Me & My Invisible Guy

by Sarah Jeffrey

  “Hey, Mallory.”

  I turned to see Jason O’Neill holding a fountain drink as if he was posing for a photo shoot.

  “Hi, Jason.” I turned my attention to the menu board above me, but Jason sidled up and leaned in close.

  “Go out with me.”

  I laughed. I mean, I couldn’t help myself. “Thanks, Jace, but I can’t.”

  “I heard you were available. C’mon. You won’t regret it.” He slipped a hand onto my hip and tried to pull me closer.

  Is he serious? I pulled away. “Excuse me. Personal space.” I walked away and heard him call me a nasty name behind my back.

  “I think you better go get the food,” I said to Tess.

  “What did O’Neill want?”

  “A hot date, apparently. Which is not gonna be me.”

  “Jason’s such a skeeze.”

  Tess left to get the food, and I tried to gather my thoughts. Jason was already hitting on some other girl in front of Taco Bell, and I felt like I still had his slime on me. I glanced around, hoping to spot Liam, but either he wasn’t there yet or I couldn’t see him.

  Tess came back with a tray and set it between us. “Lexi’s here.”

  “No.” I followed Tess’s subtle pointing to see Lexi at a table with a couple of other girls. Why was she always showing up and ruining things?

  “And Liam, too.” Tess nodded behind me, and I turned to see Liam hovering at the edge of the food court, looking around. He saw Lexi first. She was waving at him. But when he didn’t move, she jumped from her seat and maneuvered her way through the chairs and tables over to his side.

  I groaned.

  “Just wait,” Tess said. “He’ll find you.”

  Liam and Lexi talked for less than a second before she looped her arm through his and practically dragged him toward her table. I stared at him, trying to send mental messages to turn around and see me. Liam stood at Lexi’s table; but despite her pulling out a chair, he didn’t sit. He glanced around again and this time caught my eye. He held up one finger in a wait signal.

  “See, he’s coming,” Tess said.

  Another eternity later, Liam finally extricated himself from Lexi’s table and came to ours and sat down beside me.

  “Hey, guys. Sorry about that.” He turned to me. “Everything okay?”

  I nodded, but Tess was still staring at Lexi. “She just won’t leave you alone, will she?” Tess said, with a lot more boldness than I could ever muster.

  Liam shrugged and looked… maybe embarrassed?

  “What’s her problem, anyway?” Tess wasn’t about to let him off the hook. Go, Tess.

  Liam sat back and took a fry from my plate. “She thinks ya’ll are a bad influence.”

  I thought it was so cute the way he said “ya’ll” that the actual words didn’t register in my head until Tess pounced.

  “Excuse me? And since when was she elected the keeper of your conscience?”

  “I guess she’s worried.”

  “What did she say?” Tess demanded.

  Liam squirmed.

  Tess pointed at him. “Spill it.”

  Liam looked at me for help, but since I wanted to know, too, I wasn’t about to bail him out.

  “She just said that… you’re killing me here.”

  Tess frowned at him.

  “Fine.” Liam threw his hands up in the air. “She just went on and on about how you have a reputation and that I might be tempted to… you know… if I continue to see you. She thinks that I need a girl…”

  “Like her?” I asked.

  “Who’s going to respect my beliefs,” he finished.

  Tess and I sat there for a long second. Even without saying it out loud, I knew what he was talking about. Tess jumped up and, in determined strides, headed right for Lexi’s table.

  “Oh, no.” I pushed my chair back and followed her.

  Tess planted her hands on Lexi’s table. “I need to talk to you. Alone.”

  Lexi definitely had some fear playing around her eyes. Tess could be very menacing when she needed to be. Lexi stood up, eye to eye with Tess. “Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of them. They’re my friends.”

  “I’m surprised you have any, what with being such a gossiper. Tell me. Do you go around spreading lies about them, too, or just Mallory?”

  “I don’t spread lies.”

