Found By You (The Spring Rose Bay Series Book 1)

by K. L. Jessop

  We were so alike it was uncanny. Yes there would of course be a resemblance, she was my mother, but to those who didn’t know us they’d think we were twins as our similarities and mannerisms were off the chart. She was my best friend, my world and some drunken fucker that thought it was safe to get in his car took her from me. She never made it home for her birthday dinner.

  Like every year her memory box comes out and invades my mind as I scan over the endless photos of a strong family unit that’s now turned to shit. Piles of glossy cards and photos that show the celebrations we shared together laid out on the carpet as bright smiles and her laughter come alive in my mind.

  In the bottom of the box was the CD I kept of all her favourite songs. Placing it into the stereo I drink in the words that play out from the speakers, closing my eyes as I drowned in the music with a tearful smile. Picturing her twirl around the living room with Dad to the melodies as her skirt fanned out around them. Amazing Grace was our favourite and over time the words meant more to me than they did the very first time I heard them. Grace was my mother’s name and I believe through all the shit that’s been thrown at me, her spirit and the words to this song saved me from a lost world I was once blind in. She became my angel of hope. My angel of guidance.

  Throughout all the photos and memories my mind betrays me from thinking of her and begins to focus on the other person I lost since that very day.

  My father.

  Our relationship was strained after mum died and that was like swallowing a bitter pill. Each day he laid eyes on me he was reminded of her. The relationship and home environment that a father/daughter once shared had soon become hostile and unbearable to be a part of.

  Despite everything we have both been through and him betraying me in a brutal way I still loved him, why would I not, for many years he was my hero, the man I ran to when he arrived home from work. The man that picked me up when I fell off my bike and the man that secretly held back my hair when I first rolled home drunk and told me not to tell my mother. I still hope that one day he would wake up and realise I’m still here and that I need him more than anything. I needed him than, I needed him after and I need him now.

  After three rounds of whiskey, throwing caution to the wind I pick up the phone and dialled the number to my childhood home. Uncertain as to whether he still lived there. Anxiety churned my belly but I know I needed to be heard, enough time had been wasted between us and I wanted to make him realise I’m suffering just as much as him.

  “Hello.” His deep voice froze my thoughts as I stared at a picture of him and mum in my hand. His voice made a million thoughts and feelings ricochet within me as the life I once had now stole my breath.

  “Hello. Who’s there?”

  “Daddy?” I whispered as the tears fell. The silence that ran through the receiver was chilling, sending a shiver down my spine as I crawled my knee up to my chest.

  “D-Daddy it’s me, Amelia-” I was hit with the dull tone of begin hung up on.

  He cut the call. The bastard cut the call. Frustration hit me and I slammed the phone down beside me, as I continued to drink. If mum knew what he was doing she’d not be proud.

  With a deep breath I rang him back, this time it went to the machine. If he didn’t want to talk, he could at least fucking listen and I had to get out what was lying heavy on my chest.

  “Dad, I knew you don’t want to talk to me and as much as it hurts I understand. I just wanted to hear your voice. I’m not in London anymore, I’m on my own now. Please don’t shut me out anymore, I need you. I miss her too dad, more than you will ever know. Even though it’s difficult for me to understand I don’t blame you for hating me and I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you in any way. I love you daddy. I lost you both that day and I don’t think for one minute that mum would be-”

  He picked up and growled through the receiver. “Don’t you dare speak of you mother, Amelia-Gra…” Grace, he couldn’t even say my fucking name as it reminded him of her. “You shouldn’t have called.”

  “Please, dad can’t we move on from this. I need you.” I choke, my tears become uncontrollable through his cruelty.

  “It’s too late, we’re different people now. Don’t call me again, Amelia.”

  His voice moved me in a way I never experienced before, behind his stubbornness there was no emotion behind it. But that only ignited my fury more. “No, dad I…I’m your daughter for Christ sake!”

  He’d gone.

  Pain, loss and rejection roared through me, gripping my gut with a twist while my heart ached in agony. I knew it would happen and I don’t even know why I put myself through such torture by phoning him. Maybe after all this time I hoped things had changed. It only caused my broken soul to be shattered a little more.

  In the depths of my deepest melancholy I reached for the one form of comfort that would numb my soul and wash all memories.

  The whiskey bottle.

  I want her here with me. To tell me it’s alright and that I’m loved no matter what has happened over time. That I’m not alone. But she’s gone and all I have of her is a small box of photos and a fucking CD.

  I pressed auto-repeat on the stereo, turned the volume up full to drown out the agony of my despair and throw the remote across the room. Drinking straight from the bottle like some trashy hobo I hugged my knees as I cried myself into the world oblivion.

  Abandonment was now a new form of torture.

  Chapter Twelve

  Marcus

  My head hurt, my shoulders ached and a large whiskey was calling.

  Today was a bedlam of paperwork, emails, calls and site viewings. It was almost as if everyone got word I was finally back and wanted to have me at their beck and call as soon as their eyes opened. I hadn’t even had chance to see Amelia since we left my place this morning and the need to have her near was driving me crazy. I don’t know what it is about this woman but I need her close to me every chance I get.

