Afterburn

by Kira Sinclair

Her chest rose and fell in a hurried rhythm that matched his own. “I told you.”

  Somehow the fact that she was as affected as he helped him find his control.

  “No. Why didn’t you tell me that first day? That first night?”

  “Oh sure. It’s great to have you back from the war. Glad you survived since it would have been a pain in my ass to have to explain about the wife you didn’t even know about.”

  “Sarcasm doesn’t—” Chase stopped mid-sentence, interrupted by a knock on his front door. “What the hell…”

  “Ignore it. This is more important.” The irritation in Sabrina’s voice matched his own, part arousal, part exasperation. It set his teeth—and his nerves—on edge.

  “No.” He couldn’t. Only a handful of people knew where he lived. Not that he appreciated the ill-timed interruption. Whoever it was would be leaving immediately.

  Yanking the door open, Chase looked around on his front stoop. No one was there. This was a bad time for the teenagers in the neighborhood to start playing pranks.

  He was about to turn back into the room when a flutter of something white at his feet caught his eyes. Bending down, he slowly picked it up.

  He knew exactly what it was, the twin to the note that currently lay on the desk in his office. Only this one carried no stamp, no postmark. This one had been hand delivered.

  Ripping it open, he stared down at the black letters.

  Cancel the ceremony or you’ll regret the consequences.

  No joke. He already regretted them.“What is that?”

  Stuffing the note and envelope into his pocket, Chase turned back to Sabrina. “Nothing.” He wouldn’t, couldn’t, deal with this now.

  She stared at him for a moment before turning her eyes to study his empty white walls.

  Without looking at him she said quietly, “I wanted to have the annulment paperwork ready before I said anything. I figured it would be easier that way.”

  “Easier on whom? Certainly not me.”

  “Don’t be stupid. That’s your male pride talking. You’re just angry that I kept this from you.”

  “Hell, yes. I’m angry.”

  How had this turned to shit so quickly? He’d been married for all of five minutes and they were already bickering like his parents had before their divorce.

  He supposed it was fitting.

  “Look, I’m simply saying I don’t like being kept in the dark about events that concern my life.”

  “Yeah, well neither do I. I didn’t even know where you were for eleven months. I had to find out about the fact that you’d almost died on the news like everyone else.”

  The accusation in her words stunned him. What the hell? “I had no idea you were my wife, Sabrina.” He ground out the words through clenched teeth. “Or that you cared. You were the one who left in the middle of the night, remember?”

  She stared at him for several moments. Chase watched the cool and perfect veneer slip over her from head to toe; it fell like a film of silk, hiding the emotions and woman beneath. Her spine pulled straight, adding an inch to her slight frame, and her green eyes blanked of everything.

  “I don’t. Care. I’ll leave what I have. Take a look. My phone number’s on the first page.”

  Chase watched her walk away, standing at his window as she sank stiffly into her compact car and left.

  THAT HADN’T GONE the way she’d hoped. Rina sat in the parking space outside her apartment, staring through the windshield. She hadn’t moved from the spot since she’d pulled into it five minutes before.

  On a scale of one to ten, it had been about negative two. Yes, she could have handled things a little better. She’d picked the worst possible moment to tell him, that was for sure. But Chase could have handled things better as well.She hated fighting with him.

  But she hated the edge of needy weakness she’d let slip through at the end more. She didn’t care about him. Not really. Not more than any normal, sane person would have cared about someone they knew who was now living, working, eating every day in a war zone.

  How many nights had she spent lying awake, unable to sleep, picturing the danger he was in, the moment he might die?

  And she’d been angry with him for putting her in that position. She hadn’t asked for it. She’d never wanted to date a pilot, let alone marry one. She’d had plenty of experience wondering if or when her father would come home. That fear, the fear of being left alone, of losing the one and only person she depended on, had finally gone away when her father had taken a desk job and given up flying. She never wanted to be that vulnerable again.

  It had been bad enough when she’d found out the danger Chase had been in after the fact.

  Of course, she was partly to blame. It was her own fault, her own mistake. But knowing that hadn’t taken away the fear. It had only added guilt to the pile.

  Pushing the heels of her hands into her stinging eyes, Rina rubbed the sensation away. She had no right to cry over Chase. Certainly not now that he was safe. And home.

  She wondered briefly what that white card he’d stuffed into his pocket had been about. Probably a note from some woman for the Babe Magnet.

  Ha. Could her life get any more screwed up?

  At least the worst part was over. She’d told him. Chase had the paperwork. So why didn’t she feel better about the whole thing?

  CHASE LOOKED down at the papers in his hands again. The annulment documents were in his right and the note card in his left.

  He couldn’t see the words. All he could see were pictures of Sabrina flashing across his mind. Blazing clear images of the night they’d…married. The way she’d tugged the edge of her uniform his first day with the squadron. The feel of her up against the wall of his bare apartment.Fate. He’d never been a huge believer. Good fortune was what happened when you worked hard, not what simply landed in your lap. Of course, being in a war zone had a way of changing your views on fate and faith.

