The Sect

by Lane, Courtney

  “She’s dishonored her virtue,” Reven addressed the henchman standing along the wall, “therefore…she’s my gift to you. All of you. Taste her. Fuck her until she’s broken.”

  Torn from one emotion to another, I tried to sit up. My legs and arms were restrained. My eyes followed Reven as he leisurely walked out of the room.

  “Did you really think I’d buy into your need to placate me?” he asked from over his shoulder while he maintained a steady stride. Turning away from me, he spat, “Consider this your lesson. Since you so gladly wanted to behave like a whore, I’m allowing you the opportunity to fully embrace in becoming one.”

  On his departure, between the sea of bodies restraining me, the mischievous glimmer in Noah’s eyes disappeared for fury.

  Nothing else could be seen as several men held down my limbs. Mouths were attached to my breasts, mouth, and core. I tried to scream and something musty and thick was shoved into my mouth. My body was shifted and someone slipped their body behind me. My struggle was restrained. I was left open and vulnerable.

  Several limbs, mouths, and bodies continued to accost me. Covering me. Blanketing me. Punishing me. While they did everything but penetrate me, it was enough. Penetration mattered very little when their erections were stuffed down my mouth and their cum was spread on my body. To anyone from the outside looking in, it was clear I was brutally taken by two men.

  THEY LEFT me alone for a week—or so I assumed. I stopped counting after the fifth sunset. I’d usually entertain myself by trying to sing a song I made up as I went along. The moment I tried, my voice cracked and I burst into tears. I was completely sure that I’d never have the desire to sing again.

  Marcia came to my room three times a day, and with every tray, a piece of chocolate and the yellow and red roses intertwined were brought to my room. Sleep was something I went without and began to feel physically sick by the third day. I was afraid if I rested I would remember the two men and what they did to me, remember the bruises—long faded—that they left me with. It was odd in a way; I never felt that way about the pain Noah inflicted on me. His pain made me feel alive when I thought I was dead. His scars never lasted long. Much like the glimpses of a human hidden underneath the monster, it never stayed around very long, either.

  The water in my bath had grown cold. I began to wonder how long I’d endure without being asked to return to the theater or engage with the others of the house. It was better to be left alone, locked in my room. I had replayed the scene of Radley on his knees mouthing unintelligible words to Noah in my nightmares. I thought I made out what he said, but it didn’t make much sense: “I didn’t understand. I’m sorry I failed you.”

  The lock latched on the door to my bedroom. I crossed my arms in the clear water and tucked my knees to my chest, covering my body.

  Jayme stepped inside the room without her usual smile. “It’s time to return to the theater. I’m…supposed to walk you there.”

  I searched her face, noting the sadness in her eyes. “Did Radley die, Jayme?”

  She immediately dropped her head, sobs making her back heave. “I don’t know. I just know he’s gone, which usually means yes. Yes, he’s dead.”

  I stood out of the water, grabbing a towel to cover myself with. I stepped close to her, taking my hands in hers to give her comfort. Keeping my voice quiet, I asked, “Do you still have those pills the doctor gave you?”

  She lifted her eyes at me without moving her head. “Yes,” she croaked.

  “Do you think I can have a week’s worth? I just need something to get me through the day—the week.”

  “Give me a second.” She turned on her heels, disappearing for a while.

  I went through the motions of getting dressed and applying very light makeup as I waited for her to return. She came back empty handed. When I gave her a look of puzzlement, she whispered, “Beneath the mattress on the right side, take them there and you won’t be seen by the cameras so easily. You’ll only have thirty seconds before the cameras adjust to your motion. I’ll meet you in the hall.”

  I swiftly walked into the room and did as she said. I tore apart at least twelve packets. I lined up the pills on the floor and hid the empty packets beneath the mattress. I grabbed the dozen in my hand and chucked them into my mouth, swallowing three or four at a time until all were gone.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I waited.