  “Oh, really? You seem to be campaigning awfully hard to get Liam all to yourself.”

  “I’m just trying to protect him.”

  “From Mallory?” Tess laughed.

  I watched in horror as, one by one, people at the tables surrounding us turned to stare and listen.

  “Yes. It’s no secret that Mallory’s one of those girls.”

  “Those girls?”

  “Yeah.” Lexi swallowed hard but squared her shoulders. “Girls who think sex is just some extracurricular activity. Well, I don’t think that, and neither does Liam. He has a right to know.”

  I felt my cheeks grow hot and my stomach go sour.

  Tess’s eyes were wild and angry. “So you think being a virgin makes you a better person? Better than Mallory? Better than me? I’ll tell you something, Lexi Taylor. Seems to me that being a virgin has made you into a self-righteous little brat. You’re not some saint because you don’t have sex. And I’m not some kind of pariah because I have. You didn’t waste a second before trying to tear Mallory down to get what you want. I think you should be less worried about sex and more worried about being a better human being. Even God would appreciate that.” Tess leaned in close. “Leave Mallory alone.”

  Tess took my elbow and steered me back to our table. I could hear murmurs behind us, but I didn’t want to turn and look. We sat down, and I buried my face in my arms.

  “I’m sorry, Mallory, I had to do it. That little… she can’t lie about you and get away with it.”

  “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at me. I’ve made a mess of everything.” I looked over to where Liam had been standing during the confrontation, but there was no sign of him now. “Great. He’s gone.”

  “He’ll be back.” Tess patted my arm. “He just needs time to think.”

  “But, Tess, she didn’t lie.”

  “Yes, she did. She doesn’t know anything about you. She doesn’t know what kind of person you are. Liam would be lucky to have you. And since Todd was… you know… I’m assuming that you couldn’t have had sex with him. You’re not one of those girls, Mallory. And you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.”

  “But I am. I’ve been lying to everyone about everything, all to get a reputation that’s going to spoil my chances with the one guy I really like.”

  “So tell him the truth.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  I considered that for like a nanosecond, but admitting to my fictional relationship wasn’t even an option. “He’ll think I’m crazy.”

  “You don’t have to tell him about Todd. Just about being a virgin.”

  “But that shouldn’t matter, should it?”

  “Maybe to him it does.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know….”

  Tess smiled sympathetically. “I still think he’ll be back.”

  I hoped she was right. But how will I ever face him?

  CHAPTER 8

  And then there was my mother, who was waiting for me when Tess and I got back to my house. She didn’t say a word, but I knew I was going to have to talk to her.

  Up in my room, I got Tess to look at some websites so she could show me what she had in mind for the fund-raiser posters. I told her I’d be back and then went to the kitchen.

  Better just to get it over with.

  Mom pointed at a chair with her pencil, and I sat down.

  “You were supposed to be back by nine. None of that would have happened if you had been here.”

  “She left a—”

  “I don’t care that she left a note. You were supposed to be here.” Mom
’s voice was low but angry.

  I pulled back my own anger and didn’t say the twenty things that flooded my thoughts. That we shouldn’t have to live like this. That Darby was fine. That Mom was probably overreacting.

  “You’re grounded,” she said.

  “Grounded? Are you serious?” I stood up, pushing the chair back hard.

  Mom’s eyes flashed. “If I say you need to be here, then you need to be here. There is no discussion. I think your sister’s life is worth it, don’t you?”

  I could feel my hands trembling, as if I was ready to explode, so I did the only thing I could. I left the room. I had nowhere to go to gather my thoughts or emotions so I locked myself in the bathroom, the room that haunted me on a regular basis, and curled up in the corner. I didn’t cry. I couldn’t afford the red eyes when I got back into the room with Tess. Tess had enough going on in her life already.

  I took long, slow breaths, trying to calm down. Trying to ignore the hole where one of the paramedics had slammed something into the wall when he was trying to save Darby’s life. Once my breathing was normal and I didn’t feel as if I was on the edge of tears, I went back to my room.

