Jonathan let his father ramble. Faith. He would need a lot of that. He didn’t understand why he was hurting so much. When he left Georgia he thought he was doing the right thing, but now, with the emptiness he felt inside, he wasn’t so sure.
“Do you understand what I’m saying to you, Son?”
Jonathan hadn’t heard any of his father’s last comments. He nodded nonetheless. “I know I’ll meet someone else. I’ll be fine.”
“Good. Before I get into what I came up here about, I was just wondering about you and Angela. You know she’s good for you?”
“Dad, please.”
“I’m just saying, personally, I think you and Angela should really try and work things out. That’s a good woman if I’ve ever seen one. And you two already have a solid foundation. I’ll never for the life of me understand why you broke up in the first place.”
Jonathan knew how crazy Simon was about Angela. Not just because she was a dedicated member of their church but because she was simply the type of woman everyone fell in love with. She was good-hearted, sweet, respectable, mannerable, and didn’t have an evil bone in her body. It had always been Simon’s dream that they would end up married.
“Dad, Angela has no interest in me. She’s moved on.”
“No, I don’t think so,” Simon said, shaking his head. “That girl still pines for you. I see it in her eyes every time she asks about you, or someone mentions your name. That’s why you never ran into her on any of your trips home. Whenever she found out you were coming home, she’d skip service, and that girl never misses church. I just think she couldn’t bear to see you because she still loves you.”
“Anyway.”
“Okay, you don’t have to get back together with her, but at least do your old man one favor and work with her on the planning for the youth celebration next month.”
Jonathan eyed his father suspiciously. “Come on now. As if she needs my help.”
“She does. She has only a few other members working with her, and from what I’ve heard, she’s doing all the work. So could you do that for me? You know how good you are with the kids.” Simon smiled mischievously.
Jonathan didn’t feel like arguing. Maybe the distraction would do him good. Unlike Veronica, he wouldn’t have to worry about Angela being all over him. She was way too classy for that. “Fine, I’ll help her.”
“Good, I’ll let her know, unless of course you want to call her.”
“No, I think I’ll let you handle that. She may tell you she doesn’t want to work with me.”
“I’ll talk to her. Now that that’s all settled, I really came up here to talk to you about your future. I know it has always been your plan to go to seminary school, but did you know some of the best preachers never set foot in a theological classroom?
“I think you have what it takes to lead already. The church needs you.” Simon hesitated as a huge grin crossed his face. “Andrew has been offered his own church in Dallas. He told me in confidence, he’s going to take it.”
Jonathan nodded. Andrew Cooper was the associate pastor at Zion Hill. Jonathan had heard rumors he might be leaving, but he never thought there was any truth to it.
“Really?” Jonathan said.
“Yes, he is. And I know the perfect person to take his spot.”
“Who?” Jonathan had barely gotten the word out when he realized where his father was heading. “Dad, no …”
“Nothing would honor me more than to have my son take his rightful place by my side as associate pastor.”
Jonathan didn’t want this job. Besides, he didn’t even know if he was going to stay in Houston. He had just come home to get his head together. He had planned for his future to be in Atlanta, but Tracy’s decision to break up had changed that. At this moment, he didn’t know where his future lay.
“And I think you can get a job down at the Y mentoring troubled youth,” Simon had been rambling on, mapping out Jonathan’s future. As usual, Jonathan had little input. “Deacon Riley works down at the Y. I know you won’t have any problem getting on with him. Of course, you can stay here as long as you like. Hopefully, in a year or so, you’ll meet you a good, clean Christian woman, preferably Angela, settle down, and give me some grandkids.”
Jonathan decided not to tell his father that he wasn’t going to be a minister. At least not yet. But he knew, at some point, he was going to have to get over his fear and tell his father the truth.
