Dirty Work

by Bull, Rod;

  One of the lamas I had been talking to suggested another practice, to sit in front of a mirror. As you gaze into it, your reflection slowly dissolves. Actually, what happened was that I dozed off, waking with a jolt, staring into the mirror only to see a blazing white light burning through dark blue sky. When I later asked the lama about this, he said, “That was your real nature.”

  Maybe that was what the jackdaw was really looking for?

  Mr. Gurdjieff would say, “Life is your teacher.” So what is it life is trying to teach me? Sometimes, when I can accept the work, not reacting to it so strongly, there is no problem. Somehow the mind is always judging. This is good, this is bad. Good work, dirty work. Free from misjudging, all work could be similar. This all sounds fantastic, but how do you change your attitude towards work? The strange thing is, we all know what to do somehow. Our basic awareness is always there, but either it is too covered up for us to see or we just don’t listen. Maybe this is what life is all about, learning to become aware of every aspect of your life.

  Lyme Light

  I am still trying to make sense of the happenings in the dark retreat. There are always nagging doubts: was I somehow making the whole thing up? Something that stuck in my throat was, how did the new 17th Karmapa know the question I had asked the 16th Karmapa? This and the fact that he and Tai Situ were so close seemed to suggest that he was the genuine 17th Karmapa. Some years ago, Tai Situ had removed a blockage at an Empowerment, opening my mind to a very natural, meditative state. All these things seemed to come together.

  Wallace Black Elk was the name of the medicine man I had to find. I had met him once briefly, many years ago at a sweat lodge in Cos Cob. How to find Wallace Black Elk? The Internet? Brilliant, he was to give a talk at the Tibet Center in New York City in three weeks.

  The train ride from Albany down the Hudson River gave me a chance to reflect on what I was going to ask Black Elk. Arriving early at the Tibet Center, I recognized people I had seen before in Cos Cob. There were also Tibetans there. Black Elk began by saying there was a strong link between his people and the Tibetan people, quoting something the 16th Karmapa had said about both traditions having similar sacred places. He went on to talk about keeping nature in balance, and giving back to nature instead of just plundering.

  After the talk, he greeted people he had not seen in many years. I stood around, hoping for an opportunity to speak with him. My chance came as he glanced at me, as if he knew what I had come for.

  “Teasel root is what you need,” he said. What was he talking about?

  “You have been bitten by a tick,” he went on to say.

  I broke out in a cold sweat. Jesus! How did he know this? I stammered something about the dream, the vision that I’d had about being told to find him. He just nodded.

  “Teasel is a very powerful immune system booster. We have used it for hundreds of years. It saved us from many European diseases that we had no natural defenses for. We would chew the root, but now you can get it in some health food stores in liquid form. This will cure you, and anyone else with this disease,” he told me.

  Amazing. My head was spinning. I tried to thank him, but he just moved on, greeting everybody he met in a very humble way. I quickly found paper and pen to write down the name of the medicine.

  The train ride back was like a dream. Getting off at Hudson, getting into my car and going to the health food store: there it was in a little brown bottle with a yellow label, complete with dropper. Teasel root. Unreal. Was this really happening? There were only two bottles left; I bought both.

  I opened one right away in the car. It had a very bitter taste. I swilled it around in my mouth for a minute or two, then swallowed. It certainly tasted like medicine—something my mother might have given me. She would say, “It’s good for you.” I tried not to spit it out, remembering her advice to just grin and bear it. I figured if it tasted like this, it must be good for me. After a few days, I got used to it, even getting to quite like it. After all, English beer is bitter. The recommended dose was three times daily.

  After taking the medicine for three weeks, I began to feel much better, able to do a full day’s work without feeling tired. I had more energy and also felt more upbeat and positive. This was amazing to me, as I had not felt like this for many years. Was this real? Was this happening to me? Every so often, I pinched myself to see if it was all just a dream.

  I decided to stop taking the teasel for a while to see if my symptoms returned, as well as to let my immune system kick in. The main symptom had been fatigue, which was occurring less and less. As soon as fatigue recurred, I would take a little teasel, but in a more reduced dose each time. After about six weeks, the exhaustion had all but disappeared.

  Feeling much better, I was able to focus more on the Mahamudra meditation practices. The amazing thing was that the ups and downs in my life did not affect me so much anymore. I was no longer so fixated on every failure.

  Was I coming to terms with my karma? Had I started to break free from the hypnotic state of life, from being kept asleep by my ignorance of the true meaning of life? Gurdjieff said we are food for the moon.

  Our upbringing and governments keep us docile, discouraging us from rocking the boat. Mediocrity at all costs. Was the virus keeping me alive just to feed the moon?

  A wake up call for me has always been that voice from the blue, “Hey, asshole. Get a life!”

  This has always been a puzzle for me, as I thought I had a kind of life.

  About Rod Bull

  Rod Bull was born and raised in London, England. From a young age he resisted the confines of traditional expectations and fled to far and foreign regions to broaden his horizon as a coming of age. After he hitched hiked his way through Europe, the Middle East and India he “settled” down in Australia to indulge in the common culture he so earlier rejected taking on odd jobs as a sugar cane cutter, oil seaman and a mental health orderly and the not so mundane pursuits of deep sea diving and ski instructing. Years later he came back to London to pursue a career in photography where he worked as a freelancer for Mobil oil then later published his first book Time Stands Still, a pictorial on the stone circles of the United Kingdom and France. As his photography career grew so did his spiritual quest which led him to the teachings of Gurdjieff and Tibetan Buddhism. During his later London years he started a family and eventually moved to upstate New York where currently resides.