  “We should go out tonight!” Tess said.

  “I don’t feel like it.” I didn’t tell her that I was grounded.

  “You cannot stay cooped up inside. Besides, a little birdy told me that there’s some concert at Liam’s church. I bet he’ll be there.”

  “Yeah. With Lexi. Haven’t we had enough drama for one day?”

  “Nah. It’s high school. It’s all about the drama.” She grinned, then folded her hands and begged.

  “Since when do you want to go to church?”

  Tess shrugged. “They can’t all be like Lexi.”

  “Well, I’m not going to stalk him. He has my phone number, right?”

  Tess gave a heavy sigh. “Fine, fine, fine. Then we’re going to do fund-raiser planning. I’ll make you work all night.”

  She probably thought it would convince me to go out. Instead, it was the perfect plan.

  “Deal,” I said.

  The next morning I woke up early. Since Tess was still sleeping, I crept out of the room, went onto the back porch with a blanket, and curled up in the lounge chair. It was chilly, and the leaves were just beginning to turn to yellows and oranges for fall. The woods running behind our house were still and quiet. I didn’t spend a lot of time alone, and I found myself enjoying the peacefulness of being out there. Well, until I started thinking about Liam.

  It bothered me that he hadn’t called, but it bothered me a lot more that yesterday had happened at all. Even though I was technically free of Todd, I still didn’t feel free. It was as if that lie, and all the baby lies it had made, were following me around. And ruining my chances with Liam.

  The door slid open behind me, and I turned to see Darby with a cup of coffee in her hand.

  “Oh! I didn’t know you were out here. Do you want to be alone?”

  I shook my head, and my throat closed up. I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I heard her pull over a chair and sit down as I tried to focus on the woods and get control of my emotions. I wasn’t allowed to talk to Darby about anything emotional, but I desperately wanted to. I wanted to tell her everything, to get her advice and help. But I couldn’t risk adding any pressure. I was in enough trouble already.

  After I knew my eyes were clear, I shifted the conversation. “What are you doing up so early?” I asked.

  “This is what I do every morning. I should be asking you that question.”

  “I couldn’t get back to sleep.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. So what do you do out here every morning?”

  “Drink my coffee. Pray.”

  Pray. Darby had been going to church, on her own, since early summer. We had never really been a church-going family, though I was pretty sure both of my parents probably believed in God. We had been raised with strong morals, and if I was really honest, choosing not to have sex was probably more about me not disappointing my parents than it was about God. At least at first. Then I just got plain scared after what had happened to Darby. Everything she had been through was because of having sex with the wrong person in college and getting that stupid STD.

  I guess I believed in God; I didn’t have any reason not to. But I wasn’t like Lexi, who talked about God at school and everywhere else she went. I wasn’t sure where faith really fit into my life. At least not yet. The Twelve Steps talked a lot about God, about recognizing that you need help from a higher power. I had admitted to Tess that Todd was a fake, which was Step 5, but I felt as though I was still lying about other things. Even sitting here with Darby I wasn’t being real.

  And I really wanted to be. “What do you pray about?” I asked her.

  “Everything.”

  I watched her as she sipped her coffee, a placid expression on her face. “We get this idea that we can handle most things on our own, then along comes a problem that just seems too big for us,” she said.

  Tess came to mind.

  Darby continued. “God-sized problems. I’ve had a few of those. And what I learned was that God’s not only interested in the huge ones, he’s interested in all of them. So that’s what I pray about. Everything.”

  Darby went back to her coffee; and even though I had a hundred questions, I kept them to myself, letting the quiet settle around us instead.

  Once Tess woke up we decided to make pancakes. Ever since we were first able to use the skillet, we’d see how big a pancake we could make without breaking it when we had to flip it. Today was a day for big pancakes.

  It was like old times. We were giggling and laughing, and even Dad put in an order for a pancake. Mom came around the corner and gestured for me to follow her into the living room. I handed the spatula over to Tess and went to face my mother.