15
DAVID BALLED UP HIS FISTS and began silently counting. He was determined not to get mad. But he couldn’t help the rage that was building inside of him. Tawny was leaning back against the wall in the abandoned apartment. Her eyes were closed and judging from the look of euphoria on her face, the crack from the pipe gripped tightly in her hand was having its desired effect.
But that wasn’t what had David so furious. It was the potbellied, scraggly-haired man standing over Tawny with a cheesy grin plastered across his face. He was fastening up his pants.
“Damn, baby, I have to say it again. That was good. Next time I’ll have to double up and give you six rocks,” he said.
“Umm-hmmm,” Tawny moaned.
David could no longer contain his anger. He rushed in, pushing the man to the floor.
“What the—!” the man screamed.
“David!” Tawny yelled as she tried to get up off the floor. “What are you doing?”
“No, the question is, What are you doing?” David said through clenched teeth.
“Why you come up in here trippin’? This Tommy, you hooked me up with him in the first place. You remember?”
David stared at the man, who remained cowering on the floor. “That was six months ago. What you doing with him now?”
Tawny pulled herself completely up and started nervously glancing around. “I was just … ummm … I was walking down the street and I bumped into him and he asked me if I wanted to ummm, you know, get high.” Tawny shrugged and gave a weak laugh. “And you know I ain’t never been one to pass up a free high.” She stepped toward David and put her arm around him. He slapped her arm away.
“Come on, baby, don’t be mad.”
“It wasn’t free, Tawny. You fucked him. For three rocks,” David spat.
“Damn. What you getting all worked up about? You wasn’t saying nothing when you had me sleeping with him so you could get high.”
David noticed Tommy scurrying away out of the corner of his eye. He decided to let him go. Right now, he had to deal with Tawny.
“You know we were at a low point when that happened. We said it wouldn’t happen again,” David said. He rubbed his temple, trying to figure out how his life had been reduced to this. Why did he even stay with Tawny? She didn’t do anything but bring him down. “Tawny, I told you I wanted us to leave the drugs alone. Don’t you want something better for us?”
“Whatever.” Tawny was shaking her head. “You need to go on with that shit. You fucking up my high.”
David stared at Tawny in disgust. He had told her he wanted to try to get clean. After leaving his family at church, he sat Tawny down in one of her rare sober moments and had a long talk. He’d told her this wasn’t how he wanted to live his life. He wanted kids of his own. He wanted more to life than his next high. Part of him wondered why he even stayed with Tawny because that was all she was concerned about. But the other part felt like he wasn’t any better than Tawny, so they deserved each other.
David had begged her to work with him so they could both get off the drugs. Of course, he’d slipped up a few times, but for the most part, he was trying to stay clean. Last week, they were mugged after coming back from buying drugs and David had said that was the last straw. He made Tawny go with him the next day to the community center to see a drug rehab counselor. Although Tawny had fidgeted through the whole session, David thought they were making progress.
Then when David came home today and the little boy next door told him he saw Tawny leave with a fat white man, David knew exa
ctly where to find her. This abandoned apartment was her favorite place to turn tricks.
David groaned as he thought about how he had condoned that at one point, even going so far as finding men like Tommy. David had gotten tired of that real quick. High or not, he couldn’t stand knowing another man was having sex with his woman. But Tawny was persistent, saying it was an easy way to get money and drugs.
“Tawny, I thought we said we were going to try and let this stuff go.”
“You said that shit. Not me. I don’t want to let it go.” Tawny plopped back down, picked up a baggie off the floor, and took out a rock. David watched as she put it in the pipe, flicked her lighter under it, and let the flames dance around it. With her eyes half closed, she leaned in and inhaled the smoke from the pipe. David knew he should just leave her there. Just leave, period. There was no hope for Tawny. But there was hope for him. He could just walk away. Then why don’t you, a little voice kept saying in his head.
“Baby, this is some high-quality shit,” Tawny taunted. “It’ll make you feel real good.”
David stared at the pipe, it was mesmerizing. “I told you. My family. I’m trying to do right.”
