Let the Church Say Amen

by ReShonda Tate Billingsley

  Angela looked like she was about to faint. Jonathan stood up. “You shouldn’t get upset. The baby.”

  Angela’s eyes widened as she grabbed her stomach. “My baby. Our baby. Oh, my God, what am I gonna do?” she sobbed.

  “I’m so sorry, Angela.” Jonathan tried to reach out and hug her. Angela jumped away from his outstretched arms.

  “Don’t touch me! You disgust me! Don’t ever touch me again! Just leave me alone,” she cried. “Get out. Go be with your lover.”

  “Can we talk about this, please?”

  “GET OUT!”

  Jonathan backed up, looked at his wife standing there sobbing, and knew he had hurt her to the point of no return. “I’m sorry,” he repeated before heading upstairs to put on some clothes.

  Ten minutes later, Jonathan was back at the bottom of the staircase. He had stuffed some of his clothes and toiletries into a duffle bag. Angela was sitting on the living room sofa, her eyes beet red.

  “I’ll give you some time to cool off, then hopefully we can talk through this.”

  “Your stuff will be packed and waiting on you tomorrow,” she said calmly.

  Jonathan couldn’t look her in the face, he was so ashamed. “Angela, please?”

  “Get out, Jonathan. And don’t ever come back.” Angela gently rubbed her stomach as she spoke. “My father will get in touch with you regarding the annulment papers.”

  Jonathan looked down at the floor, before raising his head back up. “You’ll never know how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “But you did. Again. Now go.”

  Jonathan didn’t know what else he could possibly say, so he threw her one last apologetic look before grabbing his keys and walking out the front door. And as much as his heart ached from the pain he knew he had caused Angela, Jonathan couldn’t help but feel the weight of the world had just been lifted off his shoulders.

  33

  DAVID COULDN’T BELIEVE how nervous he felt. His mother didn’t so und like herself when she’d called and asked him to come by and see her. She sounded strange, but refused to tell him what was on her mind, saying she wanted to talk to him in person.

  Of course, David had tried to get out of going to his parents. He didn’t want to risk bumping into his father.

  “Ma, you in here?” David called out as he eased the door open.

  “Back here, baby,” Loretta called out from the den.

  David nervously made his way to the back. He had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. Maybe it was just his nerves about being here and possibly running into his father.

  “Why is the front door open? You don’t need to be sitting up in here with the door unlocked,” David asked.

  “I left it open for you.” Loretta smiled at David. He returned her smile, but it quickly faded once he walked in front of his mother. She looked pale, her eyes were beet red.

  “Mama, are you okay?” David asked as he took her hand.

  Loretta patted his hand. “Yeah, baby. Trying to fight off this bad cold.”

  “Are you sure that’s all?”

  “Boy, stop fussing over me. It’s just a head cold.”

  David looked at his mother skeptically before easing down into the chair directly across from her. “Where’s Dad?”

  Loretta managed a small smile.

  “Stupid question, huh?” David shrugged. “What time does church let out? I don’t want to be here when he gets back.”

  “He’ll be there pretty much all day. They have a deacon board meeting, then he has some paperwork he has to do.” Loretta sighed, then smoothed out the afghan she had draped across her legs. “Baby, you know I hate the way things are between you and your father.”

  David bit down on his bottom lip. “I hate it, too, Mama. But it ain’t all Daddy’s fault.”

  “I know it ain’t.”

  David shifted uncomfortably. “So what did you want to see me for?”

  “How you doing? Really?” Loretta had a genuine look of concern across her face.

  David contemplated lying, but as much as he tried to play her over the years, he knew his mother wasn’t stupid. “It’s a struggle.”

  “David, you are so smart, so handsome. Why are you throwing your life away for drugs?”

  David shrugged again. He wondered, had his father told her about him almost killing himself? Tawny had told David how Simon had just walked out, leaving him there for dead. David probably should’ve been mad, but part of him couldn’t blame his father. Part of him wished he had died.