  I’ve noticed a change in her over the last couple of weeks, her anxious state has become less apparent and she beams every time I see her, radiating the room with her big eyes and smile and making me want her more each and every time. I’m not going to lie, the crave to have her fully and make her mine is becoming unbearable. My balls have never felt so tight. I want to feel and kiss every inch of her pure white skin as she lies under me. To feel her lips pressed against my neck and have her calling my name as she comes undone around me, reignite the spark in her that died all those years ago.

  Yet I know in my heart what she needs more then everything from me is trust and time, all the signs are there and I’ll do whatever it takes to give it. I knew from our time on the beach that there are demons in her past, her eyes are a story of a thousand words she never needed to say. Fear runs through her gorgeous blues often, suffocating in her own thoughts as her face drops with sorrow from wherever her mind may have taken her.

  I was just about to leave for lunch earlier to find her when I got a text which had me stopping in my tracks and confusion flooding my brain.

  Amelia: I need to cancel our plans for today. I’ll call you.

  Me: Everything ok?

  I had no response. Even when I rang I got nothing. She’s so closed off it frustrates me, she needs to know I’m here for her, that she can trust me, that I’m willing to take the pain away if she’d just let me.

  Last night was a breakthrough letting me touch her and how her body quivered around me as she came, agreeing to stay and waking up beside each other like I’ve longed to do for weeks. Then that all went to shit when she locked herself in the bathroom for half an hour before climbing into bed with my shirt wrapped so tight round her it was as if it were her second skin. Hiding herself from me and laying tense so far away from me, I even felt uncomfortable.

  Scrubbing my face in my hand I head to her office for answers only to find it’s locked so I head for the next one. “Where’s Amelia?”

  Andrew looks up from his desk, brows knitting together
in confusion. “I sent her home.”

  “Why?”

  “Because she’s all over the place today. Didn’t she tell you she was leaving?”

  “No.”

  Calling it a day at the Hotel I pick up a takeout and find myself sat outside Amelia’s house, debating whether to get out. She’s running from me and I wanted to know what the fuck was going on. Everything seemed perfect this morning until she checked her phone, then within a split second I lost her.

  Women are so fucking confusing at times.

  I’m out of the car heading up her drive when I’m hit with classical music. I instantly recognised the strings and vocals to ‘Amazing Grace’. It struck me odd that she liked this kind of music giving the fact her and Megan were suckers for partying hard and grinding against each other. Knocking was ridiculous as there was no way in hell she’d hear me through the racket so I went in anyway “Amelia?”

  There was no sign of her in the kitchen as I place the takeout and keys on the counter, and I could hardly hear my own voice as I called. I found the remote to the stereo and hit mute as I made my way further into the living room. The silence was deafening but was immediately hit by harsh sobs coming from the floor in front of the sofa. Rounding it quickly I find a mass of photos, a half empty whiskey bottle and a desperately fragile woman curled in the fetal position hiding her face with her hands. My chest tightened as concern filled me. Kneeling, I brush away the hair from her tear stained face. “Amelia, baby?”

  “He hates me, Marcus,” she cries. “I can’t do this on my own.”

  Scooping her in my arms I hold her tight to my chest and walked us to her bedroom, wanting to take her away from whatever reason of her distress. I hated to see her this way and knowing she turned to the whiskey and not me irritated me a little.

  “He can’t even say my fucking name without hating me. I’m so alone.”

  “Ssh, I’m here now.” Placing her on the bed I lay down beside her, pulling her close as she cries against my chest. I feel helpless and at a loss of how to console her. She seems so broken.

  “Talk to me, Amelia.”

  “I’m so lost. Damaged. A fucking screw up and I hate what they’ve done to me. What he’s done.” She gets up off the bed, stumbling around the room crying and ranting through her drunken sobs that I try hard to understand.

  “It was never meant to be like this. It should never have been this way. It was perfect, then everything changed.” She catches herself in the reflection of the mirror, gritting her teeth in anger as she spoke. All I could do was watch as she let her pain roll off her tongue. “He’s made me this way! Megan got me out, my best friend found me and the others left me to rot by myself. Just try they all say and I do, every fucking day but it’s not easy. It never happened to them. They weren’t there when he done those things. He never loved me! None of this would have happened if she hadn’t left me!” She turns now and looks at me, pain drowning her beautiful face as she sniffed back the tears. “What did I do to deserve this, Marcus? What did I do to end up this way?”

  Her body shredded with grief and fear as she stood before me like a lost soul. I’m by her side in seconds, providing the comfort and protection she so desperately needs as she grasps the muscle of my back as though she would slip away if she faltered.

  “Please don’t hurt me like the others, Marcus.” She choked. “I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to be this person anymore.”

  “Ssh, I’m not going to hurt you, Amelia,” I soothed her hair, placing a kiss on her head and hold her tight as she clung to me. “I promise, I’ll never hurt you.”

  A few hours ticked by as we lay on the bed, reassuring her she wasn’t alone. Amelia’s tears had now subsided, leaving her breathing pattern to dart out a silent hiccup that shook through her every so often. We laid in the twilight filled room tight in each other’s embrace as my mind snowballed with every scenario possible. “Is this why you cancelled on me today?” I murmured.