  All I could remember was the men with terrifying looks on their faces as they hurt me, reminding me of a monster who violated me and upended my life by taking my fiancé and his sister away from me and their loved ones. A man who wasn’t guilty of the crime was convicted, taken away from whatever life he had because he trusted someone he shouldn’t have.

  Radley was no different.

  Noah, for whatever reason, made him take the fall for a crime that was his and killed him for doing it. Noah took a man out of the world who probably had a family and a girlfriend or boyfriend waiting for him to come home. I was surrounded by evildoers, thinking they were followers of a bigger and better cause.

  Noah wanted me broken, and I think he succeeded. My mind and body were split down the middle. One side was dead, and the other was numb. The defense mechanism to guard against further pain was no longer feasible. Every single happy memory I had of my family was gone.

  Strength was something I no longer knew the concept of.

  Reven had forcefully taken what I had no desire to give; there was nothing left. Noah had split my mind apart from my body, making my form his alone.

  I hadn’t the slightest memory of the woman I used to be anymore. My history became a faded picture. My family and the love they gave me were slowly devoured in an all-consuming flame.

  Fingers snapped in front my face, making me shudder more.

  Jayme’s panicked voice was an echo as her grip burned into my shoulders, shaking me. I was no longer in full faculty of my limbs. They flopped around like a rag doll. The darkness I was clamoring for shrouded me in comfort. I only wished it would stay with me, and the fleeting light of day would never return to taunt me.

  My hair was tugged, my limp body carried into a bathroom I didn’t recognize. The strong grip on my hair prevented it from floating down and pooling around my face. Fingers were shoved down my throat as I retched into the toilet. My face seemed pulled by a magnet toward the porcelain bowl, ensuring I couldn’t remove myself until my stomach and body were sore from the violence of my sickness. Warm hands grabbed my shoulders, pulling me toward a hard chest. I welcomed it, knowing it felt nothing like Reese or my father. It was impossible to feel either. Somehow, it was comfort and continued to be so with the way his heavy hand smoothed down the length of my hair and kept me close.

  I saw their faces again and tried to stand. The faces of the people I had lost. The faces of the people who tried to kill my spirit and might’ve succeeded in doing so. I tried to stand, but wound up falling to the floor with a hard slam. The hold he had on my body threatened to become more painful than the internal sensation I couldn’t cure. When I thought to struggle, the startling stream of cold water rained down on my body. It burned like acid rain, making me scream. A voice continuously barked at me, but I couldn’t hear through my screams.

  I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t see. All I wanted was a way out. A reprieve from the torture I couldn’t seem to get away from.

  A slap stung my cheek. “Keaton, it’s Noah. Stop fighting me.”

  My arms were pinned above my head against the tile in the shower block. During our struggle, Noah was forced under the stream of water, doused just as much, if not more than I was.

  “Why did you do it?” His question was accusatory and spoken with so much anger and bitterness I could almost feel it on my skin.

  His question shocked my brain. Why did I do it? Why…did…I…do…it? I blinked rapidly, staring at him with incredulity.

  He continued to study my face, waiting for my answer. “Answer the fucking question, Keaton, because it
doesn’t make sense to me. Your ex-boyfriend raped you, stalked you, and taunted you. When he was tired of being ignored, he shot your fiancé and his little sister. Instead of retaking your life, you ran. So tell me why, here, where you are treated well as long as you obey simple rules, did you want die?”

  “Are you…serious? Please tell me you’re joking.” I laughed wryly, furthering his apparent frustration. “Where can I run, Noah? You find me every time.”

  “Why do you want to run?” His grip on my wrists began to burn as his tone fell into vexation. “Goddamn it, Keaton!” he scolded me, preventing my ability to immediately answer his question. “If you keep your fucking head down and do what you’re told to do, you will get freedom. I want an answer to my question, and I want it right now.”

  “You left me,” I spat, my lip quivering. “You left me there to be violated, knowing what I’ve been through, knowing what it feels like to be raped. You didn’t care. You left me. And then, you made an innocent man admit to crimes you committed and you killed him while I was made to watch.”

