With nothing else to do with my hands, I shoved them into the pockets of my jeans. “No, I don’t love him,” I said. And that was the truth. He didn’t look away and he didn’t speak. It was clear he was waiting on me. So I forged ahead. “The kissing wasn’t supposed to happen. At the time, I didn’t know you weren’t human. He was trying to help me keep the succubus at bay,” I said quickly. Defending Flynn was important, more so because I didn’t want to be the cause of the end of their friendship.
“He knew though,” he spat. He was stating the obvious and we both knew it.
“Yes, but he couldn’t tell me. Trust me, he didn’t mean to kiss me,” I said. I saw in his eyes the mistake I’d made with my words.
Tongue in cheek, he asked, “And you did?”
“No,” I said. “No, I didn’t mean to kiss him. Luke, please, I didn’t tell you because it meant nothing. It just seemed at the time like there were more important things to worry about.”
“What else haven’t you told me?” he asked. God, his words cut deep. A space of time ago, we were in a lover’s embrace. Now we were on the verge of a nasty argument.
Taking slow deep breaths, I calmed myself. He had every right to be angry. I on the other hand didn’t. “Nothing about the past,” I said.
“So you haven’t kissed Sebastian?” he asked.
Rubbing at my eyes, I confessed. I told him about Sebastian’s gallant rescue and the kiss that transferred part of his power to me. I added in the kiss with Bernadette to show that this was all very clinical. His eyes had turned to slits but opened some when I got to the part with Bernadette.
Flatly, he asked. “Anyone else?”
For a moment, I didn’t get his meaning. But then it was clear. I decided I’d make a full confession. So I told him about the Valentine’s Day date with Paul. “We weren’t together then,” I tacked on at the end looking for some defense of my actions.
He huffed and said, “So you left me to go to him that night.”
I wasn’t certain it was a question he was asking but I answered anyway. “I needed to be sure and I tried to tell you about that. But you didn’t want to know.”
“You love him,” he mumbled.
Forcing myself not to look away from the pain in his eyes, I said. “Yes, but not the way I love you.”
“How can you be sure?” he questioned.
Not wasting time, I explained. “I thought I loved him for a long time but when you came into my life I realized my love for him was that of friendship. He confused me for a while and maybe I thought I owed him. But when I see him, I feel warmth, caring, and hope that nothing bad will ever happen to him. There has never been that spark of dynamite I feel when I’m near you.”
Optimism sprang to life in his face. But it dimmed. “What about Flynn?” he asked. But he didn’t give me a chance to answer. “There is something you need to know.”
Cutting him off, I didn’t want to travel down this road. Flynn needed Luke as much as I did. Their friendship was important. “There is something between us, I admitted. But it’s not what you think. Sebastian says it has something to do with us being cambions.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means its biology and nothing more. Flynn doesn’t want me and I don’t want him. It’s you who I want,” I said closing the distance between us.
“What about Sebastian?”
Okay, that halted me. “There is something else I should tell you,” I said. His face fell a little in anticipation. “It’s not what you think,” I hedged. Then I went into the story about my demon and the night he left. I told him all about ending up in Sebastian’s room. But continued on all the way to the moment he found us. “And now I’m almost afraid to go to sleep,” I said. “She’s on a mission to end my virginity.”
Ignoring my final statements, he latched onto a different part of my story. “So, some part of you wants him,” his words were cold like the air surrounding us.
Blinking, I desperately held back the tears that were forming in my eyes. I wouldn’t use that as a defense against him. Answering to my long list of crimes was punishment for all the pain I’d put in his face. “Maybe, but I have no control of that part of me. I don’t want him anymore than Flynn or Paul for that matter.”
Exhaling several breaths that almost sounded like chuckles, he said, “That’s not encouraging.”
Giving up hope, I said, “I’m so sorry,” I turned. “I don’t deserve you and I should have stayed away like I promised myself. If l had, none of this sorted mess would have happened.”
In the wake of my words, I began to walk towards the side of the house to go to my room. He caught my arm and spun me to face him. “This isn’t easy,” he said tightly. “Knowing you want them yet saying you love me.”
Resting my hand on his that still gripped my arm, he let me go. One backward step and I said, “I don’t blame you. I can’t help what I am. And maybe Flynn is right. We shouldn’t be together.”
Moving fast he lifted me off my feet and swiveled to press me against the cool brick of the house wall. He crushed his lips to mine and feverishly kissed me. With my arms pinned to my sides, I could do nothing but accept or reject what he offered. I kissed him back. We both gasped for air when he finally placed me on my feet. “This is so fucked up. But there is no way in hell I can let you go. I fucking love you.” It was odd to hear the F word come from Luke’s mouth.
Staring into the summer blue eyes, I’d fallen in love with, I said, “I f’ing love you too.”
He kissed me again wrapping his arms around me.
Clapping came from a short distance away, but Luke took his time disengaging from me. Separated, I brushed my hands down my clothes to brush the invisible wrinkles away. “I guess the two of you kissed and made nice.” The words were laced with disgust.