  “Yes. I didn’t want you to witness the ugly side of me.” I didn’t want to press her but at the same time I wanted to know what was going on in her head, what hurt laid behind her eyes and what fears made her tremble so badly.

  Lifting her chin I make her look at me. Unshed tears pooled in the corners of her puffy red eyes, the lightly dusted freckles across her nose had an undercoat of pink that matched the colour of her neck. Even emotionally exhausted she was sexy. “You are anything but ugly. Don’t ever say that, you hear me.”

  “I can’t take this anymore, Marcus,” she whispers as her voice cracks. “I feel like I’m suffocating.”

  “Then let me in. Let me help you.”

  She nods, sniffing back her tears and playing with the button on my shirt. “Today is my mum’s birthday, as well as the anniversary of her death. I’ve not spoken to my dad in years and for some stupid reason I decided to call him. I just wanted to hear his voice as I miss him so much. I thought this time would be different, maybe after the years of not speaking he’d be pleased to hear from me. But I got what I’d expected. Hurtfulness and hatred when I mentioned her name.”

  “What happened to her?”

  “She was driving to work when the car forced her off the road. A drunk driver heading home from an all-night party, she died at the scene. My life changed that day and I slowly lost everyone around me. Dad found the grief too much to handle and with me being the spitting image of my mother and a constant reminder of what he’d lost, his love for me slowly died. Even though I needed him, I gave him space. I thought he just needed time to come to terms that she had gone and eventually he’d come back to me. But that never happened. I was eighteen and I felt so alone. So when I saw the open arms of another man I ran into them without hesitation. Then one day I needed my dad more than ever as I was going through new nightmares as well as losing mum and he slammed the door in my face. Megan and Lucas are the only family I have now, without them I’d have nothing.”

  It angered me that she had been going through this grief alone, abandoned and lost. My relationship with my mother is strong, close and loving. Amelia’s lost all of that and the thought of losing that myself with my own mother is unthinkable. I can’t even begin to comprehend what she must be going though. But there was one thing that still played my mind from her saddened admission. ‘I was going through my own nightmare.’

  I couldn’t help but think there was a bigger painful picture to this story and I had no doubt that it involved the guy she ran to. She opened up and told me so much already I didn’t want to push her further, I knew I had to be patient.

  Tucking the hair behind her ear I stroke my knuckles across her cheek. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re feeling right now and I don’t think any words I say will change the hurt inside. But no matter how lost you may feel in this world you’re not alone, Amelia. Don’t ever think that. You are an amazing woman and what’s so remarkable is that you don’t even realise how incredible you actually are. There are people who love you, need you and care for you, and that’s something you need to hold on to. You may feel damaged and broken but that’s easily fixed.”

  “You can’t fix what’s already broken, Marcus,” she sniffs.

  “Maybe, but I’ll work damn fucking hard in piecing you back together.”

  Her lips curl briefly before sadness falls again. “My life is ruled by anxieties and therapy, Marcus.”

  “I know.”

  She lifts her chin up to meet my eyes as a single tear falls over her nose. Confusion and hope flashed her sorrowful blues as long wet lashes fluttered against her tear stricken cheeks. She truly was the most beautiful broken creature I’d seen.

  “And that doesn’t bother you?”

  “I’m still here aren’t I? And when you’re ready, you can trust me in telling me everything.” I place my lips on hers, showing her the truth behind my words.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “For what?”

  “Being here and h
olding me. It means so much.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. Apart from the kitchen to grab the takeout I bought so I can feed this tummy of yours that’s going all ass crazy and growling at me.” She lets out a tearful giggle, wiping her face and sitting up. “I hope you like cold Chinese?”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  I glance back at her curled up frame as I reach the door, I hated seeing her so distraught and vulnerable, she needs saving, taken care of and in this moment my need to have her in my life was far greater than I ever imagined.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Marcus

  “So, I find out about the Nadia Lenton Wedding via an Email! Nice, Marcus, good job.”

  “I didn’t know how to bring it up, I’m sorry.” I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose knowing there’d never be a right way in telling her.

  “Your father may have fucked Lenton’s wife and destroyed our family but I’m a grown woman. I’m not likely to need therapy sessions from some ass-wipe who can’t keep it in his pants and a sour faced daddy’s girl plastering the family name on the front cover of a celebrity magazine.” The Lenton name was a bitter word in our house along with my father. After the discovery of dad’s affair, Henry Lenton and Nadia slated my family like world trash and caused unnecessary heartache for mum on top of what she was already going through, and even with her hard ass attitude now, I know it’s affecting her.

  “Believe me I’m not happy about it either but we’re too far in to pull out, besides Amelia has worked her ass off trying to please the woman. I’m keeping a close eye on them both and having regular meetings with Amelia, calling it off now isn’t an option.”

  There’s silence at the other end of the line and I’m waiting for that ‘but what if’, only I get the opposite. “Who is this Amelia you speak of and how long has she been in your bed?”