  “Is it Simon?” Loretta asked, interrupting David’s thoughts.

  “That may be part of it. But I just like the way they make me feel. Like I’m escaping.” David felt himself tearing up and he couldn’t understand why. Maybe because this was the first time he had even admitted to his mother that he had a problem.

  “David.” Loretta gently squeezed her son’s hands. “I never ask you for much, do I?”

  “No, Mama. You never do.”

  “Well, I’m asking. No, I’m begging. Please let the drugs go. I’ll help you. I’ll stay with you, or you can come here. I’ll do whatever it takes. If I have to put my foot down with Simon so you can stay, I’ll do it. It just breaks my heart to see you like this.” She caressed his cheek as tears trickled down her face. “Where is that vibrant young man with the big dreams and even bigger heart? Where is that loving young man who would lay down his life for his family? I need him back. Please, David. I need him back before …” Loretta stopped abruptly.

  David’s heart was ripping apart. “Before … before I kill myself?”

  Loretta softly nodded. “I can’t bear the thought of that, baby.”

  David hadn’t thought about death much, until he almost overdosed a few weeks ago. In the last year, he felt like he’d knocked on death’s door several times, it just hadn’t been opened yet. But he knew it was only just a matter of time if things kept up the way they were. That near-overdose was almost like a wake-up call.

  But David also knew getting off drugs would be easier said than done. First, he’d definitely have to get rid of Tawny and that sort of pinched his heart. Because as much as she got on his nerves, he did care for her.

  But even without Tawny, David simply didn’t know if he could just walk away. After all, he’d tried and failed several times before.

  “Can you give up the drugs? For me? I’m begging you,” Loretta said. Her voice was raspy.

  David wanted desperately just to say yes, but the way his mother was looking at him, he simply couldn’t fix his mouth to lie. “I can try, Ma. I promise I’ll really try.”

  Loretta wiped her face. “That’s a start. I’ll pray, baby. You’ll do it. I know you will. Do you want to stay here?”

  David cringed at that thought. Not just because of Simon, but because he really didn’t know if he was going to be able to just walk away and he wouldn’t be able to bear to see the disappointment in his mother’s eyes again.

  Loretta closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair. David watched as her chest slowly heaved up and down. “Mama, are you sure you okay?”

  “What’s going on?”

  David looked up to see Jonathan standing in the doorway.

  Loretta opened her eyes, stood up, and smiled. “I’m just visiting with your brother, that’s all.”

  “Mama doesn’t feel good,” David said.

  “I told him it’s just a cold. Where’s Rachel?”

  “She went upstairs to lay the kids down, both of them were sleepy,” Jonathan responded.

  “Okay. I’m going to go lie down. You boys just make yourself comfortable. There’s some meatloaf in the refrigerator.” Loretta grimaced as she tried to walk toward the stairs.

  “Mama, are you sure you’re okay?” Jonathan asked.

  “I’m all right,” she struggled to say. “I just need my medicine. Would you mind running up to the pharmacy and picking it up for me? It’s under my name and ready for pick-up.”
<
br />   “Of course.” Jonathan walked toward the door. “I’m going to grab this money off the mantel,” he called out. “I don’t have any cash.”

  “That’s fine. Just hurry.”

  David, worry etched across his face, repeated his mother, “Yeah, Jon, hurry.”

  34

  “WHERE IS IT? I know you took it, you thievin’ crack-head!” Rachel screamed.

  David glared at his sister. “You best get out of my face with that mess. I told you, I didn’t steal your money!” He threw his hand up to wave Rachel off.

  “Where is it?” Rachel was missing her last twenty dollars. She had taken it out of her jacket and left it sitting with her keys on top of the mantel before going upstairs to use the phone and put the kids to sleep. When she returned twenty minutes later, the money was gone. “I know it was here. Don’t sit here and act like you don’t know what I’m talking about!”

  “Maybe Jonathan took it,” David nonchalantly replied. “You don’t see him around, so maybe he took it and ran off.”