“Flynn,” I said desperately looking over at him. A part of me wanted to run and hug him making sure he was real. But that same part knew that things were tenuous between Luke and I. I didn’t think hugging Flynn was a way to patch things up between us.
“No, I’ve got this,” Luke said. “Go upstairs and get something to wear for tomorrow. We aren’t staying here tonight. I don’t trust...” He let the words drift off. Understanding that he didn’t trust my demon, I searched his eyes before he looked at Flynn.
Moving forward they met somewhere in the middle. Keeping quiet, I stayed because I just didn’t know what they were going to do. Someone needed to be here to referee.
“Look man,” Flynn said.
But Luke didn’t have words on his mind. He struck like the lethal weapon he was. His fist connected with Flynn squarely in the jaw. Flynn lifted off his feet and slammed onto the ground. Holding his face he muttered a curse. I gasped at the same time. Luke turned to look at me with eyes filled with storms not yet complete. Saying nothing, I knew he wanted me to go.
“I deserve that Luke,” Flynn confessed. Rubbing at what must ache on his face he added, “I think you fucking broke my jaw.”
Luke looked back. I breathed. I didn’t think I could do while he had been looking at me. There was something dark in his eyes. I’d never seen before and it gave me pause.
“You’re right, you deserved it,” Luke hissed. Interestingly, Luke held a hand out to Flynn. Clasping his hand, he pulled him to his feet in a smooth movement.
Steady on his feet, Flynn looked at me. Regret crossed his expression just a moment before he said, “I told you long ago, bros before hoes.”
Luke’s arm shot out as his hand caught Flynn around his neck. Then he proceeded to lift Flynn off of his feet.
“Fuck, Luke, I didn’t mean any offense. It’s just a saying. Mercy’s not a ho,” Flynn replied on a choking breath.
Dumbstruck, I stood there. Flynn wasn’t fighting back. I knew he was no slouch. He could defend himself if he wanted to. So I didn’t intercede, not yet at least. I figured Flynn felt much like me. That we both deserved Luke’s anger.
“I k
now all too well. If you think I didn’t notice how you felt, you are a bigger fool than I was.” Luke let go and Flynn stumbled to his feet but didn’t fall. “Keep your feelings and mouth off Mercy.”
Luke turned from his former friend. “Consider us even,” he said over his shoulder to a stunned Flynn. When he reached me, he snaked an arm around my waist. His hand moved to my ass in a show of possessiveness and said loud enough so Flynn could hear. “This is my piece of ass, don’t forget it next time.” Stunned, little things were adding up about what Luke was doing that was so unlike him. I had an uneasy feeling.
“Wait,” I said before Luke could take me away. I turned back to Flynn. I pulled the crumpled note out of my pocket. I held it up. Luke took it from me and smoothed it out to read it. Flynn came forward. Luke read it then handed it to Flynn.
I watched Flynn’s expression darken before he handed the note back to me. “At least it’s not an outright threat.”
“Who could this be from and what do they want?” I asked the both of them.
Luke took my hand and said, “Time will tell, but I won’t risk it. Don’t be alone, ever.”
Pulling me close again, my mouth opened in surprise when we lifted in the air up to my open bedroom window which we’d been standing under two stories down. Grabbing my backpack off my floor, I spilled the contents on my bed and began shoving clothes half heartedly into it.
“Don’t forget those cute little pink sweats you like to wear,” Luke said. I turned to meet his stare which was all predatory. I moved ahead not sure what else to do. In my head, I kept telling myself there was nothing wrong with him. His behavior was mostly justified. Finishing with my backpack, I slung it over my shoulder and headed to my door.
~
When we arrived at his house, we ended up in the kitchen. He’d made himself a sandwich and I watch with utter fascination as he began to devour it.
“Did you want some?” he finally asked.
I shook my head. It was late and the last thing on my mind was food. Instead, I was trying to define the change I was sensing in him. He continued to forge on until he’d decimated the towering thing that had been piled high with meat and cheese.
“I haven’t eaten for days. I didn’t need to on the other side. I guess it caught up with me once I crossed back over,” he said, as if he needed to explain his behavior to me.
Shrugging, I said, “It’s okay.”
A tiny thing bounced into the room and over to Luke. It was his very petite mother who could pass for a teenager. “Luke, you made it back,” she said cradling his face in her hands while she had to stand on her tippy toes to reach him. Giving him a fierce hug, I could see all her love and devotion for her only son.
“Mom, it’s okay,” he said, giving her a half hug. She pulled back never taking her eyes off of him. He was looking at me.
Her eyes followed his and fell upon me. It wasn’t a hateful stare. But it was clear she knew that I was part of the reason for his being called away. Casting my eyes downward and shifting on my feet, I wished desperately to be anywhere but here. “Mercy, how nice it is to see you again,” she said with what appeared to be a forced smile.