  Watching men die had a way of changing your outlook on life.

  He might not have meant to marry Sabrina, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that it had happened for a reason. Had he really not known what was going on? Or had he not wanted to stop it? Had he wanted to leave knowing she’d be home, waiting for him?

  Was he ready to let that go? To let her go without taking some time to think about things? Evaluate what they’d done? What they had?

  Growing up, he’d sworn he’d never get married unless he knew it was forever. He’d never put his children through the hell of divorce the way his parents had. They’d given up on each other, but he’d been the one to pay the price.

  Being a pilot took him away for days, weeks, sometimes months at a time, hard enough on a family with strong ties. He’d be damned if he’d let his children end up halfway across the country, hours away, with no time to see them and no way to be a part of their lives.

  He’d gone years between strained visits with his father. The last time he’d seen the man he’d been fourteen. When he’d needed him most, his father hadn’t been there. And then he’d been gone, dead of a heart attack. For years he’d blamed his mother. But that wasn’t entirely fair.

  She hadn’t been happy with his father. He’d known that. But Chase hadn’t been happy without him. While his mother and sister had grown closer, Chase had floundered. They had each other, he had no one. What he remembered most about his teenage years was the unbelievable feeling of loneliness and loss. He never wanted to experience that again.

  He’d joined the air force, surrounded himself with a brotherhood of men who’d bonded over shared experiences and a sense of honor and duty. He’d made lifelong friendships that only death could take away.

  He’d never felt that same sense of…of connection with any woman. Until Sabrina. He’d glimpsed an inkling of it when they’d been together those brief few weeks seven years before. He’d experienced it full force eleven months ago when they’d connected on much more than a physical level—at least he had.

/>   A sense of connection that for him had only intensified during his months away.

  He’d married Sabrina. He’d made a vow—a vow he didn’t realize he was making but a vow just the same. Surely that meant something. They certainly had plenty of sexual chemistry in their favor.

  He wasn’t ready to simply throw it all away.

  Yes, she was right that it had the potential to screw up both of their careers. But he thought that she was overreacting. He seriously doubted the air force would prosecute them. It was more a mistake, an accident, than intentional fraud. He was a war hero about to be awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross in front of the President. The air force didn’t need the kind of scandal that prosecuting him would create.

  Besides, Sabrina was worth the risk. He’d give up a hell of a lot to have her in his life. So they’d skipped a few steps and jumped straight to an unintentional marriage.

  Making a decision, Chase tapped the pages neatly together and placed them in the bottom drawer of his desk. He wasn’t going to give up on his relationship with Sabrina without at least trying to make it work. A few weeks. A month maybe. If, after that, things weren’t working out, then at least their divorce wouldn’t affect anyone besides him and Sabrina. And he’d know. He wouldn’t ask himself twenty years from now, what if?

  His gaze switched to the note card in his other hand. The paper was crumpled now, not as crisp and perfect as it had been lying on his concrete porch.

  The fact that it had been there at all unnerved him a little. Whoever was sending these notes was close. Knew where he lived, not just the abstract address on an envelope, but had stood on his front porch, possibly looked through his front window and watched as he and Sabrina had argued.

  He didn’t like that at all.

  And he didn’t like being given an ultimatum, especially by a coward unwilling to confront him in person. As much as he’d like to cancel the medal ceremony, that simply wasn’t going to happen.

  But he also couldn’t ignore the note this time. This was a concrete threat to himself and the air force. He had a few ideas as to who might be unhappy with him receiving a medal. There’d been a few army guys not happy with the attention he’d received, and a couple of outspoken family members who’d been consumed with grief. He’d start digging there and see what shook out.

  In the meantime he’d concentrate on Sabrina. That was infinitely more pleasant. The question was how to convince her to give them a chance. She was a thoroughly stubborn woman. Once she made up her mind…it was difficult to change it. Not that he wasn’t up to the challenge. Their marriage had taken less than ten minutes. The decision to end it should take much longer.

  “WHY CAN’T WE have sex?”

  Sabrina nearly had a heart attack at the sound of Chase’s voice at her office door. She did actually jump in her chair. And then hated herself for the startled reaction.The heat spilling through her body was adrenaline. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he had shut the door behind him, blocking out the rest of the world from her tiny space. Chase leaned his back against the wood, one hand still holding the knob as if to lock her there, with him.

  “What?” The word croaked through her suddenly dry throat, completely and totally someone else’s voice.

  What the hell was wrong with her? All the man had to do was say the word sex and her mind turned to mush.

  “No.” She shook her head, hoping that at least one of them would heed her words, but she wasn’t entirely certain she had the strength for it to be her. “No, no, no, no, no.”

  He smiled, that charm-filled, amped-up, wicked smile that had her resolve melting and her intelligence dripping to her toes.

  She hadn’t heard from him in two days. Not one single word since she’d left the papers with him on Friday. And now, the first thing he had to say to her was “Why can’t we have sex?”

  “No.” The word came out much stronger this time. Thank heaven for small miracles. “Sex would ruin the annulment. If we have sex, then we can’t claim that we haven’t been living as husband and wife.”