  Rachel glared at David. “There’s only one thief in this family,” Rachel countered. “Why are you even here? I thought Daddy banned you. And where’s Mama?”

  “Mama is upstairs lying down. And for your information,” David said, “Mama asked me to come over so she could talk to me. So, I was invited, unlike your mooching ass. But don’t worry, I’m leaving as soon as Jon gets back.”

  “Whatever. Where is my money?”

  “Just leave me alone.” David turned his eyes back to the television like something was weighing heavily on his mind.

  “David, if you don’t give me my money, I swear I’m—”

  “You goin’ what? Cut me? Like you tried to cut Bobby?” David laughed. “No wonder he left your crazy ass for that fat girl.”

  Rachel fumed. “I know you did not just go there.” She was within striking distance of her brother and took advantage of it. She reached back and swung her hand right upside David’s head.

  David jumped up. “You stupid bitch!”

  Oh, it was about to be on, Rachel thought. “Bitch? Fool, you must think I’m that crackhead girlfriend of yours. Don’t nobody call me a bitch, especially a washed-up, junkie, brown-teeth-having, sorry motherfucker like you!” Rachel was in her brother’s face, about to claw his eyes out.

  “Stop it … just stop it! And stop all that foul language in my house!” Loretta snapped.

  Neither of them had noticed their mother standing in the door. She was pale and clutching her chest. “Stop all this noise! Rachel, I took your money.” Loretta looked at David. “Why didn’t you tell her I took her money to send Jonathan to the store for my prescription?”

  David shrugged and plopped back down in his seat. “She didn’t ask. She just came in here and started hurling accusations at me. Now apologize!” David yelled at his sister.

  “I’m not apologizing for anything!” Rachel snapped. “And you apologize for calling me out of my name.”

  “I ain’t apologizing to your psycho behind.”

  “I said, stop it!” Loretta held on to the back of a chair, still clutching her chest. Her eyes started to water up. “I can’t take all this bickering. I’m sick of you two acting like you’re ten years old.” Loretta just started shaking her head, her chest heaving up and down. “I’m tired of all this nonsense in this family. I’m sick of watching you kill yourself,” she yelled, pointing at David. “I’m sick of your drama and you acting like the word revolves around you,” she said, turning to Rachel. “And I’m sick of Jonathan walking around here acting like he’s okay when I can see that he’s not. I’m sick of the whispers at the church, the women who want my husband! I’m just sick of everything!” Loretta sat down, a look of utter exhaustion across her face. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. “I’m just sick and tired!”

  Rachel and David stared at each other in amazement. Their mouths hung open. They couldn’t understand where this was coming from. They seldom saw their mother engage in such an outburst, let alone break down crying.

  “Mama …” Rachel knelt below her mother. David continued to stare.

  “I’m sick and tired,” Loretta kept repeating, rocking back and forth. “I can’t take it! I can’t take …”

  Loretta clutched her chest tightly as the veins in her neck tightened and her eyes grew wide. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

  “Mama? Mama? Are you okay?” Rachel grabbed her mother’s hand. It was ice cold. Rachel could feel the tension in Loretta’s body. Loretta leaned over, then fell to the floor. “Mama! David, call an ambulance! Something’s wrong with Mama!”

  The ambulance seemed to take forever to arrive. Rachel had thought for sure her mother wouldn’t make it, but she finally got to the hospital. As the doctors operated on Loretta, David stood with his sister in the waiting room, a stunned look across his face. “Jonathan should be here any minute now,” he said. “I called him on his cell phone. I also called Mrs. Olie from next door. She said she’ll stay with the kids for as long as we need her. You think we should call Dad?”

  Rachel hadn’t even thought about her father. He was at the church, as usual. “No, you should call him.”

  “Now you know we’re not talking.”

  “Well, I’m not talking to him, either.”

  “Come on, Rachel, somebody needs to call him.”

  “Fine!” Rachel stomped over to the phone in the waiting room. She dialed the direct number to her father’s office.