“Man, fuck your family. You can never touch a drug again and you’ll never be anything in their eyes. Isn’t that what you’re always telling me?” Tawny wrapped her lips around the pipe and slowly inhaled again. David watched as her chest heaved, then she slowly sank back against the wall. “Awww, yeah,” Tawny moaned. “Baby, you don’t know what you missing. Come on. Just one hit.” Tawny held the pipe out. David stood firm, although it was becoming more and more difficult.
Tawny puffed again after David didn’t move. She slowly exhaled and looked David directly in the eyes. “You said yourself, your father ain’t got no love for you. You think just because you give up something you enjoy, something that makes you feel good, you think all that will change? You ain’t got no job, no future. All we got is each other and this,” Tawny said, caressing the crack pipe. She lowered her voice to just above a whisper. “Don’t punk out on me now, baby.” She extended the pipe again. “And when we finish this, I know where we can get some more.”
David’s vision was getting blurry. Was Tawny right? Was he desperately fighting to let the drugs go for nothing? Even if he was clean, it’s not like he was all of sudden going to become Simon’s pride and joy. Tawny was right about one thing, neither one of them had a future. No skills, no job, no money. He got depressed as he thought about his life. What was the use? He had given it his best shot. He simply couldn’t do it. Besides, that pipe did look so inviting and Tawny looked like she was feeling really good.
“Fuck it. Give it here,” David said, snatching the pipe out of Tawny’s hand. She smiled as he put the pipe to his mouth, deeply inhaled, and let the smoke wash away all thoughts of his family.
16
SIMON SAT IN THE LIVING ROOM laughing at his favorite TV show, Sanford and Son. No matter how many times he saw each episode, it still made him crack up. Maybe because Fred Sanford reminded him of his own Uncle Cleo, the black sheep of their minister-laden family.
This was about the only thing he ever watched on television, with the exception of his church programs and the news. It was the only luxury he had time for. However, tonight he needed to be going over the church budget, but he felt utterly exhausted. He had spent all day at the hospital with a church member whose son was in a coma from a drug overdose. The boy wasn’t but eighteen years old. It was a shame. Simon saw David there or dead in just a few months. He felt a twinge of pain as he imagined his eldest son dying from drugs. Although David had always been a little mischievous, he had had a promising future. Simon reflected on what he could’ve done differently to alter David’s path. He seldom went to any of David’s games because they usually fell on Friday nights and he had Bible study on those nights, but he’d always made sure David knew he was proud of his achievements. Maybe he’d been too hard when David was injured. He’d tried to push David to go to rehabilitation daily so that he could heal. But it was only because he knew how bad David wanted to play football. David had taken Simon’s efforts the wrong way, even going so far as asking, “Will you not love me if I’m not this great football hero?” It was absurd to Simon, but apparently David felt that way. Simon wondered if maybe he’d not done enough to convince David he would love him regardless.
He shook off his doubts. There was no sense in wondering about maybes now. David had chosen to seek solace in drugs. And if it was God’s will to take David, so be it. Simon had washed his hands of his oldest son. He had disgraced his family for the last time.
“Sweetheart, are you coming to bed?” Loretta poked her head into the living room. She had on a long, white cotton nightgown with yellow flowers all over it. Her hair was in pink curlers, which poked from underneath her satin cap. Still, Simon smiled at the sight of his wife. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
“I’m going to finish watching this episode. It’s where Fred meets Lena Horne and nobody believes him.”
“You’ve only seen that a thousand times,” Loretta said, laughing.
“I know, but you know I love me some Sanford and Son.”
“I know you do. Well, I’m going to bed. Good night.”
Simon stopped her before she turned to walk away. “You know what else I love?”
“God, of course,” Loretta answered without hesitation.
“Of course. And you.” He flashed that seductive smile he knew had won her heart so many years ago. They had met at a gospel concert on campus. Simon was actually trying to make eye contact with her friend, but his eyes met Loretta’s and they just sort of clicked.