Looking up, not wanting to be rude, I said, “Nice to see you too.” Still shifting on my feet, I clasped my hands in a knotted fist caving under the pressure of his mother’s stare.
“Well, it’s really late,” she said. Her meaning was clear. She wanted me to leave.
“Mom, Mercy’s staying here tonight,” Luke said. His tone was clipped, barely respectful.
Clearing her throat, she gave a nervous laugh. “Your mother is okay with this,” she said, looking at me while I continued to fidget. I wanted to bolt and run. I was never good at facing down authority. I’d been taught that adults should be respected always which is why it was so hard for me to fight with my mother about all the things I should know.
“My…” I began but Luke cut me off. I flashed my eyes to his seconds before his gaze turned icy and focused on his mother.
“She’s either staying here or WE go back to her house,” he said as if he was the one in charge.
She, too, cowered at his stare. Stepping back, she said, “Fine, but you two have school tomorrow.”
He laughed and there was nothing funny about it. “School? I just came back from the other side and you’re worried about school.” he said, looking at her like she’d gone bonkers. “Sure, Mom,” he paused. “We’ll go to school tomorrow.” His voice was patronizing.
Biting my lip, I watched with horrific fascination. Luke was not the guy that was here a couple of days ago. That guy wouldn’t have been so rude. I felt the pit of my stomach erupt. I’d done this to him. It had to be the taint that I’d cast on him that was somehow affecting his behavior.
“I guess I’ll go call your father,” she said turning to head out of the room. Her expression showed defeat and looked deeply saddened. Her eyes found mine and in them I saw condemnation. She knew I was the cause of this.
Barking out another harsh laugh, he snarled, “Don’t call him.” She turned back to her son with a questioning gaze. “You don’t owe him anything. Stop being a doormat and letting him walk all over you.”
This was a train wreck on a collision course for disaster. The rage that was coming off him was not from this moment of what she’d said. This was pent up from years of hurt. His mother’s face fell. But he was not done decimating her. “He treats you like shit and you sit there and take it. He hurt you and you still let him rule you.”
Fat tears hung heavy in her eyes. Again, I wanted to run and leave this. I shouldn’t be here. This was none of my business. But more importantly, I wanted to run and hug her. But how could I. She had to know that I was the one that caused this in him. Time for action on my part was upon me. It was too late to forestall this. But no longer would I be the doormat and sit back and let things happen around me. “Luke,” I said sharply. Twisting he turned that frosty stare on me. Now that I had his attention, I wasn’t sure what to say. “She means well,” I said, holding his gaze. Words weren’t my friend tonight. There was just too much weirdness going on.
Slowly, he faced his mother again and his expression softened. Just as slowly, he walked towards her. She now stood steps away from the door ready to scurry away much as I had moments ago. Taking her in a hug again, he said softly in words I barely heard, “You need to stop waiting. Move on with your life, he has. He’s never coming back. Not for you. He’s married someone else. You need to find someone who will treat you better.” Kissing her forehead, he let her go. Looking into her tear streaked face, he gave her a tight smile and wiped her tears. “I love you mom.”
Giving him a brief smile, she finally fled the room. When he looked back at me, I couldn’t answer the plea in his stare.
Chapter Thirty Three
interminable (adj.) without possibility of end
Upstairs, I stood just inside the door with trepidation. When the door clicked shut, I nearly jumped. We hadn’t spoken any words. I just followed him upstairs. Feeling lost, I didn’t know what to say to him. Cowardly, I couldn’t say the words that needed to be said like ‘Something in you has changed’. Whatever he now was, I was the cause. The Luke that had once been was no longer. His summer tan wasn’t the only thing that had dimmed in the aftermath that was my damnation.
Feeling his hand on my shoulder, he drew my backpack off. Letting it fall to the floor, he took my hand. If not for his hand on my chin and tilting my head up, I wouldn’t have looked at him. “Cinderella,” he sighed. With questioning eyes, I couldn’t speak the words that left me downstairs. “Without you, the magic would all disappear and I would turn into a pumpkin.”
I turned away and let my gaze fall to the floor. “I’m no Cinderella. I’m the ugly stepsister. I stole all your magic.”
He bent down to force me to look at him. All of the ugliness that I’d witness was gone. My knight in shining armor was back. “If not for you, would I still be able to do t
his?” With only his hand in mine, we lifted off the ground. Even though no music played, he spun me and moved to unheard notes, until I heard the beating of his heart. We ended with a dip. Slowly we descended back to earth or rather the carpeted floor of his room. There was no stopping the grin that erupted on my face.
Gliding his hand up my back, he guided me to a standing position. “Mercy, I would have no powers at all if you hadn’t intervened. It was your love that saved me. You don’t know how I longed and waited for you.”
Pulling me toward the far side of the room he said, “I need a shower.”
If not for his pulling me, I would have stopped short. I wasn’t quite ready for things to move further between us. I’d been sure the whole way back from the other side. But his Dr. Jekyll routine had me second guessing my decision.
Waiting for Mercy (Cambions) Page 32