  Rene, the new secretary, answered on the second ring. “Zion Hill, Pastor Jackson’s office.”

  “Rene, where’s my father?”

  “Well hello, Rachel. Are you doing okay today?”

  “Where’s my father?” Rachel shouted.

  Rene was silent for a few seconds. “Excuse me for trying to make small talk. Your father is in a meeting.”

  “Well, go get him. Tell him it’s an emergency.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Rene threw down the phone, but Rachel couldn’t be bothered with her attitude right now. She shifted back and forth on her feet while she waited for her father to answer.

  The other end was silent for what seemed like an eternity. “Rachel?” It was Rene again. “Your father said to take a message. He’s busy meeting with a newspaper reporter. They’re doing a full-length feature story on him and the church.”

  Rachel wanted to scream. Here her mother was damn near death, and her father was too busy being interviewed to pick up the damned line.

  “Fine, Rene. When he gets done with his important interview, and if he can fit in time between the deacon board meeting and choir rehearsal, tell him to come down to Hermann Hospital, where his wife is dying from a heart attack!” Rachel slammed the phone down. If her mother died without seeing her father, Rachel would never forgive him. If her mother died period, Rachel didn’t know how she’d be able to live herself.

  35

  SIMON HAD NEVER BEEN so scared in his life. When Rene returned to interrupt his meeting again, he immediately grew irritated. He was about to chew her out, when the look across her face stopped him. She’d leaned down and whispered the words that would haunt him for the rest of his life. “Loretta had a heart attack.”

  He had immediately cut his meeting short, apologized to the reporter, and raced out of the office. His heart pounded all the way to the hospital. This was one of those times he wished he had a cell phone. He would’ve given anything to have called the hospital on his way over.

  It didn’t take him long to get there. The nurse directed him to the waiting room where he saw Rachel grieving on David’s shoulder. She wiped her eyes and looked up at him long enough to mutter, “Glad you could make it” before laying her head back on her brother’s shoulder.

  Simon didn’t know what to say to his daughter. He knew she was angry he hadn’t taken her call. “How’s Loretta?” he asked in a weak voice.

  “How’s church?” Rachel mumbled.

  Simon ignored her a
nd looked at Jonathan, who was sitting numbly in a corner.

  “We don’t know,” he said. “I just got here myself. The doctors aren’t telling us anything.”

  “Well, who do we need to talk to?” Simon was getting frantic now.

  “I can try and answer your questions.” Everyone turned toward the short, portly doctor who had just appeared. “I’m Dr. Kwan, your mother’s cardiologist.”

  Rachel jumped up and raced toward him. She feverishly clutched her hands as if she was praying. “Please tell us she’s going to be fine.”

  The doctor hesitated before saying, “I wish I could. Your mother has been really ill. Today, she suffered a massive heart attack.”

  Both Rachel and Jonathan gasped. David just buried his head in his hands. Simon felt his knees go weak.

  “I can’t tell you your mother is going to make it. Right now, she’s very weak, but she is adamantly asking for her husband.” The doctor turned toward Simon. “I would assume that’s you?”

  “Yes, that’s me.” Simon was shaking now. He had never thought about life without Loretta. Where did all of this come from? He hadn’t even known Loretta was sick.

  “Just take a few minutes. As I said, she’s very weak.”

  “Doctor, can we see her?” Rachel cried.

  “We’ll have to see how she’s holding up after she talks to Mr. Jackson.”

  Rachel glared at her father. “He didn’t even want to come,” she snapped.

  “Rachel, stop it,” Jonathan interrupted. “Mama doesn’t need this!”

  Rachel rolled her tear-filled eyes and returned to her chair.

  Simon looked at his family before leaving the waiting room with the doctor.

  Loretta’s room was just down the hall. Simon eased the door open. The sight of his wife lying in that hospital bed, tubes coming out of every part of her body, was enough to break his heart. She looked so helpless. Simon gently walked over to her bed and lifted her hand. “Hey, honey,” he whispered. “It’s me.”