodbye salute.
It was her last chance. Her heart ached and demanded her legs follow its voice instead of her head’s. It pulled her to run down those stairs and stop him. Her hands trembled against the glass. Tears burned in the corner of her eyes.
What would she do if she met him? She’d grab him and hold him, maybe? Then would he stay?
If she left right then and reached for him in that final moment, would they care for each other and work together for as long as the Stonetree Arch gave them? Would he love her? Would she come to love him? Would that be worth staying and not finding the Last Elixir?
No. It’s for love that we go to Revellis and search for the cure to save our people.
Despite what her heart commanded, her feet remained firmly planted like the roots of a one-hundred-year old siennawood. Other Eiens—the fishers, the glassmakers, the bakers, even the deathsingers—could afford to love. For the occhemists, love made them a tool for saving lives.
She waved to him.
Chaak motioned for Colter to move forward, and it broke their eye contact.
She plopped back onto her stool. Warm tears fell onto her journal; the fresh ink ran.
Broken. Emptied. Unfair.
Nothing about their lives was fair. Eien, though peaceful and isolated from the terrors of Revellis, had its own dark secret—a disease that cost them their lives. One that if Colter didn’t solve, Shenna swore she would.