  “This…is about me?” Releasing his hold on me, he swallowed hard, the confidence is his face and posture completely fell away. It was as if he never could’ve fathomed he’d be a part of the reason I didn’t want to live anymore.

  “How can you not think that is? All you’ve done to me? You hurt my body and my mind, and then fucked them both. The horrible thing about it all? I liked it. But…you were right before.” I muttered with my voice quavering, “You’re a coward.”

  “I’m the coward?” His voice was low and heavy, threatening me without a single word to uphold his threat. “I didn’t try to fucking kill myself, did I?”

  I hocked up spit and spat on him. “You are a disgusting person who doesn’t deserve to exist.”

  His head tilted down and to the right. He ran his palm down his face, removing what I left there. His eyes darted to mine, blinking rapidly through the steady stream of the shower, showcasing something I’d never seen before. I thought I’d seen the extent of his darkness, but I was wrong. His fists balled as though he wanted to hit me. “I’m not in the mood to dole out your version of punishment. But…don’t push me; I can easily find a way to hurt you and make my cock hard—before I fuck the defiance and disrespect out of you.” His jaw twitched as he continued to glare at me. It appeared as though he was fighting with the need to make good on his threats. “Radley Starling was far from fucking innocent. He died because he was a bastard.”

  “I don’t believe you,” I said, slowly. But I remembered the look on Radley’s face when he left Nadine’s room. I remembered her reaction when I asked her if she was all right. I became cognitive of the real reason; Radley raped Nadine.

  “Radley Starling drugged a woman, raped her, then strangled her to death. The family of the woman he killed never got justice because they released him on a technicality. But what really happened is his father paid everyone off. He had a chance to redeem himself here; instead, he engaged in the same activity that got him into trouble. Come to find out, Radley had a bad habit; he was just sloppy with that particular girl. She was the only one of his victims that they found. Still want to weep for that bastard now?”

  Noah’s view of crime and punishment was so distorted. I could scarcely figure out why he would sit back and be complacent about some of the most heinous crimes committed here, but kill a man for committing the same crimes against Nadine and other women. “It…doesn’t make it right,” I said, uncertainty taking control of my words.

  “I no longer give a shit what you think. So you know what? Fuck you, Keaton. I do nothing but help you and you spit in my goddamn face? Did those men fuck you? No. You know why? Because of me. Don’t you dare stand here in the place I risked everything to bring you to and tell me I don’t deserve to exist because you think I wronged you. You are so damn blind. I’m trying to make you look at things in focus, but maybe you really are hopeless.”

  I looked down as he wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me as if we were lovers. Holding me as though he was trying to comfort me. It was strong enough to make me believe he’d keep me safe, but too light to make me believe the impossible.

  “No one gets to touch you that way.” He held me tighter, his eyes narrowing. “No one else ever gets to stick their cock inside what’s mine without repercussions. Not ever again.”

  “Reven has control over that, not you,” I said, my words distant and full of disbelief. “You seduce me, make me trust you, and then let me fall from what I thought was my safety net. What are you really doing and why are you here? If you don’t care what happens to me, why bother to help me at all?”

  He dropped his arms from me. Taking a step back, he palmed back his moisture-soaked hair. He shook his head as he fought with an unsaid thought. “Finish your shower, then we’ll talk.”

  Folding my arms across my breasts, I turned my back on him. “Why didn’t you do it? You were hard. I…saw it.” I looked over my shoulder at him. “Why didn’t you do it when he told you to?”

  “I’m not into cock parties,” he deadpanned. “I’ve never had to force a woman to be with me, and I never will.” His eyes darted to mine with a piercing intensity. “I meant what I said to you. I’d never—ever—force myself on you.”

  For a glimpse of a second, I could’ve sworn I saw compassion from the man I thought was incapable of it. “I don’t believe that, either.”