Loretta walked over and kissed Simon on the head. “I love you, too.”
Simon pulled her onto his lap. They seldom did anything together anymore and their sex life was all but nonexistent. It wasn’t that he didn’t desire her. He was just too busy. But once upon a time, he and Loretta were like rabbits in a cage. Maybe now was the moment to revisit the cage. “You sho’ are looking mighty sexy in them there pink curlers,” Simon joked. “You goin’ make me turn off Sanford and Son.”
Loretta giggled and kicked her legs like a giddy schoolgirl. “Simon, what are you doing? Behave yourself. Jonathan may walk in.”
“Nah, he left with Kevin to go somewhere. Said he wouldn’t be back until later.” Simon started nibbling at his wife’s neck. “Ummm, you taste so good!”
“Simon!”
“What? You’re my wife, aren’t you?”
“Well, yes … but, it’s been so long.”
“That’s why Mr. Wiggle Man wants to come out and play,” Simon joked. He couldn’t believe himself. It had been years since he acted like this, but somehow his weariness was gone and he actually felt himself burning with desire for his wife. He didn’t have to worry about them going too long. They were both past the point of all-nighters. “So, whatcha wearing underneath that sexy, cotton muumuu you have on there?”
Loretta jumped up, still giggling. “Stop, Simon.”
Simon stood up after her. “Your lips say no, but your body says yes. Come here, woman!” Simon laughed and playfully lunged toward his wife, who let out a small yelp when she toppled over on the sofa. In a second, Simon was on top of her. “Don’t fight it, baby,” he quipped. Loretta was cracking up. Simon could tell she was enjoying every minute of it. He began nibbling on her neck again when he heard a loud pounding on the front door. The noise was so intense, both of them stopped and turned their attention to the door.
“What in the world?” Simon said. He eased up off his wife and made his way to the door. The pounding was louder, almost frantic. “Who is it?” Simon yelled.
“Dad, open the door! Open the door!” It was David and he was screaming at the top of his lungs.
Simon stood glaring at the door. Loretta sat up on the sofa, a look of fear across her face. “Oh, my God,” she whispered.
“What do you want?” Simon yelled
through the door.
“Daddy, not now, please!” David screamed. “Just open the door before they kill me!”
Simon felt his anger building. David was caught up in some madness, no doubt because of drugs. And here Simon was thinking after that day at the church, maybe David would actually clean himself up. “Get away from my door! I told you you’re not welcome here!”
“Daddy, please. They’re going to kill me!” David sounded like he was crying, and out of breath.
“Simon, let him in.” Loretta was clutching the top of her gown, her eyes transfixed on the door.
“I’m not letting him bring his drug-infested behavior in our home!” Simon spat toward his wife. They both jumped as they heard a loud thud against the front door. It was followed by several men yelling and David screaming and crying even louder.
“Simon, do something NOW!”
Simon briefly stared at his wife. “Oh, for Christ’s sake!” He raced to the hall closet where he pulled out a locked rifle case he kept on the top shelf, pushed all the way to the back. He quickly punched in the combination and removed a loaded 12gauge shotgun before throwing the front door open.
“Get away from my house!” Simon yelled with the shotgun aimed directly at the head of one of the three people attacking his son. All three stopped beating David, who was lying on the front porch, bleeding.
“Yo, Pops, we ain’t got no beef with you. Go on back inside,” said a tall man in a black leather jacket.
“As long as you’re on my property, you got a beef with me. Now go!”
“Like I said, this between us and David,” the man repeated.
Simon didn’t move the gun from the man’s head. “Loretta, call the cops, right now!”
The man nearest David’s head motioned like he was going toward his jacket. Simon quickly aimed the gun his way. “Ah, ah, ah. I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Just because I’m a man of God doesn’t mean I won’t blow you to kingdom come.”
Let the Church Say Amen Page 9