Renegade (Phoenix Rising)

by Blake, Brynley

  Gemma and I share a smile at the mention of Liam’s trademark phrase.

  “He was the one who came up with the idea for this tattoo,” he continues, gesturing at his forearm. “When I finally came out, he said it was the bravest thing he’d ever witnessed. That meant a lot coming from him, considering all the shit he’d seen. When I told him I wanted a tattoo, he suggested I get some sort of symbol for valor, or bravery. So I did. After that, the nickname sort of followed.

  “Liam called me up a few months back and asked me to meet up with him in Malaysia to go diving. I didn’t think much of it; we both love to dive, and as I said, we’ve done it a couple of times since we graduated. But as it turned out, he had a secret of his own.”

  I look at Gemma. Like me, she’s hanging on his every word.

  Valor takes a deep breath. “This is going to sound crazy, but I know Liam trusted you with this, so I’m just going to tell you what he told me. About a month before he met me to dive, Liam was contacted by the CIA, but he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. It was very Jason Bourne–ish.” He smiles grimly. “They contracted him for a top-secret, highly classified sting operation to take down the largest drug-trafficking cartel in Mexico—a cartel by the name of La Frontera. They wanted a SEAL and they wanted the best marksman they could find, and that was Liam. He was supposed to broker an arms deal with El Gato, the head of the cartel, smuggle some guns out of Iraq, which the CIA promised the government would turn a blind eye to, and when Liam delivered the guns to El Gato, he was supposed to assassinate the drug kingpin. It had to be covert, because while everyone wants the flow of drugs into the U.S. to stop, the U.S. would never get the approval or cooperation of the Mexican government. According to Liam, an American strike would blatantly violate Mexican law, which prohibits foreign military and law enforcement from operating on Mexican soil, except under tightly controlled conditions, and even then, never armed. It would be devastating to our relationship with Mexico, and as our neighbor to the south, we need to remain allies. I’m an attorney in my regular life. Trust me. Targeted killings make any international law specialist uneasy.

  “They offered him a shit ton of money if he could pull it off. Liam was in a lot of debt from taking care of his mom during her long illness and paying for his sister’s college tuition. He took the job, but you know Liam. He’s smart as hell, and while he comes across as the nicest and most laid-back guy ever, he doesn’t really trust anyone, so he wasn’t about to accept the assignment blindly. He recorded his conversation with Martin Grayson, the CIA official who hired him, and gave it to me for safekeeping if they double-crossed him or killed him. He also had a necklace made with the same design as my tattoo. He said if anything happened to him, I’d know who I could trust, because they’d find me because of the necklace.

  “I heard about his death on the news.” His voice cracks, and he stops for a minute, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve been waiting. I figured it would be someone on his SEAL team, or maybe his sister who found me. But instead, you guys showed up at this club that no one from my other life knows about except Liam, saying you knew him, and you knew about the necklace.” He turns to me. “When you didn’t recognize my tattoo, I thought maybe you were on the CIA’s side, or maybe just investigating the incident. But then she mentioned being in Vegas with McKenzie during the poker game.” He nods at Gemma. “I quit as soon as she was out so I could talk to her without you around and find out what she knew. She recognized my tattoo immediately, and she knew about the necklace, so I knew I could trust her.”

  I’m silent, trying to absorb it all. Not Gemma. She’s practically vibrating with excitement next to me.

  “Do you know what this means?” she says, gripping my arm tightly. “You can clear Liam’s name! You were right. He never illegally sold guns. The tape that Valor has proves it! That’s why Liam told Dr. Morris to give McKenzie the necklace and said it was so she’d know for sure the kind of man he really was. It had nothing to do with his bravery in saving the doctor. He wanted her to know he wasn’t illegally selling guns. He knew all along that the necklace would lead her to Valor, who’d tell her how to clear his name. And she’d know the rumors of him illegally running guns wasn’t true.” Her eyes fill with tears, and I want her in my arms. But this moment is for Liam, not for me and Gemma.

  “You have the tape proving the CIA’s involvement?” I ask him.

  He nods. “Two copies. Just in case.”

  “And the guns? Where are they?”

  Valor frowns. “I have no idea. You don’t know?”

  “How would I know?”

  “Because Liam said his SEAL brothers would be able to figure out, from his bucket list, where the guns were hidden if he didn’t get them out in time to finish the job.”

  …

  It’s almost three in the morning when Gemma and I get back to the hotel, and she can barely keep her eyes open. She goes into the bathroom to change, but she doesn’t close the door all the way, and I try—God knows, I try—not to watch as she peels off the skintight dress. Just as she’d said, she’s not wearing anything underneath. My cock responds accordingly. I quickly turn around, strip down to my boxers, and climb into bed before she can see the effect she has on me.

  She emerges from the bathroom wearing a thin T-shirt and a skimpy pair of panties. I groan inwardly.

  “It’s cold in here.”