  “It was a test I had to let happen,” he explained, his voice fading. “If he saw me with you, he would know how I felt about you. When I’m fucking you, it’s the only time I can’t hide it.” His words were a contradiction to the man I assumed him to be at times.

  I blinked so rapidly my eyes stung. Nothing about him made sense or computed. It made me wonder if he was right and my vision was really out of focus. Why was he here if he didn’t agree with what went on? His explanation for why he didn’t do as told, after threatening me often with his brutality, didn’t add up. How could he, a henchman for a madman, stop anyone from being with me? If he was just an employee, how and why did he have that much sway over men who were responsible for reporting to someone with a higher status than he had?

  Raising his hands, he stepped backward. “Shower.” Leaving the room, he gave me privacy.

  I wasn’t left with anything to wear beyond the terry cloth robe. When I walked in the bedroom, Noah was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring pensively at the floor. “I came here for a purpose,” he said quietly. “I stayed to help someone.”

  I took a seat in the nearest chair, keeping my distance from him.

  “I didn’t have the greatest upbringing, but I didn’t let it get me down.” He looked up, staring at a faraway place. “Joined the military when I was eighteen. I only did it so I had some way to pay for college because my parents sure as hell weren’t going to help. I was dishonorably discharged and it fucked up a lot of things. I had to make my own way, and I’m not proud of what I had to do to get there. Everything I went through led me here. It was different in the beginning, but when I realized this place created more monsters than it destroyed, I wanted to leave. I did leave for a little bit. I came back for her.”

  “Her?” I questioned, puzzled. “Who is she?”

  “The answer won’t make sense to you right now. Someday soon it will.”

  Sighing in frustration, I fiddled with the belt to my robe. “What happened to you that gave you all of those scars?”

  “Obviously an asshole tried to kill me and failed.” He leaned back on the bed. His damp clothes clung to every curve and cut of his body. He combed his fingers through his hair and stared at the ceiling in quiet contemplation. “I was sent to private catholic schools as a kid. I made myself the outcast because I couldn’t be invisible. A teacher there saw through my bullshit and we became friends. He taught me a lot about the world. We’d talk for hours about the Bible and his love for God.” He closed his eyes, almost grimacing in the way he did. “Then he perverted his a
nd my love for a divine being by using it to force himself on me. What’s funnier is that I still pray every night. Real prayer, not the version they do here. Maybe…I’m praying to forget.”

  I blinked at him through tears. “I’m sorry—”

  He bolted off bed and stood by the window, gazing out of it. “Don’t do that again,” he gritted through his teeth, keeping his back toward me. “Don’t ever fucking give me your commiseration, Keaton. It’s a sure way to piss me off.” He placed his palms on the window and took a deep breath. “I tried to save someone from being brainwashed by this place.

  “She believed she had to stay because she thought she was in love with someone here, but he wasn’t in love with her. She thought she could help that person, but nothing she did qualified as help. Seeing him with other women drove her crazy. Her jealousy got the best of her and she retaliated and tried to burn this place down.”

  My posture slumped because his story was completely unexpected. Everyone had a past and a story—most weren’t filled with tales of any easy life. “What happened to her?”

  “She’s still here,” he said wistfully. “Someday I’ll bring this whole place down. Timing is everything and it’s not there yet. No more questions. I’m done discussing my history.”

  As I began to contemplate what he said, my mind ran wild with who the woman in his story could’ve been. “Do you think I’m the one who is going to help you? Is that why you’re helping me?”

  “No, I’m helping you because in my own fucked up way, I know I can make you a better woman than you were when you came here.” He walked over to me, standing over me and staring at me. “I brought you to my home, because if Reven found out about what you tried to do when he returns—” He bit his lip for a moment, stopping what didn’t need to be said.

  “Helping me?” I asked, my voice moderately raised. “Are you really that delusional?”

  “When you were homeless, did you ever think about the better times you had in your life? Or did you think about the worst?”