  She had her arms crossed. “You’re grounded and Tess slept over?”

  “I didn’t go anywhere. You didn’t say she couldn’t stay.”

  Mom’s shoulders relaxed, and she reached out and touched my arm. “Mallory, your dad… maybe I was too rash in grounding you. I’m just worried.”

  “About Darby.”

  “And you. And Tess. She’s here an awful lot lately.”

  “I know.”

  “So it makes me wonder if things are okay at home. If there’s a reason she’s here all the time.”

  I couldn’t tell her the truth, but it was obvious she knew something was wrong.

  Mom sighed. “Look, I don’t mind, but staying here isn’t exactly a long-term solution. We’ve got Darby to think about. Is there anything I can do?”

  I shook my head.

  “All right. I’m here if you need me.”

  I followed her back into the kitchen, where Tess gave me a questioning look. I let her know that it was okay.

  Tess got along with us great, and if it were just her, I might have tried to convince my parents to let her move in. But Ashley was another story. I wasn’t sure my parents would take custody of a twelve-year-old. Or if they would even be allowed to. Tess was almost old enough to get emancipated, but Ashley wasn’t. And it’s not as if my parents were certified for foster care or anything. And there was always the Darby situation. But still, I tucked the idea away. It couldn’t hurt to ask if things got desperate, as long as I didn’t have to divulge any more than necessary.

  Darby came into the kitchen ready to leave for church. She was dressed in a nice A-line skirt and blouse and had her hair twisted up into a knot.

  “Anyone want to come with me?” she asked.

  “I do!” Tess said.

  I shot Tess a look.

  She shrugged.

  “What about you, Mallory?” Darby asked.

  Tess grabbed my arm. “We’ll be ready in five minutes.” She dragged me up the stairs.

  “What are you doing, Tessie? Since when do you go to church?�
�

  Tess just smiled and then went to my closet and pulled out clothes for both of us. “Get ready, will ya?”

  I gave in. It was easy to slip back into our usual relationship, the one in which Tess made the decisions and I went along for the ride. Maybe my life was distracting her from her own. Whatever it was, the spark in Tess’s eyes was stronger than I had seen it in days.

  We ran outside to where Darby was waiting in her car, and climbed in.

  “I didn’t expect you to actually agree to go.” Darby glanced in the rearview mirror and caught my eye. “I’m glad you did, though.”

  Tess didn’t say much on the way, and I just sat there trying to figure out if there was something I should do to prepare to go to church. I knew Darby’s church was different from the one my parents had taken us to occasionally, so I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I thought about asking, but suddenly we were there and climbing out of the car. And I saw Lexi standing in a small group by one of the doors.

  I got back into the car and slammed the door shut.

  Both Darby and Tess stopped. They had a short conversation, and Tess climbed back in the car.

  “You are evil and rotten,” I said.

  “I didn’t know!” She put one hand on her chest and held up two fingers with the other. “Girl Scout promise.”

  “Oh, and I’m supposed to believe that you just suddenly wanted to go to church with my sister for no reason. That you had no idea that this is Liam’s church!”

  Tess raised an eyebrow. “Now, now. Are you really the one to scold me about telling stories?”

  I scowled at her. “I’ve had enough humiliation, thank you very much.”

  “You have nothing to be humiliated about. It’s a church. As far as I know, everyone’s welcome. Including you.”

  I closed my eyes, wishing desperately I had never come. “You had to have known,” I said.

  “All right, I knew where Liam went to church, but I didn’t know that this is the one Darby went to until we got here.”

  “I’m not going in.”

  “Whatever. I am.”

  I heard the door close and opened my eyes to see Tess walking toward the building. It felt wrong on so many levels even to be here. But sitting in the car seemed kind of stupid, too. I probably wouldn’t have been so upset about it if Liam had called after the food court debacle. It would look as if I had gone there for him when I was really only there for Tess.