  I nod at her casual observation. As if I couldn’t tell by the way her nipples are poking against the thin fabric of her shirt, making me think of the intoxicating way they instantly harden when I take them in my mouth.

  She slips under the covers and snuggles into my side. “What a night, huh?” she says sleepily.

  “Yeah.” I wrap my arm around her and pull her close. She lays her head on my shoulder.

  “At least we solved part of the mystery. If nothing else, the world will know that Liam was an honorable man and SEAL. You were right all along,” she adds softly. “What now?”

  I stare at the ceiling, trying not to think about the feel of her almost-naked body next to mine and her soft skin. What now? Now I tell you that I love you, that you make me want to be a better man and I can’t imagine my life without you. But I can’t. To her, this week has been nothing more than a crash course to win over another guy. I make my tone casual as I say, “Now we get some sleep, and tomorrow I take you to the airport. You’ll go back to Charleston and Declan. I’ll talk to Noah and we’ll plan our next move. We need to find the guns before we let the CIA know we’re on to them. We need to be careful, and we need to be ready before we tip our hand.”

  “I could stay and help.”

  “You need to go home. I’ll feel better knowing you’re safe there.”

  After a few minutes, she says, “You were fierce tonight when you saw me with Valor.” I can feel her smile against my chest.

  “I don’t like people fucking with what’s mine.”

  She laughs softly. “Maybe you should have written that in Sharpie on my ass before we went.”

  “I’ll have to remember that for next time,” I say lightly. But there won’t be a next time. Tomorrow, she goes home to Declan, and the bitch of it is, instead of scaring her away from him, I’ve essentially driven her straight into his arms. I hope she’s right, and he’s what she wants. I hope he makes her happy. I try to ignore my heart screaming that she belongs with me, that I can’t let her walk away. But I love her. I have to let her go.

  “Poker was fun…” she says, her voice trailing off into a yawn.

  I pull her to my chest, savoring the feel of her body next to mine this one last time. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

  But she’s already asleep.

  I, on the other hand, lie awake, stroking her hair and dreading tomorrow, when she boards that plane back to Charleston and takes my heart with her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Gemma

  It’s close to midnight when I let myself into the empty, darkened apartment I
share with McKenzie. I’ll be glad when she gets back. I miss her. Especially now, when I could use a heart-to-heart with my best girl friend to help me work through my feelings for Walker. I’m miserable. I love him. I’ve always loved him, but it’s different now. Now I know what it’s like to be with him, completely and unequivocally—the connection we have on every level is deeper than I ever could have imagined. But I know I can’t have him. It’s obvious he’s not interested in anything more than the friends-with-benefits agreement we had while we were in San Francisco, and even that had a definite and finite end to him.

  For a minute last night, when he punched Valor and said I was his, I dared to hope that he felt the same as me, but he meant it from a friend perspective. Walker has always been protective of me; it’s one of the many things I love about him. But that’s all it was. If he wanted more—if he wanted me—he certainly wouldn’t have sent me home to be with Declan, for crying out loud. The things we did together, the way he saw me and all my vulnerabilities and made them into something beautiful and profound, literally changed my life. But to Walker, it was probably just all part of a day in the life of a dominant.

  I open the refrigerator, thinking I should eat something, but even the leftover Chinese food just reminds me of Walker. I wish I’d let Charlotte pick me up from the airport. She could have spent the night and we could have eaten pizza and drunk wine and I could have told her everything. But I texted her before I left and told her that since I was already going to be late getting in and my flight had been delayed once, I’d just get an Uber home. She didn’t answer, so I’m hoping she finally took my advice and went on Tinder and is having wild, crazy sex right now. I sigh. Someone should be; it certainly isn’t me.

  I decide to shower and go to bed. But I can’t escape thoughts of Walker. It seems like so much longer than a week ago that I stood under this same spray, wishing I’d find the man who could handle me—not only the one who could give me an orgasm, but who had the strength and control to make me feel safe enough to be vulnerable for once in my life. I shut the water off.

  Well, I found him, but I can’t have him. I choke on a small sob. Maybe someday I’ll find someone who can make me feel the way Walker did. Or even half of what I felt with him.

  I’ve just climbed into bed, trying not to remember the night that started it all—when I did the same and encountered Walker’s naked body—when my phone pings, alerting me that I have a text message.

  Walker! I texted him to let him know I was home safe, like he’d asked me to, and he responded, but his text was short and to the point. I hastily grab my phone. But it’s not from Walker.

  Hey beautiful. I’m back earlier than I expected from my business trip. Any chance you’re free tomorrow? I’d love to take you to dinner and…talk.

  Declan. Somehow, I’d forgotten all about him. I reread his text, trying to remember the way I felt when he lightly gripped my throat and kissed me, what seems like a lifetime ago. I felt something then, even if I can’t quite summon up the memory of it now. It’s a start. Maybe that’s just what I need—someone to erase the memory of Walker.

  I just got back myself, I text back. I’ll be ready at six.