  “No one has to know.”

  “I’ll know.”

  Rina watched his smile fade. She didn’t understand the momentary look of regret that flashed across his winter-blue eyes.

  “Look, Sabrina—”

  “Rina.”

  Chase lifted an eyebrow at her. “Sabrina. From what I’ve read, the eleven months we’ve waited might be enough of a problem to prevent the annulment anyway.”

  “Yes, but according to my lawyer the extenuating circumstances are probably sufficient to jump that hurdle.”

  “And if they aren’t?”

  Rina’s stomach took a nosedive at the mere thought. “Then we get a divorce. It’ll be more difficult but…”

  “But that would take longer and the chances of someone finding out get better.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Remind me again what happens if someone finds out? I mean, there’s no requirement that says we can’t have a relationship or get married.”

  “Are you willing to risk a letter of reprimand? Are you willing to risk the possibility that we’ll be booted from the program, ruin any forward momentum our careers have and never get another promotion again? I’m not. I have plans and ambitions, goals. I do not intend to reach the peak of my air force career at twenty-nine!”

  Chase stared down at her, watching the way her breasts moved up and down with each of her labored breaths. Awareness rolled through her, along with the desire to cross her arms over her chest and block his view for both of their sakes.

  “You know, I’m not so sure your reluctance to let anyone know about our marriage has anything to do with the repercussions to your job.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I think maybe you’re more afraid that the General might find out.”

  Rina’s eyes narrowed. She did not like his tone of voice. “Excuse me for not wanting anyone, including my father, to find out that I accidentally married an idiot.”

  “What does that make you?”

  “Excuse me?”

  He sauntered across her suddenly claustrophobic office, stopping at the corner of her desk. “If I’m an idiot, what does that make you, the woman who accidentally married me?”

  She looked up into his face, into his deep blue eyes full of self-deprecating humor. Part of her wanted to be mad at him for not taking their predicament seriously. But part of her was relieved that he was apparently no longer angry at her for not telling him right away.

  “A moron?”

  “Hmm. You’d think we’d be perfect for each other. It’s enlightening to know your opinion of me as a husband.”

  His knowing smile was back, and so was the pit in the bottom of her stomach. She seriously hoped he couldn’t see the pulse beating double time in her throat. “I don’t really have a husband, do I?”

  “That’s not what the pretty piece of paper I have says.”

  Rina moved her head sideways and smiled. In the face of his teasing, she couldn’t help it. Smiling about this situation was the last thing she’d expected to be able to do. But it felt good. Certainly better than worrying alone.

  Dropping his hand, Chase took a step away and said, “Look. If we can’t be lovers, we might as well be friends. We’re stuck with each other at least for a few more weeks.”

  Something the General had told her as a teenager surfaced in her mind. Boys only want one thing from a girl and it sure as hell isn’t friendship.

  Although, Chase was right. They were stuck with each other. As long as he understood the no-sex rule and seemed to want the annulment…and why wouldn’t he?

  She always felt, acted, was different around him. And she liked it. She had no idea why, but he made her feel…wild. Free. For the first time in a very long time. He made her question the decisions she’d made for herself.

  It wasn’t that she’d been unhappy before. She just hadn’t realized there could be more. Th
e sad part was it couldn’t last.

  But what was the harm in enjoying it until the annulment came through? As long as she could keep her libido under control. “No sex?”

  “Not unless you offer.”

  7

  CHASE SLIPPED inside Sabrina’s office, closing the door quietly behind him. He knew from talking to one of her staff that she’d had a meeting with the local news station about promoting his ceremony this morning. He had no idea how long she’d be gone, but he’d wanted to get into her office for the past several days and hadn’t had the chance before now. She had a lot going on with coordinating all the elements of his ceremony—catering, Secret Service, security for everyone else. She’d barely left her office, either staring at her computer or talking on the telephone.

  What he wanted should be easy to find. Sabrina was picky and efficient if nothing else. He’d guarantee she had file folders labeled and cross-referenced neatly in her desk for every task she could possibly be expected to tackle. He just hoped she hadn’t taken the information he wanted with her.Sitting down at her desk, the scent of her wafted up from the worn leather to surround him. Strawberries and sin. He couldn’t stop the automatic smile that thought brought.

  Shaking his head, he reached for her desk drawer and pulled it open. Right up front, right on top, nondescript manila with a perfect white label, Chase Carden Medal Ceremony.

  Pulling it out, he laid it across her desk and opened the cover. It was a big file, with several sections. He flipped to one that was labeled Invitations, and held his breath.

  Just as he’d hoped, the info he’d wanted was there. The list of all the families he’d asked her to invite, the ones who’d lost loved ones that night. The mere thought had a hard knot forming in his stomach. Clenching his teeth, he forced it away.

  He quickly pulled the pages out, used her desktop all-in-one to make a copy and placed everything back where it had been.

  At least he now had a starting point. Jackhammer was looking discreetly into the active-duty army personnel who’d been outspoken about their anger at not having received the same level of recognition as he had. And he was going to look into these families.